Michael’s Money Obstacle

Every once in a while I run across someone else’s article that I feel is important enough to pass along.  This one from Michael Neill fits that bill. 

It’s focuses on how ”needing” is an obstacle to money.  It’s a good reminder and an easy read.  Enjoy!

Obstacle to Wealth: Needing the Money

It was one of my mentors, the fabulous author Steve Chandler,
who first pointed out that the biggest obstacle to my own wealth
was my belief that I “needed” the money.  We reviewed a number
of my business dealings over the years, and one by one he
pointed out how I settled for less than I wanted because I
thought I had to take whatever was on offer.  To my surprise, we
also noticed several situations where I had blown it because my
desperate sense of need was driving me to try and squeeze every
last penny out of every deal.

Each time I argued that I really did “need” the money, he would
calmly ask me some variation on the question “what would happen
if you didn’t get it?”  No matter how urgent or important each
financial opportunity felt at the time, I would eventually
realize that there was always another way forward and that no
one opportunity was the be all and end all of my financial
success.

One of the first questions I ask my own clients is “how many
days forward could you go without earning any money before you
would be out on the street?”, the answer is generally measured
in months or years, not days.  (Actually, the most common answer
is “I would never be out on the street, because my
family/friends/community would make sure I always had a place to
stay until I got back on my feet”.)

I remember one client who had been arguing for their “need” for
money sheepishly admitting that he could go ten years without
working before running out of money.  Based on this, we created
an experiment.  For the next three years, he would proceed in
business from the assumption that he didn’t need the money.  All
of his choices and decisions over that time period were to be
taken based on inspiration and true, heartfelt desire.  In other
words, he was going to begin to do what he wanted to do, not
what he thought he “should do” or “needed to do.”  (We figured
that would still give him 7 years to go back to doing things out
of desperation before he ran out of money!)

Although he struggled with it for several months, before the
first year was out he had made over ten times as much money as
he had the year before and was doing work that he really loved
and wanted to do.

So how is it that by letting go of neediness he was able to
create so much more wealth in his life?  And more importantly,
why would someone who clearly didn’t need the money continue to
act for all the world as if he did?

Let’s take a look at each of these questions in turn:

1. Why do you make more money when you stop needing it?

There are essentially three motivations for anything and
everything we do – desperation, rationalization, and
inspiration.  In linguistic terms, these usually are expressed
in terms of:

*I’m doing it because I have to (desperation)
*I’m doing it because I should (rationalization)
*I’m doing it because I want to (inspiration)

When you act out of a sense of desperation (i.e. neediness), you
have to settle for whatever’s on offer.  There’s generally a
sense of urgency which shifts the balance in any negotiation in
the other person’s favor.  Worse than any of that, you feel so
uncomfortable in your own skin that you put your worst foot
forward, trying too hard to please or shifting to the other side
and putting on a front of anger or bravado to cover up your
fear.

However, when you act like you don’t need the money (because
almost invariably, no matter what your fear has been telling
you, you don’t), you move forward with a sense of ease and
wellbeing.  It’s easy to stick to your bottom line because you
always have another alternative – getting on with your wonderful
life and offering your creativity and skills at value creation
to any of the hundreds, thousands, and sometimes millions of
people who would benefit.

You enter negotiations without fear, because whether or not you
reach agreement, you know at an absolutely fundamental level
that you’re wellbeing is not dependent on making a deal.  And
when you’re willing for the other person to say “no”, you can
ask for anything you want.

2. If I don’t need the money, why do I feel so needy?

When it comes to money, nearly all of us have learned to protect
and motivate ourselves by creating a feelings of worry, fear,
and even desperation. “If I can just stay scared enough,” this
internal logic tells us, “I’ll be safe and I’ll keep moving
forward.”  The problem with this point of view is that fear is
one of the least effective states to move forward in – it
impairs your reasoning, limits your vision, destroys your
health, and gives off a horrible stench that puts people off
doing business with you – the sickly smell of desperation.

(Think about it for a moment – who would you rather have working
with you on a project?  Someone who is inspired to make things
happen or someone who’s desperate not to mess things up?)

It is at this point in the discussion where someone inevitably
asks me “That’s alright for all your wealthy clients, but what
if I really *do* need the money?”

Listen – if your children are starving or you’re going to lose
your apartment or house at the end of the month because you’re
six months in arrears on the rent or mortgage, do what you need
to do to take care of yourself and your family.  But when I
push them on it, nearly everyone who seems in dire straits could
in reality go on for another three to six months by making a
few adjustments in their lifestyle.  And three to six months is
more than enough time to put your creativity and inspiration to
work on creating value, making a difference, and exchanging
that value and difference making for money.

Today’s Experiment:

1. Review your recent business dealings – contract negotiations,
proposals put forward, sales calls, or whatever else you do to
make money.  How much of your motivation was inspiration (doing
it because you want to), how much rationalization (doing it
because you should), and how much was desperation (doing it
because you thought you needed to).

2. Choose one business deal that you don’t mind losing.  If you
don’t have any, make one up – create a proposal that is so
outlandish that you would love it if it comes through but you
really don’t need it to because it’s so ‘out there’.  Notice the
difference in your own energy levels and creativity as you do
so.

3. Begin to say “no” to things you don’t want to do by asking
for more money.  If you really don’t want to do them, ask for
what seems to you to be a ridiculous amount of money.

This will begin to establish a new pattern in your brain of
asking for what you want without a sense of neediness.

Example:

I had the chance to work with the CEO of an international
corporation on her presentation skills.  While I wouldn’t have
hated the work, I also wasn’t terribly interested in it.  Rather
than turn the work down, I created a $100,000 coaching
proposal.  I was pretty sure they’d turn it down (that’s about 4
or 5 times the going rate), but if they’d said “yes” I would
have happily completed the job.

One word of warning – occasionally, people will say “yes” to
these outrageous proposals – don’t make them if you’re truly
unwilling to honor your end of the agreement!

Have fun, learn heaps, need less, and enjoy more!

With love,
Michael

================================================================
To subscribe to the MNCT, visit us online at
http://www.geniuscatalyst.com

(c) 2008 Michael Neill/All Rights Reserved
Genius Catalyst Inc.
 4220 Esteban Road
Woodland Hills, CA
91364
US

Related posts:

1. Vibrating Money In
2. How Money Changes Things
3. Show Me the Money, Universe!