Your Agenda Slowing Things Up?

July 6, 2010 | 45 Comments »

In today’s Get What You Want ezine I wrote about how I’ve made the mistake of practicing self-love for the sake of losing weight.  (You can sign up on the right if you’re not already receiving your copy.)

I pointed out that’s not really love.

Love is unconditional, so when I engage it in order to make something happen or create some sort of change, that’s not love I’m really flowing.

(That’d be like me only loving my sweetie as long as he is nice to me.  Uhh … that’s not love.)

In fact, I shared that engaging anything (EFT, The Work, Intentional Resting) with the agenda of fixing something isn’t likely to be effective.

When we do something simply because it feels better, we’re on the right track.

When we engage something in order to change our current circumstances, that’s got resistance in it.

Resistance to what is.

And we know how this stuff works.  (What we resist, persists.)

Roma Zanders recently led a call for Good Vibe U based on the principle that “working on yourself doesn’t work.”  (From the book titled such.)

The gist of her message was that without the acceptance of what is, we are flowing resistance.  Which we know holds up delivery of the fab things lined up in our vortex.

Because I believe this is an easy distinction to miss, I wanted to open it up for discussion here.   Do you regularly get results even when you’re working with an agenda?  Or have you found that “doing this” in order to “get that” slows things up?

Your thoughts and opinions are welcome …

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45 Responses to “ Your Agenda Slowing Things Up? ”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Great topic Jeannette. I know I can relate to everything you posted.

  2. And even though I know this, Anonymous, I wouldn’t be surprised if I find myself doing it again someday! lol

    But man, with the awareness – HUGE strides forward!!

  3. Dan IS a good example of what it looks like in the real world. One of many reasons I’m a fan of his.

    And yours, Janette. Thanks for being here! 🙂

  4. Is that right, Iyabo? Or is there another of seeing it? Maybe it’s something else that’s making the big difference – I’m open to exploring it here!

    But I know that in the relationship model, if Russ says he loves me as long as I don’t spend too much time with an ex, or as long as I pay my half of the bills, or as long as .. whatever – if he communmicates that in some way, I know that doesn’t feel like love.

    So why would my body be any different? I might CALL it love, but if I really mean – I’ll feel this way about you so that you will do something for me in exchange – well that’s just a crappy deal all around.

    Or if I said I’m relaxing, but I’m not really relaxing, I’m just putting on a good show of relaxing while I’ve got an eagle eye on the bank account I want to fill up while I’m relaxing – that just doesn’t fly. Right?

    Or wrong?

    You know this stuff as well as anyone, Iyabo – is there resistance there still as you’re loving on the opposing counsel?

  5. Yay for laughing and surrendering!!

    It does also take some courage to be willing to look at this, so hats off to you for that, my friend.
    🙂

  6. Ayla says:

    First, I love your site!! I read it all the time and it never fails to make me feel awesome!! So thank you!
    That said, I kind of had to comment disagreeing with something in this article… (sorry!)
    You said it’s like ‘loving your sweetie as long as hes nice to me’ that it isnt love because that wouldnt be unconditional. I see what youre saying BUT women use that same justification to stay in abusive relationships all the time- “Yes, he beats me and degrades me, but I love him” and that pretty much never ends well…. A lot of women’s relationship to food is just as abusive and while breaking up is never easy to do- knowing that youre better than your current circumstances is actually one of the highest forms of love. Knowing your better than a bad relationship, that you deserve to be financially secure, that you deserve to have a body that youre comfortable in and one that you feel energized and positive about…

  7. Janette says:

    I loved Roma’s explanation of that book, in theory…. but struggled to understand how it might work in practice until I started learning Dan Howard’s Intentional Resting techniques.

    He’s very clear about this – if we “rest” for a specific purpose (eg getting rid of pain in the body), and we’re thinking about that desired outcome while we do the resting, it doesn’t work.

    After some stumbling initial efforts, I’ve become really good at resting for the sake of feeling rested…. and I can INSTANTLY feel the difference in my body!! Sometimes the pain disappears completely, at least it always diminishes. Either way, it feels so good IN ITSELF I love doing it anyway, so it doesn’t matter if the pain goes. Brilliant!

    I love having found a clear example of how this works – now I can start doing it with other areas of my LOA practice.

    Thanks for introducing me to both Roma and Dan, Jeannette. Loving the GVU experience!! 😀

  8. I get what you’re saying, Ayla. And thanks for commenting!! I was hoping someone would bring this perspective up!

    What I was thinking that whether we are present or not in that relationship is not an indicator of love. Like, you can’t tell my looking, right?

    For example, I TOTALLY love lots of men in my past that I no longer choose to be with for one reason or another. But that doesn’t mean my love for them stops.

    That is, if it was LOVE to start with!

    And yes, loving ourselves is just as important (I would actually say more), and when that means making an exit from an abusive relationship, that’s also a form of love.

    But just because I’m not with him any more doesn’t mean I don’t love him; the same way being with him doesn’t necessarily mean I love him.

    Perhaps understanding this would make it easier for those women to leave those situations – recognizing it doesn’t mean they have to suspend their love. (Which if it really is, doesn’t happen anyway.)

    What do you think?

    PS – I’m thinking, too, that for this very reason lots of people “mask” the love they feel for another in order to be more comfortable doing what they have to do – like leaving an unhealthy relationship.

  9. Iyabo Asani says:

    Ouch! Get off my toes!

    Jeanette, don’t get on my nerves and tick me off!

    I have been loving on the parties involved in the lawsuit because I want a favorable outcome! And here you go telling me that I have an agenda! Yes, I guess I do and just because I am so pissed off reading this that here I go with some more resistance when I know I have dropped about 1000 pounds of resistance over the last few months.

    Enough already!

    I am mad Ms. Maw!

    But….

    You are right! But this one really stung.

    I have started to enjoy these stings! It means I am making progress!

  10. Iyabo Asani says:

    Yes Jeanette! There is resistance if there are conditions attached – it means I am attached to a particular outcome and as long as there is attachment, there is resistance!

    Really I was kidding. I have been doing some audios and research on surrender because it is my Achilles heel. I am NPA-ing, tapping, resting, affirming, visualizing and meditating surrender!

    I love when something like this happens and then I get to laugh at myself.

    Thanks for this. I get to surrender more.

  11. I’ll agree with that, Janette – awesome modeling from Iyabo.

    And thanks for letting me know I’ve got good company in this stuff. hee hee

  12. Yes, Jason, I do get the value of not overanalyzing and spoiling a good time.

    For me, it’s worth a look to increase awareness and unlock a potentially big door to living a cleaner and more enjoyable life.

  13. Janette says:

    LOL, Iyabo you make me chuckle!!!

    I can just hear your voice in my head… yes, girlfriend, I’m talkin’ to you! I love how Jeannette gives you an “out” and you don’t take it. You front up and own your stuff, awesome modelling!

    I can relate to this because I KNOW I’ve done it myself A-A-A-A-ALL the time. Isn’t this stuff BRILLIANT??? Booyah!

  14. I always love your posts Jeanette, as have all of your commentors (even the one’s with slightly different perspectives)!

    I agree, not surprisingly, and I would like to add that, (especially as someone who’s life is consciously, heavily-focused on universal principle’s), Abraham-Hick’s common utterances may be fitting here:

    “I intend to feel better. I _intend_ to feel better. I intend to _feel better_…Be easy about all this. We make far, far, far, far too much of it.”

    It feels like this is some added value for this particular instance, as a little sidenote? 😉

    Either way, great post, and I felt more relaxed just reading it, which is fantastic value to me. Thank you.

  15. Cate says:

    Whoa. Yup. Learning.

  16. Cate says:

    OK what’s with that goofy gravatar? Let’s try again.

  17. Nice to see you here, Cate!

    PS – here’s the link to get a gravatar if you don’t already have one:
    http://en.gravatar.com/

    (You have to post with the email address you use to get one, or it’ll default to the monsters.)

  18. thanks for spotlighting an area that often trips us up with our creating. when we try to….anything, we are attached to specifics and focused on the how we will get to our desire. I will love my smile so that my thighs will be smaller, I will love money so that I can be secure, etc. when we focus on the desired feeling and release attachment to the specific and the how, we move easily into the vortex. and then contrast occurs and we move out again and in again. sometimes we explode barriers and sometimes we chip away at the edges as we learn and grow.

    happiness is a choice!

  19. Well, you said that a lot better and more succinctly than I did in this post and the newsletter, Susan. THANK YOU!!

    (Another reason why GVU is so lucky to have you and your generously shared wisdom!)

    And I’m not saying that to get you to spend more time with us … or am I? lol

    This is where I take Jason’s cue and laugh about it!

  20. Toemaas says:

    We don’t get what we want, we get what we are. Don’t recall where I read that, but it’s so true!! And to know what you are, just look at what’s showing up. And what a kick when you catch yourself playing small and change to being excited about what may come or what you may become!!

    Let’s see what to become today? I think I will open up to a new model of what might be, something totally unreasonable!!

    What a great topic!!

  21. Toemaas, I think you could pretty much say anything and I’d love to hear it.
    😉
    Nice to see you here again!!

  22. Thank you, Bill, not just for reading but for providing good fodder for discussion.

    I’m thinking that this might be a good time for a role model. Someone who’s really good at not bringing an agenda to whatever they’re up to. Eckhart Tolle comes to mind.

    What do you guys think?

  23. Bill says:

    Hi Jeanette (all everyone else);

    OK, I totally “get” the relax and let go stuff… and your take on resting and letting it happen. Here’s where my monkey mind jumps up and whacks me… Now that I know that… how can I simply relax? My spirit says “relax without expectation” and “all is perfect as it is.” OK, sure, I KNOW that. Now, every time I enter meditation for simple relaxation, reflection, etc., that darned monkey is back there, saying “So what challenge / problem are we going to work on today?” And I’m simply trying to “relax and let go.” It’s like the kids game… “Try NOT to think of a purple hippo.”

    Yes, half this is definitely tongue-in-cheek. The other half (probably that doggone primate) is still whacking me… “I’m going to meditate and NOT think about my abundance issues…” Too late!!

    Keep up the great work… I very much appreciate your newsletter and other goodies.

    Blessings to all;
    Bill

  24. gemstone says:

    I don’t know why my first post had me as anon…..

    Love the answers everyone’s given!

    Gemstone

  25. Sara Blumenfeld says:

    Is visualization having an agenda? For instance, I felt led to schedule an all-day workshop, paid for the room, secured the speakers–and no one is signing up. I’m visualizing people being delighted about the opportunity, the room being filled with eager participants, etc. From what I read above, sounds like that is an agenda. Thought I was doing the right thing–but apparently not.

    Appreciate feedback,
    Sara

  26. Jeannette says:

    Sara, I’ve heard Abraham talk about this before.

    What I remember them saying is that we don’t visualize in order to get something; rather, we visualize for the pleasure of experiencing it that way. For the feelings we experience (now) as we envision it.

    But not as a means to an end.

    Who else here has heard Abraham on this?

  27. Nathaniel says:

    Great topic. I am currently in a coaching certiciation program. And one of the coaching skills I am being taught is accountability. To ask the client what they are willing o do during the week to work on their desire. And I am suppose to suggest processes and games that raise their vibration. If the process actually raises their virbation then they feel relief. If they feel relief then they are positively attracting. I heard Abraham say once that you do the games you do the actions for teh fun of the actions. They said to do processes after you are in the vortex. If you feeel joy from “the work” then it is a succeess and if you dominantly feel good about your desire the law says you will get it. I think action slows you down when you are out of the vortex doing the action and you would know by you emotional guidance system whether you are in the vortex or not.

    Nathaniel

  28. Well said, Nathaniel, that we do the games and actions for the FUN of it. Not for the result of it. (Although when we do that, it can’t help but result in something good.)

    Thanks for putting it so clearly and simply. 🙂

  29. I think that “letting go” part and “staying in the moment” are key, Bill.

    It’s like when someone asks when they should give up on a project they’ve been working on for a while that isn’t coming to fruition. It’s like, if you were doing it for the love of it, you’d never dream of giving up on it.

    It’s when we engage something for the end result that we sometimes run out of steam for it.

    Thanks for pitching in, my friend!

  30. Bill says:

    Jeannette;

    You’re definitely right about Abraham’s take on this. The idea is not so much to put your desires “out there” … but instead to – as best you can – experience the feelings and emotions of what it will be like when your intentions turn into reality.

    You mentioned Tolle in response to my original question. I’ve read most of ET’s great stuff… Of course his Big Idea (among others) seems to be “be here now.” Perhaps there is a good clue there… to simply set the intention that we want, but then let it go… releasing any attachment to the future.

    Which might also fit with what Sara was talking about a few posts back… about visualizing an “outcome” for her workshop. Instead, perhaps it would be better to stay “in the moment.” Experience the feelings of a successful workshop on an energetic level, but release any expectations of they way it “should” happen.

    Just my latest two cents’ worth…
    Bill S.

  31. MissyB says:

    Oh my…if only I could practice what I preach !

    But this is a prime time to remind myself that I have to be happy right now…because it is all I’ve got. Being happy for happy’s sake. Which I thought I was…but the more I’ve had my eyes open here and at GVU, I am beginning to think I’m not. Perhaps I am the majority of the time and I’m just beating myself up at the mo…because I’ve a hidden agenda going on and I’m pretending I don’t.

    Anyway there is no hidden agenda in being happy for happy’s sake…at least I don’t think there is…

  32. MissyB, we see that, don’t we? (Well, in ourselves, too, not just in others.) People getting in the vortex because of what it will GET them. Not just getting in the vortex because that’s where it feels good to be.

    But even if we get in for what we think it will do for us, if we’re REALLY in, REALLY enjoying, then … I think that’s a mission accomplished.

    Cause if we’re really there, genuinely having a good time, we got what we really wanted anyway.

    Thanks for posting, MissyB!

  33. That IS where the juice is, huh, Phil? “The Universe has no problem creating whatever we want and with very specific and fine detail – IF we can be that specific AND be allowing.”

    LOVE your bike story!! lol

    Thanks for adding to the conversation here. 🙂

  34. Phil says:

    Great, thought provoking topic, Super J.

    Abraham has definitely said to do visualizations for the pleasure in the moment that they bring rather trying to “get something”. And they also very much stress going for the feeling place we want rather than specific things. They have also said however, that if they were in our position they would go “as fast as we could go” – which basically means be as specific as we can be while remaining in the Vortex. They have also acknowledged that creating with a very specific intention is exhilarating!
    The Universe has no problem creating whatever we want and with very specific and fine detail – IF we can be that specific AND be allowing. The problem isn’t the specifics – it’s the resistance that keeps it from manifesting that’s the problem. So when that happens it makes sense to back off, get more general – reach for the feelings to ease back into the Vortex and see how that goes.

    I LOVE feeling good and being in the Vortex is truly it’s own reward – but we know the physical world is one of duality/contrast and it’s only a matter of time until some contrast comes along and temporarily spits us out of the Vortex – which is ALL GOOD since that experience causes the Vortex to expand and spin faster so when we go back in we can experience levels of Joy, Love and Happiness that we haven’t before! IOW we’re expanding our capacity to experience higher versions of those feelings!

    A little manifesting story – one day I was walking in Caumsett Park here in Huntington and as I was basking in the natural beauty of that spot some bike riders passed me and waved.
    I waved back and thought – wow – this WOULD be a nice place to go riding but I didn’t own a bicycle at that time so I just said – well, one day I’ll get one. I finished my walk and headed back home. As I walked up the driveway I saw a bicycle standing near the garage!
    I asked my then partner whose bike that was? She said she was doing some painting for someone and they no longer wanted this bike and asked her if she wanted it and she brought it home! That was no more than 2 hours after I had that thought in the park and the Universe literally delivered a bike to my driveway and it was waiting there for me!

    It was quite a specific desire – but I also had no resistance at all to it showing up – no “need”, no attachment, – just wouldn’t it be nice and POOF! 🙂

    Thanks for inspiring more yummy thought and bringing back that great memory!

    Much Love – Dr PG

  35. Barb, it’s easy to see in this post why I like your approach so much!

    Being able to take ourselves lightly and continue to stay engaged in the process. Very nice!

    Your comment about practicing reverse paranoia reminds me of something from Paul McKenna that lit me up recently. He suggested being obsessive compulsive in thinking positive thoughts about oneself.

    I think I can take that one on! I already have the obsessive compulsive inclinations, after all. hee hee

    As usual, Barb, it’s a pleasure to hear from you here! 🙂

  36. Can it be both? Can it be whatever we say it is?…:)

    I like what toemass said, “We don’t get what we want, we get what we are” and also wanted to add to what you said about acceptance, as it applies to resistance and manifesting what we want.

    In my experience, acceptance of what IS has to come first, as the door-opener for change. Otherwise I am paddling upstream, as they say, and fighting my current reality.

    Once I’ve truly accepted responsibility for all outcomes past and future, only then can I change things, and if this is an agenda (loving myself and going walking, running or doing yoga with the intention to get slimmer BUT because I love myself and value my health), then it works for me! 🙂 If I tried it JUST as a plan/goal without accepting responsibilty, it would never work. It also, as you mentioned Jeannette, has to make me feel good…I have to be walking and just feel the sheer joy of it, and soak in every moment – to be present and greateful – to get the full benefit. In fact, every moment I feel fabulous brings me closer to all of my goals, because I am in alignment with all things wonderful…it’s all connected. ♥

  37. Barb says:

    First of all, I love your ezine, Jeannette!

    I think this is something many of us struggle with. I’ve always loved and enjoyed being in control since I was born (really), and I’ve been working on letting the Universe be in control (decide what you really want, have fun with it, practice detachment). I know everything about hidden agendas, so thank you for reminding me to let go today (again) 🙂 And I know hidden agendas don’t work but we love them 😉

    I have a post-it on my desk: “Your life is now. Focus and relax.” I also like acting like a reverse-paranoid, reminding myself that everything and everybody works for my benefit, and everything that happens in my life is the best thing for me at that given moment.

    I know that miracles happen in my life when I completely relax and let go. When I focus only on the present moment and not on the things I want. When I decide, ask, and then let it go believing it’s on the way and will manifest when I’m ready and the time’s right because Universe knows better 🙂 And when I manage to do that, I take lots of inspired action that leads to my goal, without actually knowing it’s inspired action 😀

    LOA is the only thing in the world that works perfectly when you completely ignore it 😀

  38. I couldn’t agree more, Shauna, when you said, “acceptance of what IS has to come first, as the door-opener for change. Otherwise I am paddling upstream, as they say, and fighting my current reality.”

    And that when we engage something for the pure joy of it (the agenda is not in the spotlight) and we get the FULL benefit.

    You also know how I like to have my cake and eat it, too, but I’m still suspicious that things go better with an agenda than without

    But you suggest it so easily here that I can’t help but try that thought on.
    🙂
    Thanks for posting, Shauna!

  39. Anonymous says:

    I read this blog post through right before I left work , and had some thoughts on the way home. The comments are bursting on this page I can’t wait to go back and read them.

    My initial reaction is that an agenda is a belief. The agenda to change your physical body, coincided with the belief there must be action on your part is telling the Universe that someth’ing’is off. Whether it be visualizing, or exercising, or meditating (any ‘ing’ word), the thought that is directing you towards change through action is a limiting belief.

    I have found myself thinking of what I’m ‘not’ doing, which is hindering my manifestations to occur.

  40. Thanks, Anonymous, for another reinforcer about how this works. When you said, “the agenda to change your body … is telling the Universe that something’s off” really hit home for me.

    Hmm. The more we talk about this the more interesting it gets!

  41. Suzie Cheel says:

    Wow Jeanette.
    In sync with my current being. I like the The of her message was that without the acceptance of what is, we are flowing resistance.

    I had already recognized this morning that I was blocking the flow by allowing stuff to pile up to the point where I feel like I am spinning wheels and realized I need to get back into the ALLOWING mode I am so good at helping others to do LOL So we teach what we need to learn.

    Yes I have been focusing on what I am not doing rather than looking at the gains I have made.

    Love you
    Suzie

  42. Yes, Suzie, we know so well that allowing is the key to all of this. And when we’ve got an agenda, the allowing got sacrificed at least to a certain extent, didn’t it?

    All these comments are really clarifying this even more strongly for me. Maybe I should talk to you all BEFORE I write the posts! lol

    Thanks for reading and especially for commenting, Suzie.
    🙂

  43. Julie B says:

    I am in awe, Jeanette Maw. What a fabulous topic and community… thank YOU for starting this GVU. I loved reading / seeing how this whole topic evolved, and is perfect “data” for me as I make my way thru my life/movie. It is so awesome to be in the company of LOA Rockstars!

    Yes, when I think about it (since you posed the question) whether there is a concsious or hidden agenda, it’s got “amps” around it and is a little more charged w/ resistance that will hinder the flow. I’m getting better at getting clear on my intention, joyful/excited about how good it feels to be in the vortex, give thanks and release. Then go about my business and expect wonderful. I am learning to give up the struggle that I have to control everything (this has been a tough one, but it feels so much better! and the better it gets, the better it gets). The monkey-thoughts are lesser too, when I truly release and be in the moment with everything. Like when I was a little girl, not knowing but delighted in what was coming next!

    Thank you again Jeanette and all you awesome group of peeps. I’m so grateful for all of you and am honored to a part of this group!

    Julie

  44. Ayla says:

    Yes, you answered perfectly, thanks:)

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