The Best Advice I Ever Regretted

May 7, 2010 | 52 Comments »

Some words of wisdom are worth ignoring. 

Hopefully we spot those words before we learn the hard way that some advice is best ignored. 

Once we understand the role of energy and the power of attraction, we realize much traditional life advice just doesn’t make sense.

Here are a few life tips I might have been better off skipping:

1. Don’t go to bed mad

Talking when you’re mad may not be the best idea for every occasion, I have learned. 

Sometimes a good night’s sleep is the perfect answer for managing present moment conflict.  Many times all I needed was a nice dip back into non-resistant sleep to get my vibrational footing again.  It often allowed me access to a new perspective and a new vibe! 

In fact, maybe the better advice is to immediately go to bed once you get mad.  ha!

2. Don’t do yourself what you can pay someone else to do for less (than what you make) 

This advice is intended to free us up to do bigger and better things, like focus on the 20% of our activities that bring in 80% of our revenue.  (We’ve all been taught about the 80/20 rule, right?)

But what I learned through trying this one on is that it’s not all about the money. 

Rather, it’s about the enjoyment

If I enjoy mowing my lawn (which I do), I’m crazy to let someone else do it for me.  If I enjoy walking my dogs, it’s asinine to hire a dogwalker.  If I like vacuuming the carpets, even though I’d pay someone else a fraction of my hourly rate to do it, I’m better off experiencing that enjoyment myself, even if it doesn’t make financial sense to the rest of the world.

Because we know that when we do what we enjoy, good things come

Abraham shared that Esther likes cleaning the monster bus, but she likes writing the books even more.  So for her, it might make sense to outsource RV cleaning. 

What I realized is that I enjoy blogging and hosting GVU calls and creating new courses and writing ebooks way more when I have a variety of things to enjoy in life.

So mowing and cleaning and dog walking and yes, even some reality TV, are part of my daily to-do’s even though the experts tell me otherwise.  I’ll outsource it only if I can’t think of a better way to enjoy myself.   

Just because you can make more money doing your thing and pay someone else to wash the car or watch the kids or edit the articles, doesn’t mean you should.  Pay attention to the enjoyment factor.  After all, what else is the point of life?

3. Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist

When I told dad that my on-again, off-again boyfriend had proposed but I wasn’t jumping up and down with absolute joy, he said: “If you’re waiting for a saint, you can stop waiting.”  The implication was that this was as good as it gets.

Dad sure liked that guy.  (Still does!)  Probably the only guy (besides Rick Kreifeldt) he ever has liked.  (And for the record, I didn’t get to date Rick; he was my college boyfriend’s roommate.) 

Anyway, that piece of advice from dad led me to marriage.  We all know how that turned out.

With the benefit of hindsight, I like this advice better: “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.” 

Settling just seems like we’re giving up, once we know that we really can have whatever we want.  (And if you don’t know that  by now, you haven’t studied up properly on the power of deliberate creation.)

There’s lots more typical advice out there that can lead us astray from our best life, but these are just the particular tips I went down the bumpy road with.

Would it defeat the point of this post to solicit your best tips for advice to ignore?  ha

We’d like to hear them just the same! 

PS – this post is titled with the past tense of “regret” because I don’t really regret these “wrong turns,” since I don’t actually believe in “wrong turns.”  But I find no need to repeat these steps, if you know what I mean.

Looking forward to hearing yours!

* * * * * * * *
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52 Responses to “ The Best Advice I Ever Regretted ”

  1. Pernille Madsen says:

    Thanks a lot, Jeannette, for reminding us to question traditional life advice. Most of this kind of advice was probably “invented” by people who meant well, but who had never heard about the law of attraction 😉

    I can’t think of any advice to ignore right now in English, they only pop up in my head in Danish and are not easily translated. I’ll come back to comment later, if I get inspired!!!

  2. And you know, Pernille, I think lots of traditional advice serves us pretty well! But my lesson has been to be more discerning and pay better attention to what serves me.

    I’m sure you’re right, too, in that this wisdom is passed on with our best interests at heart.

    Thanks for reading and for checking in on this one, Pernille! 🙂

  3. Two of my favorite limiting beliefs to dispel, Vanessa!

    Thanks for your comment! 🙂

  4. Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    Hi Jeannette! Another great post. I have learned and then reconfirmed and then reconfirmed again for myself that asking others for advice is never a good idea. I used to ask 25 people before I made a decision, but then I realized that 1) I only ask people about the decision when I am unsure about it myself, which means it’s probably not a hell yes, which means it’s probably a hell no and 2) if it is a hell yes, why do I need to ask anyone? All they are going to do is give me “real world” advice, which usually just pisses in my oatmeal and takes the wind out of my sails. ha!

    My personal favorite and the most consequential in my life is: I know you love doing x, but go get a REAL degree in a professional field so that you have something to fall back on. (Uh, you mean something to work my way out of? haha!)

    There are old sayings too. When we were little and we’d say I wish blah blah blah, my grandmother used to say sh*# in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up faster. (That’s got to make you laugh.)

    Oh, and I just remember a high school teacher who told the girls in our class, “If a man ever proposes to you, you better accept because your chances of getting more than one proposal in your life are slim to none.” I am still puzzled by that one, as I’ve had a few proposals and that very man has been married twice.

    The most recent one that I listened to was, “Don’t start your own law firm because you can’t make money for five years and how are you going to pay your bills?” A year later, I went for it anyway and I’m happy to say that I’m busy and beginning to profit.

    I could go go…I’m interested to see what some others have to say.

  5. You’re right, Dana, your grandmother’s saying is cracking me up!

    And we have that in common – asking around for input when in doubt. I didn’t even think of that as a clear signal that we’ve got a “hell no” on our hands! Sigh.

    Thanks for sharing that!

  6. Any advice that begins with ‘you did not ask but…’ or ‘this is for you own good’

  7. Oh, that’s a good one, Harmony! (“Follow this formula to success.”)

    I have been known to follow that one to my detriment, too. lol

    (Lovely to laugh about this stuff now!)

    Susan, very true!

  8. Vanessa Vinos says:

    Hi Jeanette

    The two pieces of advice that spring to mind (to ignore) are:

    i) “Success takes hard work”. Of course those of us that know about the LoA now know that isn’t true, and

    ii)”There is no such thing as happy ever after”. If we believe that there is no such thing as happy ever after then we are not likely to attract it.

    I am sure there are many,many more. I’m going to sleep on it and come back tomorrow!

  9. Jackie Gaston says:

    Worst good advice I ever took: School teaching is the best job for a woman and special ed is where the jobs will be in the near future.

    I hated teaching and although there are still special ed jobs around, they almost always come with 2 sets of administration and you usually can’t please them both.

  10. Harmony Harrison says:

    So my favorite non-advice advice is, “Follow this planned out model and you’ll succeed.” Eek!

    Also, back in my days of microwaving, so we’re talking waaay back, my rate of burnt-to-perfect popcorn was about 1:1. The advice I received: “Trust the popcorn button.”

    Actually, it should have been, “Ditch your microwave, girlfriend!”

  11. Oh boy, Jackie! That one’s making me think about the distinction between well-meaning and “good” advice. ha

    I’m already looking forward to your post on the “best advice I ever took” post coming up next!

    Thanks for pitching in, my friend. 🙂

  12. Anonymous says:

    Great post!

  13. Anonymous says:

    What if your Mr Perfect married someone else because you weren’t aligned with yourself at the time and so you meet Mr he ticks all the boxes but the chemistry with him is not as intense as it was with Mr Perfect and the advice from family and friends is Mr Ticks all the boxes is good for you so stop pondering after Mr Perfect.

  14. CandyB says:

    Fab post Jeanette and thanks for your contributions everyone else. 

    I agree that soliciting advice can be useless vibrationally; but sometimes I experience the flip side of this in that sometimes I find asking for advice a good way to distinguish my gut on certain things. 

    Lately, when I ask for advice, I pay attention to how their suggestions or responses make me feel. If something gives me a strong reaction, I either take action or investigate further. If advice fills me with confusion, I drop the subject and come back to it later when I feel more aligned. 

    Which brings me to another bit of bad-good advice: 

    “No decision is a decision.” 

    In my opinion, sometimes a decision is better deferred, especially if the situation has made you feel out if whack vibrationally. My latest vibrational tactic is to leave it alone and get on with good things until inspiration hits or the situation sorts itself out.

    Usually the situation sorts itself out. 

     

  15. CandyB says:

    I am curious to any replies for our Anonymous friend above. Perhaps a separate discussion on Hell Yes v Hell No v Hell Ticks All Boxes would be interesting?

    But the first thing that jumps to mind, Anonymous, is that Mr Perfect was not so much Mr Perfect as much as Mr I Feel At My Best With.

    My theory is that if you take your focus off Mr Perfect and Mr Box Ticky and put it on You and Feeling Your Best, you will soon have a knowing in your heart about what the best way forward – with Mr Box Ticcky Or Without – is best for you. As for Mr Perfect, set him free in your heart and mind. And if he is right for you, he will come back to you. Or you’ll meet a New Mr Perfect who may or may not currently be Mr Box Ticky. Hope that helps. As always if the advice doesn’t feel good, it’s not for you.

  16. Pernille Madsen says:

    Anonymous and CandyB! I just watched this Abraham video yesterday where they talk about how to meet or not meet (a new) Mr Perfect:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtshW4ECKrQ

    : ) Pernille

  17. CandyB says:

    Thanks Pernille! I enjoyed this video immensely! Agreed, it really is all about relaxing into your vortex!!

  18. I totally agree, Candy! (That hearing someone else’s perspective/opinion helps me better know my own.)

    I’ve found I have to be firmly grounded in trusting myself in order to hear someone else’s advice that I might choose to discount, otherwise it can toss me out of my ‘feel good’ in a hurry.

    PS – I like this discussion you and Anonymous have started!

  19. MissyB says:

    Oh how I smiled. My friend always says “hell yes” when he talks about something to which he is excited about. I love this phrase.

    I do have a contradiction in mind though. I need to go back outside in the cold to sand down my newly gloss painted door arch ready for the final coat. That’s a hell no thought. The hell yes thought is that I did it myself and by doing so, saved the money to buy something nice for myself instead. I’ve hated just about every minute of doing it, but will love the satisfaction of when its done and the spending the money on something nice. I just should have sent the vibes out there for enough money to pay someone to do it and buy myself that something special…

  20. I’m laughing, MissyB, because I had one of those opportunities recently, as well, but went the other way with it.

    There was a flat tire on my car at the vet’s office, and I thought wouldn’t I feel so proud of myself to change the tire myself? And while that DID appeal, the thought of actually changing the tire inspired me to call my ex for help.

    So I loved up on myself about how I’m willing to call in the cavalry. lol

  21. Regina says:

    Hello Jeanette,

    what an important question !

    Thought a while about advices/proverbs we have in German (some are even in Englisch): The early bird catches the worm. Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go … everywhere, ad aspera per astra…..(that´s Latin).

    I´m a Libra and found me doing both: Being a good girl, getting up early, singing the song of those who pay me etc.etc.etc. and suddenly found myself revolting and affront people by non fullfilling their expectations (which I made them believe I would fullfill by always having acted as a good girl)…. Such a mess.

    Finally I seem to have had a Buddha-like experience: We call it the golden middle (is it “to keep the golden mean” in English?) and this has nothing to do with uncomfortable compromises but feels like really being a way one can walk.

    Probably a way I still have to work a little with.

    Greetings from Cologne in Germany

  22. Girlfriend, you get around!!! lol Latin, English, German, Buddhism … I’m impressed!

    Hey, what does this mean? “ad aspera per astra”

    I like the “golden middle” idea. Thanks for that, Regina!
    🙂

  23. Nikki says:

    I would say that a lot of the decisions I made were shaped by the advice, “Artists don’t make money.” That is why I went into graphic design (art that makes money) but I did it with a Journalism degree (because you can’t do anything with a BFA <– my belief at the time).

    Now I know differently, and have had to overcome some of the limiting beliefs that were so well constructed in my subconscious. However, I'm not certain I 'regret' any of it (as the title suggests). Since it truly is about the journey, and I'm pretty darn thrilled with where I am, and where I'm heading… I'm not going to begrudge the advice, or the advisor.

    Thing is, my truth was going to come out, whether I followed the advice or not. I am an artist! (Oh what the heck, let's go there… I am an artist, who makes MONEY! HA!)

  24. Nikki, you’re my hero!! WOO HOO!!

    “An artist who makes money”!!

    Now that’s a nice path to pave!!

  25. Ande says:

    I could list a lot of advice I’ve gotten that led me astray, but that would take me right out of the vortex, so I won’t do that. Oh, okay, I’ll do just one 🙂 Years ago, when I was newly divorced, my friends and family advised me that I would never meet Mr. Right if I didn’t get out and join groups or go places. I’m a happy home-body writer whose idea of perfect day is a walk on the beach with my dog followed by reading or writing by the fire and watching the rain through my window. “What do you think is going to happen?” my parents asked me. “You think Mr. Right is going to show up on your doorstep and ring the bell?” As it happens, that’s pretty much how it went, in a round about way. It’s a long story, but in the end, the wonderful man I’m married to showed up on my doorstep. I never followed all that well-meaning advice.

    Since then, I’ve listened too much to other advice, and I’ve found that most tends to get me out of sync with my inner self. The best advice of all is to find reasons to feel good so you are as aligned with source energy as possible–when you do that, you have the best advice available–the advice of YOU, your nonphysical self.

  26. Ande, I LOVE that story! Mr. Right coming to your doorstep!

    That sounds like a success story we’d love to have at GVU. I may drop you a note about that!
    🙂

  27. Stacy, I love that there’s someone else in the world (besides me) unwilling to preach the evils of tv. lol

    And I love even more that it’s you!! hee hee

    Thanks for chiming in here. 🙂

  28. Wealth for Everyone says:

    I see someone else mentioned the “early bird gets the worm” as that popped into my head. For me – I LOVE sleeping in (I am a night person) and worms gross me out. I actually want to vomit if I see them. So why in the hell would I want to get up early (which I don’t like) to get a worm (which makes me want to vomit – which I REALLY don’t like)?

    Also – I love that you put “reality tv” on your to do list, so to speak. I do that too. Well, tv in general. I like making to do lists because otherwise I tend to keep thinking about what I want to get done and I also get a LOT of satisfaction from marking things off (even very simple, every day things like “check the mail”). But each day I put “tv” on the list and usually include WHICH shows I’m to watch for the day. (Depends on what is being tivo’d that day lol).

  29. Pernille Madsen says:

    These just popped up in my head:

    You can’t win them all
    You can’t have it all

    I so much better like what Jeannette often says: you can have your cake and eat it too 🙂

  30. Thanks for reiterating better-feeling truths, Pernille. 🙂

  31. Wow, Janette, my head’s spinning a little on that doozy!

    I wonder how a child would interpret that?! lol

    I like to think it might make me more comfortable in the “asking.” ?

    Never heard that before – thanks for popping in, Janette!
    🙂

  32. helen says:

    I remember giving similar snippets of advice to friends and family pre Law of Attraction! even now I am surprised how often these little gems just want to jump out of my mouth LOL talk about learned responses! I rarely attempt advice any more and I certainly don’t hang all my hopes on someone elses words of wisdom any longer. It is way easier to just realise that someones life path is not my business I will however encourage someone in doing what ever makes them happy. I think advice started out that way and somewhere along with the beating of the drum of what is, advice became this thing full of false beliefs.
    I also like what Jeannette says about having your cake and eating it too (honestly I can’t see the point in having cake and not eating it!!)

  33. Janette says:

    LOL, I just remembered one my mum used to quote ALL THE TIME – especially when I would ask for something. I’m almost sure she meant it as a joke at the time, but of course I never got that.

    BTW, you have to imagine this said in a north country English accent:

    “Them as asks don’t get, and them as don’t ask, don’t want.”

    Translation:

    If you ask for something, you don’t get it (because it’s rude to ask – you should wait to be offered); and if you don’t ask for something, then clearly you didn’t want it.

    Talk about mixed messages!!!!

    😀

  34. Oh, Helen, that’s an even better question – what’s the “bad” advice I hear myself giving!

    And I like your style with the cake, my friend. hee hee

  35. Nikky says:

    The biggest and most common advice I have often got to hear since I was a teenager is (Friends and family alike)
    ” Be realistic”
    Dont ” Feel” so much.
    “Be ready to struggle”.
    “The world is a mean place”
    ” You cant trust people” and so on
    It NEVER felt right agreeing with this advice and now after learning about LOA from Abe’s teachings I know that that was my inner being pointing me towards the right track.
    Thank you Jeannette for your wisdom.

  36. Oh my, Nikky! So glad you left those “gems” behind!

  37. CandyB says:

    Fantastic contributions everyone, and especially you Nikki – I’ve also been berated regularly for not being realistic and fir feeling too much, and hadn’t even realised it until you said it!

    Another golden oldie “you can’t have it all”

    Is this really true? I think not!!

  38. Adrienne says:

    “Relationships take work.”

  39. Adrienne, in response to the line Helen sent me on this topic … believe it or not that was one I preached to my ex-fiance! (Pre-LOA, I assure you.)

    Wow, huh?! Another nice one to drop!

  40. gemstone says:

    At a turning point in my life about five years ago I was involved in a car accident, that incidentally turned my life upside down. At the time, I was an aesthetician, and moved to Los Angeles to begin my new life. All was moving along swimmingly when a personal injury attorney rear-ended me, and during the impact of the collision, I injured my wrists and neck. Long story short– I couldn’t feel my hands for months (they were always going numb). It was scary as hell, and I went to a doctor who had been referred to me by a co-worker. That doctor then referred me to her attorney friend.

    For the next two years, my life was an endless rollercoaster. Unemployment for almost 10 months, starting over in publicity, plummeting self-doubt and mounting debt.

    Finally, in March 2008, I had my day of reckoning. My day in court. After a three-day trial, I won my case, and got enough money to pay off a fraction of my debt, but I didn’t have to file for bankruptcy. (But everyone else– including all the doctors who examined me over two years got more than I did!)

    My biggest learning experience (maybe ever?) Even if people mean well and have their hearts in the right place, they still may give you terrible advice.

    I always believed that if someone cared for me, then their advice had to be good for me. Surely, they wouldn’t lead me down the wrong path. Or would they?

    And then the accident happened, and my doctor– who obviously cared for my well being– introduced me to her lawyer friend. Unfortunately, he was a moron (he actually got lost in the courthouse! No lie!) The doctor she referred me to gave me bad advice (don’t use your hands, you’ll make the injury worse. Every other doctor who saw me told me the exact opposite.) On so on, and so on.

    Vibrationally, all three people (my initial doctor, the neurologist she referred me to, and my lawyer) were operating at a rather low vibration, and I didn’t realize it until it was too late. I finally had to just trust the universe that all would be okay, because I was coming from a good place. And I had to let go of the fear that I might just have to file for bankruptcy. And if I did, then my life wouldn’t end. I’d be okay. (And that realization was HUGE).

    Since that moment in time, I’ve learned to listen to folks who offer advice, but now I know that it’s okay to ignore it if it just doesn’t feel right. Even if they try to convince me that they sincerely have my best interests at heart. In those cases, they probably do, but it still might be bad advice for me in that moment.

  41. I love, Gemstone, how you’re able to still hear someone else’s insistent advice as love, rather than be irritated by a “know-it-all.” You might not recognize how huge that is, but I do.

    And I think you nailed it in sharing that what matters most is checking with our own inner guidance.

    Thanks for helping bring that point home with your big example of it!

  42. Wealth for Everyone says:

    Hmmm, this is the second time I have seen that I leave a comment and it doesn’t show up. Let’s see if I can recreate my comment.

    I saw that someone else mentioned the early bird gets the worm thing and I always thought that was such dumb “advice”. For one thing I am NOT a morning person – I much more enjoy being up late and sleeping in. And worms gross me out to NO end. Sometimes I get close to vomiting if I see them. Blegh. So in this case why would I want to get up early to catch worms – misery on misery there! lol

    And I love the idea of having tv on one’s “to do list”. I actually do write down tv on my daily to do list. I have a list because if I don’t write it down I keep thinking about what I need to do – so I won’t forget. Plus I get a ton of satisfaction from crossing off things on the list. And I love to put down tv (sometimes I just say tv and other times I’ll be specific and put what shows I’ll be watching that night.)

  43. Maybe the akismet apam filter gets suspicious about your name, Stacy! lol I can’t imagine why else it gets hung up when there’s no links or anything else that seems it would trigger it.

    Unless the spam filter doesn’t like worms as much as you do. lol

    Thanks for being persistent! Yours is a voice we want to hear.
    🙂

  44. Anonymous says:

    Alice in Wonderland had this Very Good Advice to IGNORE!
    ********************************************************

    I give myself very good advice
    But a very seldom follow it
    That explains the trouble that I’m always in
    “Be Patient,” is very good advice
    But the waiting makes me curious
    And I’d love the change
    Should something strange begin

    Well, I went along my merry way
    And I never stopped to reason
    I should have known there’d be a price to pay
    Some day, some day

    I give myself very good advice
    But I very seldom follow it
    Will I ever learn to do the things I should?

    Will I ever learn, learn to do the things I should?

    *****************************************************

    This song has a lot of THEMES I AM IGNORING:

    *that I can give out good advice but I’m terrible at listening to my inner being*

    *the self-blame inherent in the trouble that I get in because I don’t follow my own advice*

    *that we have to wait for something in order for it to be good–the idea of all good things come to those who wait (e.g. are patient) but since I am impatient, I’m not good*

    *that following your inspiration leads to a “price to pay” because we didn’t “analyze” and “reason” out the actions step-by-step*

    *that there is an acceptable way of doing things that translates into “SHOULD” and implies huge judgment*

    I’m ignoring Alice’s advice because none of it feels good!

  45. Barbara says:

    Oops! That was me, Jeannette, writing the Alice in Wonderland post. I hit “submit” before completing my info…

  46. Thanks for the humorous take on this thread, Barbara! For some reason the vibration of Alice lifted me right up, even though – you’re right – there’s lots of good stuff to opt out of here! lol

  47. Anonymous says:

    Candy B – your advice on Mr Perfect vs Mr Tick the right boxes has answered a question that had been running around in my head for the longest. I read it and felt a release and totally aligned with your advice. Sending you a big ole hug! Thanks Pernille for the link! xxx

  48. CandyB says:

    Anonymous, I am honoured and excited to have helped in any small way. and I thank you for writing that question as it caused me to have the same realization even as I was typing my comment, So you helped us both!! Hugs all round!

    Jeannete and everyone else, it is such fun to be part of this community — THANKS AND LOVE TO YOU ALL.

    Candy

  49. Parul says:

    I just gave some good advice to a cousin who called me a little while ago.

    She had a baby recently and was complaining about her various aches and pains.

    She said she’s prone to osteoporosis since her Mom and Grandmother both have it.

    I told her heredity was a choice and she could totally ignore it. Lol! 😀

    I hope she pays heed to it, ‘coz I do believe it’s good advice.

  50. Arlo says:

    To: The awesome Ms. Mawsome

    From: Ihavesayso

    Just to be contrary, here are a couple pieces of advise everyone will profit from:

    1. Never invest in anything that eats, rots, rusts, or needs painting;

    2. If you want to get rich, watch what the poor people are doing, then don’t do THAT!

    After all, what’s the use of running, if we’re on the wrong road?

    Arlo

  51. Annette says:

    The best advice I ever got but didn’t listen to due to the tone of delivery “You never listen to anyone! You always do things your way”
    (sounds pretty good now)
    The worst advice I did listen to: “You just have pre-wedding jitters.”
    The worst advice I didn’t listen to: “It doesn’t matter what you do to make money.”
    The best advice I did listen to: “You are so easy to love.”

  52. Micheal Lenehan says:

    Gracias

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