Disappearing the Party Pooper Thoughts

November 23, 2009 | 12 Comments »

magic-hatLast post we explored the subconscious “problems” we believe in that keep us from getting what we want.

As in, believing that becoming wealthy is an issue because of the extra taxes incurred.  Or that losing weight is a problem because of the uncomfortable attention garnered from the opposite sex.  (Read the post again if this phenomenon doesn’t sound familiar.)

Now that we have brought those potential party poopers to light, what’s next?

Often, nothing.

Just bringing those contrary thoughts to the light of day can be enough to disappear them.  (Yes, you can “disappear them.”  They’ll evaporate in the light when you usher them out of the dark corners of your mind.)

But, some of the more stubborn stinkers may call for intervention.

If you’ve got a stubborn thought at cross-purposes of your dreams and desires, never fear.  You’re still in charge.  Here’s what to do:

1. Relax.  This isn’t a big deal or a big mystery.  Don’t let anxiety about a contrary thought add to negative energy.  It’s not a big deal, especially when you’re observing it in action!  You are SO in the power seat once you’re seeing clearly what’s happening, so it’s a great time to relax.

2. Get curious.  We know what we resist persists, so we don’t want to engage a “war” against the thoughts that aren’t serving us.  Observe them from a friendly, curious place.  Just noticing what’s up, maybe even being entertained by it.

3. Check references. You know how before you hire a stranger off the street or accept a new tenant into your house you make a phone call or two to check them out?  You can do the same thing with these limiting thoughts – inquire; question; test them out.  Byron Katie’s work is a powerful process for this step.

4. Rethink it.  Once you’ve poked and prodded and looked under the hood of the old contrary thought, it’s easier to find a new, more aligned, perspective.  After you’ve tried on a few alternative thoughts, you’re bound to find one you like better.  Entertaining that thought is going to serve you really well.

That’s how simple it is.  Let’s look at an example:

My realization that somewhere deep down I believe once I’m loaded my sweetie will relate to me differently, as in a huge (read: threatening) shift of power in the relationship is actually kind of interesting.  (That’s me getting curious, rather than judging myself for it or defending the truth of it.  I’m just curious about it.) 

How funny that I would think that!  I wonder where that came from – in fact, maybe it’s time to check references.   Is it true that my beau will be threatened when I’m the primary income earner; when his income is a pittance compared to mine?  (That’s me putting the Work to work.)

You know, now that I think about it, I have to admit, he might be delighted with that situation.  I can imagine he may very well have it in him to be a kept man.  Now that thought I’m having some fun with.  Is there another one I like better? 

Maybe this one: I read recently that women who earn the money tend to think of it as “our” money whereas men not so much.  So if that were the case, me making significantly more than my sweetheart might actually be a huge equilator.  (I made that word up and I like it.) 

That’s nice, but I like that other thought better – the one where Russ is excited to have a girlfriend whose income dwarfs his.  Why not, huh?!

Just like that, I’ve begun to resolve my subconscious “problem” in being rich.

And, this isn’t the only way.  Let’s hear from those of you who have alternative practices for unloading those thoughts that are preventing your total alignment to what you want. 

Who will share?

PS – be sure to read comments for Kim’s excellent addition as step #5!

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12 Responses to “ Disappearing the Party Pooper Thoughts ”

  1. Michael says:

    Well, I had a bumpy ride around money recently. It came into my significant other’s life, and I was immediately uncomfortable because it had always been a sticking point for us.

    I had spent about 18 months earning all the money in the relationship. And, in essence, it was ours…but I kept kinda tight reins on it because if I didn’t, we’d be overdrawn.

    When the roles were about to be reversed after a long bout of spotty work and income, it was clear that money was going to be used as leverage.

    So, the obvious thing to do was…get rid of the whole situation so I could create my own money.

    When I got my very cool job in `06 that paid me to create hundreds of logos over an 18 month period, I got it because I’d really given up on getting a good job. I ended up losing that job because I let a major toleration run the show.

    Now I have money coming in again from unbelievable sources…and I ENJOY it a lot more. I realize I still have some attachments to how it should come in and what that should look like, but I keep coming back to the idea that money itself doesn’t interest me as much as all the great things that I can do with it.

    So I keep day-dreaming about those great things as I drive in the car: good food, great music, travel, dream home, giving it to people who have lost a family member and are in the thick of it. The daydream is the thing I think…but I was just asking myself if I have any other hidden money beliefs that slow me down…and an old standard came out loud and clear.

    ‘Must have traditional job because that’s what is expected…must look a certain way’

    And man, it was wedged in there pretty good. Even though my non-traditional job of doing graphics work via telecommute and playing in a band frees me up to take care of my toddler son, it can be a huge sticking point for me…a self-worth sticking point.

    So I did EFT on that, and it has–for just now–thinned out incredibly. Great topic…just what I needed (as usual)…

    m|p

  2. Yay for that realization, m|p, and for picking up the reins and using EFT to release it!! WOO HOO!!

    I think many of us will be able to relate to this.

    I know I can, since the idea of what a successful coach practice looks like has been something I have found myself a little reluctant to leave behind because of the expectations others have.

    (Or am I just projecting my own expectations onto others? ha More good food for thought.)

    Thanks for launching this conversation, my friend!

  3. Mitch says:

    Jeannette, finding the better feeling thought is a good practice I’ve just started using recently. Also, reminding myself that *not* being where I want to be financially is not necessarily a bad thing, ie, not something I have to get upset about. I can always find my way back to feeling abundant if I put my mind to it. That’s a thought that feels good.

    EFT works wonders for me too, like Michael said. Sometimes I like to Pray Rain Journal right after a thorough EFT session. Talk about powerful!

    I talk to myself in the car too. I told myself a story today about all of the Christmas presents I’m buying for my loved ones (and myself!!!) with all of the money that’s rolling in. That one had me bouncing in my seat!

    I also use Abe’s method of pivoting, which is noticing that I’m having a thought that doesn’t jive with what I want and then turning around and focusing on the opposite. This morning I caught a lurking belief whispering something like, “It takes a long time to manifest money, and you can’t manifest a whole lot of it right away.” So I used your phrase, Jeannette, which has become one of my favorites since I heard it in your Money Mojo interview: “That’s a bunch of crap.” LOL! New thought: Of course I can manifest money quickly!

    Another fun one… (Can you tell I’ve been working on this a lot lately? :)) …is imagining my current circumstances from the point of view of having already manifested the things I want. Putting myself in the future and looking back at where I am now. It makes everything I’m living seem a lot friendlier when I can see all of the wonderful stuff it leads to.

    But regardless of what method I use, I keep reminding myself that the goal here isn’t to make money or anything else come to me. The goal is to make myself feel that I already have it. This work is a lot easier, and a lot more fun, when I focus on own feelings rather than trying to manipulate things outside of myself. I surprised myself last night when I wrote in my journal, and meant it: The process of manifesting has become as much fun as the manifestation itself!

  4. What great material, Mitch! Thanks for sharing it!

    I especially liked this last part: “The process of manifesting has become as much fun as the manifestation itself!”

    That’s a fun place to be, huh?

  5. You are taking yourself (and us with you) to some fun vibrations, Iyabo! Thanks for the trip.
    🙂

  6. Iyabo Asani, The Inner Genius Coach says:

    Such a great post Jeanette. I love you.

    Well, Listen, I had this type of thought a couple of days ago, I was watching tv and it was advert time and there was a guy jumping up and down on a window showing that the window did not break and literally, I saw the thought trail in front of my eyes, “O boy, replace the windows in the house? I can only pay my mortgage, if that!”

    I was shocked! I could not believe that was my thought. Me, queen of positive thinking but I sat there with the thought and just, “played” with, “I have more than enough money right now to replace all the windows in the house and the cabinets too!” and I spent a few moments in that space and boy it was awesome.

    This is how we have thoughts that we do not know that we have.

    Same with your post. I thought about it and observed that I have never thought about making so much more money than Femi that he felt like a kept man.

    How liberating!

    I love it.

    I also know how it feels to be the one making money and he is not. I have had that experience and guess what? It did not unbalance our relationship. It was just a temporary thing and it really did not matter in the long run.

    But I have never allowed myself to be wildly rich in my fantasy and taking care of him or not being concerned about what he is making.

    How liberating again!

    I like that that thought.

    Also, you are right, me making all the money feels like us making all the money because he is so supportive of me, I must be the luckiest girl ever!

    Hugs

    Iyabo

  7. Kim Falconer says:

    Great post, Jeannette. The perfect follow-up to identifying ‘problems’ with getting what you want.

    I’ve used all the suggestions above–I do a lot of daydreaming (it’s my profession actually 🙂 EFT, pray rain journal, and the 1) Relax, 2) Get Curious, 3) Check References, 4) Re-Think are all very helpful (and good reminders).

    I would like to add a 5th:

    5) Get Over It

    Basically, I just let it go. Whatever the desire is, I just stop thinking about fulfilling it or not having. I take a holiday from the thought.

    I’ve done this with money at the moment. I have (as I mentioned in the ‘problem post’) no idea how much, if any, money there is in my bank account. I haven’t looked for months. I realize as an author (not in the Rowling/Meyer category this year but next year’s another story 🙂 I am paid biannually, so I don’t do a lot of regular maintenance (none) but the idea here is to just let go of the desire/concern/reality all together.

    Meditation is my main support in this. Through meditation, I experience life in a different way, one where money and air (and everything else) is the same.

    Even if you glimpse that feeling for a few minutes a day, it changes your life because for those moments you are ‘over it’, you are relaxed, your are curious, you are checking references (really big ones) and you are ‘re-thinking’ in the most profound way possible.

    For anyone who get’s bored or fidgety meditating, there is an active way to do it that works just as well… It’s call ‘dance’.

    🙂 Kim

  8. Oh my gosh, Kim – OF COURSE!! I may edit the post to make sure everyone catches that fifth point!

    Get over it; Let go; Turn it over to Universe – however we think about it, that releasing is a crucial element.

    And thanks for helping me “re-think” meditation. Much appreciated!
    🙂

  9. Kimmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!! I love you 🙂 I’m going to dancitate now, thank you. I’ve tried all the above when it comes to my NZ visa and now it is time to let go of the outcome completely. If I go, I go. If I stay, I stay. That’s it. Not even going to talk about it here to explain what I’m on about. Ha. Jeannette, I love you too! And Iyabo! And M n M! MWah!

  10. Janette says:

    Ooh, I LOVE point 5 (points 1-4 rock too of course!!).

    Just after reading the first post, hubby and I went to research recliners for our TV room. It’s a tiny space so we didn’t think we’d find anything with a small enough profile that would be comfy. WRONG – we found these amazing Norwegian recliners which are perfect and gorgeous. We hadn’t planned to buy them right away but they were so perfect, we ordered them then and there. We left a deposit and will pay the rest when they come in mid-February.

    On the drive home, I was smacked between the eyes with a barrage of gremlin thoughts. Even though we have plenty of money coming in between now and February, I went into the biggest guilty panic mode – OMG they’re too expensive (I don’t deserve the ‘good’ furniture); OMG how will we pay the rest (I don’t have it now so I’ve gone ‘into debt’); OMG that was so irresponsible (we didn’t spend weeks calculating and saving up and scrimping) … you get the picture!

    After picking myself up off the figurative floor, I did all the right things. Points 1 to 4, to be exact. And that was almost, but not quite, enough. The guilty panic was gone but I could feel it hovering just out of vision, waiting to pounce again.

    The final step that provided the feel-good relief that I needed was so simple – totting up just how much we have coming in our pay packets before Feb and realising it’s WAY more than we need.

    Sometimes, it turns out, my gremlins are happy with a bit of so-called information – even though it’s all in the future so none of it is ‘real’ yet. I imagine them snuggling up to the number representing our pre-Feb income like kids with their fluffy toys, curling up and going back to sleep.

    Now I can enjoy the anticipation of our lovely chairs coming just in time for me to curl up on mine with Kim’s next book, hee hee!

  11. Oh btw, I let go and spent an hour focusing on peaceful sensations and listening to meditation music. Then I went out and bought Loving What Is, came home, and found out I got my visa. WOO. HOO.

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