Q&A: The Downside of Appreciation?

February 11, 2013 | 34 Comments »

the Downside to Appreciation?The same question has come up a couple times this week, so I thought it’d be good to get your input.

Here’s how it’s come up with fellow creators:

I understand it’s important to not resist ‘what is’ and that it’s powerful to flow appreciation wherever possible.

But if I get really good at appreciating this thing I don’t want (my job, my weight, washing dishes, etc.), doesn’t that mean I’ll perpetuate it in my existence?

Meaning, if I’m able to feel good about what I don’t want, won’t I be keeping it in my life?

I’m sure you guys have vast experience you can speak from to answer this excellent question about the “downside” of appreciation.  (You might be surprised how often a deliberate creator gets nervous about learning to make the best of what they “don’t want”!)

Thanks in advance for your wise words!

* * * * * * * *
Jeannette Maw is the LOA party host at GVU and publisher of the rave reviewed Good Vibe newsletter, which you can subscribe to here.

Print Friendly

34 Responses to “ Q&A: The Downside of Appreciation? ”

  1. Jackie on February 11, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    I have a lot of experience with this one. I don’t think we have to learn to love what is. We do have to become OK with it on some level. I’ve said before that Stephen didn’t show up in my life until I realized that I was having a blast without a partner. This didn’t mean that I had closed myself off to the possibility of a partner. In fact,I was dating quite a bit. I was just OK if I only went out with a guy once or if I dated him for a few weeks.

    Right now I’m working on being OK with my life even though several things I want haven’t materialized just yet. I’m writing 4 different appreciation journals. I write a page in each one every morning writing as if the thing I want it already here. I write about a car. How much I appreciate being able to go to the store or run errands anytime I want. I write about how I appreciate the feel of the tires on the pavement and I can momentarily feel them taking a curve. I have one for money in which I write how much I appreciate every dollar I have. I also have one for my business and one for excellent health which I have but I’m showing my body a little love.

    Money and an clients have started finding their way to me in a very short time. I may continue to write these indefinitely as well as the one for health. I also have access to a car all of the time right now so everything I write is something I have in my life but I’m welcoming it larger quantities.

  2. BarbaraM on February 12, 2013 at 4:13 am

    Yes, I second what Jackie is saying. Is not appreciating what is but getting OK with it, allow it to be as it is and doesn’t allow it to affect your vibe. With getting ok with what is we are giving up the resistance and the things start to flow where actually we want them to flow. Of course we have to know where we want to go (at least vibrationally)…

    One experience from my life… I was in job, where actually I liked what I was doing, but didn’t like the relationships with superior and coworkers. I was struggling a lot with it, wanting to fix the relationships… it just got worse. Than I just gave up on this, I got ok with it and I was imagining how it would be to work from home, be able to manage my own time… last year we said goodbye… and I got what I was dreaming about…. if I would hate, resist etc. I would put so much energy in it just to preserve things as they were. With getting ok with what was, I was able to start focusing on other things, which brought me much more pleasure…

  3. Good Vibe Coach on February 12, 2013 at 5:06 am

    Thanks for starting this conversation, ladies!!

    And, yes, getting okay with something is better than not being okay with it – but appreciation is even more powerful.

    These questions came from creators who were experiencing appreciation (in some cases, DEEP appreciation) for something they would still like to see change or evolve.

    Jackie, you said you were “having a blast” – that sounds like a lot of gratitude flowing there. And things worked out GREAT for you!!

    That’s what I wanted to share with the folks who are nervous about learning to love something “too much.” It is a very common misperception that the way to create change is to resist what we don’t want. We know that routine doesn’t work!

    But when I ask a self-perceived “overweight” woman to love her body, it is very natural that her first fear is that if she does that, it won’t change.

    It doesn’t work that way!!!

    When we flow love for something, we’re signaling Universe for more to love. And it will send it. That’s why it just keeps getting better and better and better …

    The example I’ve used is how much I LOVED and adored my first darling house! I loved that house so much!! It was PERFECT for me! Impossible to improve upon! I would live there FOREVER!

    And yet, here I sit, in another house that I love and adore even more than my first one!! It’s hard to imagine that was even possible!! But there was Universe delivering it. (I was flowing a LOT of love for that first house!) Kind of makes me wonder what’s next … hee hee
    :)

    My point being – there is never any danger of finding love for something! It will ONLY get better.

    And, you know, if we truly did find the appreciation for something, we wouldn’t be so worried about getting “stuck” there, know what I mean?

  4. Jesann on February 12, 2013 at 5:14 am

    There’s a contradiction that trips me up. If loving what is makes it change, then no one will ever have a life they truly love because the moment they realize, “I love this!!!!” then it’ll change.

    Change overall might be inevitable, but if you land your dream job, dream spouse, dream car, etc., you don’t want that ending just because you love them!

    The times I’ve been able to pull off some sort of transformation (to other commentors: let’s just say my path to alignment has been interesting) have tended to be when I finally convinced myself that despite the situation, I was still okay. I might not love what’s happening, but I’m still okay.

    In fact, I can think of times where I decided to try to be happy with the situation I didn’t like — not just neutrally okay, but happy — and things got worse. I think I’ll stick with neutral in those cases.

  5. Good Vibe Coach on February 12, 2013 at 8:01 am

    From what I hear and have experienced, change is one of those constants in life we can count on, Jesann. But it’s always change that’s in alignment with what we’re vibrating.

    So, when I love something dearly (without attachment), when things change it’s only for the better. (I’ve experienced this many times and will continue to, I’m sure.)

    Loving WITH attachment is something else – in fact, I’m not sure that’s love because it’s not an entirely clean energy. Know what I mean? (Not saying that’s your situation!)

  6. julie masters on February 12, 2013 at 8:03 am

    It does seem confusing to think of loving something away! But, I think that’s only because we confuse a condition we don’t like, with the specifics of what we’re focusing on about it. EVERY situation has many details, and the ones we direct our attention to, are the ones that we see.

    I had an experience that has acted as a great personal touchstone for focusing.

    A number of years ago now, I was very ill, (from a then current condition, not the flu or such) and found myself feeling pain and then a lot of fear, because not only was I feeling terrible physically, but I was in Japan, visiting my son, who lives there with his family. So I was feeling disappointment that I was sick while I was traveling, and scared about any medical care I might need, and not having any idea about how bad or how long it would all last. Add to that a big dose of embarrassment about being a “burden”, which was completely self inflicted, since I was being cared for with nothing but love and concern. But the worry, and the resulting worsening symptoms, was quickly taking me into a downward spiral, rather than my vortex. In fact, I felt so trapped and scared by my situation, that feeling better about it seemed like my only option!!

    I took some calming breaths and chose to focus on what was working for me in that situation, which wasn’t easy initially, but once I started, I came up with all kinds of things. I was glad I was someplace safe, and that I had people who loved me close by. I was wearing warm fuzzy socks, and had a soft blanket over me. I was glad that I was sick at that moment, rather than on the ten hour flight home etc. In fact, there were all kinds of things that were very pleasing, in that very unpleasant situation!! As I shifted my focus from the parts of my body that hurt, I realized that parts of it didn’t hurt at all! My feet, and my hands, and my knees or my ears LOL They were just fine! I started to remember that my body did know what it was doing, and that I had always been healthy, and, well, you know how this story goes…

    Ease and flow,

    Julie Masters

  7. Good Vibe Coach on February 12, 2013 at 8:12 am

    Wow, Julie!! That’s making me think about the possibilities of those who instead of fighting against cancer – how would it be if they loved it, instead?

    Actually, that might require its own separate post. !!

    Super cool example, Julie – thanks for it!

  8. Christie Inge on February 12, 2013 at 8:14 am

    I tend to think of it from a 100% vibrational level. So, if I can be in appreciation for what is, even if I can only find teeny, tiny things to appreciate, then I am only attracting more appreciation. However, if I focus on the feeling of hatred towards what it, I can only attract more hatred. I think sometimes we forget that it is the vibration that counts, and not the “things” them self.

  9. Good Vibe Coach on February 12, 2013 at 8:20 am

    Thank you for that, Christie. That simplifies EVERYTHING when we boil it back down to vibration!
    :)

  10. BarbaraM on February 12, 2013 at 8:25 am

    I remembered another example, where I was loving the thing which disappeared after that.

    I was upset with the fat which gathered around my belly, because years ago I used to have thin waist line. And of course, more I resisted it, more it stayed there. Until I remembered that I have to love this belly… And I did.. I just said: “You know what, you can stay here, I love you, I look great also if you are here…” And I started to love this belly of mine genuinely. At the same time I was asking my self, how would it feel to have slim waistline again… And I started to feel this way… in few months the fat was gone, I have now flat belly as I would train it.. but I did nothing except appreciate it…(no hard exercises, dieting). I think with this I removed focus from it, so it had possibility to change :D

  11. Good Vibe Coach on February 12, 2013 at 8:29 am

    That’s a great example, Barbara! Thank you for sharing it!

    Personally, I think that’s one of the hardest things for us (women, anyway) to appreciate – so your story is especially powerful. Thanks again!

  12. sonia on February 12, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Appreciation is just for the sake of appreciating. When you appreciate, Universe gives more to appreciate. It is that simple. It doesn’t matter what you appreciate. It’s the vibration that counts. So when you find things you love in a situation far from being perfect, Don’t worry, Big U doesn’t get the message “keep it like it is” but rather “it feels good, bring me more things to feel good about”. On the contrary, beating the drum of what you don’t like, will keep you exactly where you are. I hope I make sense. :)

  13. Good Vibe Coach on February 12, 2013 at 8:35 am

    Perfect sense – thanks, Sonia. I think it’s important for people to hear it from more than just me, because one person could be easy to write off. Which is why I so appreciate your chiming in on this one!

    Thanks, Sonia and everyone!

  14. Eva on February 12, 2013 at 8:38 am

    Christie took the words right off of my fingertips! Anger attracts anger, hate attracts hate, love attracts love, etc. And let’s say by some stroke of luck you attracted love when feeling intense anger, unless that underlying vibration shifts in you, anger will eventually manifest, overriding the love. That’s why I think you attract the same man/woman, job situation, gain the weight back, no matter how many times you switch.

  15. Good Vibe Coach on February 12, 2013 at 8:45 am

    thank you, Eva! You’re reminding me of something Mike Dooley said at his Playing the Matrix event … He was teaching people how to happy dance, and said that Universe knows what will make you happy dance – so all you have to do is dance, and Universe will deliver. We don’t have to micromanage – law of attraction sorts it all out perfectly.

    Which is why it serves us so well to find our way to love/joy/appreciation wherever and whenever we can.
    :)

  16. Stephen on February 12, 2013 at 8:51 am

    I think Christie is on to something. If we consider just vibration, then we can see that if we’re flowing appreciation we open the way downstream to what we’re wanting. If we are flowing resistance (to anything – resistance is resistance) we are introducing impediments, like rocks in the stream.

    So appreciating “what is” will not stop the river.

    Appreciating what is does not mean you are condoning some crappy details in this part of the stream. It means you are appreciating being in the stream at all. You can appreciate a hardship because even if it is uncomfortable, it is part of the path. It’s still part of life.

    Everything changes. Even the happy stuff goes the way of all things physical (dust to dust, you know).

    I have some song lyrics that may apply here:

    “What becomes of us? From dust to dust,
    When all is said and done
    It’s a race that can’t be won.
    So all we have is how we spend right now
    And how we walk the road to where our dreams reside.”

  17. Good Vibe Coach on February 12, 2013 at 9:04 am

    Is that one of your songs, Stephen? It’s lovely!

    I think this is especially helpful to point out: “Appreciating what is does not mean you are condoning some crappy details in this part of the stream.” Right, it means we’re not FOCUSED on those crappy details, and without that focus – while we’re dialing in on what’s going right – things can’t help but get more “right.”

    Thanks for posting, my friend. :)

  18. Eric on February 12, 2013 at 9:16 am

    As I see it this question deals with the circumstances of the time, or the “now” you are in. Which in my very limited experience with all of this is already focusing on the wrong things. I try to take time out of it, imagine what I do want and believe that is what I have. Sure, you have to deal with today and whatever may come but your focus is on higher things, the trivial (washing dishes, weight, etc) are just the lessons presented to see how we are going to deal with them. We won’t be happy or have the “big” good things until we learn the lessons of being happy with the little ones. The vortex is bigger at the top, not the bottom.

  19. Good Vibe Coach on February 12, 2013 at 10:05 am

    I like this, Eric: “We won’t be happy or have the ‘big’ good things until we learn the lessons of being happy with the little ones.” That reminds me how easily some folks get discouraged because their ‘good stuff’ isn’t good enough – and indeed – it can’t be until we learn the frequency of delighted, happy, or whatever that would be.

    Thanks for adding to this conversation, Eric!

  20. MissyB on February 12, 2013 at 10:16 am

    I don’t know the answer, but surely it is better to love washing the dishes or your weight, because hating those things will only make you feel low. And who wants to feel low. So I say regardless of the outcome, find a way to love what is, because at least you can feel good now.

  21. Karen McMillan on February 12, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    What an intriguing conversation you have inspired, Jeannette. I’m vibing with Christie about energy and Sonia’s “Big U” :-) Appreciation, gratitude energy, is powerful attracting energy. Especially when we can appreciate learning from situations that would usually inspire negative emotions. I also believe that sometimes, we can simply not attach, just observe. Especially when being appreciative gets hung up with judgment. (how about) Simply being and making room for whatever shows up in relation to the clear intention.

  22. Good Vibe Coach on February 12, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    That is so true, MissyB – it’s reason enough to practice appreciation just because it feels better – not just what it leads to next. Good point.

    Karen, I like the lightness of those thoughts. So easy, so simple!
    :)

  23. Michele Woodward on February 12, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    “This, or something better.” That’s a great mantra to love what is, and also anticipate what might be. I love this body of mine at its current weight. And I will also love it when it’s at a lower weight. I love being single, and I will love being partnered. I love that it’s so cold and wet that my dogs won’t go out, and pee all over the floor, and I will love snapping on their leashes and getting them outside when the weather is better. To me, it’s loving what is, and loving what will be. Love, love, love. Love!

  24. Rakesh on February 12, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    Every time I attempted to create a good future because I thought my present sucked, I did get a good future but only after the present sucked even more – it got a lot worse before it got better. And that is certainly not what I was looking for.

    Today after reading this post I revisited all the apparent contradictions with a view to get some clarity – and BAM! My superconscious sent an insight to my subconscious, who promptly passed it to ‘me’. And the answer is….

    Loving the present and loving the future are NOT mutually exclusive, i.e. it’s not one or the other. In fact, not only can they co-exist peacefully, they actually support each other to prosper.

    The math is elementary:

    Love (Present) X Hate (Future) = Worsening Present
    Hate(Present) X Love(Future) = Worsening Present + No future
    Hate(Present) X Hate (Future) = You have no business to be wanting a good life
    Love (Present) X Love(Future) = Welcome to the Good Life

    Thank You Jeannette for this clarity – its excellent.

  25. Good Vibe Coach on February 13, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    It is an art, isn’t it, Michele? One you are proficient at!

    Rakesh, you’re describing quite well a concept that can be mind-twisting to some. “Loving the present and loving the future are NOT mutually exclusive.” Hear hear!!

  26. Cat on February 14, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    I’ve been trying to put my thoughts on this into words ever since this entry was posted. I think the fear of “appreciating the wrong thing” boils down to a mistaken definition of appreciation. It doesn’t mean “you’ll get more of THAT” (i.e., whatever you’re looking at while you’re appreciating), it just means “you’ll get more of what you WANT.” Which is why, if you have a hard time loving Thing One, and switch over to looking at Thing Two (sorry, Dr. Seuss!) in order to vibe-up, Thing One often improves. But, as so many here have stated, you can also learn to love Thing One for itself, and what you’ll get isn’t more of THAT, it’s more of what you WANT. Hope that makes sense…

  27. James John on February 14, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    How I see this one guys is that: Source always knows what I am wanting and prefering, answers it, gives it everytime, and becomes the vibrational eqivelent to attract it in. If we are not content or appreciating or happy about something we cannot connect to Source for the manifestation of what Source has expanded to become the vibrational eqivalent of. So you gotta appreciate and fear not! Source knows what it is you want and prefer so don’t worry that you may get something u don’t want when you are doing what you need to do to connect to Source. (By the way, everything is neutral, and all things have the positive aspects and the negative aspects to tune into, all things must have positive aspects therefore and you are JUST doing this to connect to Source who KNOWS WHAT YOU WANT!)

  28. Good Vibe Coach on February 16, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    Cat, that was beautiful!!! I hope everyone reads that comment! Very well said – thank you!

    And James John, that’s how I see it, too. The details aren’t important. The vibration IS.

    Thank you, everyone, who has done such justice to this topic! I hope everyone who ever gets nervous about finding something to appreciate about the “unwanted” feels much more comfortable in doing so.
    :)

  29. ButterflyWoman on February 17, 2013 at 12:24 am

    Coming late to this, but here it is, anyway. :)

    I try to just acknowledge that “I created this, deliberately or not,” and thank Reality for responding to my thoughts, emotions, etc. and creating a manifest form of them. Belief (energy) invested in the idea of having not-enough money results in, guess what? Not enough money. How amazing that it works that way! Belief invested in being unable to find a partner or be truly loved results in… well, in my case, two divorces and lots of bad romances and unhappy relationships of all sorts. But that’s what I created! How amazing is that?!

    Yes, through my sometimes dysfunctional thought and belief habits, I may well have created a bunch of stuff that I don’t like, but being in situations I don’t like is normal to me (just the kind of messed up family I grew up in, really), and so that’s what I’ve created for most of my life. And isn’t that awesome? Whatever I believe, expect, worry about, or otherwise invest energy in becomes manifest reality. And that IS something to appreciate.

    Oh, and some people have patterns of thought that automatically make them go into self-hating (or at least self-beating-up) mode when they realise this, but don’t. Very, very few people ever manage to create their reality entirely consciously, and really, why would you want to? Most of it can run on auto-pilot. You don’t need to personally create ever moment of every day and everything that happens in it. You can, however, change a lot of your subconscious programming (the stuff that runs your everyday reality, albeit in the background), and that can be done from the conscious side of it. In other words, Reality is so very responsive that it can and does re-create its own (i.e., your) programming and therefore the experience and nature of your reality.

    Now, what’s not to appreciate there? :) Even crappy situations and stuff we don’t like can be appreciated once we realise and understand: I created this, and while I intend to change the pattern that created it because I don’t want to experience this any more and I’m ready for something new and different, I am grateful to know and see that I do, indeed, have the power to create anything I wish.

  30. Beth on February 20, 2013 at 7:40 am

    As one of the people who asked Jeanette this question in the first place, I have to say WOW, WOW and WOW. Thank you so much for all of your answers and help, there is so much value in this post for me. You guys are awesome.

  31. James John on February 26, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Since my comment on this post I have discovered Panache Desai. Thank you Universe! Indeed, after pondering on this subject the Universe brought to me Panache Desai who offers teaching to truley love what is. Many have said we don’t exactly have to love what is, but I recommend Panache Desai. To really get a grip on his teaching I recommend watching his interviews with Lilou Mace. He really talks about loving what is, and loving all of yourself, the negative emotions and negative situations, and then you will really know what it is to release the resistance and to really do what we need to do because what we resist persists. Be Blessed, I have really been blessed, and find it really works.xx

  32. Good Vibe Coach on March 19, 2013 at 9:54 am

    That name is coming up for me a lot lately, James John. I’ll take that as a sign!

    Just read this from Teal Scott: “Many people fear that if they appreciate what is, they will only get what is. This is not the case, as your desire is inevitable, and as soon as you are in the space of thankfulness – regardless of what you are thankful about – what you desire will immediately manifest.”

    (from Sculptor in the Sky)

  33. Hemal on April 8, 2013 at 9:57 am

    Hi Jeannette and everyone!

    I’m sure this will have been covered in the comments above but just sharing my thoughts. It’s essentially about the vibration. It’s not necessarily ‘what’ we think, it’s the energetic/emotional response we have about it.

    So one person can think of money and think and feel “lack” and another can think and feel “So good, I love it” and have different manifestations.

    By making peace with where you are now you are lowering your resistance in your now (which is where you attract from) to what you want. If you are having resistance/negative emotions – and often when we don’t like something this can be stronger than we realise – we are offering the vibration. Hence find peace with the now. When you *genuinely* appreciate something (I wrote a blog post about this yesterday!) you are offering a vibration to attract more of the same.

    Let’s also put another view to this…if you genuinely are happy with your weight or enjoy doing dishes (the examples mentioned in the above question)…would it be such a bad thing? ;)
    So isn’t it about finding your flow within, and then letting things happen how they do? Inevitably they will be via the path of least resistance :)

  34. Good Vibe Coach on April 8, 2013 at 8:39 pm

    Well said, Hemal: if you REALLY are happy with it, what’s the problem if it doesn’t change?

    Thanks for chiming in on this one – always a pleasure to see you here!
    :)

My Free Ebook: from Amazon’s Top 10 List




Download here & also receive the rave review newsletter.

Get New Posts Emailed

Enter your email address:









Good Vibe Archives

Search Good Vibe Blog