Drawing the Line on Love?

August 25, 2008 | 121 Comments »

line1.jpgMy adult foster cat went MIA while I was out of town last week, so I’ve been training myself to hold pictures of him being delightfully held captive by some sweet well-meaning 8 year old girl.

I’m proud for feelingly only slightly hurt that he might enjoy someone else’s company more than mine.  I’m okay with that. More power to him!

I’m also okay with the fact that when my two year old chow puppy sees his groomer he goes berzerk with joy.  You’d think he was reuniting with his long lost love each time he sees her! This is his groomer, mind you. (It’s not like she’s feeding steaks and taking him on pleasant walks.) But even though it’s not the most pleasant thing they do together, he adores her.

So much so that I follow her to whatever location she moves to, just so he can continue being with someone he loves so much.

The question is, would I do the same for Russ?

I mean, if my sweetie was having an incredibly good time with someone, would I encourage him to continue? Would I easily release him so he could maintain his good time? Even drive him there myself if he couldn’t get there on his own?

I’d surely release him, ha! But I’m not sure I’d have as good feelings about it.

When he has a good time with his golf buddies, I strongly support that. (Even if it means I’m home alone.) Or when he wants to go bowling in Albuquerque with his son, absolutely. I’m all for it!

Why is it different if it were a new romantic love interest that captured his heart?

To be honest, I’m not sure it is. He hasn’t put me to the test on this, but I really like the thought that I’d be happy for him even if he fell in love with another woman. That’s what love is, right? Unconditional. It doesn’t exist only when circumstances are lined up “right.” It either is or it isn’t (love).

And if I say I love him (as I do my foster cat and my chow puppy), then I would be as enthusiastic and encouraging of my sweetheart indulging in something (or someone) he loves as much as I am everyone else.

Sounds good, anyway.

I do know this much: if I draw the line on love, then it isn’t really love. Or if it is, it’s so clouded by egoic fears that I just can’t feel it any more.

As always, I’d like to hear your take when you feel inspired to share …

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121 Responses to “ Drawing the Line on Love? ”

  1. Really loving this discussion. In my own experience when I’ve been able to let someone go with love in my heart and a sincere desire for their happiness I have felt much better about it and have been able to move forward in my own life much more quickly.

    Sure there is sadness and a feeling of loss, but at the same time there is this overwhelming joy that the person is moving toward something better for them.

    When its not been ok with me, has been when the other person was dishonest about what he was up to. In my own life, this created a lot of tension, short fuses, and discontent on both ends. It also lead to cover ups, false accusations, and trying to make the other the bad guy.

    So for me its easier to let go with love when the person I’m letting go is open about it….and when they’re not I find myself being much more hurt by the whole thing.

    Peace,

    Maria

  2. Yep, I know both those routines, too, Maria. What’s beautiful is that having done it both ways seems to give me more access to choosing how to do it next time, if there is one.

    Thanks for your beautiful post!

  3. Kim Falconer says:

    Oh this just gets better and better! Jeannette, your Dad’s perception makes my eyes pop open!

    Danae, the ‘toaster metaphor’ demonstrates our connection to ‘source energy’. Here, I’ll let Abraham Hicks explain.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzP8XOIwqTs

    My suggestion was that love to us when we are solely identified with being a toaster (as opposed to the electricity) might be different than when we are connected to our source energy. The toaster has certain needs regarding purpose, requirements about the bread, size, shape, how light or dark . . . there are settings and dials and trap doors for getting rid of the crumbs. The electricity however, ‘source energy’, may not have such requirements. When we are open to our source energy, love is being, and…love loves.

    Jeannette, I am thrilled about your prognostic, synchronistic dream and the return of wild Siamese! Here is some cat-joy energy to brighten the day and help everyone feel lighter!!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUb7PwuNNlM&feature=related

    🙂 Kim xxx

  4. Kim, I KNEW you were going to explain that analogy better than I ever could!!

    Thank you! That’s BEAUTIFUL!

  5. Judy says:

    Jeannette, will you tell your dad I have a crush on him?

    OH, and I thought I had a Love Tabby sighting in Tucson this afternoon. I had a great giggle at the idea of sending you a photo of the Tucson Love Tabby. Then I went on giggling about Love Tabby developing an Elvis-like cult following. Can you imagine the virtual assistants needed to manage that?!

    We ARE getting quite a few miles out of her adventures. thank you tabster!

    Thanks for the props on my ezine today. Is anyone else also blogging on this topic elsewhere? I just posted on my blog at http://dreamandflourish.com/2008/08/28/wheres-your-love-spot/

    thanks all,
    w/ love,
    Judy

  6. Okay, Judy, that’s just cracking me up!! All around!!

    Love Tabby sightings … hee hee

    That’s a delicious visual!! lol

    When I just looked outside to see if she might be lurking around a corner waiting to come back in, I called out, “Where’s my Love Tabby?” hee hee

    It just made me smile!!

    I’m posting a photo that John made of her I think everyone will get a kick out of …

  7. Ok — I feel like I’ve missed months and months of posts . . . this is so AWESOME!

    Love that Kitty has come home . . . . giving “Love” where it is needed.

    I am getting all sorts of great insight to how others view LOVE and the different kinds of Love that we have to give and of course receive.

    For me, I love my children and little grandson oh so much and they, of course, cannot do anything that would remove my love for them. I love my C A T Smoews and my other animals that have passed … Love them all – same and differently.

    Love my friends and family — differently as I do feel obligated to love the parents, grands, siblings, nephews etc . . . but I do love them – of course that goes to say that perhaps if I were not related to them I may or may not be friends with them — that just ads to the spice of live and acknowledging that we are all different and we bring different ‘things’ to this ‘pot luck called Life’

    For me — I too wanted my husband to be very happy and when I wasn’t I wished him to be happy even more – the marriage ended and he is now very happy with someone that he’s known for a long time. Too me a very long time to understand this ‘event’ and I finally had that ah ha moment a few years back — I know that I not only created that for myself but allowed it to happen for them too . . . I’ve released this and know that what is is . . . . I am happy for them and know that I still Love my ex as a wonderful person and father of my very Awesome children . . . .

    Love does change as situations change — My Love for others is indeed my Emotional Connection that I have for them at that time . . . . . . Love comes easily to me and I receive Love all the time from others . . . . .

    Thank you for this great discussion!

    Cheers, P.

  8. Nice perspective you found there, Phillis.

    You know my favorite part about this blog post? That the comments are where the gold is … I love how this topic has expanded in all your hands!

    Thanks for giving life to it. 🙂

  9. Anonymous says:

    Dear J –

    Just read this post and several comments. That egoic part of me says, “bulll shee-yut!” (Texicanese). But my Higher Self says, “Ahhh—what a breath of fresh air…”

    As usual, your writings gave me a (good) lump in my throat. The non-resistance, non-attachment way of Being IS the way, is it not? Then why are we so sometimes slow in embracing non-attachment (there’s an oxymoron for you)? Seems like I wanna resist, resist, resist EVERYthing that pisses me off, but I feel myself turning loose, releasing, resting a little more each moment.

    We’ve had eons to build the story of the human race, yet God in His magnificence is allowing us to drop all that non-workable stuff in mere moments. Maybe that carpenter they called “Master” knew what he was talking about when he said, “No man hath greater love than he who lays down his life for his friends.” Just don’t ask me how I would react if my wife of 27 years decided she needed a little on the side. Or if I did same, you could probably read about it in the crime section the next day, describing how she disposed of me (lol).

    Hey, gotta go–luv ya loads………….

    Btw, please tell Paul that while Haagen-Dazs is really good, he truly owes it to himself to git daown h’yere to Texxis and try some Blue Bell Homemade (any flavor).

    Mucho amor…………

  10. Robert Higginson says:

    One of the hardest things I have ever done is say good bye to some one I love because that is what is best for them. Listen carefully to the words of this song:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QUh6CLBZN8

  11. Ooh, Robert … pop on to the next post (Hidden Payoffs & New Stories) and maybe we can help with this story! This one you’re telling weighs even on ME, and I’m all doing is reading it! lol

    Would it feel better to tell this story differently?

    Thanks for posting and sharing the song with us – I’m off to go listen to it next …

  12. Anonymous says:

    WOW – looks like your “drawing the line on love” sparked quite the invigorated discussion…

    Bless you for speaking your mind.

    It’s definitely given me food for thought… I read somewhere that love is a state of being – something we ARE rather than something we DO…

    I would suggest that often times we use love as a “validation” of our self-worth, which is why I think some folks have such a STRONG reaction to the idea of it being taken away or going to someone else… because the feel it speaks to their own inherent self-worth/lovableness or lack there of.

    there is always enough, and so I believe it’s a step in faith to trust if someone’s love goes elsewhere, then there is other, better love meant to come into one’s life. although, i find this is much easier said than done… there’s a big difference allowing someone to love you rather than demanding it, and i think sometimes this is where people skip the track (including myself on previous occasion)…

    it’s funny, but of all people, Gene Simmons (yes, Gene Simmons of KISS) comes to mind… He’s is firmly resolute in opposition to the idea of marriage, saying that he wants to know that they both are getting up everyday and choosing to be together rather than just assuming or expecting the other person will be there, and quite honestly, I feel your blog along with Gene’s attitude are refreshing ways of defining love.

    Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not boastful (etc., etc., etc.) is so often quoted from the Bible, yet how often do people really live that in their lives?

    Thank You for giving me food for thought!

  13. For anyone who’s wondering what Love Tabby’s up to, I got an update from Bridget at http://www.petsaretalking.com saying that Love tabby was picked up and taken home by a woman not far from my house, and that he lives with another black cat, and that he’d come back if she ever let him out (because he likes the food at my place better). ha

    Thanks, Bridget!

  14. Demitrius says:

    badly need your help. If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.
    I am from France and now teach English, give true I wrote the following sentence: “An anonymous sum; enabled for employer search, will be found through a sum; search by.”

    Thank 😉 Demitrius.

  15. James Oh says:

    I am no relationship expert either, but I just want to give my two cents thought here. Distinction between love and grace need to be drawn. What you advocate above in your article appears to me more than love. It is more inclined towards self interest and is out from our flesh. It is very naturally not to loose control, possession if you love that particular item, be it a human being or pet, or thing.

    Whereas the latter is more inclined to unconditional love, i.e. you do not attach any string to it, and you need divine power do it.

    From the way I understand you are a very matured person and His wisdom that can make you think and act in this manner. That is out of ordinary act and contradict to our carnal thought.

    Well done and grace to you always.

  16. Erik says:

    Wow, simply the title “draw the line on love” sparked my interest – with the question being “where will you draw the line” as the good vibe coach since I value your opinion very highly.
    Even if it is an old post, it is still timeless.

    Unconditional love is one of the “hottest” topics as one can see by the number of comments ;).

    I had an open relationship years ago (was the longest I had by the way, funny as it may sound) and I felt more free than in any “closed” relationship before or after that. After the break-up last year with my gf, I finally resolved to go back to this way of living relationships because it is closer to where and how my heart is.

    There is still a difference between fully-fledged polyamory and being able to let go of your loved one if you feel he or she is happy somewhere else but the principle of love and non-attachment is very similar.

    This “trading love” hit home quite strongly, that is what I felt in closed relationships so far – it goes like or rather feels like “if you promise to never never ever leave me, I will promise that I will cling to you till the end”. Doh, anyone feeling a clenched heart and fear here also?

    So yay to unconditional love and love cat-alysts (Peregrine, love that one!! 😉 There is a reason why cats are considered magical animals)!!

  17. Erik says:

    omg, have to correct, the break-up was this year, this is how far this already feels … ^^

    And as for animals, in many ways we can see them as masters of unconditional love. An acquaintance of mine once said (I was shocked) that animals only cash in on our vibration, they are the only ones that can profit from this relationship. I never owned animals (sadly so) but since I started telepathic animal communication, I can honestly say that animals are soooo good at making us open our hearts. Maybe the intellect of our younger soul brothers and sisters is still growing but their love is without parallel!

  18. sophia says:

    Jeanette I love this article. Sychronicity. I was discussing this topic with a friend earlier today.

    I agree with you. I use to have thoughts of devastation regarding that matter due to a past experience and not knowing the difference btwn lust and love; what it really means to love.

    I learned that Love is allowing others to be who they are because you love them enough to let go if it makes them happy. You want only the best for them and that their happiness is my happiness. I learned not to rely on others for my happiness and that it comes from within, not other people or my environment.

    I have the power to feel however I choose!

    Thought I’d share that. Thank you for your insightful articles.

    Bless the universe for all the abundance in this world and the wonderful contrast of people,nature and animals.

    Blessings to you and all the readers out there on this journey of LOA.

    Cheers!

  19. Kim Falconer says:

    And this is why Sophia means Wisdom!

    Thank you!

  20. Consolata says:

    I will ideally say “If you Love him Let him go and he will surely comeback to you if you where meant to be together”.

    How surreal, many of us don’t even know the meaning of love; Love is total sacrifice.

    In a relationship love means dying to self and putting your partner first all the time.

    I am married to a beautiful man and I would be lying if I say I put him first all the time; I barely manage to put him first some of the time.

    If we really let ourselves love our partners as love should really be there definitely would be less divorces and less break-ups.

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