Giving Up Lands Her Perfect Husband

February 13, 2017 | 11 Comments »

dancing with 2016Lisa Hayes has quite a love story. If you haven’t heard it, you’re in for a treat about how she went from rock bottom to over-the-moon happy with her new guy …

Ten years ago I spent my last Valentine’s Day single and it was a whopper.

I’d gone through a horrible breakup a few weeks before. We are talking about a record-breaking bad breakup.

I wasn’t heartbroken. I was emotionally bankrupt.

I had hit what I would categorize as an emotional rock bottom. I got there by making a too many bad decisions for too long. I was a mess.

On that particular Valentine’s Day I was in no mood for romance and I was jonesing for it like an addict all at the same time.

Fortunately for me, my best friend from high school was also post-breakup and didn’t have anyone on her dance card for V-day that year either.

So when she visited we got ourselves a bottle of wine and a notebook and went to work on “the list” to create our next relationships.

You know the list. It’s the list of qualities you’re looking for in a match.

Almost every woman I know has made that list.

I’d made it at least a dozen times before. Obviously, it hadn’t worked – at all.

I’ll fast forward six weeks from that Valentine’s afternoon when we made our lists. I met the love of my life.

He was such an exact match to that list that I recognized him immediately. We fell in love at first sight. We’ve been together every day, ever since.

So why did it work when I was at my most pathetic after my worst breakup when it hadn’t worked before?

I’ll tell you why and you probably won’t believe it because it goes against everything you’ve ever learned about how to attract anything.

It worked because I’d given up.

I didn’t think it would work. I’d done it before with train wreck results. I had no reason to believe doing it again would be any different.

I did it for fun to pass the time. Nothing more, nothing less.

I had a bottle of wine with a friend. We laughed and had a blast. I was just tipsy enough to be totally honest with that list about what I really wanted. I had zero attachment to it because I didn’t really believe it was within reach.

I got crystal clear about what I wanted that day and felt exactly zero angst about getting it because I had surrendered to the idea that I’d be single forever.

Sometimes it takes completely letting go to let the magic happen.

A smarter person than I was would let go before hitting rock bottom. However, even if you feel like you’re cruising for rock bottom you can still take heart. There is a lot of freedom in giving up and miracles happen when you least expect them.

Lisa Hayes, Love Whisperer

This Valentine’s Day I am wishing you lots of love, miracles you don’t expect, and some wishes you’ve long since given up on. It’s easy for me to see all of that happening for you. If I can get to happily-ever-after from rock bottom anything is possible.

Lisa Hayes is the Love Whisperer who helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Find her online at

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11 Responses to “ Giving Up Lands Her Perfect Husband ”

  1. Amanda says:

    Oh I love this! I had a similar situation when my long-time, live-in guy and I decided to split, and sell the house. But we decided to wait until the following spring (because it was a better time to sell). In the meantime, I stopped thinking about all his qualities that irritated me, and thought a lot about the kind of guy I wanted to be with – and wouldn’t you know it………he turned into that guy! We took the house off the market and got married a year later:-) Gotta love this stuff!

    • Bodil says:

      Thanks for sharing!!! Oh, how much ( = oh, how sometimes too much 🙂 ) depends on our own thoughts !! Sometimes I think our thoughts are too important ( smiling ) because they are so difficult to direct. BUT when you just are, things happens, because you do not think opposite thoughts or worry and etc. ( we all know the list) .
      Sometimes is giving up giving inn! I love you and I love life!! Bj

  2. Mia says:

    Maybe it wasn’t so much the letting go but the asking for what you *really* wanted that made the manifestation happen?

    • Lisa says:

      I actually think that was a large part of it. I think for a long time I was trying to make the “right list” of the “right” kinds of things. Getting to that giving up space made it really easy for me to by honest about things I really wanted.

      Previously I’d felt awkward about saying I wanted a man with money or a man that was really attractive. By the time I got to the final list I was over being politically correct with it.

  3. Anonymous says:

    When I decided I was done with men and would be perfectly fine living my life without a male partner, one showed up. I was so done that I almost didn’t allow the relationship to develop. We’ve now been married 20 years. As for the lawsuit, once I gave up on caring about the outcome, a settlement quickly followed.

    I don’t think it’s possible for me to use giving up as an LOA strategy because I am not capable of pretending to the extent of making it feel completely real. Maybe some practiced deliberate creators can, but for me, the giving up has to be spontaneous and totally authentic. Then the floodgates open for a solution or resolution.

  4. LindaA says:

    Oops, forgot to include my name. I’m “Anonymous.”

  5. Elle says:

    Love it! Thank you for this wonderful story!

    I experienced the same thing and got three marriage proposals. And I agree with LindaA, you must do it wholeheartedly and be completely authentic, and it does not bother you at all. And then, magic happens.

  6. Amina says:

    I love this – and love that you did the list with a friend. I did mine with a friend and she kept calling me out when I was describing my crush du jour, instead of what I truly wanted. I also made a list of who I would be in my ideal relationship, what qualities and behaviors I would exhibit if said, Prince Charming, walked in the door. That gave me a list of things I could work on, vibrate and practice… and prince charming did find me! Once I became the woman I wanted to be, he knew exactly where to come!

  7. Shai says:

    After reading this post, I went back to read my ideal partner list that I made two years ago. I had completely forgotten about it, As I was reading it, I noticed that my boyfriend of six months has all of the qualities except for two which are on the list and I hadn’t even realized it. When I met him, I was just about to quit dating for a while because I had just had a disastrous experience. Then just when I was ready to give up, he showed up and he was my ideal mate and I didn’t even realize it. Wow, powerful stuff 😊

  8. Mrs. V says:

    Thanks, very much for this Lisa and all the comments. Pure magic isn’t it not?

  9. Mrs. V says:

    p.s It’s good to be back too ;P

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