Gotta Love It to Lose It

November 21, 2008 | 52 Comments »

body-love.pngWhen a friend of a friend saw my “I lose weight while I sleep” mantra, she patted her back side and said she needed to do the same.  Said she’d been fighting extra pounds ever since her last pregnancy, and asked how to make the affirmation work for her. 

But I told her it wouldn’t.

At least not now. 

The same reason it wouldn’t have worked for me had I used it at the point she’s at.

Which is not loving those extra pounds. 

I could tell the way she said “fighting extra pounds” and grimaced when patting her posterior that she was not pleased with that body of hers. 

(Easy to recognize because I’ve been there.)

And if I know anything, it’s that weight does not move (effortlessly) until we make peace with it.

Before she started a weight loss mantra, her first work was to love those extra pounds.

(That’s when I lost her.) 

But it’s true.  The reason my “I lose weight while I sleep” mantra worked is because I spent the entire prior year working on loving this whole body, including those extra pounds I wanted to melt off.  (Yes, it took a year to realize that’s what my trip-up was, that’s what I needed to achieve first, and then to pull it off.  It was WORK.  But the diet and workouts didn’t work, so that’s all there was left.)

Bottom line is we can’t wish weight away until we accept it.  We’ve got to love our body just as it is before we can effortlessly manifest change for it. 

(Most folks would say we can’t wish weight away period, but that’s ridiculously untrue.  It’s our thoughts that got it there in the first place –  why wouldn’t our thoughts unload it?!)

Loving what’s “wrong” is a bit of a trick, if you haven’t tried it.  Especially, it seems, for women because we sometimes get more hung up about body image in our culture.  (And my word, how refreshing you exceptions are!)

But in order to practice successful deliberate creation in weight loss, we have to stop seeing our body as “wrong” or needing change. 

By the time we accomplish that (making peace and loving it just as it is), we no longer need anything to change because it’s all so RIGHT.  So gorgeous and beautiful and RIGHT!

Which is when a little mantra makes a HUGE difference.  (Which, I know, is when you don’t need it any more.  And that’s the KEY.)

You’ve gotta love those pounds before you can lose them.  That’s how it works. 

If you try loving them with the agenda of losing them – that doesn’t fly either.

You have to fall in “for real true love” with yourself. 

Cutting corners doesn’t work.

That’s not to say people don’t drop weight by fighting against extra pounds.  Some prove it possible as they force themselves through gym workouts and starve themselves meal after meal.  It sometimes works, but it’s not easy, it’s not fun, it’s not fast, and it usually doesn’t last.  (And even when it does work, if we haven’t practiced the vibration of loving ourselves, when we hit the “target” we still aren’t satisfied.)

Because … (drum roll) .. you know what I’m gonna say next, right?  … what we resist, persists.

I know it’s an overused phrase – especially by me, but it’s true and incredibly helpful to remember.

My friend of a friend can’t be in resistance to those curvy new hips of hers and shift back to her pre-pregnancy size at the same time.

The same way we don’t create peace through war, or build love through anger.

Besides, what could be more rewarding than loving ourselves through and through, huh?  Extra curvy butts and all.  It’s a peaceful, non-resistant place to live in that space of complete self love and appreciation.  And that’s where ridiculous things like losing weight while we sleep is completely possible.  Just because we said so.

Your turn now …  Let’s hear what you manifested by practicing total acceptance, whether it was getting out of a speeding ticket by getting okay with it, or finding the new love by making peace with solitude.  Share your thoughts and inspiration!

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52 Responses to “ Gotta Love It to Lose It ”

  1. Iyabo says:

    Ouch, Jeanette, this is the hard way to lose weight!!!!!

    OK, OK, you indeed are the expert.

    To be honest, I am working on the whole subject of resistance and learning to notice it when I am resisting. I think I am working on my Ph.d in resistance or something. That is not a nice manifestation. Let us turn that around. I am working on my Ph.d in easy manifestation.

    So my assignment is on just loving where I am in my body and loving my body. OK, I get it. I will work on that piece.

  2. Oooh, Iyabo, sounds like you are well on your way to a PhD in ALLOWING! woo hoo!!

    Thanks for being the first to comment, my friend!

  3. Mitch says:

    This is exactly what I’m working on right now. When trying to manifest the career, the money, and the apartment, (and seriously feeling the lack of them!) they are nowhere to be found.

    But every time I close my eyes to visualize acting jobs here in New York, I get offers coming in from Utah! I’ve obviously released ANY and ALL resistance I had around those jobs. Not hard, considering I’ve completely removed any need I had for them by moving away. Now if I could just apply that magic to New York! LOL

  4. Flavia says:

    Great blog post! Loving all of us is powerful indeed. I have (well had is more accurate ’cause they are going away) this little red spots on my body, mainly on my legs. I’ve had them before (10 years ago for a year or two and then they went away) and I don’t really have a problem with them, except I kept wondering why they are there. I read about a lady who did this herself and was suggesting this to someone else. She said to see it as a tattoo, as a wonderful unique thing with it’s own right to exist and be seen as beautiful, as a decoration. A little shift in perspective and you get to love it. Plus mine disappear and re-appear in the same places or different places so I look different every week. 🙂 Not that anyone notices them but maybe their message to me is to just love it all.

    I made peace with getting a ticket for not stopping at a stop sign. I completely let go. I just “dropped the oars” about it. I thought, “oh well this will be my first ticket ever -there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s out of my control.”. Kept breathing, feeling more grounded and I reminded myself that even if I do get a ticket, it’s no big deal. It’s not what I want, but it’s not the end of the world. Then I just waited… and he let me go with a warning. Ahhh….. beautiful!!

  5. Well, Mitch, it wouldn’t hurt MY feelings to have you back in Utah!! lol

    Just kidding – I know you’re creating a wonderful experience and career in NYC!! And you have a great frame of reference for releasing resistance – so leverage it! 🙂

  6. Great process with the body and the tickets, Flavia!

    I like that message the spots may be eliciting from you: “love it all.”

    What a great message!!

    Thanks for posting, Mitch and Flavia – much appreciated!!

  7. Kristy M says:

    This is actually something I’ve been ‘struggling’ with lately.. the whole weight thing, especially in the entertainment industry, its a big issue!.. but its something I’ve had forever. I was always ‘the fat kid’ who was totured, then when I was in 7th grade I went from a 17 to a 9… on Slimfast! Right now I am around a 11/12…but my ideal size is an 8 (in pants.. dresses are weird for me because I have big boobs haha). I have big Italian hips so if I get below a size 8 I’ll look dead!
    One of my goals in to get back into some of my jeans from 8th grade… and then some. I went through a phase of flaunting my body in these little cutesy dresses (nothing slutty… just beach dresses haha) and I want to fit into those too.

    The thing is, we never see ourselves as others do, for example my friend Christina is stunning and gets to play a lot of sexy roles in school and she is a size 10 (and sometimes a 12, she says). and my friend Flor has one of the most amazing bodies and she is a size 9 (at least thats what she said when we were being fitted for costumes)… they both have amazing confidence and look amazing… I like to think of have confidence but of course, I have some ‘body issues’.. I don’t know how they feel about their bodies but I envy them haha!

    Thats one thing that I need to work on… loving the pounds.. then looking like my sexy friends and getting into my ‘dresses’ and jeans 🙂

  8. Ah, Kristy, you know how often I wished for some of those curvy Italian hips?! I was thin as a rail for what seemed like ever with NO curves ANYWHERE …

    .. and guess what I finally got in my 30s? Curves that I had to make peace with after they showed up! ha

    I think the sexiest thing out there is a woman who owns it – a woman who FEELS sexy. It’s not so much how she looks as it is the energy she exudes – don’t you think?

    Someone who’s comfortable in their skin – nothing more beautiful than THAT!

    Thanks for posting, Kristy! Here’s to 8th grade cutesy dresses! 🙂

  9. Jeanette, once again you have hit the nail on its proverbial head. LOVE how you write.

    When you love your body, your mind, your heart, your id, your ego, your superego, your inner child, your inner lizard, your inner critic… shall I go on? When you love all the disparate parts of you, it’s also possible to discover that the best possible you is not a size 6. The best possible you might be a strong, fit, flexible size 12.

    It’s acceptance that’s key. It’s the end of struggle and clinging that’s vital. It’s living in the flow with total acceptance, with no resistance that feels so wonderful.

    Which is what you write about so freakin’ brilliantly.

    I’m so glad to know you.

  10. Michele, you flatter me!

    I like the point you’re reiterating here … I myself have had the experience of getting to where I said I wanted to be (lower number on the scale, bigger number in the bank account, etc.) only to realize there was no payoff in it.

    We don’t magically feel better just because we shifted some numbers around in our life.

    We feel better when we feel better – and that’s an inside voluntary conscious job every time.

    My hips can’t make me happy. Only I can. And once I’m there, those hips are happy to join the party! And who cares whether that’s as an 8 or a 12 or a 16. Happy is what we’re after, isn’t it?!

    Thanks for posting, girlfriend. Your voice is much appreciated here!

  11. Jessica says:

    I do accept and related to the key being to love myself. I’ve felt it, experienced the bliss- only in fleeting moments. I may have a good day here and there, but I am having trouble making it stick.

    I was very disappointed in myself when I didn’t lose any weight for my wedding. I got okay with it because being mostly flat chested, all the extra weight gave me cleavage! Ha! Besides, if I lost that weight, my dress would be too big, and I wouldn’t have time to alter it…. I had a great day and still felt beautiful, and got lots of compliments, etc.

    Then later it all hit me and I got so depressed about it. I just can’t figure out why I am attracting an extra pound or two per week. I have never weighed this much, even 9 months pregnant!

    So every once in awhile I get okay with it. I wonder if I am going through this so I can figure out how it feels to struggle with it (I haven’t in the past really, all I’d do is say so in my mind that I wanted to feel fabulous and my body would shed the pounds SO easily)… So I figure there must be a reason and that when I figure it out, I’ll be able to help other woman do it too! ? maybe. It is the only thing I can think of that makes me feel good for being this size that I am.

    Bottom line is just how I feel inside my body and also my energy level. I just want to feel like my normal self- or better! 🙂

    thanks Jeannette for reminding me to love all of me.

  12. Jessica, I am relating easily to the feelings you’re hinting at here. I remember being at first puzzled and then discouraged and ultimately depressed about weight gain. That gave me good practice to find better feeling thoughts in a challenging situation! Not to mention a great opportunity to learn about myself and who I am and what really matters.

    Truth be told – those pounds were an enormous gift (I see now in hindsight). Since it was having gone from a 6 to not fitting in a 10 that made me realize my job wasn’t at all where I wanted to be, which made me stressed out and miserable – translating to weight gain – and finally at size BIG 10 I wasn’t willing to get any bigger to keep that job.

    I wouldn’t listen to my emotions – but I sure listened to my body – which was having a big fit about being astray from my joy and passion. Thank God for it, or I might still be there.

    Wow – your post brought up some old stuff for me, Jessica! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I’m sending YOU some powerful ones for seeing the beauty in that gorgeous body of yours.

    Namaste.

  13. Leslie Richter says:

    I am on that page, and I have to admit it feels lovely. Recently I decided that I always “pretend” that my big bum isn’t mine, I disassociate with parts of my body, uncomfortable with my shoe size being bigger than everyone elses.
    Yada yada I am so done with that. Now I say come on bum you are coming with me, I am all of me. And all those dusty unloved parts of me are so happy to be finally included.
    What a sight I must be, finally all together, haha. But you know on an energetic level I am pretty sure you can accomplish more engaging in all parts.

    Love Leslie

  14. tiffany says:

    the same thing happened to me with pimples (odd enough but trust me, it worked) i use to HATE pimples and complain about them constantly and try every trick in the book to kill them, but one day i was sitting there thinking and i had an epiphany!

    everything i was doing was to HARM my skin to get it to work. why not LOVE my skin, give it what’s good for it and just chill out. nobody has perfect skin, so why should i be an exception? guess what? as soon as i started moisturizing more, drinking water, and quit putting harsh chemicals on my skin, it cleared up completely and now i rarely get pimples. and when i do, i just sort of shrug it off. they come, they go. whatever.

    you really do have to accept yourself, flaws and all. personally, i think flaws make your natural beauty that much beautiful!

  15. Yay, Leslie, for showing the example of Re-Association and Re-Engaging all parts!! It IS just delicious to love it all, isn’t it?!

    ahhhhhhh … you can’t PAY for that kind of satisfaction!!

    Always a pleasure to hear from you, my friend. This post is a perfect example of why that’s so.

  16. Mmm, that’s the same principle as wabi sabi, isn’t it, Tiffany? That the imperfections are what adds/creates the beauty! I LOVE that perspective! Thanks for sharing it here.

    I also battled with my skin for years, thinking that quitting that job would clear things up. That didn’t happen though, I’m sure because I was so firmly engrained in the vibration of “bad skin” that I’d practiced all those years.

    Self love is what finally cleared the path for (what seemed to me) a miracle solution. My skin is FAR from perfect now, but it is such a dramatic improvement that it FEELS perfect to me. hee hee

    Perspective is everything, huh! Here’s to finding the angles that connect us to the love. Mm MM!!

    Thanks for posting, Tiffany. 🙂

  17. Daphne B. says:

    This is an interesting topic! I’ve had issues with my skin (severe acne and eczema) and still have issues with my weight and “alleged” unattractiveness.

    I think my disssatisfaction with my skin and weight kept bugging me until I found a way of life that included such healthy eating that they began to reverse themselves that way. So in a sense, my dissatisfaction allowed me to attract foods and beverages that would support my body in my goals. I didn’t have a clear intention about what method/solution I wanted, so the Universe surprised me grandly!

    Now, with the subject of being unattractive, I obviously have LOADS of work to do. Because I feel as if I’m loving myself and then out of the blue will come a person who makes a verbal comment about how ugly I am. As a black female, I’ve struggled with this my entire life because there have been people who have freely shared their negative opinions about me since about the age of five. And it’s not fun to love yourself in a world environment that seemingly seeks to denigrate you at every turn.

    I’m not saying that I’m perfectly loving myself, but I think I’m ready to ask the Universe for a new planet on which to live or either colorless skin.

  18. Daphne, of all the LOA work I’ve done, I have to say that “loving self” work took the longest for me to get a good handle on. So be patient with yourself, and know that it is WELL worth the energy investment.

    MUCH love to you, you beautiful woman, you!

  19. Mark Semple says:

    This thread is so congruent with my journey right now.

    Although I am in great physical condition right now, it wasn’t that long ago that I was 50# overweight and miserable.

    Note that I wan’t unhappy BECAUSE I was overweight, it was all because of the space I was in at the time.

    Loving yourself as you are, where you are right now is so crucial to everything worthwhile.

    Often times, your body will pile on weight as a defense mechanism if you are not in an optimal space and frame of mind.

    So, if you’re gaining weight because you’re not in a loving space, how can you expect to lose it without shifting your space and energy.

    It really is all about you.

    Does your partner look upon you with the love, passion and desire that you want?

    How can you possibly expect that from them if you do not hold yourself in that space?

    I know from my own personal experience how powerful it is to be clear on who you are and where you are and being deeply greatful and appreciative for it.

    Letting go is an amazing process and the key ultimately gaining all that you truly desire.

    Great post Jeanette. You are indeed the Master.

  20. Jessica says:

    Mark,
    Thanks for your post. It seems to hit home. I remember being so fit and knowing that it was a reflection of my inner world, being so in love with myself and at peace.

    As the weight started coming on I could feel it as a reflection also, and trying to figure out what was going on in my inner world. Just recently it clicked when I heard myself say to a family member- I sort of feel as though my body is gaining weight so I stop doing stuff and slow down! Ha! My body mocking me “If you won’t listen to the clues, than I’m just going to make it so you can’t do what you want!”

    I’m starting to see it with a bit of humor. That dispells the uncomfortableness. I deeply know in my heart that it isn’t about the exercise I do or don’t do, the food I am eating, etc, because quite honestly I haven’t changed those thing much and I found myself not enjoying the activities I have always loved. I realized real quick the answer is somewhere spiritual and not in the physical world!

    I did that activity that Jeannette mentioned about asking our body (part) what they want to tell us, etc. The process told me what I already knew, and yet I am still having trouble actually listening and taking action.

    I feel this blog and comments are helping me to head in the right direction. Thank you so much to everyone for helping me get back on my healthy path- spiritually healthy! And for sharing this life journey together!

    With love, Jess

  21. Brilliant post, Mark, as usual.

    This really hit home: “Does your partner look upon you with the love, passion and desire that you want? How can you possibly expect that from them if you do not hold yourself in that space?”

    So true, and yet so many of us don’t practice this. Rather we look for that love and validation on the “outside.”

    Thanks for putting it in words that are impossible to forget, my friend. 🙂

  22. Jessica says:

    I don’t want to hog the comments or anything, but Jeannette commented about the same time I did, so now I have one more thing to say…

    Jeannette, how did you know it was about my job?! ha! 🙂 the similarities are just too great. I love your expression, “body having a big fit about going astray”. Not to mention that size 10… seriously, are you spying on me?!

    Alrighty then, I better do something to show my body that I am listening!! I am going to have to go way out of my comfort zone and shake this job/career which has served me well in so many ways, but time for a change!! I owe it to my family, myself and the world to let it go and move on!! 🙂

    A long time ago I had emailed you to ask you if I could change my whole life… well, I pretty much have- a wonderful husband, a new home, a happy family, better relationships, a fit body (until now)… but the only thing that I’ve let get stuck in the mud is the job, which has always been the most important part to me (ahh!!! I just realized I came to peace with all the other items in my life- acceptance!) Okay, time to get “okay” with where I am at in my work so that I open to change…

    thanks so much!!!!!!!! 🙂
    I’ll have to keep you all posted. It is beautiful! Hugs to all!

  23. Sounds like we share the same path, Jessica! Nice to meet a fellow traveler on this journey.

    I want to reiterate something you said in a prior post about using humor to dispell some of the potentially negative energy. Being able to see it with humor is a HUGE vibe-shifter – at least it is for me! (I know some people use humor as a mask, but I get that that’s not at all the way you were utilizing it.)

    Valuable reminder! Many thanks for sharing it here with us, Jessica.

  24. Angie Lay says:

    Jeannette,

    What a great post! I know my weight has caused me much grief over the years and I always resisted it (and guess what? It persisted…LOL)

    My ex used to always gripe at me about my weight and I found that I was so unhappy with him that I attracted that weight and it stayed. The magic occurred when I left him and within a few weeks, I had lost almost 20 pounds without doing anything different aside from loving myself for taking the step to leave. (I always joked with people when they said how good I looked that I lost 185 pounds of ugly fat when I left him. LOL)

    But you are right on the money about accepting it before it will just go… I’m amazed at how mine’s just dropping off without the old things like the dieting and mega-exercise. I’m just working and doing what I would normally do — with one exception — I’m happy.

    Thanks for all you do and you’re such an inspiration!

    Angie

  25. Sheesh, Angie, YOU’RE the inspiration!! I LOVE your experience and thank you so much for posting it here!!

    Lots of kudos to you for having the courage to take the loving step(s).

    And let’s hear it for the Happiness Diet!! lol

  26. Anna says:

    Testament of Truth, Absolute & Complete:

    In my early 20s, I was very full-figured. And miserable living with to many issues with my father. Then I made a decision to move away. 500 miles later I was living my life as I wanted. And y’all can guess what happened next — 30 pounds disappeared in one month. I wasn’t thinking about it or trying to make it happen. I was just happy with my life.

    Another biggie – psoriasis. I was always worried about getting it like my dad. In the midst of another successful yet miserable period at work, I developed the affliction, right in the middle of my face. The most visible place, and in less than 24 hours — EGAD!
    I distinctly remember the moment I made peace with it. I was driving my car on a Beautiful road near the ocean, and it dawned on me that even though I was miserable at work, I loved the rest of my life! So if I had to have a patch of psoriasis around my nose, heading for my lips, well… so be it. I was still me.
    The next morning, it was gone. Completely.
    It appeared there another time, some years later, and I remembered the first time. Content with what I saw in the mirror, it was gone the next morning. Completely.

    Such truths you help us recognize, Jeannette — You Rock, Girlfriend!

  27. Peregrine John says:

    Jeannette, you continue to put up things that inspire me to massive discussion and contemplation even as my circumstances prevent allocating proper time to do it. The Law of Unintended Consequences horned in on my manifestations. Gotta recalibrate a bit, methinks…

    I think the trouble we tend to have with accepting and loving what we are even as we move toward something better and more comfortable to live in (not to mention less likely to have a heart attack or stroke) is that it’s another of those things where 2 things look almost identical when they are nearly the opposite. That is, it’s pretty easy to mistake acceptance for capitulation. Consider a couple of examples:

    1. It’s emotional eating and decades of dubious habits, but she says she’s totally fine with who she is and how she looks. She could drop that extra 75# any time, but doesn’t need to. Oh, the euphemisms she uses. She has self-love all over the place, and don’t you dare suggest otherwise, or remind her what the doctor said about her heart. Why should she change?

    2. She looked in the mirror and saw what everyone else did, but you know what? It didn’t bother her. Years of drugs to combat other medical issues had destroyed her metabolism, leaving her with a bare few hundred calories burned per day unless she did some serious exercise – which she did, of course. It wasn’t to lose the extra weight, though that too was slowly coming under control; it was to be healthy and feel good and enjoy her strength. She is beautiful, right to the bone.

    Like a third, and real, example to match #2? Anna. Ab So Lute Lee Perfect. I want to be like you with this.

    See, it’s along the lines of hating the sin while loving the sinner. A last example: My fat is almost totally in my belly. I remember very well putting on socks without that extra 3″ thick slab of yuck just below my ribs getting in the way, and let me tell you that my doctor has explained why it should go, in no uncertain terms. So what should my reaction be (aside from activity, which feels fantastic)? Look at it and cringe in disgust? Get angry and berate myself over my lifelong lack of self-discipline?

    Or shall I love who I am, and accept that I am what I am? Is that capitulation? No. Capitulation is giving up; it doesn’t care enough to bother and doesn’t want to be woken up. The touchiness people have when they say they’re fine with themselves and dare you to say otherwise is evidence that there is guilt, disappointment, and more under the thin facade. It’s not acceptance; it’s denial of non-acceptance. Saying you are worthy of love is not the same as believing that you are, and there are ways to tell. It lacks the exultation of moving in good directions, and the non-defensiveness which indicates acceptance and love. To let go and accept means letting it be there, and letting it move on.

    (*sigh* Imagine how long this would be if I had time to delve into things. Wordy, that’s me. Yep, that other blog is on my to-do list…)

  28. Gillian says:

    Oh goodness, how this article hits the nail right smack on the head! I am going through this major tranformation in my life now after reading Eckhart Tolle’s “A new Earth”. Learning to accept and make peace with “WHAT IS” or the “SUCHNESS” of NOW is the only way to true power. To be in a inner state of uncompromising surrender to what IS or what HAPPENS, NOW, is what I am learning now and I can not express how liberating and relieving it is to just let circumstances be as they are, without the constant urge to change or make better! It is so liberating not to have to think too far, plan so much ahead and complicate life. I am learning to live in the NOW and accepting the NOW just as it is – and being at peace with it. I remind myself of the song by Stevie Wonder “I love you just the way you are”. I am now treating my life, which is the present moment, like a lover or loved one, who I love unconditionally, no matter what he does.
    I am now learning to love my life just as it is, and the freedom and relief that comes with this inner surrender is just so wonderful. Though, I don’t have weight issues at this moment, I did have a weight problem sometime ago and I then shifted my thinking as I saw very beautiful and succesfull women, who were just as curvey and full and loved themselves as they are. Beyonce is one example, who loves and embraces her curves. Seeing those beautiful curvey women, I stopped the “NEED” to be skinny and embraced my “chubbyness”. I have lost a lot of weight now, but I am still not skinny and I don’t need to be.

    Much love,
    Gillian

  29. Debi says:

    Wow…I did not realize it until I read your post here; but that is exactly how I managed to stop drinking for over 100 days easily and effortlessly. I went from having 3 to 5 drinks a day to zero with no program, no cravings and no desire for it. I personally was shocked at how easy it was. Yeah I worked very hard on accepting me for me for about 18 months prior to deciding I needed to see what life would be like without booze. Your post helped me comprehend why it was so easy to stop.

  30. Adrienne says:

    Jeannette, thank you for your blog – I’ve been reading it for several months now and even have it pop up in my RSS reader so I am alerted as soon as it comes up! I’ve been reading about LOA and metaphysics and the power of thought for over a year now, but only “practicing” it (i.e., active visualization, releasing, etc.) periodically, although, it has been a goal of mine to make time each morning to do it actively. I also love reading your readers’ comments, as I learn a lot from them. So, thank you everyone!

    This particular post brought up an issue that I’m trying to figure out, and I’ll give a non-weight related example (if it’s ok to stray from the immediate topic). If I were to “accept” and “be happy” with my being single (i.e., similar to accepting one’s weight as it is), how do I reconcile that with thoughts related to an earlier post of yours (which I LOVED!! and put as an electronic post-it on my PC desktop) of knowing the fries are coming (or are ACTUALLY here)? For example, I actually (90% of the time, LOL 😉 ) TRULY can be happy that I’m single, independent and as a result, truly available for THE right one, but then it’s hard for me to logically feel AT THE SAME TIME that he IS here with me now and has actually come to me (I’d like to think he’s here vs he’s COMING to me 😉 ). Is there any way to wrap my head around what seems to be two conflicting/mutually exclusive thoughts? I’m happy to be single and at the same time he’s here?

    Thanks for any advice!

  31. Mitch says:

    Gillian – I have just started reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and I am falling in love with the same concepts! The idea that this moment is exactly what it needs to be, understanding NOW is the only moment we ever have.

    If I can’t be happy right now, then what makes me think I will be happy once things have changed? If I keep seeing the goodness as a change that will occur in the future, then I will always be in the pattern of looking forward. So even when I get the things I want, I will be so accustomed to wanting more that I won’t be able to enjoy the good that already is. This is a concept I’ve heard a million times before, but I think it’s finally setting in.

    Reminder to myself: I don’t need anything outside of myself to be happy. These outer manifestations simply make my already existing happiness that much sweeter.

  32. Jessica says:

    Adrienne- the only thing I can think of is that you are happy either way. He’s there, and when you are “single” he’s at work. Ha! 🙂

    I mean single can just refer to a term about being happy within, rather than a state of being. After all, we are all connected in some way, so in theory, we are never really single. So you could replace both thoughts which is all inclusive. I am happy no matter what my ‘status’ is. I am happy for my connection to him while I enjoy having freedom and being independent (which is what being single could be called while in a relationship- if that makes a mind twister for ya!)

    Similar to Mitch’s last sentence! So fun!!

  33. Jessica says:

    John, you make me laugh! I relate to wanting to dive into the topics, and needing to manifest some time to do so!!

    I was thinking similar things then I read your post!! Very interesting indeed.

  34. Gillian says:

    Mitch – Have just finished reading “A new Earth” and I feel I have made a huge leap upwards in my state of consciousness. Like yourself, I have heard those concepts many times before, but it never really sank in until I read “A new Earth”. We can set intentions, visualize, pray and hope as much as we want, but until we learn to accept the NOW, which is our life, just as it IS and be at total peace with it, nothing changes. Acceptance really is a prerequiste to lasting change. I have now learned to embrace everything in my life just the way it IS and I feel so free and wonderful. I feel a sense of achievement in my spiritual journey. One of the chapters in “A new Earth” is called “I don’t mind what happens” and that is exactly the mindset I am cultivating for myself. I simply don’t mind anymore what happens in my life-good or bad! The present moment is as it is and its up to us to choose to make the presence our “friend or our enemy”. I choose to make it my friend, welcome it and embrace it, no matter what form it takes. “Going with the flow”, I never really understood this phrase as fully until now. I am now beginning to read “The power of Now” and I can’t wait to absorb all the wisdom.

    Cheers, Gillian

  35. Gillian says:

    Tiffany – Your story is very inspiring. Clean skin, just by accepting your pimples! Wow, thanks so much for sharing!
    Leslie – There is a Chinese belief, that big bums generate money (propserity)! I think big bums can be beautiful and sexy too (think of Beyonce or Kim Kardashian), so embrace those buns!

    Much Love, Gillian

  36. Peregrine John says:

    Hee! Thanks, Jessica! It’s good to know others have come across the same ideas – and challenges! – that I have. Reassuring, that’s what.

    Gillian: Now I have Baby Got Back stuck in my head…

  37. Adrienne says:

    Thank you, Jessica! 🙂

  38. Anna says:

    Adrienne, you wrote “I actually…TRULY can be happy that I’m single, independent and as a result, truly available for THE right one, but…”

    When you can put a period (.) after “independent” and drop everything up to the “but,” I guarantee everything after the “but” will no longer be an issue.

    Check out “The Astonishing Power of Emotions” by Esther Hicks’ (Abraham-Hicks). The CD included with the book has a track you might be interested in…

    Peregrin John, your keen insights on the subtleties of life and self continue to delight me in a most wonderful way. Get your blog on so I can give a proper Gratitude Gush. I will if you will…

  39. Tarielle says:

    Ha! Don’t we all have hang ups about certain things with out bodies.
    The one thing that will turn that around really quickly is when someone (maybe a loved one) will turn around and tell you that they absolutely love the part of the body that you hate.

    Kind of stops you in your tracks about your own thinking then doesn’t it?

    Everyone on earth is beautiful and precious and beauty is only skin deep anyway, what really matters and what people will remember about you won’t be your pimples, excess hair, scars or your weight……it will be your loving heart, your personality and your kindness.

    Tarielle

  40. Tia says:

    Hmmmm me, I was in resistance to starting my practice and creating my website and once I accepted it, I had the website up in 2 days flat and was READY to kickstart my coaching! And of course, once I stated I was ready, the Universe sent me help through unexpected quarters 🙂 It keeps getting better and better as I CLAIM my life purpose!

    And a few days ago I accepted that I wasn’t ready for a relationship even though I kept saying I was …. and now I really, truly am FULLY ready to be in an awesome relationship!! Will tell you all about it real sooon hehe

    Oh the POWER of acceptance!! And the beauty of watching resistance melt away thru it …. ahhh

  41. Kristy M says:

    I’ve been reading this over and over again since it was posted.. As I said, my weight is something I’ve always ‘struggled’ with and Its because I never thought I was good enough and thin enough. Even when I was in 8th grade I still thought I needed work (though it was quite funny when the kids who made fun of me told me they didn’t recognize me). I look back at some pics of me in high school and wonder why I thought I looked fat haha! but now I accept that I am a size 12 (sometimes a 10, if I’m lucky.. like in Michael Korrs jeans lol) make peace with it…. then become a 7/8 in no time (I think I’ll loose weight while I sleep haha) :).. my “skinny jeans” are already almost over my hips…. now I have to get them to button and not ‘muffin top’ me lol.. I like the concept of making peace to change… because I’m hot no matter what 🙂

    and for Thanksgiving I will practice my “I can eat anything I want and not gain a pound” affirmations

  42. JM says:

    Ah yes…the mind/body/soul connection. It is incredible to think how powerful our thoughts are in terms of our physical health and appearance. It is magnificent how much control we actually have over these things once we truly understand and utilize the connection.

    I think Oprah may be about to start really digging into her body issues on her show in this way…unlike she ever has done before. If you think about it, that appears to be the one thing she hasn’t been as successful at fully accepting and creating as brilliantly as everything else around her and she is one of the most connected and magically spiritual souls I am aware of.

    Anyway…I definitely haven’t mastered all of this for myself, but I have had some great successes with this in my life. Before I truly started learning about LOA I needed to drop a few pounds and had purchased “The Complete Idiots Guide to Yoga”. I think this was my first introduction to genuine spirituality when I read about adopting the practice of nonviolence especially in terms of thoughts about yourself. So somehow I never really did any yoga that summer…I had purchased 20 minute workout video which I did nearly every day (how can I talk myself out of 20 minutes!!). I didn’t eat any healthier really…but I definitely stopped allowing the negative thoughts to enter my head if I looked in a mirror. I started to reshape my confidence in my body image. I ended up dropping 15 pounds in about a month. Of course I did the exercise, but adopting this habit of nonviolent thoughts about my body has definitely carried over. About a year and half later, living in NYC, I ended up going back on the Weight Watchers Points program to drop 15 (has a way of returning from time to time!)…no problem. Now HERE’s where the magic began. I love Weight Watchers, I do…the points work really well. But sometimes in the long run, you get a little tired of counting your points and having to THINK about it all so much. At least I do. But you worry that you will gain the weight back again. Well…after that time I am not 100% sure what happened. All I know is that for nearly 4 years…I was practicing happiness with myself, truly enjoying anything I ate and not allowing myself to worry about it during or afterwards. I didn’t own a scale, and I didn’t want one. Every blue moon I’d be a little bloated and feel like I must have gained 10 back…I’d find a scale in a store and weigh myself (ghetto, I know)…and low and behold I’d find that weight I just KNEW I had gained was all in my head! So for about 4 years I felt damned comfy with myself…and my curves…as I will never be stick then, and I don’t think I’d look right like that anyway. I didn’t know if it was just all the walking I did in NYC or what…though I had been living/walking here for the 2 years before that. Anyway…I truly believe that I was so content and happy with myself and my life here and allowing myself to enjoy the food I ate without any negative thoughts that was keeping me at that same great weight.

    So…why does that sound past tense? Well…most recently I needed to drop about 10, and finally truly figured that out (at Kmart on the scale there!). I went back and forth about starting the Weight Watchers again as I didn’t want to have to THINK about it again…I didn’t want to have to focus on numbers and give myself limits…since I feel that goes against the being happy with myself idea. But I wanted to drop them…and I have actually…very quickly. The truth of the matter is, I know there are some things that I have not been 100% happy about in my world lately…and I believe this has manifested in the form of the weight. Because the truth is, my eating habits have never been AWFUL really…and the tweaks it takes to shed weight are pretty tiny. I am currently working on recognizing all of that happiness within me again so I don’t have to think about scales and points.

    The absolute best “diet” I have ever been on is the one where you eat whatever you want, allow yourself to truly enjoy it, and permit only positive thoughts about yourself.

  43. Marquina says:

    You know, I’ve actually done the thing where I was losing weight in my sleep with deliberate intention! It does work! Only thing was, I wasn’t totally OK with losing the weight because then I’d have to buy new clothes and I didn’t figure I’d have any money.

    You’d be surprised what stops a person from doing good for himself/herself!

    I did lose some weight during the 1st half of this pregnancy (although it’s been 20 yrs since my last pregnancy, this appears to be normal for me) which, apparently causes me to not look pregnant at all until I’m about 7 1/2 months in.

    I’ve been mostly in a great mood and vibrating high (at least when I’m not feeling out-of-sorts/uncomfortable – I never said I was good at being pregnant, I just want my baby ) which, I think, is causing family members to want to take pictures of me. I already don’t like taking pictures, because I’m rarely good at it, unlike my daughter, who practices in the mirror and uses my camera more than I do! Now, don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely enjoying finally getting to see what I look like pregnant since I have a wide head-to-hips length mirror in the bathroom (the 1st 2 pregnancies were around portrait mirrors), but the translation to pictures…Arghhhh!!!! I’ll admit that I don’t love cameras or store windows – they really do make me look bigger than I am!

    I see I’m going to have to make peace with cameras and store windows. Well…at least the cameras… And I’d better do it soon since my daughter and friend are throwing me a baby shower. It will be the 1st one that I’ve actually shown up at – someone threw me a surprise one for my 1st born, but I was out of town and didn’t, of course, know about it! And, oh my, there will be cameras! I intend to have fun anyway!!!

    Marquina

  44. Peregrine John says:

    Anna, you make me blush! I’ll certainly keep you posted of when I start, um, posting.

  45. Emma says:

    Hi…this is sooo true and really works!

    I used this same method and was amazed to see the improvement in my skin! I had hated it for so many years but then I started to tap (EFT) on it and say I loved and approved of my skin. Not easy work!! But…wow! The scars have started to fade and if I get a spot now (used to last about 3 weeks…not kidding) I can make it go by the next morning by saying

    “I love and accept myself and I am beautiful even with this spot” best done in the mirror!

    Emma x
    p.s. I used LOA to made my boobs bigger!! 🙂 This was nothing to do with hormone/weight gain either. I was so impressed I couldn’t believe it which is why they then went back to their original size so I intend to work on that again!!!

  46. Jennifer says:

    i have found that it works well for me to focus on the parts of my body that i’m already happy with… and the rest just falls into place.

  47. Ella says:

    This is EXACTLY what I needed to read – funny how that happens, what you need comes right when you need it 😉

    Technically I’m overweight, not that I care all that much to be honest because my ‘perfect self’ is always going to be considered ‘overweight’ by BMI (which is rubbish IMO). But I found I wasn’t becoming my perfect self because I was AFRAID of losing my curves!

    I love my body as it is, bumps and all, and I love that I have a big bum and what my friends call ‘dangerous curves’. I was resisting losing the curves and guess what happened? My bum started shrinking and all the bits I LOVE about myself were vanishing, but I wasn’t losing weight.

    Worrying about losing the features I love guaranteed that I’d lose them! While staying in the ‘overweight’ state my past has landed me in.

    Now I’m becoming my perfect self. I’m happy with the shape my body is, I love it and I love every bit of me. In that love I have the power to manifest and emerge as my perfect self.

  48. Valerie says:

    Great post, Jeannette!

    Funny, I’ve been wanting to write to you about this manifestation of mine, and this article gives me the perfect opening!

    As a Realtor, my job hazard is seeing lots of homes I love, therefore I move, ALOT! The house I’m in now, though, I really love, and I’ve planned on staying here.

    Last year I lost 6 months of work in the worst economy ever due to back to back brain surgeries, and since I am a single income household, it was impossible for me to catch up. I hung on as long as I could, but it became increasingly apparent this summer that I would lose my house.

    I tried selling it, of course, but couldn’t get enough to pay off the bank and they wouldn’t work with me on a short sale, so the next step was foreclosure.

    I went out and found an apartment, hired movers, started selling things off and packing, and found I was kind of excited about the change. (I love interior design, so a new place meant a clean palette to decorate!)

    Two days before I was to sign, a veritable miracle happened, and money that had been legally tied up for 17 years became available! Now I get to stay in my beautiful little home! AND I still get to redecorate as I replace all of the things I sold!

  49. Valerie says:

    Oops, I left out one very important step that I took….through all this I was using an EFT process that I put together based on Mike Dooley’s book, Infinite Possibilities. One line in the process was “I let go of the ‘hows'”. The day before the “miracle” I realized that this can sound like “I let go of the house”!

  50. Mia Rose says:

    This post really resonates with me. I’ve only recently started doing yoga and I have to say I feel wonderful inside my body – and because I feel good, I love my body a whole lot more! And because I love it more, I look after it better… and it all starts falling into place. Woo-cha!

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