Granting Freedom from Tolerations
This week I published a newsletter asking deliberate creators to acknowledge the energy-drainers that keep them from alignment with their dream come true.
I wrote that many of us don’t “see” the things that serve as manifesting obstacles, like jobs we hate, relationships that aren’t working, or responsibilities we don’t enjoy. The reason we don’t recognize them as problematic is because we often think these things are unchangeable or we’ve just grown to take them for granted.
(Like the frog who doesn’t jump out of the pot as the heat gradually increases … we’re just used to it.)
I wanted to elaborate on that article here by offering a potential solution.
Not because I know what’s best for you when it comes to changing your work, breaking up with partners or running away from home.
But because I believe there is one thing that can help no matter the situation we’re dealing with.
That is to recognize we have a choice.
We always have a choice.
Here’s a personal example …
Once upon a time I hated my job, but I went because of the story I believed about how I should be grateful for it, that bills needed paying, and that the investment in this career shouldn’t be wasted, etc. etc.
And it was misery.
But once I realized (with the help of a coach) that I actually had a choice as to whether I got out of bed and went to work, it wasn’t quite as awful to go. I could stay home. That was an option!
That choice would have consequences, surely … but it was an option!
Believe it or not, that was a new perspective to me. I could stay home! I could get a different job. I could spend my savings. I could go bankrupt. I could move back home with folks. (Okay, maybe not that.) But I had options!
All of a sudden this option (of going to work) made sense. (Until it didn’t, and then I quit.)
But it was easier to go to work when I did it out of choice.
And when I didn’t enjoy my marriage …
I’d been raised to believe divorce was not an option; that this was a promise for life. Grin and bear it. It’s what we do.
Then one day, I realized I could stay married – or I could be divorced. (It was like the angels were singing out to me when I realized I had a choice!)
Just having the breathing room of knowing there were alternate possibilities available made it easier to be there. (Divorce was his idea, not mine, but it was a good one.)
And there was a client who did not enjoy being a parent. At all. That was her big toleration in life. (And that’s not an easy thing to admit, my friends: that you wish you’d never had your kids.)
This mom was flabbergasted to hear me suggest she seriously consider her long time fantasy of relinquishing custody to her ex-husband (who was a great father, she admitted) so that she coudl pursue her dream of travel with friends.
As she considered the possibility, guess what happened? She began to recognize the joys of raising her children. To the point she realized she would not be happy giving it up. That’s the magic of feeling CHOICE in life.
When you have room to say no, it makes the yes easier to feel.
So when you’re doing the work of following what feels best, be sure to include some options you might not have considered before. Give yourself freedom to make a true choice, and don’t be surprised if that in itself transforms your experience of old “tolerations.”
(Easy to say for the girl who quit and got divorced, I know, but take it from my client who is now happily raising her children – it helps tremendously to recognize we truly have a choice.)
If any of you have experiences to share about eliminating big tolerations in life, I’d love to hear them!