How to Not Hold Anything Against Anyone Any More

March 20, 2015 | 27 Comments »

The Mantra for Releasing ResentmentsHolding resentments and grudges is a great way to mess up our alignment.

Which is why so many spiritual teachers talk about practicing forgiveness.

I’ve never been a big fan of forgiveness, though, because in order to practice it one is required to assume the position of “someone done me wrong.”

Conscious creators know that ultimately there’s no such thing as a ‘victim’ since we only get what we vibrate. Nothing happens to us that we’re not already aligned with.

So forgiveness has never lit me up because I can’t really buy into the belief that I’m a victim. Just doesn’t fly with LOA principles. I mean, sure, I can have kinky vibes all over the place, but my experiences are 100% my creations.

So the closest I really get to “forgiveness” these days is cutting my own self some slack for messyΒ vibes. But even then, contrast is what fuels the system, so it’s still all good, no matter what.

Having said that, it does feel super fab to liberate myself from resentments and grudges.

My favorite way to do that is something I learned from dad a few years ago, when I heard him say, “I don’t hold anything against anyone any more.”

I don't hold anything against anyone any more.

Just saying it feels good!

Even if I don’t mean it quite all the way yet, it helps me get to a more free place when I repeat it out loud.

Right now it’s an ideal I aspire to. And I can get there by speaking it into existence – again and again.

It’s what I remind myself when I feel the constrictive energy that comes with thoughts like:

  • “This health insurance thing is pissing me off.”
  • “When are we going to do something about this terrible air quality?!”
  • “My property managers are doing a sucky job.”

When I’m tired of entertaining a blamey type thought, instead of practicing forgiveness, I just repeat dad’s mantra: “I don’t hold anything against anyone any more.”

And I like the idea of it so much that I can feel resentment start to melt away. I can feel the grudge slipping through my formerly graspy fingers as I dial off of thoughts about how someone did me wrong.

My dad is the first to say he’s still got sticky places of his own, where the mantra isn’t fully true on all subjects.

But every time we engage it we get closer to peace, freedom, and higher alignment.

And that’s something I can get behind.

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27 Responses to “ How to Not Hold Anything Against Anyone Any More ”

  1. Namaste says:

    Jeannette,

    I also accept 100% responsibility for my experiences. Interestingly I’ve found that forgiveness works for me inside my acceptance of 100% responsibility sometimes too. How? While I’m completely clear that I attracted the experience, the person still did, whatever s/he did. There is no getting around the second part, it actually happened. By accepting responsibility that I attracted the unwanted experience and also forgiving the person who committed the unwanted act that I attracted, I’ve found the dual combination gives me a lot of peace.

    Sometimes simply accepting I attracted something works and the emotions I have about the experience release. Other times the simple acceptance doesn’t cause the emotion to go away. However when I added in the forgiveness component on top of it, I got the relief I needed. I may one day be able to drop the forgiveness component completely, I rarely use it, but as of right now it’s the only thing I’ve found that works for me in some cases.

    I really like the affirmation, “I don’t hold anything against anyone any more.”

    Namaste

  2. Quilly says:

    Jeannette, this is simply GREAT … the more I say “I don’t hold anything against anyone any more” the LIGHTER I feel … it dawned on me that grudges are extraordinarily heavy, so carrying them is a huge burden. What a relief!
    XXOXXQ
    P.S. Thank your Papa for me … πŸ™‚

  3. Jeannette says:

    Namaste, thanks for sharing your “dual” approach. I’m sure many here will get inspiration from that!

    And Quilly, that’s exactly how I experience it, too! Just saying it makes me feel lighter! Which is really why I wanted to share it, in case others got as much juice from it as I was, too.

    Thanks for posting, you two! πŸ™‚

  4. β€œI don’t hold anything against anyone any more.”

    So awesome! Your Dad is awesome! Everything is awesome!

    And, actually, it really is.

    I had an awareness earlier this year that all the resentments I’d had with my family were gone. Some I had worked through, but most just simply evaporated.

    It seems like this happened in two ways:

    First, I decided that it is OK to not like people that I love. And, as a corollary, I also decided that it is OK to only spend as much time with anyone as I want, no matter who they are, no matter whether I like them or not, and no matter our history. So much relief in this. And, like learning to ride a bicycle, it took a bit of practice and was wobbly for a while but now is smooth and fun and easy.

    Second, about six months ago I heard myself talking about a very troublesome relationship and noticing that it had gotten so much better than I ever thought possible. This led to a mantra that gains momentum every time I say it or write it:

    “I never thought I would get here. I thought I would have to be dead to feel this much at peace.”

    This mantra has taken on a life of its own and I find myself looking at experiences that before were very thorny and now see them as so much better than I ever thought they would be.

    Even as I’m writing this, I’m thinking about the old resentments and how much time I spent mucking about in them. I simply can’t imagine doing that now.

    And, once again, I’m noticing the timing of your posts Jeannette and feeling so much appreciation for what you offer and how perfectly synchronistic each one is. Thank you so much for all that you do!

  5. Jeannette says:

    Frank, I love your story about how letting yourself not be okay with someone actually is what let things get even more okay!

    Makes total sense once we understand about the power of resistance and relief. Very cool!

    Thanks for posting on this one, my friend. YOU are awesome!!
    πŸ™‚

  6. Susann says:

    Perfect timing. Someone on a blog responded to a comment of mine in an extremely hostile manner, triggering me in a fairly big way (as I obviously — albeit unintentionally — triggered him). I went to bed annoyed & woke up annoyed (I know, I know ) & formulated a very short but very tart response that I figured would “put him in his place”. Then I read this post, Jeannette, and had to laugh. Given #1: the guy’s a jerk. Given #2: I attracted him & his jerkitude into my circle of awarenese for some reason. Given #3: this guy & his opinion is of no consequence whatsoever to me. I can either laugh it off, or hang onto it — and why would I do that?
    So it’s done & dusted. And speaking of awesome: Frank! Great comment, as always.

  7. Jason Ellis says:

    Thanks, this is most common problem of people not releasing or letting go the resentment, that sometimes binds them to a negative life.

  8. JamesWestbrookGamer says:

    Yes! This is probably one of the best mantras for me. I feel so light when i repeat this mantra.

  9. Jeannette says:

    Susann, I love that you were able to practice it in the red hot moment! I don’t usually remember to engage it until I’ve already been fuming for a while.

    Here’s to immediate deployment when appropriate! lol

    Jason, agreed that this can be a sticky one for lots of us. And James, I’m glad you’re finding it helpful!
    πŸ™‚

  10. I like this! Reminds me of No person, place, or condition has control of my happiness and No one can make me unhappy without my approval.

    Many blessings,
    Nancy

  11. Sandeep says:

    True that our present state is because of our past actions – that is where the law of karma steps in – even the karmas, good or bad, from our past births. Certainly, we reap what we sow!

    On forgiveness, I have 2 sayings to share here:

    1) Forgive, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace (Sorry, I can’t remember the source).

    2) Forgive, forget, and move forward. This is the only way. It is not enough to forgive and forget. One must also move on. (Source: Parmarth Niketan, http://www.parmarth.com/).

    Truly said that happenings are because of our actions, thinking, feelings, and prayers. For goodness: Good actions, good thinking, good feelings, and good prayers.

    Thanks Jeannette

    Love and regards

    Sandeep

  12. Jeannette says:

    Well said, Nancy! I like that.

    Sandeep, I love the emphasis on “moving on.” Yes, how can we be in full enjoyment mode if we’re still harboring past resentments or grudges?

    Thanks for chiming in, you two! πŸ™‚

  13. ash says:

    Jeannette,

    I don’t know why but i always build castle’s with whomever i get interested(men). I built and dream about having a perfect life with these men even before i communicate with them. The point is i am getting frustrated & irritated with this building of castle since it never works out. I dream and get hurt, while the men in question move on. What do i need to do stop this foolish day dreaming. And trust me i m feeling bruised inside.I am also very resistant/ stubborn inner self which finds its very difficult to let go.

  14. Helga says:

    what about cases of rape and sexual abuse? would that also hold true? I was narcissistically abused and sexually abused by my ex, is it all my fault?

  15. Jeannette says:

    Ash, did you see today’s TUT note? I really like it:

    The best way to find “love” which, incidentally, is just as true for finding money, is to focus less on these by-products of a life well lived and more on a life well lived.

    Simple is as simple does,
    The Universe

  16. Jeannette says:

    Helga, only YOU will know which thoughts feel better to you. Whatever those are for you, keep following that thread and it will serve you very well.
    πŸ™‚

  17. Namaste says:

    Helga,

    You asked the question, “What about cases of rape and sexual abuse? Is that all my fault?”

    The first time I heard about the Law of Attraction I thought it was the single stupidest thing I’d ever heard of in my life. Any idiot could see that people weren’t thinking things into reality. The fact that people thought this way made me shake my head in disgust, even though I was only eight years old. If I hadn’t gotten desperate a few months later, and tried that stupid Law of Attraction thing, which to my total amazement worked, to this day I’d be making fun of people who believed in it.

    As I was reading your comment, the first thought that came to my mind was, “Here’s another person who has never experienced that the Law of Attraction is real and so she understandably thinks it’s complete nonsense. Maybe one day she’ll have experiences that show her otherwise, right now though whose fault it is, isn’t important, what’s important is if she has sought out help to deal with what you went through.” I had a challenging childhood. If I hadn’t sought out help, the things that happened in my past, would still be seriously messing up my present and future. Personally I’m not a fan of sitting on a couch and telling some stranger about things that happened to me, that’s why I’m glad I took the Landmark Forum. It’s a seminar series helps you deal with your past so it doesn’t keep jacking up the rest of your life. Looking at their website isn’t going to do you much good. Every week they have a free introduction, in cities all over the world, where you can show up and ask questions. Check your intuition, if it feels right, I’d encourage you to check them out. Nothing sucks more than having stuff from your past jack up your present. To learn more go to http://www.landmarkworldwide.com/

    Namaste

  18. ash says:

    Jeannette,

    Can i get a link on TUT’s note?

    Thanks
    Ash

  19. Jeannette says:

    Here’s the link to sign up for the Notes from the Universe, Ash (aka TUT notes):

    http://www.tut.com/Inspiration/nftu

  20. Jennifer says:

    Jeanette, thank you for this incredible gift.

    One of the toughest things for me in particular has been to let go of past hurts and resentments. I have had an easier time healing my own physical pain in meditation than I have simply letting go of hurt. I tried the whole forgiveness route, and until I read your post I wasn’t clear on my struggle around that, which I now know is that when I focus on forgiving there is still fault and blame being doled out and that didn’t jive for me.

    This affirmation has completely freed me and made me lighter, as Quilly described. I have made one adjustment:

    “I don’t hold anything against anyone any more, especially myself.”

    Because let’s face it, holding things against other people is just a symptom of expecting perfection and the one who I have held to the highest perfection standards is myself, and it’s exhausting! Thanks for giving me a simple and effective way to catch me in my tracks when I find myself regretting something I said over 10 years ago (for real). Thanks also to you wise father.

  21. Jeannette says:

    Nice addition, my friend. I think many of us will benefit from that extra touch!

    Thanks for posting, Jennifer. πŸ™‚

  22. Quilly says:

    Oh YES! That’s even better, Jennifer … Sometimes my foot has been sore from kicking myself — well, no more of that!!! … Thanks! … πŸ™‚

  23. Karen says:

    I really need to remember this at work when things that others do affect what I do, like adding time to my day to correct their mistakes.

  24. Jesann says:

    I like this line. It’s like holding up your palm and telling bad memories to talk to the hand. πŸ™‚

  25. Kati says:

    Ahh, I love this mantra! πŸ™‚ Gonna start using it! πŸ™‚
    I also have an issue with forgiveness for the very same reason as you Jeannette.. πŸ˜› But I’m all for releasing the tensions and focusing on feeling good instead!
    Thank you for the reminder! πŸ™‚ xx

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