How We Create Them To Be
This might sound like it contradicts the voodoo I don’t do, but I don’t think it does and it’s important to cover anyway.
Because lots of times we hold up our own happiness based on how we create another to be.
That’s what they called it at Landmark Forum to describe how our focus influences the way others to show up for us.
In fact, it was at Landmark that I saw powerful example of this influence …
There was a participant who shared that he called his girlfriend to ask her an important question and she said no, much as he unfortunately expected her to. The instructor said that’s because he called the girlfriend he expected would say no. “Now go call the girlfriend who can say yes.”
The guy came back five minutes later with tears in his eyes saying his girlfriend said yes to the exact same question she’d just said no to minutes before.
That got our attention about how people show up however we create them to.
It’s what happened to me when years ago I felt myself bracing for trouble as I realized Russ would soon be home to discover I had new foster kitties in the house. (He had made it abundantly clear he was not a fan of my foster activities.)
On this particular occasion when I noticed myself tensing with anticipation of his anger, I realized as I expected him to be angry, I was creating him that way.
I used that awareness to engage that little Landmark trick to create him differently.
Instead of thinking of him as being upset because I have kittens again, I imagined him being happy to see me doing what I loved, and supportive of the activity that mattered so much to me. Even if he couldn’t love kittens, he could love that I was doing what made me happy.
That’s all it was – just a couple little new thoughts and a better feeling to go with it.
The guy that arrived home two hours later was not my usual boyfriend. Instead of flashing an angry look after discovering kittens, slamming the door and giving me the cold shoulder for two days, this guy was delighted to see kittens. He got down on hands and knees to play with them on the floor. Asked me what I named them. Wearing a happy smile the whole time. I was dumbstruck.
At first I assumed he must have been abducted by aliens on the way home, and I was dealing with some sort of walk-in. But then I realized it’s just that I used my power differently – of how I created him to be.
We gotta watch where we point that thing! Crazy powerful!
It happened again last week when my coach diagnosed me as stuck in a story about what an asshole my ex is, and gave me homework of writing out a version of the story where he was the hero instead of the ass. A different story every day for seven days straight, where I cast him as the good guy instead of the bad guy.
Look, I know how this stuff works, I’ve played with it plenty of times, but for real – he’s got the jerk gene fully activated. A couple of scripts about him being a nice guy aren’t going to change things.
But she’s my coach, and she’s really good, that’s why I hired her, so I did it.
Halfheartedly. Just so I could say I did.
On the third day, he sent an email proposing happy resolution of an issue that had been a point of contention for us for well over two years. A hundred thousand dollar issue, to be exact. (Not the easiest one to ignore.)
I’d been telling the version about what an ass he is for so long that it was next to impossible for him to be anything but that (for me). Just even a halfhearted attempt at a new version gave him a chance to show up differently.
So it isn’t so much that he was a jerk, as it was that I was a pro at vibrating him to be a jerk.
It all makes perfect sense when we remember that the world just reflects/matches our own vibrations.
Here’s what Abe has to say about it:
… Source is looking through your eyes and has an opinion of everything that sometimes you’re in alignment with and sometimes not. And sometimes there is something about a person that causes you to focus yourself out of alignment so that you can’t see them as they really are. Because you (the hotseater) made it sound like something they were doing, and we want you to understand that it is ALWAYS something you are doing.
Some want to argue with that because some people just get in your face and they are just annoying, and it’s hard to believe that you are the reason for that.
As you practice and practice and practice and practice the frequency of what you want, you’ll see how LOA will sort out who comes near you and will also sort out what they say when they get there.
Everyone has many probabilities of what they may be inspired to and you have more control over what they are inspired to than you have ever even begun to realize. Abraham-Hicks, Cancun, 2013
Are you making your boss out to be a jerk? Your neighbor to be troublesome? Fellow drivers to be idiots? Politicians to be unreliable?
Or are you making them out to be lovely, generous, competent, and pleasant?
I’m intending this story helps you become more aware of how you’re creating others to be, and making edits where you see fit.
Wherever you see room for improvement, give yourself – and others – the gift of a new story. Lord knows I will be! 🙂