How We Create Them To Be

February 15, 2016 | 48 Comments »

How We Create Them To BeThis might sound like it contradicts the voodoo I don’t do, but I don’t think it does and it’s important to cover anyway.

Because lots of times we hold up our own happiness based on how we create another to be.

That’s what they called it at Landmark Forum to describe how our focus influences the way others to show up for us.

In fact, it was at Landmark that I saw powerful example of this influence …

There was a participant who shared that he called his girlfriend to ask her an important question and she said no, much as he unfortunately expected her to. The instructor said that’s because he called the girlfriend he expected would say no. “Now go call the girlfriend who can say yes.”

The guy came back five minutes later with tears in his eyes saying his girlfriend said yes to the exact same question she’d just said no to minutes before.

That got our attention about how people show up however we create them to.

It’s what happened to me when years ago I felt myself bracing for trouble as I realized Russ would soon be home to discover I had new foster kitties in the house. (He had made it abundantly clear he was not a fan of my foster activities.)

On this particular occasion when I noticed myself tensing with anticipation of his anger, I realized as I expected him to be angry, I was creating him that way.

I used that awareness to engage that little Landmark trick to create him differently.

Instead of thinking of him as being upset because I have kittens again, I imagined him being happy to see me doing what I loved, and supportive of the activity that mattered so much to me. Even if he couldn’t love kittens, he could love that I was doing what made me happy.

That’s all it was – just a couple little new thoughts and a better feeling to go with it.

The guy that arrived home two hours later was not my usual boyfriend. Instead of flashing an angry look after discovering kittens, slamming the door and giving me the cold shoulder for two days, this guy was delighted to see kittens. He got down on hands and knees to play with them on the floor. Asked me what I named them. Wearing a happy smile the whole time. I was dumbstruck.

At first I assumed he must have been abducted by aliens on the way home, and I was dealing with some sort of walk-in. But then I realized it’s just that I used my power differently – of how I created him to be.

We gotta watch where we point that thing! Crazy powerful!

It happened again last week when my coach diagnosed me as stuck in a story about what an asshole my ex is, and gave me homework of writing out a version of the story where he was the hero instead of the ass. A different story every day for seven days straight, where I cast him as the good guy instead of the bad guy.

Look, I know how this stuff works, I’ve played with it plenty of times, but for real – he’s got the jerk gene fully activated. A couple of scripts about him being a nice guy aren’t going to change things.

But she’s my coach, and she’s really good, that’s why I hired her, so I did it.

Halfheartedly. Just so I could say I did.

By the second day, he pulled a move that only nice guys pull. (“Holy sh*t, Lisa Hayes is a blankety blank magician!” I reported in the forum.)

On the third day, he sent an email proposing happy resolution of an issue that had been a point of contention for us for well over two years. A hundred thousand dollar issue, to be exact. (Not the easiest one to ignore.)

I’d been telling the version about what an ass he is for so long that it was next to impossible for him to be anything but that (for me). Just even a halfhearted attempt at a new version gave him a chance to show up differently.

So it isn’t so much that he was a jerk, as it was that I was a pro at vibrating him to be a jerk.

I’ve learned this story many times, and yet the lessons continue.

It all makes perfect sense when we remember that the world just reflects/matches our own vibrations.

Here’s what Abe has to say about it:

… Source is looking through your eyes and has an opinion of everything that sometimes you’re in alignment with and sometimes not. And sometimes there is something about a person that causes you to focus yourself out of alignment so that you can’t see them as they really are. Because you (the hotseater) made it sound like something they were doing, and we want you to understand that it is ALWAYS something you are doing.

Some want to argue with that because some people just get in your face and they are just annoying, and it’s hard to believe that you are the reason for that.

As you practice and practice and practice and practice the frequency of what you want, you’ll see how LOA will sort out who comes near you and will also sort out what they say when they get there.

Everyone has many probabilities of what they may be inspired to and you have more control over what they are inspired to than you have ever even begun to realize. Abraham-Hicks, Cancun, 2013

Are you making your boss out to be a jerk? Your neighbor to be troublesome? Fellow drivers to be idiots? Politicians to be unreliable?

Or are you making them out to be lovely, generous, competent, and pleasant?

I’m intending this story helps you become more aware of how you’re creating others to be, and making edits where you see fit.

Wherever you see room for improvement, give yourself – and others – the gift of a new story. Lord knows I will be! 🙂

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48 Responses to “ How We Create Them To Be ”

  1. Iyabo says:

    Wow! Wow! Wow! I do this all the time but I am changing that pronto. I think some of it is to protect ourselves. Whatever the reason is, I do not need protection from anything. It always works out to my benefit. It is that energy of avoidance of trouble rather than embracing the good. I love this story. It is totally helpful to me, today of all days.

    So I start imagining the outcome that the guy calls because I am that girl that he cannot stop thinking about and when he says that, I just grin and say, “Of course.” I start imagining that coaching practice flourishing because I have so much to offer the world. I realize that the new scar on my face just adds to my intrigue and beauty.

    It is all my own making.

  2. Michael says:

    Jeannette,
    Love your take on this and it is so true when I was telling myself it would not work out it did not work out. Now that I usually stay focused on the good life gets better everyday.
    Michael

  3. Cheryl says:

    Jeannette,

    This is brilliant……..and almost “too easy”……….I cannot wait to get started. Thank you!

    Cheryl

  4. Amanda says:

    Oh this couldn’t be more timely! I’ve just experienced (co-created) a situation with a friend for many years, where she betrayed a confidence of mine. And it didn’t take me long to feel that this was the best/easiest way to change our relationship which I think had run its course for us both. The only thing that feels a bit odd is that it appears we’re not going to discuss this, which I think is also okay. The underlying feeling to this whole experience (once I got beyond my knee jerk reaction) is one of relief, and I’m supposing it is for her as well. So, thanks, Jeannette, for posting what feels to me like a confirmation:-)

  5. Tee says:

    Ok so if you’ve been vibrating that your guy is a jerk or (fill in the blank)…where’s the starting point for telling a different story?

    Is it as simple as just writing out a sweet story of your guy?

    • Jeannette says:

      Yep, tell it how you’d like it to be, Tee, to whatever extent you’re able. I noticed that each time I told my new story, it got better and I felt it on a deeper level. Be willing to practice and experiment with it until you get the hang of it. 🙂

  6. Janette says:

    Cannot tell you how much I love this post. I’m not bad at freeing up those I love to be fabulous people – I’ve been practising that for a while.

    But it’s time I freed up politicians and other people in leadership positions to be honest, courageous, generous and open-minded. I have a few I’ll be freeing up this week. 🙂

    • Jeannette says:

      Haha – I was actually thinking as I wrote this up, Janette, that anyone who thinks they’ve got this nailed – let me just throw in bad drivers or politicians and they’ll see where they have room for improvement. lol

  7. Katy says:

    Reminders reminders!! I think I need them every other day!!

    So glad this arrived in my email because as I was reading it I realized I was slacking a bit in this area. Like you…I ‘know’ this but dang how it can get away from you!

    Loved the stories and how you could see how your ‘expectations’ were drawing them to you and how nicely even a general improvement made such noticeable difference!! I will be watching where my expectations are taking me today! Thanks Jeannette! 🙂

  8. Elle says:

    This was really good.

    I still do not get how “some people just get in your face and they are just annoying, and it’s hard to believe that you are the reason for that”. How can we get them out of our face? Ignoring them? Seeing that they have problems as well and that is why they are crooked? Raising our vibe so that we do not rendezvous with them, as Abe always say? These things never bothered me until I actually drew attention to them and then I started seeing it more. Again, I think living in my own bubble is the best way to counter this, because I just do not notice it then.

  9. Dani says:

    As I am about to study abroad (as someone who hasn’t travelled alone before in my life) I am feeling nervous. I’ve been trying to create the story that everyone I meet wants to help me and protect me. And this post is a kind of reassurance that I can definitely have that experience.

    I am the kind of person that people want to help and feel protective of!

    • Dani says:

      As an added after thought. I’ve only now realized that I need to change the story of my coworker. When I think about him it’s always

      “He’s funny and make me laugh but he’s * negative* * negative* *negative*”

      I will definitely work on that

    • Jeannette says:

      What a wonderful story to activate, Dani! “Everyone loves and adores me, they go out of their way to look out for me, they make sure I have an easy and pleasant time, they are SO good to me!” 🙂

  10. Ariadne says:

    This is brilliant. Going to work on this right now! Thanks, Jeannette!

  11. The other day I ran into a neighbor at the grocery store and we fell into a conversation. He mentioned that he was seeing a realtor the next day – a realtor who had said she knew and liked me (and I like her!). I asked, naturally, “Are you thinking of selling?” He went into a long story about how cold and unfriendly the neighborhood is and how he wants to live in his home state of North Carolina where “people are so friendly.” I’m standing there, thinking, “I’m friendly. I’m standing here talking with you in the canned soup aisle at the grocery store for 10 minutes. How much more friendly can you get?” And that’s when I saw the reality he had created to support his desire to live in North Carolina. If he created a reality that he’s damn sure lucky to have a friendly neighbor like Michele Woodward (and everyone else) I bet he and his family would be living on this street for years. 🙂

    • Jeannette says:

      Every time I think about how I’m looking forward to really nice neighbors at my next place, it reminds me that I better pack my “really nice neighbor” vibe with me or they won’t be there when I get there. lol

    • Elle says:

      He is sure missing out, Michele. People are blind, what can I say? But, as you very well stated, they create their own reality. I wish I had a neighbor like you! Trust me, I would do the happy dance every day! At least I can appreciate good people when I see them.

  12. Mindy J says:

    Thank you so much for that Jeanette it hit me spot on! Recently I have been going through some really low lows and Source has been gently guiding me through all this . And once I asked Source to give me different perspectives and to let go and to change my thoughts, I’ve been getting all kinds of opportunities to do so. And now this remarkable post, which I am amazed every time I read your posts that it’s exactly what I need to hear, has resonated with me deeply. peace and hope has returned!! So grateful. And to your wonderful coach Lisa Marie!!! ????

    • Mindy J says:

      Sorry, not sure where those?’s came from!!!

      • Jeannette says:

        That clears up a big mystery, because every once in a while an international reader’s comment will have those question marks at the end, and I’ve thought it must mean something I’m not privy to. lol

        Nice to know it’s just a glitch. haha

  13. Namaste says:

    Jeannette,

    I didn’t know you are a Landmark grad. I spent a number of years doing seminars with them. Their story technology is still an all time favorite of mine.

    Great post, really enjoyed reading about the outstanding results changing your story caused. Always a good reminder, thank you.

    I reread this line probably ten times but I still am unclear about it. Maybe you can shed some light? It’s from the Abe quote, “… Source is looking through your eyes and has an opinion of everything that sometimes you’re in alignment with and sometimes not.”

    Namaste

    • Jeannette says:

      Not surprised to hear that you’re a Landmark grad, Namaste!

      I had to read that Abe quote several times, too. Here’s how I interpret it:

      Source is has an opinion of everything that sometimes you’re in alignment with and sometimes not. When we’re not seeing things the way Source is, we’re not in highest alignment and it doesn’t feel fabulous.

      So when I’m looking at my ex as an ass, and that thought doesn’t feel good, that means Source is seeing him differently. Source sees him as perfection.

      In fact, when I judge myself for seeing my ex as an ass (when it seems like I should know better), and that thought doesn’t feel fabulous, that also means Source is seeing me differently than I am in that moment.

      Helpful?

  14. Aniket says:

    Thanks Jeannette for the post.

    Its really a great read and a reminder that we are the creator of our reality. Whatever we vibrate gets reflected back in our reality.

  15. Laura Hansen says:

    Thanks Jannette, I was vibrating, just last night, that my husband is a jerk. Him & I even got into a little nit picky fight. I shifted that this morning after reading your post. Great reminder and now I am so excited. I just called my husband and told him how wonderful he is & now I vibrate at true love. I love him so much! Thanks again for the reminder. Awesome! 🙂

  16. Barbara says:

    Oh boy, this is a great post! While I’ve been aware that this past week I’ve been creating a lot of the “idiot driver” vibe as I go to work, this post just reminded me to create a new version!!!

  17. Love this! I realized lately that I’ve really been letting negative views of others to affect me (people being annoying at the grocery store, aggravation and frustration at the small-minded memes I see posted on FB, etc.).

    I wondered if you could do this story telling on people you don’t know – such as soon to be clients (ones you haven’t met yet). I’m guessing you can if you can do it on the general like “bad drivers” and politicians.

    I also want to tell a new story of how my recently hired sales person is hitting it out of the park effortlessly and he’s really committed, driven, and an awesome sales person.

    • Well, that didn’t work with regard to my sales person – it seemed to backfire. Last night I typed up a story of sorts about how awesome he was, etc. And less than 30 minutes ago I get an email from him saying he decided to go in another direction.

      • Jeannette says:

        Actually, Stacy, when that happens – I think it means your salesperson wasn’t a match to what you were asking – and you’ve successfully cleared him out so Universe can deliver someone that IS a match to what you’ve instructed.

        It’s good news, is what I’m saying! And things are about to get way better! 🙂

        (That’s actually what I was trying to do when I dialed on to love, quiet, peace and appreciation … I thought my crackhead neighbor would HAVE to make an exit from my world when I got dialed in on those vibes really well, because he was the exact opposite of those things. I was very surprised when he turned into love, quiet, peace and appreciation for me.)
        http://goodvibeblog.com/leaving-reality-behind/123/

  18. barbara85 says:

    This is so great and so important. I wish I could get this into my head and remember it. I’ve been telling the story of how my boyfriend is a jerk/wrong for me/the relationship is wrong/etc.etc. for more than a year. At the moment I feel so hopeless and stuck, like I just want out of the relationship, but that’s not going to happen (because we have made important and costly committents together and I don’t want to break his heart). I have to give this way of seeing things a try. Cast him in a different light and see what he becomes…
    What do you do when you get to the part in the scripting where you write something that you really don’t believe? For example I would have a hard time believing “My boyfriend gives me all the freedom I want.” Do you just push through the nay-saying thoughts, or would it be better to go for something more general?

    • Rosie says:

      I would go general and only write things that you really believe so that you can get to feeling good about him, and from there you could maybe prayrainjournal about him giving you freedom and other qualities that you are looking for. I am in a similar situation and this is what I am trying at the moment anyway, and so far so good! If you are stuck for positive traits to appreciate about him, you could write about how you felt when you met him, your favourite memories of him and get back into those feelings. 🙂

  19. Sig says:

    Fantastic as always. I sort of feel like the Universe recently got sassy with me and went “Ugh, I will just show you how perfectly I can match the story someone is telling.”
    I was standing at a bus stop, when this person started complaining how he couldn’t get the bus he needed and that it never seemed to come. I registered that as odd because the bus he wanted comes ridiculously often. He checked the time-table and apparently he had to wait over 20 minutes for the bus to come, so he went to a nearby store to pass time.
    And the moment he left, the bus came!
    It is amazing to observe how reality responds to the vibes sent out.

    • Jeannette says:

      Isn’t that a perfect example of how committed Universe is to making us right, whatever we say?! lol

      Great story, Sig – thanks for sharing it. 🙂

  20. Can I add a spin here?

    My little mind does not know everything. If I decide in advance that a person being that way or that way is the best solution for all, I know I will create less than possible.

    I usually go in with a question like “what can I say or be that would create the most for all right away?”

    Aaah me and my questions LOL

  21. Trace says:

    Makes me stop and think about those bitching about partner sessions that always seem to happen when women get together. Next time I think I will stick to just talking all the things he does that are right.

  22. John says:

    I did this a few years back with my sister. She would take care of our sick mother and be a total monster about it – screaming, fighting, making a scene at the doctor’s office – you name it. One day I had traveled to her house to accompany them both to a doctor’s appointment, dreading the impending fights. But I visualized the situation better, happier, and without all the horrors. And it worked. It was astounding.

  23. Sacred says:

    So is this simply about imagination?

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