Law of Attraction La La Land

February 9, 2012 | 19 Comments »

This guest post is written by LOA Relationship Coach Lisa Hayesdenial in deliberate creation

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences about denial in deliberate creation. Here’s Lisa:

I remember once talking to a coach who told me she could maintain an optimum vibration while her marriage was in the active stages of failing. I will fully admit I laughed, out loud. Not too surprisingly, I haven’t heard from her since.

This is not unlike the many well-intentioned, well-trained law of attraction geniuses who are in a marriage that is abusive on some level or a job that is draining their life blood, who are looking the other way – in the name of law of attraction. La la tra la la. I know the song, because I’ve been there.

We’re trained to do it. “Tell a better story.” Don’t put your attention on things that don’t please you. Focus on what you want. Don’t look over there if you don’t like it.

So, we engage in distraction, or disillusionment.

However, here’s the rub.

denial in deliberate creationThe foundation for law of attraction is self love. “Law of Attraction” without self love is going to be LOA gone terribly wrong. When we’re engaging in a situation daily that is hurting, it’s like being a frog in a pot boiling slowly. It’s freaking hot, and it’s honestly painful, but on some level you just don’t notice it. However, on some level you do. On some level that broadcasts to the Universe you are in serious peril and pain. So, because the Universe always responds to our dominant vibration, when you’re boiling to death, telling a better story with a smiley face sticker on it, isn’t likely to result in smiling faces.

There is no Law of Attraction practice without self love. I recently interviewed someone who said she never uses the words self love because they are so hard to define. She only talks about behaving lovingly toward yourself. Truth be told, staying in a situation that’s hurting you is not behaving lovingly no matter how hard you’re trying to tell a different story. It’s virtually impossible to legitimately shift your vibration on any subject when you’re boiling to death slowly.

Lisa Marie Hayes is a Relationship Coach and host of Relationship Rx on Blog Talk Radio, where today she launches a new interview series: The Top 10 Most Influential Women in Coaching.

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19 Responses to “ Law of Attraction La La Land ”

  1. MissyB says:

    Ok – this makes sense BUT…
    I don’t like my neighbour. Are you saying I should move in order to stop boiling to death ?

  2. Jesann says:

    This is just my inexpert take, but: MissyB, is your neighbor constantly harrassing you, or do you just have a cold relationship with each other? If it’s merely unfriendly but there’s nothing else, then you could just try shifting your attention. But if the neighbor is doing things that put your sanity or even your life in jeopardy, then yes, maybe moving would be better.

    There’s nothing you can do to control the other person’s behavior save calling police or getting them kicked out. So if it’s just general dislike, you can’t get them to become your best friend unless they want to change. In that case, shift attention somewhere else and change what you focus on. Pay them no attention.

    If they are making your life difficult and no one seems to be able to stop them, then you move. You’re still shifting your attention (to better neighbors), but you do not have to ignore what’s going on if it is essentially hurting you.

    I think the point Lisa is trying to make is that too many people wind up in unhealthy situations but stay and think that if they just ignore it and act positive, the other people and conditions will come around and act the way the first person wants them to. any change will involve a shift in attention, yes, but that does not mean you can make others act the way you want.

  3. Well said, Jesann.

    MissyB, you remember my crackhead neighbor, right?
    http://goodvibeblog.com/guess-who-mowed/

    That felt like a pretty extreme situation, but managing the energy worked to turn it around.

    Some things, though, require a different approach. I’m really interested to explore that here to create a better understanding around it. It seems to me like it’s kind of like pornography – you know it when you run into it, but it’s tough to define.

    Jesann, I appreciate when you said, “too many people wind up in unhealthy situations but stay and think that if they just ignore it and act positive” they don’t have to take action that they’d rather avoid.

    Looking forward to diving into this discussion with you all …

  4. Eva says:

    Thanks for the excellent post! We’ve all seen this and it can be unsettling.. To me it’s all about the feelings. You can tell yourself any story, look the other way, have a couple cocktails (or more than a couple) but if you’re not in touch with your feelings nothing will really shift. You’ll go right back to the same relationship/job only with a different face. You have to feel you’re angry/sad/hurt and then really analyze what will make you feel better,then move in that direction every chance you get. Without the internal analysis nothing will shift.

  5. I think you’re right, Eva, that sometimes there are cocktails (or other numbing agents) involved to avoid the feelings or assist with the distraction. That could be a sign, huh?

  6. GorgeouSophie says:

    [MARKED AS SPAM BY ANTISPAM BEE | Empty Data]
    MissyB, thanks for asking, this is precisely the situation in which I am with the scumbags with whom I live (not even a fence between us!)although I am starting to see the funny side…with gritted teeth at times, hehehe! Jesann, thanks for answering, very cool indeed

  7. Ashley says:

    Love this! LOA is not about living your life with your head in the sand. I see LOA is about being in touch with your feelings and based on your feelings making choices that will make your life better, make you feel better. LOA has actually taken me out of denial because I want to be in situations that easily put me in the Vortex. Let’s put it this way, I can’t fake being happy if I’m in an unhappy situation but I have the power to change it and write whatever story I want for my life. I’m fortunate that I no longer attract unhappiness and drama in my life. I stated a long time ago that I’m drama free and there is so much freedom that comes with that.

  8. Noelle Sharp says:

    Yes I hear you here, BUT it IS ALL ABOUT US, not them! So, what I’ve noticed is that my husband is the most PERFECT mirror of my every little teeny weeny bit of negative vibration!!! He picks up on it, and responds just like I have, albeit “unconciously” asked him to respond, lol!

    So, when I come home in a really great mood and he’s “up” for it, he responds in kind, or else he’s sleeping! And when I come home in a lousy or even minutely negative mood, oh boy he’s “up” for that too, lol!

    So, Lisa I’m not sure if I agree with you here or not….. maybe in some cases where it’s gone too far before you’ve even acknowledged there’s a problem, and it’s just too much damn work to shift, but if you’re truly aware of the perfect mirror the other person provides then they can possibly be THE MOST VALUABLE TEACHER you’ve ever had in your life, with LOTS more to gain from them!!!

    Cuz I’ve found that the more I can stay happy no matter how my hubby feels, then ain’t almost NOTHING else in the world that will throw me “off”, lol!!! And THAT’S AWESOME!!!

  9. Noelle Sharp says:

    Oh and one more thing; it also all depends, as Abe would say, what kind of a ride you want in life!!! And how truly FREE you want to be! Oh yeah you can insulate yourself, and just surround yourself with fluffy, lovey, dovey, sunshine and lollipops all the time, yes…..BUT then you can’t go anywhere else!

    You have to stay there in that “cushioned nest”, so to speak! For myself I want to be able to go anywhere, do anything, see anybody I WANT TO, and still feel like ME and GOOD! My goal in life is, as Abe would also say, to be UNHURTABLE!!! And you can laugh your head off, but I DEFINITELY think it’s possible, I am at least about 2/3 rds there anyway!!! Oh boy have I “conquered” some “challenging” ones!!!

    And I deal with the public every day, up close and personal too, and people are always NICE to me!!! Really, even the ones that are nasty to everybody else are nice to me, and if they even start out being nasty, I can somehow “turn them around” and they leave happier than they arrived!!!

    I count this as probably my biggest talent, and truly I give most of the credit for it to my “very difficult” husband whom I do strive to love unconditionally!

    Thanks for giving me such a great topic to think and express myself about :))!

  10. MissyB says:

    I do GVG ! I remember it well.
    That was my point…you cleaned up your vibe. But I’m hearing the lovely Lisa say “get out” of it, and maybe that wasn’t her intention. As the saying goes…I’m only responsible for what I say, not what you hear.
    If you can’t get out…then you make the best of what you’ve got. Is that sticking your head in the sand ?

  11. I’m wondering … if Susan Powell (missing wife of Josh Powell, who recently murdered his two boys in a house explosion) had been a deliberate creator, what would she have done different?

    That’s the kind of dangerous boiling pot we’re talking about, I think.

    You know how sometimes Abraham offers the disclaimer before they continue with their answer, that “of course, if it’s a situation of abuse, …” it’s a whole different story. Know what I mean?

  12. As always, really great content from Lisa Hayes! I love it for alot of reasons, here are a few:

    1) Its real, its direct and its honest.
    2) It could throw some cold water on some people who need it, including me! 🙂
    3) The focus on Self Love. Its such a important part of how my life has transformed and continues to do so. My life really stayed very similar no matter how much meditating, yoga, qi gong, massages I rec’d, self help books I read until I did 3 things in a radically different way then I had ever done them before:
    A) Got Super Grateful for what I already had
    B) Focused on how great I was, no matter how small or large the example. Just like last night I reveled in self appreciation for remembering to take the garbage out! LOL! That alone had me laughing and loving myself for the better part of an hour! 🙂 And just for being, just for being a child of The All and Everything. I just became much more gentle and loving with myself.
    C) Anything is Possible, just believed this statement, not much at first, but I meditated on it, I affirmed it, I asked the Universe if it was really true, I prayed on it. I looked at the world, and technology, and all the great minds and spiritual leaders, and all the amazing achievements in my life and outside my life and realized, Yes. Anything IS Possible.

    Self Love was the one that saved me…I needed it and I needed it bad. Thank God for Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life in 1997, planted seeds where I attracted in Abe in 1998, and so much since.

    Thanks, Lisa for such an eye opening and loving reminder of how easy it is to kid ourselves, and how important it is to investigate at the deepest levels, how we feel, when we feel, what we feel, where we feel it, what those feelings lead to, what they inspire, how they hurt, how they feel ecstatic, and everything in between.

  13. Leigha says:

    ooooh….I love this post 🙂 I truly believe that self love and LOA make MAGIC, and that without self love everything is superficial. Great post!

  14. Stephen says:

    Self love is the key.

    When I was a fulltime musician I used to marvel that people would applaud me for doing my job. During a show, every time I finished a song, people would clap. It really does wonders for your self-image.

    I make a habit these days of applauding myself for small victories (like taking out the trash, Matt). If I do the dishes, when I’m done I step back and take a bow to the applause I hear in my head.

    Little things like that helped me build habits of appreciation and have gradually changed my vibe. I became more loving of others because I was loving myself. I also developed habits of applauding others who do things that feel good to me, because applause (approval, appreciation expressed) feels good. If I can do something that helps someone else feel good, chances are they will play with me in a friendlier way.

    Another way to think about it is self love is the same as no resistance.

  15. I love these discussions on “glitches” ~ when real life gets in the way of the academics of LOA.

    I’ve never thought of self love as being so pivotal … but it makes sense.

    I mean, how can one possibly manifest the best for oneself when one continually accepts pain/hardship/abuse etc?

    And it doesn’t have to be big, life/death stuff either, as in Susan Powell’s case.

    It could be the constant pinprick of the humiliations dealt out by an egotistical boss. Or the constant martyring of giving up yoga time because you said yes to yet another school function.

    I like Stephen’s idea of “self love being the same as no resistance”.

    Because if you truly love yourself, you’ll believe yourself worthy, and you won’t resist.

  16. MissyB says:

    GVG – Isn’t any pot dangerous – if you can’t stand the heat, luke warm may just be as dangerous as boiling. If you see what I mean. I guess I always thought that once you changed your perception, the thing changed. At the very least your view of it changed thus making it easier to deal with. I can see what is being said though.

    Steve – love, love, love it. I’ve started applauding myself. This idea really resonates with me…perhaps because it has the innocence of childhood. Thank you for sharing.

  17. This is interesting timing, MissyB … I just learned yesterday that that former neighbor is a suspect in my tenant’s death.

    (things that make you go hmmmm …..)

  18. MissyB says:

    GVG – err…suspect in your tenant’s death?? What tenant’s death? Where have I been ? What’s that all about ! Where does LOA come in to all of that then ?

  19. Julio Blanco says:

    It was The Art of Self Love that helped me finally jump out of the pot I’d been boiling in for 30 years… eternally grateful Jeannette 🙂

    Thing is, what I’ve mostly manifested since then is just that, more self love… and it feels so good and makes the ride so much nicer that all the other good things I know are on the way are just gravy.

    Yet it’s also a gift to know enough self love to not feel compelled to hide from “lower vibes” like frustration, anger, fear, even feeling powerless. So I can feel those and still know that I’m perfectly lovable. Nothing to deny there.

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