Leaving Reality Behind
I’ve got three clients telling the same story: “I can’t get the relationship I want.”
These LOA savvy people have a long list of reasons to back up that “truth.” You know those reasons, right? “I’ve never been able to attract the kind of person I want.” “There aren’t any honest men left.” “The women I meet are only interested in my money,” etc.
Many of us have used similar “reasons” at some point to stay stuck in our story of reality.
I got stuck recently. My reason for being there was my mentally unstable drug dealing neighbor made multiple death threats against several of us in one weekend (including the vet who came over to euthanize my cat). My neighbor was the reason I was upset, angry, frustrated, and vengeful. And I had good reason to be (can you hear me stuck on it?). Here were some of them:
He was training his dog to kill my cats, laughed out loud when he knew he’d woken me up in the middle of the night, deals and does drugs in his front yard in the middle of the day (and night), tried to engage my boyfriend in a duel, swears at his grandmother when he catches her talking to me, threatened to kill me, drives recklessly down the street while kids are out playing … the guy is truly off-kilter.
The “truth,” as I and fellow neighbors told the police detectives, was that this guy was a drug dealing addict who respected no one (including the police) and was a danger to everyone in the neighborhood.
My list of reasons was long and well-documented by the police. My other neighbors had similar reasons too – which made it even more true. It wasn’t just me – lots of us felt that way! And we reinforced it with each other. The “reality” was we were dealing with a dangerous psychopath who could take all of us out at any moment.
So that’s where I was. Can you feel what a strong story I had going?
And I know how this works. I know that as long as I’m flowing anger, frustration and other negative vibes, that’s all I can attract -more experiences that inspire more anger and frustration.
I know that as I continue to send this energy out, I continue this same reality.
And I know that to change the reality, I have to change my energy.
So before I have any “reason” to feel differently, I have to find a way to start feeling differently. Or I’ll be stuck here forever.
I know moving isn’t the answer, because I’ll just take my “hate my neighbor” vibe with me, and voila -there will be a new problem neighbor wherever I go.
My work is right here. With my best next door teacher.
What do I want? That’s the question I (sometimes) remember to go to when I’m tired of feeling awful.
Well, I want Peace, Quiet, Appreciation, and Love. I write these words down on a sticky note. They’re still taped to my computer terminal as I type this, even.
That’s what I want. How does that feel? I conjure up feelings of peace, quiet, appreciation and love. Okay, I got it. That feels good. That’s what I’m after. That’s a good start to shifting the energy.
And two hours later the neighbor is cursing at my dogs who are barking while he conducts business in his front yard with yet another shady character. As I connect with feelings of anger and resentment and fear again, I remind myself that’s not what I’m creating. That’s not what I want.
What I want is peace, quiet, appreciation and love. I can get there. Even here, while I’m in the midst of something that would normally inspire very different feelings, I can get there. Because I’m in charge of how I feel. I’m in charge of what I create.
I talk myself to a better place. I conjure up the good feelings again. All is well. It’s okay, Jeannette. He’s just here to give you practice. It’s all good. Where would you get a better teacher than this?! Tough to imagine. God bless him for being willing to wear the black hat to teach you unconditional love.
Sometimes I could go with those thoughts. Sometimes it was more like, “He’s digging his own grave and can’t last much longer,” or “That sounds like a nasty cough – maybe he’ll get sick enough to die” or “Maybe he’ll move in with his new girlfriend” or “The recidivism rate is 87% for hell’s sake, it’s just a matter of time before he’s back in prison.”
So it wasn’t always love and light, but I regularly practiced talking myself into a better feeling place. For weeks. I certainly didn’t get there overnight.
And I’ve been getting better at it. I can feel the difference.
I knew that if I could consistently get on the vibe of Peace and Appreciation and Love, that he couldn’t continue the way he has been. I thought he’d end up in prison or the morgue or at least someone else’s neighborhood.
But I was wrong.
Over these last few weeks I practiced finding my way out of frustration and anger to Peace, Appreciation and Love. Late Monday night I got a phone call from him.
He spent five minutes apologizing for being a bad neighbor, asking my forgiveness, promising to change (including seeking out mental health support), and wanting me to know that he respects me and would never hurt me or anyone I loved or any of my property. He was in tears within seconds of talking, and so was I after we hung up.
There it is.
There’s the Peace, Appreciation and Love I’ve been calling in. I didn’t think he was lined up for it, but I was wrong.
I knew he meant it when he said it, and the next day he had a dramatic opportunity to prove it.
The German Shepherd he’s been trying to train to kill my cats actually had a prime opportunity to do so. She took off like a bat out of hell when she spotted Elsa (Russ’ favorite) across the street, and Elsa ran like her tail was on fire, and then my neighbor followed suit faster than both of them. He ran after his dog like his life depended on it, because he did NOT want a bad ending for my cat, certainly not at the jaws of his dog. I loved him for his sincerity.
We’ve turned a corner. I can easily feel the Peace and Appreciation and Love. Even as he’s chasing down his dog chasing down my cat (who easily found a safe spot). Nothing but love for a guy that I … well, didn’t easily find love for before.
We live with our best teachers. Mine has taught me even better how to flow what I want, even in the midst of a very contrary reality. (Dad reminded me at lunch this from Carolyn Myss: “Your task is to learn the lesson that the teacher has for you rather than to resent the teacher.”)
For my clients who continue to repeat the reasons they can’t get the relationships they want – they have the same work ahead of them. Finding a way to feel what they want before they have any reason to. That’s the deliberate creation work for ALL of us.
Once you’re there vibrationally, the Universe MUST yield to you. And it will seem like a miracle when it does.