Q&A: LOA & Negative Emotions?

May 17, 2012 | 33 Comments »

how to feel negative emotion without attracting more negative?Got a lovely question via facebook to run by you all.  Here it is:

My friend & I were discussing the law of attraction, and an interesting question came about:

Without creating an attraction of negativity for the future, how can a person remain present with a negative emotion (such as the sadness one might feel in the loss of a loved one) so that the negativity can be dissolved?

I suspect you guys will have excellent input on this one.  Is there a way to feel negative emotions without attracting more negative?

See you in the comments, and thanks for your insights!

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33 Responses to “ Q&A: LOA & Negative Emotions? ”

  1. Dana Boyle says:

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, because I’ve been RESISTING negative emotions that are there around a friend’s suicide and some unresolved feelings that come up with my baby losses. What I’ve learned so far is that, first of all, not allowing yourself to feel and honor the emotions we have just creates resistance. Those emotions are stuffed, and are sent somewhere else – probably into our bodies somewhere because I’ve noticed sore neck and back muscles, headaches, etc. Not only does that create resistance to being in the vortex and all that you want to manifest, it creates resistance in life in general. Those emotions don’t just go away.

    I think that if you feel the emotions and get in touch with yourself and offer yourself compassion and space, it actually feels better than stuffing it. What we’re after is feeling better. If it feels better to honor sadness or anger or grief than to stuff it and bottle it up, we’re headed in the right direction to honor it.

    Today Deb Droz recommended something akin to Morning Pages wherein you give yourself space to let your “negative” emotions out – bitch, grieve, cry, be sad, complain – and then you center yourself and go back to doing things that feel good for the rest of the day, but you aren’t clouded by that resistance because you’ve given yourself space and a valve to let some of those feelings out.

    Again, it’s all about what feels better. I can tell you it doesn’t feel good to block emotions that ARE there.

  2. I think you’re right, Dana, that the body ends up dealing with the denied emotions.

    I’m a big fan of Tom Stone’s work where he teaches people how to feel emotions because he says as children our spindle cells in the brain (responsible for handling emotion) weren’t fully developed, thus we were very easily emotionally overwhelmed, which no one likes to be. So we got into habits of not feeling our feelings in order to avoid that discomfort.

    But as adults, it’s time to change those habits.

    Curious to hear what folks have to say about what effect FEELING those negative emotions has on what they manifest …

  3. Liana says:

    I heard it said emotions are like waves, always coming into shore. It’s up to us which we let wash over us & which we choose to ride.

  4. Well, my first response is that there are no “bad” feelings it’s just the meaning that we assign to something that we do not desire. By being present to how we feel and allowing that feeling we are not creating resistance to it which will enable it to move through that much faster and at the same time launch rockets of desire for what we do want. Now our only “work” is to get aligned with tat.

    Basically what you are talking about is contrast…any emotion that does not feel good to us because we are not aligned with it. As we know, the purpose that it serves is to then get us super clear on what we do desire and what it would feel like to have that.

    I believe that any negative emotion that we do not allow ourselves to fully feel and accept (such as not grieving a loss) will remain in the body and manifest in another way such as illness. The emotion must be allowed to move through the body and then be released. That is why we feel so good after a good cry, we are releasing that energy. I think that when people do not adequately allow themselves to grieve there is a lower vibration that ruminates because of the resistance to whatever it is they are experiencing.

    Since thought precedes emotion, it is your thoughts about what has happened that is triggers your negative emotions and you always have the choice in how to respond to them since well-being is our natural state. In the book I am reading called The Vibrational Universe it states that “the emotional scale is essentially a measure of how much life force energy you are letting in and the degree of blockage or distortion of that life force”, which I take to mean that when you experience something unwanted you are cut off from Source energy from some level of resistance be it fear, doubt or simply the focus on that which is unwanted.

    So basically is always comes down to accepting what is, letting it go and then with your clean slate, get aligned.

  5. Caroline says:

    Great question but actually quite simple! Something sad, painful, frightful happens and what we need to focus on is letting go of the inevitable feeling (which is generally a crappy feeling) instead of hanging on, thinking about it, dwelling, negating, denying, or trying to stay ‘happy’. The sooner we feel the crappy feeling fully, let it flow like a river through us (crying always helps), the closer relief is. The expression of the crappy feeling (whether it come as tears or a session with a punching bag or resilient pillow) is the healing from the hurt. This topic reminds me of the Buddhist monk that carried the woman across the river and set her down while his fellow monk-friend ‘carried’ her for hours. Emotions come and go like breath, as long as we don’t get stuck dwelling in one emotion.

  6. Sophie Mihalko says:

    If you are in total allowance of the emotion, then you are not resisting either what caused it or what could be better.

    That means not only feeling it but alos not calling it negative. What if it was just what it is?

    If you have no resistance, you cannot create any more of it. You also now have total choice.

    How does it get any better than this?

  7. ChipEFT says:

    Any emotion, not just “a negative emotion” is simply the vibrational manifestation of the thought you are thinking. It is the same as “seeing” the vibrational frequency of the color green reflected off a leaf. It is information.

    If the thought creates contrast, or it is not in alignment with what you are wanting, the vibration will feel bad. The “feeling bad” is what tells you the thought is not serving you.

    The steps to getting over it are:

    –Allow it to be okay that it is a representation of the thought that does not serve you. (At least let it be okay that you can’t be okay with it right now.)

    –Identify the thought and determine what it is that you want. (The bad feeling thought represents the unwanted end of the stick. What’s on the wanted side?)

    –Relax and focus on what it is you want from where you are. (What thought or action feels like relief?)

    Chip

  8. ChipEFT says:

    What Laura said.

  9. Janette says:

    Yes, yes and yes to everything here!

    When my Dad was dying, nearly two years ago, I discovered that grief is not the opposite of joy. In fact, honouring and allowing deep grief has its own kind of divine beauty. This is not what we’re supposed to say, but I think it can be true if we allow it to be.

    Although I cried with family, and wrote a poem for my Dad’s funeral, I could not completely process the grief while I was with family and helping support my Mum. But my first day back home, on my own, I finally allowed myself to fully feel my grief. I stayed in my jammies and made pots of coffee, and was ultra gentle with myself.

    The emotion came in waves, each one no more than a minute or two. But I made a choice to allow myself to feel ANYTHING that came up. I howled. I napped. I cried. I read. I sobbed. Sometimes I laughed out loud at the intensity of my keening. I began to appreciate how GOOD I was at this experience. Coming from a repressed Anglo-Saxon background, I was surprised and delighted to know that I could tap into this deep well of raw, primal emotion… and express and release it.

    I channelled Medea and Cassandra and the other great tragic figures of Greek drama. I NAILED this grief thing!

    And by the end of that day, I felt complete calm and peace – which I’d not truly felt since first getting the call to say he was dying.

    I won’t say the entire grieving process was over in that one day. But I think without honouring my grief in that way, I could still be struggling with it. Of course I felt sadness again, initially every couple of days, and now maybe every couple of months. And when I do, I get to a place where I can be alone as quickly as possible, and allow the emotion to flow.

    No resistance. Not just allowing myself to feel, but going beyond that to honour and pay respect to my emotions. How could that be a negative?

  10. Lorraine says:

    Love Janette’s response.

    Unresisted emotion has it’s own divine beauty. Beautiful. And, when I allow rather than resist my emotions, I some how feel like I’m coming home, a sense of deep peace.

    According to Karla Mclaren, emotions are “action-requiring neurological impulses” . They actually show up to help us take the action we need to take – physically or energetically. For instance the energy of sadness actually supports us in letting go.

    I also love to communicate with my emotions (which I learned from Abigail Steidley). The pure emotion (minus the drama brought on by painful thinking) actually carries inner wisdom – it is how our soul communicates with us. You can have a conversation with sadness or fear or anger and it will give you some amazing insights and your inner beings perspective.

    I also really resonate with the idea that the gift of manifesting in physical form is that we receive the gift of our emotions. If we only wanted to feel joy we could have stayed non-physical. Part of the joy of being physical is feeling physical sensation…which includes our emotions.

    Love this question!

  11. Jack Hannigan says:

    Hi Jeanette,
    I think its possible to honour the feelings that we ‘label’ as negative, if we are able to also see the love and beauty in the other places in our lives, even if sometimes it is ONLY a tiny glimpse from very far away.

    There are may parallel emotions running alongside each other, every tiny altercation or image every thought we have, contains a myriad of opposites and alternatives. It is like a story book where you create your own ending.
    You may choose one fork in the road, over another, but you are still passing dark trees and ominous shapes 🙂 You can see them all, and pass by. You can even think them mysterious and beautiful, but you do not have to build a home next door to them.

    Sadness and melancholia are just as valid as joy, they are just a different colour. The dark does not exist without the Light.

    It is contrast that makes life so amazing.

    The hard part is when you get stuck in the dark places.
    That is when nature really shows it true colours.
    Being amongst nature is the way to avoid the dark I think, it is tenacious in its ability to survive and
    if you allow it, it will unselfishly pull you out of the darkest hole.

    <3

  12. Christine says:

    I have found it much easier to move with and through my darker emotions with all kinds of support.

    Having others I trust hold space for me is one of the greatest gifts they have given me. Their ability to silently look into my eyes and witness, their willingness to evoke and bring more to the surface, and their compassionate listening is a big part of my process.

    We have slowly learned how to do this for and with each other. I’m grateful to have found this way of feeling all feelings, being with what IS.

    It’s all love <3

  13. Ashley says:

    I love Janette’s response. I like the “honor the feeling, feel it fully then let it go” and starting today I’m going to make that a part of how I deal with extreme grief and emotion. No holding back, no more keeping up appearances, just feel it fully until you can’t feel it any longer.

  14. Berta Bauer says:

    I love Janette’s response and processed the death of my sister in much the same way. Also loved Jack’s response, and agree that they parallel emotions.

    My sister died in a car crash, and I didn’t find out the details of her death for nine hours, when I learned she died instantly. Years later I realized that the relief I felt knowing she didn’t suffer was my feelings about her. But all the rest of the grief was about me. I cried for myself-my loss of the closest friend I had. I didn’t resist the sadness, but I didn’t drown in it either. At times I needed to cry, wail, yell, laugh, remember, tell stories, and talk. Sometimes alone and sometimes with others. Sometimes I needed to suppress until I could be in the right place, with (or without) the right people around. But I let myself feel the emotions, and now when I think of her I feel the joy of having spent so many years with her in my life. Sometimes I find sadness, and I think I’ll probably always will. I’m OK with that.

    That being said, I felt (and still feel) that part of me died with her. But now, I think about this part of me that is gone as I do a perennial flower. The perennial appears as if it is dead in the winter, but it really is just dormant. And spring brings new life and growth, and more beautiful flowers.

    Last, there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Follow to your heart, and let your intuition guide you. I’m hoping the person feels the love from all who’ve responded, and all those who have only read the series. Namaste

  15. My suggestion is to sit with it and feel it fully. Act on it, if necessary, in an appropriate way, e.g., hitting a pillow, and then be done with it.

    I had the most fabulous cry yesterday — I was resisting the sadness before then and hadn’t realized how much had built up — and afterward I felt totally washed clean and open to allow.

    And of course, EFT is a marvelous tool for acknowledging and allowing what is, and then helping to release it from the nervous system and cellular memory.

  16. Anna says:

    By noting the feeling/emotion as *negative* per se, one is ultimately making a judgement of what that feeling is, that it is not *positive* or otherwise good, and is ultimately not wanted, desired, or beneficial.

    But what if that feeling of sadness WAS or IS a great positive, good, wanted and beneficial emotion?

    Something is only deemed negative by its comparison to what is perceived as positive.
    Good is only so in relation to bad.

    Check out the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu – chapter 23 I think.

    As we let go our hold on making judgements – which we all do every day, in ways we don’t even realize – we are freeing ourselves to feel, experience, live, and ultimately love. Unconditionally.

    It’s a trip, and well worth it on the love-life-feel-joy scale.

  17. MissyB says:

    Can’t remember where I read it…but apparently positive emotions are way more powerful than negative ones. So my thoughts are to feel as yucky as possible to move through it quicker…because once that is out the way and you can feel better, the positive emotions will kick any bad ass stuff straight out the door.
    Oh and what everyone says above too.

  18. Esra says:

    hi, You may find it silly but I don’t think so that sadness because of loss of loved ones (that was the example) is a negative emotion, this is how you express yourself and going thru those face you feel better at the end. I don’t remember where but I read something it says “let your emotions go out and don’t keep them inside otherwise you will poision yourself”. For the other negative emotions for example worry, I think all the LOA rules should be applied 🙂 Cheers, Esra

  19. Dana Boyle says:

    Anna,

    You make a beautiful point. I’ve done a ton of work with Cath Duncan on grieving and she works with grief so beautifully that it’s not at all something “negative.” It’s honoring all the beauty of the part of you that feels the way it does and has a different and new relationship with that which you have experienced the loss of.

    Janette said it similarly. But just to make it clear, she said she knows her grieving was not finished in a day, and nobody can grieve in a day. I’ve done lots of research on this topic and grieving takes on average (for a loss of someone very close) about four years to feel resolved.

    There’s nothing to “let go of” or finish. It’s all part of us.

  20. Cat says:

    I’m of the opinion that all is love, and if you look deeply at so-called “negative” emotions, you may find the love behind them. Grief, after all, comes from the sense of loss when something or someone we love has gone from our physical experience. Anger often arises in the face of injustice toward ourselves or others, so in a sense might be the face of love that sees us all as equal and worthy of being treated well. And so on. Once that is acknowledged, I find it becomes easier to fully feel the emotion in question (and even to let it go) while not being pulled down to a negative point of attraction, because we are also holding love in mind, which — as an energy-of-alignment emotion — is more powerful than whatever “negative” thing we may also, simultaneously, be feeling. One might use questions to introspect about “Where is the love in this emotion?” or “If I were feeling this way for a good reason, what would that reason be?” or something similar, in order to focus on both emotions at once.

  21. Dana Boyle says:

    We have to be careful of telling those grieving to “let go” of emotions. They are there for good reason and if viewed in that light, are much easier to feel through and offer compassion to.

  22. libby says:

    Beautiful words from everyone.
    Conceptually, we all know how this works. We know that when we lose a loved one, they are fully becoming who they really are. If we really accept that, we should be happy, and part of us deep down, usually is.
    The experience is not the same. It feels as though someone has reached in and taken the deepest part of you, and what’s left is aching space. But that loss is a perception. We’re sad for us, not them. As Berta said, ‘the grief was about me’.

    How would your Inner Being see this? It was see you as wounded, and it would flood you with compassion. It would give you a spiritual hug, and tell you that it it’s alright, because it knows the bigger picture. Be easy on yourself. Let go of resistance through tears. Allow what you feel to be where you are. And know that you can climb the emotional scale to a better feeling thought when you’re ready.

    @freeyourIB

  23. Suzanne M says:

    I think we fear negative emotions so much that we avoid them at all costs. Sometimes we are meant to go through a negative experience or have a negative emotion so that we can learn a lesson. It’s not always what we want to hear, but it can be true.

  24. Okay, so we’re in agreement that it’s important to feel whatever’s up, with lots of allowing and acceptance … but what are we creating/manifesting as we do that?

    As we grieve, are we attracting more reasons to feel grief? As we process sadness, are we manifesting more things to make us feel sad? Or is there a way to honor our “challenging” emotions without attracting more “challenges”?

    On one hand, I’m inclined to say the answer doesn’t really matter, because avoiding the “negative” feelings isn’t optional (or at least isn’t wise), so it’s got to be done regardless.

    But I’m also thinking that those are excellent creative opportunities! The “contrast” and our emotional response to it is what fuels this whole party! So the “don’t wants” (which are signaled by our “negative” feeling response to them) inspire the new desires, and that’s how we expand as powerful creative beings.

    It’s like Abraham says about step 1 (ask), step 2 (it’s given), and step 3 (we let it in) – it all begins with the contrast of step 1.

    So when we understand how the system works, we wouldn’t “wish away” that contrasty stuff.

    But we also know not to get stuck in it. Which we do by feeling it out and moving on. Moving on is really easy when we fully feel it out.

    To the original question about what we’re attracting as we do that, I guess I like the answer that I’m manifesting an even bigger dream come true – when I make a point of moving along in the creative process. But it all starts with the crap feeling stuff. lol

    See, this is why I wanted to run it by you guys. I’m not finding tremendous satisfaction with this response of mine …

  25. Sophie Mihalko says:

    But once you let it out, it is no longer a negative emotion so you cannot create anything like that anymore. It is only if you are holding it in, if you are resisting it that you are creating more of the situations that caused the upset.

    My two cents 🙂

  26. Trevor Emdon says:

    It’s a great question and my take on it would be that sadness, as related to loss or grief for example, is NOT a negative emotion – it’s healing.

    Fighting or resisting the sadness is the negative emotion. It prolongs the pain and puts the whole person into conflict.

    Some years ago I read that research into tears showed that when the eyes leak tears due to a piece of grit in them they are different from tears of sadness. The tears of sadness contain an enzyme which, according to the research, is present in over-abundance in people with depression. The implication is that crying is one way the body releases the sadness.

    Love the healing that’s happening is my bottom line. It’s not something to resist in the early stages of loss – it’s nature taking its course.

    Hope that helps!

  27. Kimberly, The Fur Mom says:

    I wondered about this every day since Riley’s passing. The grief that I experienced when we lost our puppy floored me. My heart was broken, but I knew that I couldn’t resist; I allowed the sadness to roll over me in waves.

    I love Liana’s description of waves coming on the shore;that’s what it feels like. I would feel fantastic and then it would come in and I was just too tired to resist so I felt all of it. I still have moments of anger, frustration, confusion, and sadness and the trick is to feel those, communicate with my partner, and not allow my grief to wash over others around me.

    I’m thankful that I have an outlet and that I can help educate dog owners. I even got to speak with a vet with the ASPCA. My mom says God would never give me more than I can handle and that S/He obviously wanted me to walk down a path. I wish God would have just said “walk down this path” and let me keep my puppy.

    Kimberly

  28. Stephen says:

    Perhaps it’s a matter of reaching for relief and being present with every step. Depression, grief, anger, they’re each necessary steps and each will give it’s own flavor of relief.

    Abe says reach for the best you can get to. Then move to that point and reach for relief again. It’s always there.

  29. wendy says:

    Eckhart Tolle on death…
    “death is a very sacred thing – not just a dreadful thing. When you react to the loss of form, that’s dreadful.

    When you go deep enough to the formless, the dreadful is no longer dreadful, it’s sacred. Then you will experience the two levels, when somebody dies who is close to you. Yes it’s dreadful on the level of form. It’s sacred on the deeper level. Death can enable you to find that dimension in yourself. You’re helping countless other humans if you find that dimension in yourself – the sacred dimension of life. Death can help you find the sacred dimension of life – where life is indestructible.

    Surrender can open that door for you. Complete acceptance of it. So honor that sacred dimension and realize that what your mind is saying, that it isn’t right, is just a form of conditioning – it isn’t the truth. It is supremely right.

    This is always the window into the formless. As you accept it, surrender. Because the form is gone, your mind becomes still when you surrender to death. It’s not through explanations that you accept death. You can have explanations, mental explanations that say, well, he or she will move on or reincarnate, or go to some place of rest. That can be comforting, but you can go to a deeper place than that, where you don’t need explanations – a state of immediate realization of the sacredness of death, because what opens up when the form dissolves is life beyond form. That is the only thing that is sacred. That is the sacred dimension.

    You can get tiny glimpses of that when you lose something, and you completely accept that it’s gone. This is a tiny glimpse of death and it can give you a tiny realization – maybe even more than tiny, if you’re ready.”
    taken from Sept 2011 newsletter Eckhart on Peace After a Loss
    http://www.eckharttolletv.com/newsletter/september-2011

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