LOA Parenting Interview

February 27, 2013 | 20 Comments »

Julie Masters

Julie Masters

When it comes to law of attraction parenting, these coaches walk their talk.

They use deliberate creation to raise their own families and are who I rely on for high vibing support at Good Vibe University.  I was delighted when all three accepted my request for an interview on the art of LOA parenting!

Here are Julie Masters, Lesley Reid Cross and Sara Garcia answering the big LOA parenting questions:

1. What does it mean to be practice LOA friendly parenting?

Julie: It is the intention to parent in the present moment, recognizing that whatever is happening, is a mutual creation, rather than your child trying to get their way at the expense of yours.

Lesley Reid Cross

Lesley Reid Cross

Lesley: For me LOA friendly parenting is simply following my essential self, the most positive loving clear part of myself, rather than social messages about what good parenting is.  The biggest skill I engage is listening to my body and stepping back when I feel tense, tight and constrained.  To be a clear, loving and positive parent, I need to embody those qualities myself in my relationship with my children and take a time out to feel my way through when I’m not.

Sara: My process started with a clear desire to enjoy parenthood and parenting, which led me to teachers and books that validated the possibility that parenting didn’t have to be a laborious experience. For me being an loa-style mom means letting my guidance system be in the driver’s seat of my decision making, allowing my children to lure me into my vortex as often as possible, embracing my inherent wholeness, and generally expecting that Life will be good.

Sara Garcia

Sara Garcia

2. What makes LOA savvy parenting different from traditional parenting?

Julie: It allows for a different degree of flexibility, because you recognize that you both, as a parent and as a child, have unique needs and desires that are always shifting and changing–hence the importance of the commitment to be present.  There are no formulas for schedules and rules – only unique arrangements.

Lesley: In relatively modern western parenting, say the past few hundred years, most ideas are about power: who has power and control over whom.  LOA savvy parenting is more akin to that of older societies, particularly the peaceful ones.  There’s a level of personal sovereignty recognized for every person, regardless of age, as well as deeper and more intuitive connections between individuals.  And a trust in the idea that one’s inner guidance is the best and most positive impulse regardless of how it appears to an observer.  An LOA savvy parent will take the role of mentor and partner more than that of a teacher, ruler or supervisor.

Sara: For me, the primary difference is that as an loa-style mom I’m (usually) showing up to life understanding my creative power and the value of all emotions & experiences.  That affords me the pleasure of being emotionally available and present with my children in their moments of contrast. Whereas if I’m working hard to manage and control their moods, I’m more likely to feel drained and disconnected from what I want. Knowing the value of contrast, I have less resistance to the broad range of feelings they can potentially experience in a day.  And because of that non-resistance, being there with my children in their upset moments is actually more of a pleasure than a drainer. This mindset is what allows the bumps in the road to become part of the fun!

3. What’s the biggest challenge you see for those using deliberate creation in child-rearing?

Julie: My biggest challenge was/is the fear, and often consequence, of being judged for what I do or don’t do as a parent.  There are so many cultural beliefs and ideas about what a “good” parent is.

Lesley: Continuing to follow the social self and ingrained and unexamined rules about what makes a “good parent.”  Much of that “conventional wisdom” is about controlling a child’s experiences and deciding what their outcome should be without the child’s input.  In different social circles these rules can be polar opposites, but following any without a gut check and without acknowledging the child’s desires is the most common way I’ve seen parents move out of their vortex and steer their children away from theirs.

Sara: When I embarked on loa parenting, I was immediately met with the vibrations of my own childhood and the ways in which I was parented. At first this caused me to make an enemy of my conditioning, which just made things worse!  So my biggest challenge has been to embrace who I really am and release deeply rooted contrast without making a villain of it. The big lesson has been realizing that the more I invite the old conditioning to stay, the easier it is to stay aligned with who I truly am.

4. How would you suggest moms and dads begin leveraging LOA in their parenting?

Julie: Adding LOA friendly responses, and expecting them to be “tested.”  However, children recognize energy shifts very, very, quickly, so if your own energy is clear about it, they will respond very rapidly, in my experience.  And, of course, practicing living your own LOA conscious life!

Lesley: Observe yourself as a parent and observe and interact with your children as whole, complete, sovereign people.  Pay attention to the sensations in your body while you interact with your children.  Any sense of tightness, heaviness, constriction – even and especially when it’s accompanied with a feeling of self-righteousness (in my experience there’s no bigger tip off to the sway of the social self) is a sign to step back and reconsider, even if it has to happen after the fact.  Lean into interactions with your children that feel wonderful and engage in more of them.  Connect.  Have fun together.  Question everything your mind tells you is “necessary.”

Sara: Think of a relationship that is really easy for you to feel good in – whomever you feel easiest, most comfortable, and most free being around. And simply contemplate: what would it be like if I could feel this easy and good with my child(ren)? What might it feel like if I could be more of my true self with my kids? What kind of mannerisms and behaviors come naturally when I feel my best?  Whatever insights come in response to those kinds of questions, pick the things that feel easiest to implement and intend that you’ll feel more inspired to do those things more often.

5. What are you most proud of in your parenting?

Julie: So many things make me proud, but I would say that the main thing is that they FOLLOW their OWN hearts!  And that I have amazing, open, respectful relationships with all of them.  I think that the belief that made the biggest difference in my own LOA style of parenting is that I had NO expectations of who they were, or what they would be interested in, or what they would do with their lives.  I mainly created a safe container for them to explore what they came here to explore, got out of the way, and watched with total amazement!

Lesley: What always makes the most difference- accepting my kids for who they are, exactly how they are in each moment, age and stage.  Allowing, appreciating and making space for their differences, quirks and emotions, and my own.  Turning towards love for my kids and myself no matter what is happening on the outside. (I don’t always succeed.)

Sara: I’m most proud of how much fun I’m having. The happier I’ve allowed myself to get, the more my parenting style seems to entrain with that. My best tip for parents – know that because life experience is the best teacher, you need not bend over backwards to teach your children what they need to learn to have a good life. Life is already helping them with that. Your job is to show more, tell less. Show them how good life can be with your own willingness to align with and allow what you uniquely and deliciously want. Now is always the right time and it’s never too late.

6. What’s one thing you would want every aspiring LOA parent to know?

Julie: That it’s one of the most (for me the most) enlightening, inspiring, entertaining, fun, mind blowing and heart opening, experience you could ever have!  And you never have to deal with being the guard for a grounded child!!

Lesley: Children are complete, whole beings with their own inner guidance and desires.  Trust them.

Sara: That your vortex can be the rule rather than the exception. If you know that’s what you want, you know what to do.

You can find more wisdom from Julie Masters here on facebook, and from Lesley Cross at Euphoria Life Design Studio.  And Sara Garcia is online at Vibrational Movement.

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20 Responses to “ LOA Parenting Interview ”

  1. Sara G says:

    This was really fun to write. And I love reading Julie’s and Lesley’s answers! Thank you for including me with these fabulous moms. 🙂

  2. http://www.loamoms.com. That should totally be a website!

    I think practicing deliberate creation as a parent would be rather challenging. But that’s probably just because I think parenting itself is rather challenging. lol

    Thanks for your delicious contributions in this interview, Sara! SO much appreciated! 🙂

  3. Sara G says:

    That’s so right on, Julie!! I’ve found the same to be true for me.

    And I also like to say that parenting appears challenging because it’s a call to the deep inner work and the expansion into sky high desires. It’s a LOT of opportunity for alignment for one relationship.

    And it’s the ultimate opportunity to practice leaning into the moment while not getting stuck there. Kids need to feel validated in their feelings as well as in their power to create what they want, which can seem like a balancing actt, but the less we resist the spectrum of emotion, the easier this all is, and the less we need to manage behavior. In a nutshell – the ease builds on itself. Very dynamic process and a wonderful ride! 🙂

  4. julie masters says:

    I agree with Sara, it was very fun to write! But then thinking about my children (and now my two grandchildren)IS fun!

    As far as parenting being challenging Jeannette–It certainly can be, but mainly because of one thing I didn’t mention above :)I always found that when my children’s needs appeared to be in contrast to my own, that they were actually reflecting them! They only appeared as conflict initially, because I was being “required” to grow myself! So, to meet their needs, I had to explore and question and validate my own–but when I “got” it–man that’s the awesome part!! 🙂

    Ease and flow,

    Julie Masters

  5. Jeannette —

    How exciting to see you discuss this topic here. Even though parenting is such an important aspect of life for many, you don’t often see this addressed on LOA-oriented sites.

    I thank each of you masterful parents for your perspectives! And thank you Jeannette for continuing to delight and surprise us here with the breadth of your themes—————–

    Evan

  6. Julie! That’s exactly it…our children reflect what we need to process! Our own feelings are so rarely about them or their behavior. And Sara, I love your perspective….feeling good in our relationships with our kids is so important.

    Jeanette, thanks for the opportunity to play and for such great questions!

  7. Christina says:

    If any of the parenting coaches would be willing to chime in here, I have an issue.

    Our son is 19 and his room is a mess. It’s not just clothes and stuff on the floor – it’s takeout food containers, open soda cans, dishes, etc. When he’s home, he stays in his room all the time either watching TV or playing video games and sits on his bed surrounded by trash and stuff. We’ve tried the heavy handed route – no eating in the room. That lasted all of a day. We’ve gone in there three times and cleaned out all the trash. He goes right back and messes it up again. He has a trash can. It gets filled but never emptied.

    I’m at a loss. I want him to be his own person, and he is an adult, but we are paying rent on this house and we can’t have issues with bugs or mice or other creepy crawlies because of the food left in his room.

    My emotional side wants to pack everything up and put in the shed. Sometimes my husband is ready to kick him out, but we really don’t want to do either one. We want him to have a clean room, an un-trashy room, and come out of his cave and be a part of the family every now and again, but I don’t know how to do that. We invite him to eat dinner with us but he says no to each invitation.

    He did recently break up with his girlfriend and lost his job, but the room has been a battle with us for longer than the girlfriend or the job. It’s not a recent change in behavior is what I’m saying.

    Help!

  8. Sara G says:

    Hey Christina!

    I don’t have any children who are technically old enough to live on their own, but I do have a teenager, and so I understand the challenge of going about similar issues.

    The trick here is finding the feeling of what you’d like to see happen – your ideal situation, getting settled in that feeling, and then finding a way to communicate with your son about the topic from that feeling place. What I love is that you know not to attack him for what he’s doing. Any time we attack someone’s behavior, they are automatically put in a position to defend their behavior – whether it makes sense or not, and that’s not what any of you wants.

    Recently, my husband and I had a conversation about Ethan’s grades. (He’s 14.) We noticed his grades have slipped a little since a recent leg injury. So we were talking and we both agreed that if we were to sit down and have a big conversation with Ethan that our kitchen would very quickly start to feel like a courtroom, and Ethan would immediately be on the defense. After hanging up, I pondered for a while and realized that what I really want is for Ethan to experience the value of doing well in school, whatever that means to him. I don’t want to constantly be in the role of the motivator or cheerleader, because I know he’s perfectly capable of aligning with his own source of inspiration.

    That day when I picked him up from school, he asked me without any prompting, “Hey Mom, have you checked my grades lately?” And we proceeded to have a nice conversation about it. I said it looked like he was doing really well in 3 classes and that, if he wanted, we could take a look at it together when we got home. And so we did. And I barely had to say anything! He was so surprised by the grades that were slipping and naturally concluded that he’d like to focus on doing better in those other classes. The best part was that he didn’t come to that conclusion out of feeling pressured. He allowed his own experience and expansion to help him with that. And he’s doing better! Only a few days later. He’s taking it upon himself to make up missed assignments. He’s doing his other assignments on his own. He’s delighting in how on top of it he is in the other classes.

    So maybe in your situation, you’d like to see your son delighting in his own inspiration to enjoy a clean space and to enjoy the responsibility of that. Or maybe you’d like to see both of you enjoying a conversation where you’re really connecting and everyone understands each other and the expectations and the moving forward energy is potent. But give yourself some time to feel what that would all of that would be like before you do anything or talk to him. If all of that feels like a far cry from where you are, allow yourself the time to peek at imagining it and then going back to your life, and engage it only as often as feels better from where you are. Would love to hear your thoughts or “yeah buts” or whatever comes to you.

    You’ve got this!

  9. Sara G says:

    I love what Julie said!!

    And Christina, I love that you’re clear about what feels better or worse from where you are. Another thing you can do that might loosen the energy is to think of the worst case scenario and just ponder why that would be so bad. If that feels scary to go into the experience that you’re afraid of – see if some self-divination would feel better. You can do this in writing, typing, or I just do it in my head. And ask whatever question feels better – maybe start with, “What would be helpful for me to know going into this situation?” Or “What might be good to do from here?” Or “Does it feel better to think about this today? Or would I rather focus on something else?”

    Sometimes all it takes is a tiny bit of willingness to have the experience you’re not wanting in order to loosen the resistance, and if that doesn’t feel right from where you are then validate everything that you feel. None of us knows anything better about what to do, think, or feel next than you. You’re right on track!

  10. Christina says:

    Thank you Sara.

    Envisioning him cleaning his room or even just asking for help with it right now is a stretch for me right now. Reading over what I wrote, I can see it in the words I used – a battle, a mess. I can feel the frustration and anger as well as the powerlessness. We were planning to talk to him again tonight, but instead I’ll see if hubby and I can meet and just talk about what’s great about him and work on coming from a better feeling place first.

  11. julie masters says:

    Christina, I don’t have an answer for you, as in my experience, every one of my children has been so different, that I never know the answer until I ask some questions–so, I’ll tell you what I would ask MYSELF, before I’d even bring it up to my son.

    First of all–What am I really worried about? Regardless of the mess, is he isolating himself more than usual? Does he seem to want to talk with me less? Is he an introvert? What is he working on when he’s on his computer for hours? Does he seem depressed? Why is he so comfortable in such a mess?

    My fifteen year old son (I have four children ranging in age from 34-15) spends a great deal of time in his room on his computer, and while his room is a mess, it isn’t dirty, so that isn’t an issue, but I did feel concern with what appeared to me to be a great deal of isolation…After some private crying about it–okay, sobbing into my pillow LOL–I realized that what I felt more than anything was fear! Fear that he might be depressed or online with people that I didn’t know etc. I finally simply told him how I felt, without any expectations, and he said, “Well, you’ve certainly given me a lot to think about…” and went back to his room!(sigh…) BUT it opened the lines of communication and I have since learned so much about him, and what he’s interested in, and what he’s up to…

    I hope the same for you, and I think that it’s a GREAT idea for you to explore the issue with your husband first–This may be a wonderful opportunity to meet your son in a whole new way.

    Ease and flow,

    Julie Masters

  12. Christina says:

    Some of this is because my husband and I are recovering hoarders. We began to break the cycle a couple of years ago, but essentially our son grew up in clutter and messiness. He complained about it, and still complains, yet does nothing – at least nothing from our standpoint since we’re working our way out. I’m sure the mess is comfortable for him and he’s not ready to change, despite saying he is. I do feel he’s isolating himself as well, so I will talk to him about that and get him more involved in our process of cleaning the house and letting stuff go.

  13. julie masters says:

    Christina,

    Your post reflects some meaningful insights! When I talk with my children from that place of clarity, it can be amazing how the communication opens up. Sounds like some big, positive family shifts are possible!

    Ease and flow,

    Julie Masters

  14. Sara G says:

    Hi Christina,

    That’s wonderful that you and your husband are doing so well in your recovery. Congratulations on all of that! 🙂 I think that in order to include him in this process, it may be necessary to take steps towards repairing your relationship with him. If he was accustomed to this for several years, he’s going to need you to help him feel inspired towards the new behaviors without feeling ashamed for the behaviors he wants to change. He won’t be able to feel inspired towards changing if he feels ashamed and embarrassed.

    And the best way for you to go about it is to keep being an example of someone who does what they say they want to do. So just keep doing what you can do to make yourself feel good, and continue demonstrating how GOOD it feels to keep your promise to yourself. Only talk to him when your genuine focus is on making your relationship better. If you’re going to invite him to help you, make sure you’re %100 aligned with doing so in a way that is NOT going to shame him for anything he is doing. Keep aligning with ways to communicate and be with him in a way that is focused on what you want. Let yourself imagine what it would be like to see him join your cause on his own terms.

    If you think having a heart to heart with him is in order, and want some help with that, you’re welcome to email me at saraexleygarcia@gmail.com

  15. I’m glad Sara and Julie chimed in, Christina, because this definitely isn’t my forte topic. Thanks, again, ladies for offering such generous insight and support to all the Good Vibe readers here!
    🙂

  16. Marie says:

    As a twist, it’s instructful to re-read this article as guide of how to manage a great relationship between your own inner parent and inner child.

  17. Oooh, that’s brilliant, Marie. I’m going to re-read it with that in mind!
    🙂

  18. Christina says:

    I wanted to let you guys know – he’s cleaning his room, right now!

    We never said anything. We never threatened anything. I focused on what I enjoyed about being in this house, in still having him home with us for a while longer, in how far we’ve come, on putting new habits in place. The three of us played a game Sunday night and laughed and had a good time. And then tonight, while I cooked supper and cleaned the kitchen, he started cleaning his room and doing laundry.

    Thanks for helping me shift my perspective on this. I appreciate you all.

  19. Christina! That is such great news!!

    Thanks for posting that for us to enjoy right along with you. 🙂

  20. julie masters says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this Christina!! I LOVED hearing it, and with the clear intentions and obvious commitment you made in regards to your son and this situation, I’m not at all surprised at your quick results! 🙂

    And Marie–such a great suggestion! Makes perfect sense to me, in light of my own experience, and how often my own needs dovetail with my children’s!

    Ease and flow,

    Julie Masters

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