Lisa’s #1 LOA Relationship Tool

April 1, 2013 | 6 Comments »

Today’s guest post comes from my biz partner, Lisa Hayes.  

She’s sharing the #1 LOA tool that trumps all others when it comes to manifesting good relationships, and four ways you can use it today:

Lisa Marie HayesAs a law of attraction relationship coach it’s easy for me to see how relationships are really the master classroom for us.  It’s where we learn the most about ourselves and life.

At times it’s impossible to see ourselves without the perspective of another, even when that perspective isn’t accurate.  The dance between contrast and alignment in relationships allows us to experience ourselves as vulnerable and powerful, but most of all, human.

There are literally an infinite number of ways to apply the tools of deliberate creation in relationships.  However, hands down I believe the most important tool in the LOA tool box is appreciation.

Appreciation may be the most important deliberate creator tool in all aspects of our lives, but in relationships, appreciation is even more powerful.

There is a nuance of distinction between appreciation and gratitude.

Gratitude is something you feel when you’ve been gifted in some way, when you are a receiver.  Receiving is not a prerequisite for appreciation.

Appreciation is simply the delicious experience of basking in the beauty of or amazement over something or someone.  With appreciation you are actually actively doing the gifting of your delighted energy and attention.

Here are four ways you can use Appreciation in any relationship today:

1. Set an intention to notice the object of your appreciation.

So often the people who matter most or impact us the most in our lives become transparent to us.  We begin to take them for granted or make assumptions about who they are.  Set an intention to really notice the person you are appreciating (or wanting to appreciate) in a very current way.  Notice who they really are right now.  Stare a little if you need to.  Fixate.  By setting the intention you cue Universe to deliver lots of inspiration for it and it becomes a joy to find new ways to rise to the level of delighted appreciation.

2. Write down your appreciation.

Put your delight on paper.  Script your appreciation.  Create a written record of how much joy you feel in your attention on the subject of the person you’re appreciating.  Let yourself play with words, images, and poetry.  Give yourself over to devotion in the written word and milk it for everything you can.  Leverage the power of the written word, and do it regularly.

3. Talk about your appreciation with others.

How people talk about their significant others is very revealing.  People can be very careless.  We’ve all heard the phrase, “where two or more are gathered.”  There is no place that is more relevant and impactful than how we talk about the people in our lives with others.  The energy in that kind of conversation gains steam because it’s combining with the energy and experiences of the people you are talking to.  It’s very powerful to share appreciation in a group.  That gains momentum even faster because the energy itself is light and buoyant.

4. Share your appreciation with the person you’re appreciating.

This is not thanking a person for something they’ve done.  It’s noticing them and thanking them for being who they are.  It’s validating.  It’s generous.  It’s the ultimate gift of acceptance.  Done regularly enough it can make miracles in even the most challenging relationships.  It might seem simple, but do not dismiss the power of directly sharing your appreciation with someone.  There is nothing more liberating than being seen.

Lisa Hayes is a relationship strategist with more than a decade of experience as a coach and licensed hypnotherapist. Using the principles of the Law of Attraction and her own life experiences, Lisa guides people who find themselves angry, frustrated, and ready to make a change, on their journey from Relationship Hell to happiness.

Lisa is the author of two books, How to Escape From Relationship Hell, and The Passion Plan.  She is the co-founder of Good Vibe Coaching Academy (a coaching certification program) and host of the weekly radio show Relationship RX.

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6 Responses to “ Lisa’s #1 LOA Relationship Tool ”

  1. Carolyn says:

    Wow!! Just what I needed to hear!! Thanks Jeannette and Lisa. Off to try it out to get out of my current relationship hell:-)

  2. Evan Griffith says:


    I am appreciating this post of yours. Though I’ve practiced a nightly appreciation ritual, writing it down each morning as part of my vision page for the day has become a recent addition — and you are right — it rocks the casbah of your soul.

    Even better, if possible, is when you go back and re-read what you wrote weeks or months ago. Read even a few days of what you’ve written and you begin to feel charmed . . . .

    Thanks you —


  3. robinvk says:

    good timing for me. I am struggling with some changes at work. I really do need to appreciate those around me! I can see how making the change would be a lot less stress for me. Thanks!!!!

  4. Lisa says:

    Evan – You are exactly right! That’s yet another reason the written word is so powerful. It creates a historic record that you can revisit and relive over and over again. May as well make it juicy!

    Robin- I think work relationships are one of the easiest places to play with LOA tools. Good luck to you! I’m sure you’re going to rock this.

  5. Sharron says:

    Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom. It is always good to reinforce what we know we should be doing and sometimes tend to forget.

    Appreciation is so key to a relationship maintaining any balance. Even if the appreciation is even to yourself!

    Happy Spring,


  6. Fabulous Lisa! I love this reminder and the easy steps you’ve laid out to follow.

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