My Breakup in the Vortex

April 28, 2010 | 72 Comments »

breaking up with law of attractionFive weeks ago my live-in boyfriend of almost four years ended our relationship in one short and heated discussion.

Some of you heard me commit to having this breakup in the vortex, so I thought it time for an update as to how that’s working out.

Quick backstory: last month Russ said he’d had enough, was crystal clear that this wasn’t what he wanted, and if I wasn’t prepared to make immediate and significant change (which meant limits on a friendship with an ex-beau), then we were done.

So we were done.

Just like that.

While reeling from the shock of this surprise turn of events, I turned to my cohorts in creation and committed to having the best breakup I’d ever had.  A breakup in the vortex (ala Abraham).

I’ve never had one of those (a fun, enjoyable, loving breakup?) - so I didn’t know exactly what it would be like or how to go about creating it …

… but I did know from the anger, resentment and fear that was bubbling up that I needed to get very deliberate about what I chose to feel through all this.  Or I could easily get swept up in the typical routine of what we expect a breakup to be.

So in to the vortex I headed.

That trip in started with being really upset, primarily with his idiocy, some other name-calling (in my own mind and to a compassionate girlfriend or two), and a healthy round of blame.

That might not sound like vortex material, but it was an enormous step up from the initial despair and powerlessness I felt in those first red hot moments.

So with the feeling-better momentum in place (even if it came from bad-mouthing and imagining his deep regret about such a stupid move), I swiftly moved on to disappointment and then worked my way up to acceptance.

(When I say swiftly, I mean a couple of days.  This didn’t happen on a dime exactly.)

And get this: after being willing to fully feel all the not-so-nice stuff, I got beautiful access to the higher vibrations!  (It always surprises me how well that turns out!)

After being willing to feel scared and mad and all that other non-fun stuff, it gave me freedom from being stuck there.  Super cool how that works.

In that space, I had the presence of mind to remember that  big change can only mean one thing – good things coming!

Life only gets better (when you know to manage the contrast and go with the good flow), so to have a big shakeup like this must mean life was getting even better than before.  And I thought it was good to start with, so this would be interesting to see how Universe could top it!

I had no idea what “better than before” might look like – a new house?  A new man?  A new focus on me, or maybe my work?  This house to myself?  More cats??  I didn’t know.

I couldn’t see the end result, but I reiterated to myself that it’s only going to get better.

And I knew that would work best if I could flow some surrender and acceptance, rather than resistance.

So I got okay with it.

In fact, after a little bit of practice with the better-feeling thoughts, I started to be excited about what would happen next!

I actually woke up one morning, you know that moment of instant recall once you’re awake again and the flood of realization comes back about what’s happening in life – yeah, at that moment the thought that spontaneously popped in was “I love my life!”

To naturally come up with that thought in the midst of an uninitiated and unwanted breakup?  I knew I was in the vortex!

Which made it easier to appreciate all that was present in my life – not knowing whether I’d be with any of it next week even.

I soaked up the good stuff now: waking up in this fabulous bed, hearing those beautiful birds outside, seeing his ridiculous Frosted Flakes in the pantry, picking up his mail from the mailbox, dating a scratch golfer (surely that wouldn’t happen again!), admiring this gorgeous backyard, talking to him about the vote on Survivor that he missed, even something as simple as saying goodnight.

All the stuff I’d been taking for granted!  Sure I appreciated it, but not like I was NOW.  Now that I realized it might not be here tomorrow.

I mentally traced back the path to how I got here, those early dates in the beginning, what a breath of fresh air he was.  His traits of being super practical and thinking ahead and smelling so good.  And the frustrations, too!  I could even enjoy those now that I knew they wouldn’t be in my future.  No more not letting dogs on the people couch – ha!  No more over-trimming of the lawn.  Ahhhh.

It was a lot of enjoyment packed in those days.

Not to mention a tremendous amount of love and support coming from facebook friends and GVU compadres.  That was a LOT of love you guys sent!

So here I was dripping in love at a time when – normally – one would expect to be fired up with quite the opposite feelings.

It felt very vortexy!

I emailed Russ a sweet and heartfelt note about how I imagined he was having a rough day, because even though all this was his idea I knew it wasn’t easy for him.  I told him how much I admired his courage to do what was in his heart, and how grateful I was that he honored what mattered to him, even when I didn’t agree with it.

And I shared my confidence that good things were in store for both of us.

I even wrote to him suggesting that his next partner would be so much more of what he wanted.  I could genuinely enjoy the thoughts of him being happy with someone else, especially knowing life would get better for me, too.  However that might look!

So when he brusquely asked me to stop writing him and stay out of his way until we got into separate houses, I respected his request.  I knew his way of breaking up was different than mine, and I easily accommodated his request by laying low.  I stopped sending notes and did my best to not be home when he was.

I was turning out to be a really good ex-live-in-girlfriend!

After several days of this, Russ sent a note (when he couldn’t reach me by phone) saying he realized he had complained about things that seemed trivial now, that we had a good life together he had taken for granted, and that he hoped there was a road back for us.

My rather rigid response was that there was no going back, our breakup was official (it was on facebook after all) and that I wasn’t interested in “going backwards.”

He responded that instead of going back to how things were he was committed to moving forward to join me where I was.  In this place of love and appreciation and commitment to feeling good.

Holy hannah – he’s joining me in the vortex?!

Sure enough, that’s what the last month has been.  And continues to be once I dropped my resistancey “rules” about how to conduct relationships with exes.

This union is now better than it ever was – even though we’re technically “exes” – it got even better than it was before.  In too many ways to count.  (If this post weren’t already this long, I’d share some of those ways.)

Although there is one very surprising and interesting side effect I will mention from this vortex breakup: I have never had less interest in other men ever before in my entire life.

Like, I would have expected that in having a new ex I’d feel quite single and open to possibilities – “available” in some sense – since I wasn’t in a committed relationship.

And yet, the opposite has happened.  I couldn’t have less interest in other men.  That surprises me – to feel a deeper  level of commitment in a supposedly “uncommitted” relationship.

So I’m having the best time ever with my newest ex-boyfriend, and looking forward to more of it.  Although I know that if he changes his mind tomorrow, I know how to handle that situation quite nicely.  (Been there, done that.)

Universe delivered exactly what I expected in a way I didn’t anticipate. Big change ushering in even better stuff.  From my personal experience I will say that breakups in the vortex are not to be missed!

This post isn’t done, though, until I give due credit and thanks to those of you who flooded my world with vibrations of love and support.  Seriously, a girl couldn’t have a bad breakup when she’s in the midst of that sea of love!  Thanks, all.

* * * * * * * *
Jeannette Maw is the LOA party host at Good Vibe U and co-founder of Good Vibe Astrology. Subscribe to her Good Vibe newsletter here. Connect on Google+.

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72 Responses to “ My Breakup in the Vortex ”

  1. Kimberly Gauthier on April 28, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    First, congratulations. You are such an inspiration. Second, this sounds so much like an earlier blog post where we discussed “what we resist, persists” so great job not falling into that trap.

    I find when I’m going through emotional turmoil, I quickly and smoothly fall back into bad habits although my brain is screaming “we know better now!!!” I did this recently and I remembered that blog post of your and allowed my anger and frustration to come through and then I looked for the positive and then in the middle of a night everything snapped into place and I was okay.

    My little drama was teeny compared to yours, so I’m amazed at the lesson your sharing with everyone and I’ll take this to heart.

    Thank you so much!

  2. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    Yeah, that anger and frustration step is key, isn’t it, Kimberly?

    At least that’s been my experience.

    You know what gets me – is that I can practice this “release of resistance” in a breakup (what I consider more of a “big deal”) but when it comes to something like dog poop on the carpet (ha!) I struggle to release it!

    I heard Abraham say the other day that it’s not until we’re feeling a significant amount of pain/resistance that we’re willing to make the effort to focus our thoughts.

    That may be the case.

    At any rate, I think a smart girl might leverage this “win” in this area of life and apply it to other areas next.

    Thanks for reading, and especially for being the first to comment, Kimberly! This one was a very intimate sharing.
    :)

  3. Ming on April 28, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Jeanette, this was a such a roller coaster, I can’t imagine you living it! Wow. What a testament too to who you are and the strength you have. Its awesome you practice what you preach. I try and do that too. Thanks for sharing such a personal heart felt story.

  4. Janette on April 28, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    What an inspiring example of how to FEEL our way back into the vortex! We don’t do it by denying or suppressing the “bad feelings”. We must truly embrace the path, even if it does take a whole two days (!!!)

    Thank you for letting us peek into your world and learn how it’s done. You rock!

  5. Steve on April 28, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    “…having the best time ever with my newest ex-boyfriend…”

    You’re so darn cute/funny/witty! Lol – you just keep on living and learning and it just keeps getting better ‘n better.

  6. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    Ha – it was that, Ming! (A rollercoaster.)

    But you know, there’s a reason people go to amusement parks, right? It might be scary, it might elicit screams, but there is something really fun about living all out. hee hee

    And seeing where it took me (to a better relationship than ever before) – I wouldn’t take it back if I could.

    I guess that’s proving Abraham right when they say the contrast serves us when we know how to work with it!! lol

    Thanks for adding to this conversation, Ming. I’m a huge fan of your work!
    :)

  7. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    I was feeling rather proud of myself on that, Janette (that it only took a couple days) and then I heard Abe talk about how Esther spent an entire HOUR in irritation the other day before she cleaned it up. lol

    Then I felt a little ridiculous, but still I’m proud of myself. This is how it works! And we’ll only get better at it, the more we practice it.

    Always a pleasure to hear from you, my friend. Thank you for the support you send my way.
    :)

    And Steve, amen to that! That it just keeps getting better ‘n better! So nice to hear someone else affirm it, too.

    Namaste.

  8. Harmony Harrison on April 28, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    Jeanette, you’re an inspiration!

    Our world needs more blow-by-blow accounts of *exactly* how someone has successfully gotten into the vortex… the steps that they’ve taken, the challenges & not-so-good-feeling emotions, the gradual rise in emotional state, and the ultimate feeling of yumminess…

    AND the physical reality outcome as well!

    This story is a treasure, no matter what future chapters may be.

    Hugs to you and smiles to your guy!

  9. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    Harmony, I love that reminder: “This is a treasure, no matter what future chapters may be.”

    That is SO important to realize! That the enjoyment of this moment isn’t conditional on how things “turn out.”

    Gosh, that’s an important point! Thanks for writing it here.
    :)

  10. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    Iyabo, you can have Russ as long as I can have you.

    You were SUCH a help to me through this!! I can’t thank you enough for letting me be my “ugly” self when I was upset, for not coaching me to be different when what I needed was to have someone feel bad for me and agree that he was indeed an ass. (And I know that wasn’t easy or natural for you to do.) lol

    You were so good at being present to me while allowing me to go where I needed to go. Seriously, it brings to tears to my eyes, what you were able to give me.

    They just don’t make them like you every day. What a gift to have you in my circle!!

  11. Iyabo Asani on April 28, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    Where do I start?

    Russ is mine! I love Russ. I always have and always will.

    I am getting on the next flight to Utah, renting a car when I get there and driving to your house and giving Russ a big, fat, wet, sloppy kiss on the cheek and a great big bear hug and turning around leaving your house and getting on the next flight back to Atlanta. I owe Russ that.

    I love this guy.

    “He suggested that instead of going back to how things were he was committed to moving forward to join me where I was. In this place of love and appreciation and commitment to feeling good.”

    I mean, come on! He gets it, eventually! He may be a little slow, but that was so smart of him and so sexy!

    One of the things I have found in my marriage is that sometimes, many times, I have to lead by being the example and most days, I absolutely hate that. If I do not point out that I am leading the way, he tends to come right along. Shhhhh….. Do not tell him I said that!

    But honestly, I think men can be like that.

    The other thing is that you are just a “GODDESS” Jeanette. Honestly! You know I love you. You know I admire you but this is not about that. Here you are, putting your stuff out here like this but not only that, you are giving us a step by step guide to get into the vortex! You live your truth and that is how you influence all of us to do the same.

    I love you Goddess Jeanette!

    Iyabo!

  12. Flavia on April 28, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    Oh my! I got goosebumps reading this! Your example of breaking up in the vortex is so beautiful to witness! I love how things got better in such an unexpected way. I ADORE how much love exudes in your e-mail to Russ,you wishing him happiness even with someone else, that kind of unconditional love is precious.

    To want his well-being in all those ways is such an indicator of what a loving being you are. And I love that you shared how you got there too, so that people understand you gotta be willing to go through the not so nice feelings to get to the really good ones! I’m just so impressed and happy for you! Thanks for sharing yourself! There is huge love for you here!

  13. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    I love your signoff, Flavia!!

    And this, too: “I love how things got better in such an unexpected way.”

    Isn’t it AMAZING what Universe brings when we get “hands off” with it?!

    So cool to be on this ride called “life”!!

    Thanks for being on the ride with us, Flavia. You are a treasure!

  14. Suzie Cheel on April 28, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    Jeanette,
    That is amazing- and I got the shivers while I was reading it
    thank you for sharing and for your love

    Love
    Suzie

  15. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    Thanks for reading and for sharing your thoughts, Suzie! If you’re getting shivers, I know I’m on the right track with this stuff.
    :)

  16. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    Now THAT’S a cool story, Ande!!

    Way to leverage a little contrast into huge payoff!!

    I hope others who might be in your same situation read your comment and draw inspiration from engaging the same practice.

    Thanks for sharing it here, Ande. :)

  17. Debra on April 28, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    Whew! I was hoping for an update on your ‘break-up in the vortex’. I’ve had a feeling…

    And now you’ve confirmed my feelings! YAY!!!

    I’m so proud of you, so inspired by you and so very thrilled that things just keep getting better and better for you!

    Not at all surprised by the events you’ve disclosed…
    Release truly is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? :)

    Love it! Love you!! …and here’s to continuously allowing for better and better in our lives…while all we do is get out of the way (stay unattached…), have FUN and see the LOVE & JOY in each moment. Easy-Peasy! :)

    (And, Go Russ! :) )

  18. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    You know, Debra, I didn’t want to post TOO soon in case it was super temporary, but it feels like I’ve got firm footing here now, so it’s safe to make it official with a post. lol

    And you hit the nail on the head when you said, “release,” “non-attachment,” and expecting things to get better.

    With ingredients like that we guaranteed a good time!

    Which I know you live day in and day out. Thanks for popping in to confirm this is how it works, Debra. You’re a powerful example of bringing it to real life, too!
    :)

  19. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jeannette Maw, Kimberly Gauthier. Kimberly Gauthier said: My Breakup in the Vortex http://shar.es/m5IeK [...]

  20. Ande on April 28, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Incredibly powerful post, Jeannette! You just drew a beautiful word picture of how to deliberately feel/think your way into alignment! Congratulations. Very inspiring.

    Your story reminded me of a breakup I had in 2000, after which I went through a similar process but I also wrote it down. I ended up looking for the best in every relationship I’d ever had and making a list of the qualities those guys had that I liked so much. Then I added qualities I’d like to see in a man I was with but had yet to see. The list ended up with 116 qualities on it. After I made the list, I just embraced being on my own, and I thoroughly enjoyed my own company. Like you, I wasn’t thinking about men.

    Less than 6 months later, my now husband came into my life. He has 114 of the 116 qualities on the list (in case you’re interested, the ones he’s missing are “will share a good bottle of wine with me” (he doesn’t like alcohol at all so he chooses not to drink–I’m going to complain about that???) and “is financially secure” (he’s not there yet, but he makes getting in the vortex his top priority so it’s coming).

  21. Viola Crebs on April 28, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    Hello Beautiful, sexy Jeannette,

    Wow! Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your life. You, of all people, know that you are the master creator of your life and I love your openness in describing your broken heart and healing that you are experiencing at the same time. You know that I’ve always wished the best for both you and Russ.

    I had to chuckle when you say “its on FB so its official!”

    You’re an amazing lady. Why don’t we get together and do lunch one day and lets catch up.

    Love you forever,
    Viola

  22. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    I laughed about that, too, Viola! And I’d LOVE to catch up with you for lunch soon!

    Thanks for the well-wishes – looking forward to an in-person hug from you again!
    :)

  23. Kay on April 28, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    Dearest Jeannette,

    What I soooo appreciate is your openness, your honesty, your sharing your process – on all levels…this is so admirable and such a wonderful role model of action and integrity…we need this desperately in America today…YOU ARE A SHINING LIGHT…and how blessed WE are to know you…

    In deep appreciation for your BEING YOU,

    Kay

    PS…BIG blessings to that EX…who listened to his heart and had the courage to show up for HIMSELF, so he could show up WITH YOU… YEAH FOR ALL OF US!!!

  24. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    Thanks for saying so, Kay, I think the same thing! Which is why this blog is committed to writing about what deliberate creation looks like in the real world. (As if there were any other kind.)

    But that’s what helps ME the most – hearing the stories of how it works, even how it doesn’t. So sharing my stories feels like the best gift I could give.

    I’m glad you appreciate it. It means the world to me to hear I’m not off base with that!

    And indeed, thanks for sending some credit to Russ. lol I was kind of hogging all the credit, wasn’t I? lol

    Yeah, he’s something else. I’m learning a lot from him. Learning a lot about how to drop expectations that don’t serve. I’m glad he’s surprising me once again.
    :)

  25. Coach T.I.A on April 28, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    “instead of going back to how things were he was committed to moving forward to join me where I was. In this place of love and appreciation and commitment to feeling good.”

    I am so full of love and admiration for BOTH of you right now. Russ for wanting to move FORWARD, you for vortexing a break up. If this isn’t the most beautiful, powerful and empowering break up ever …
    wow!! Much love & unfolding! xoxoxoxoxox Tia

  26. Jeannette on April 28, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    That was a pretty cool thing for him to come up with, wasn’t it, Tia?

    What I love even more is how over this last month he’s embraced the art of not resisting!! Seriously, I can hardly believe it!

    Do you remember me joking with him not too long about how I was trying to convince him that what we resist, persists? And he was so adamant that I had it wrong and I was so adamant that he had it wrong? And we laughed about how I was resisting his not accepting? lol

    He’s like a whole different person on this topic now. It’s almost weird. !!

    And I love every minute of it. I earned this, after all! Through that contrast, through redirecting my attention, I earned this!! hee hee

    Nice to see you here, girlfriend. Thanks for popping in!

  27. MissyB on April 29, 2010 at 12:00 am

    Trust me to be different and direct…do you want him back or is this just forging another decent relationship with an ex (which you do seem to do so well !)
    :)

  28. Jeannette on April 29, 2010 at 12:02 am

    Good question, MissyB! I’ll take either one of those options, and whatever else Universe might have in mind for delivering me “even better than before.”
    :)

  29. Mia on April 29, 2010 at 12:50 am

    Beautiful – thanks for sharing, Jeannette.

    And an inspiring example as I’m “breaking up” professionally with a client I no longer feel aligned with. My first impulse was to look for things that were “wrong” in our connection, as a way of validating my choice to leave. Yet, as I began to look at them with a perception of appreciation, I started to see all kinds of things I liked about them and that made it so much easier to say: “Thanks, we’ve had a good time and now it’s time to leave.”

    Beautiful and impressive how you two are finding each other again in the vortex on a new level. Way to go – good luck to both of you, I’m impressed!

  30. Jeannette on April 29, 2010 at 4:28 am

    Mia, you are bringing up such a good point!

    When most people are looking for an ending or change like that, it’s not unusual to “make it wrong” to justify or get through the change.

    (In fact, I told myself that was just what Russ was doing when he was telling me what he didn’t like about being in a relationship with me. I thought, he’s just doing that thing that most people do when they’re feeling called to make a change.)

    That you have the awareness to realize it not only doesn’t have to be that way, but it works way better when we DON’T do it that way is HUGE!!

    Thanks for sharing a totally different context in how this stuff works. Much appreciated, Mia!!

  31. Regina on April 29, 2010 at 4:29 am

    Thank you for sharing this special experience to openly, Jeanette.

    Your latest posts make me think that you are straigth on your way to a kind of very lovely “enlightenment”.

    When I gave up my ancient boy-friend and allowed me to love him without “owning” him and allowed him to love anyone who would make him happy we found a very very very deep and lasting love for each other.

    We married five years ago and have a lovely little boy and know that our love is a precious joyful gift.

    (Hope I could express in English what I meant to say in German.)

    Dearest greetings from Cologne in Germany
    Regina

  32. Jeannette on April 29, 2010 at 6:20 am

    Wow, Regina! I know right now there are lots of other people reading your comment and wanting to hear more about how you created that! That’s beautiful and powerful and .. is it limiting for me to say .. not that typical?

    Very very cool!

    “When I gave up my ancient boy-friend and allowed me to love him without “owning” him and allowed him to love anyone who would make him happy we found a very very very deep and lasting love for each other.”

    I don’t care what language you say that in, it’s music to our inner being’s ears!! lol

    Thanks for adding to this delicious conversation, Regina!
    :)

  33. Kim Falconer on April 29, 2010 at 6:28 am

    This is so beautifully inspiring, Jeannette. What a wonderful example you set, showing us the way to enlightenment, as Regina says.

    I have broken up with a lot of guys (a lot) and never been anywhere near the vortex in the process. I can’t wait to try it!

    Namaste, Jeannette. I have so much respect for you!

    x Kim

  34. Jeannette on April 29, 2010 at 6:39 am

    “I can’t wait to try it” – you crack me up and at the same time I TOTALLY know what you mean, Kim!

    I did wonder what role that song played – the love/hate song that Russ put on my ipod and I told him not to listen to it unless he wanted to break up. (The lyrics were something like: “I’m starting to see that maybe it wasn’t meant to be.”)

    What was it – two months later? – that he’s laying down an ultimatum that he KNEW wouldn’t fly?

    This LOA stuff is so incredibly fascinating! No wonder I can’t stop talking about it! lol

    Kim, I’m REALLY looking forward to hearing about your hookup (not just your breakup) in the vortex, too! Because if I know anything, it’s that yours is going to be one fun story to hear!
    :)

  35. Jason Fonceca on April 29, 2010 at 7:37 am

    Effing Awesome Jeanette, this is the kind of thing I love to hear! Absolutely beautiful.

    I really love relationships, and I especially love when people are able to be loving and in the vortex during their ups and downs, and I love even more when they are inspired to share about it :)

    Rock on!

  36. Jeannette on April 29, 2010 at 8:41 am

    I’m glad you didn’t mind the story, Jason. As that post got longer and longer, I started wondering if it would be a bore. But to shorten it felt like I wasn’t doing it justice.

    Comments like yours keep me on track with the open sharing. So thank you for that.

    And here’s to more ups and downs in relationships and in the vortex! I’m learning that there’s no need to be scared of those when we know how to navigate them.
    :)

  37. Adrienne on April 29, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Jeannette,

    You are such a role model for all of us. Thank you for sharing the details and intimacies of your and Russ’ relationship so that we all have the opportunity to learn how one truly gets into the Vortex during what is “normally” considered an incredibly challenging event. Your energy of being in the Vortex, I’m sure, rubbed off on Russ helping him get there, too.

    Your step-by-step has really made an imprint on my brain. Moreover, I’m so happy to FEEL how happy you are, girlfriend!

    Much love and gratitude to you,
    Adrienne

  38. Jeannette on April 29, 2010 at 11:43 am

    I think you’re right, Adrienne. (That my commitment to getting in the vortex rubbed off on Russ, too.)

    Not to mention all the love and light folks were sending our way.

    So the thanks go to all of you as well who take the time to get lined up and interact with the rest of us who benefit from it!

    Thanks for reading and especially for commenting, Adrienne.
    :)

  39. Nicole on April 29, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    This post reminds me of an Abraham youtube recording I listened to a couple days ago. Initially, I listened to it because it was about raising independent children and how to ‘let them go’ when they move into their own person, and transition from the perception of being completely dependent upon you, into their own individual person. Amazingly enough, Abraham goes into further detail about your thoughts on other people. If you are worrying about someone, give them a break and think about them as little as possible. Key quote – “Think about someone you care about as much as possible, but only when you are feeling good.”

    This was key for me in that moment, as I kept having horrible thoughts and vibes about my husband. Such a relief to have a method: take a break from thinking about him until I can find a thought that feels great.

    Jeannette chose to think about all the good things, the good memories, the wonderful feelings of your ‘ex’ and wonderfully enough it is turning out great! I’m happy for you!

    Here’s the recording in case anyone would like to hear it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzqBE6vvEaU

  40. Gorgeousophie on April 29, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    I was eagerly awaiting the next post – as one does – and WOW Jeannette, was it worth the wait! (Me?! Saying that?! Another lesson!? Lol!). I was also very curious to know what was happening between Russ and you…and I am sooooooo loving it! You are so easy to love Jeannette! And soooo cooool! And, as I have said about 3000 times on GVU, how delightful to hear you share the absolute perfection of your imperfection!!! I love that you are so funny, I love that you are so open to miracles, I love that we can relate to you as you are lighting up the way ahead whilst being so deeply human! I read you earlier at work and nearly welled up! Am so so glad and grateful and happy that we have manifested you in all your deliciousness! Yay us! Lol! And thank you, thank you, thank you! Phew, talk about rampaging! *wipes her brow and beams at the assembled audience*

  41. Gorgeousophie on April 29, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    Now, Regina?! Regiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaaaaaa! I desire to hear all about you and the hubby!!!

  42. Erik on April 29, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Hey Jeannette!
    I totally enjoy reading how you are making your way through your relationship with Russ and how it turns out better than ever! This is law of attraction and unattached and unconditional love in action if nothing else. Big kudos to the both of you how you handle your rollercoaster ride and how you learn to enjoy it too (I guess not so many people do!).
    XO,

    Erik

  43. linda c. thomas on April 29, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    Hi Jeannette,

    WOW! Everytime I come to your site I learn something new. You are soooo precious and so open, I want to be like you when I grow up.
    Much appreciation,

    Linda

  44. Gorgeousophie on April 29, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    Oi Linda! That is my expression! Lol! Nice to meet you new friend, come to GVU!!!

  45. Flavia on April 29, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    You know what I remembered yesterday? That abe has said over and over again that If YOU get in the vortex, chances are (I think they said something like 95%or 99%) that they will follow too! I’ve seen that in smaller, non-breaking up ways in my life but now with your shinning example I understand it more.

    Which makes me think…if you had gotten in the vortex with an agenda of getting him in there and thus back together…I think it would’ve: A) been much harder to do because you’d be “trying” to make it happen and B)probably wouln’t have worked out so great.

    Which further makes me wonder if you had heard that on an abe CD or someone would’ve alerted you to the fact that this in-the-vortex break-up you’re having, might bring him back but better, how do you think you might have reacted? Most probably the same way you did once you realized what was happening, but I’m still curious. Maybe this is the upside of not knowing how the laws work sometimes so u don’t get in your own way?

  46. Barbara on April 29, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    Wow, Jeannette! What an inspiration! I had been wondering what was going on with you and Russ… You’re a natural teacher, giving us a step-by-step guide of how you use the power of “reaching for that feeling good place.” Thank you for sharing so generously. I love it! You could develop a product on manifesting great relationships because you know how to do this so well. Thank you for being YOU!

  47. Kim Falconer on April 30, 2010 at 2:10 am

    Jeannette, something has happened! (not the hook-up story. I’ll tell that one later :)

    It’s something else. . .

    Reading about your vortex breakup got me so in the feeling place of flowing some surrender and acceptance, rather than resistance, I couldn’t believe it. Talk about walking on sunshine! Thinking about what you had done helped me know I could do it too.

    And in that place of absolute surrender, something went click.

    I had all my ducks in a row for this to happen, doing the Advanced Attraction course at the GVU: awareness, release, closing the gap, acting as if, not needing . . . Wham! It was like hitting a thermocline! You know? Like when you’re SCUBA diving and suddenly you swim into water that is way cooler? You can’t see any difference. There are no fences, gates or road signs, but you can feel it! Like stepping through an invisible door.

    That’s what’s happened. I’m suddenly in a different ocean stream. I no longer have to act as if . . . this is if!!!!

    Thank you Jeanette for yet another epiphany. When they say you are the best their is, they sure aren’t kidding!
    xxx

  48. Yazzle on April 30, 2010 at 3:10 am

    Brave girl! Good for you!

  49. Trish on April 30, 2010 at 8:52 am

    You are shining example of how to lead with confidence, class and charisma.

    oxox
    Trish

  50. Debra on April 30, 2010 at 9:38 am

    OMGosh Kim!!! I LOVE your thermocline/invisible door metaphor!!!

    I’ve felt that so many times, both physically in 3-D and energetically. What an amazing way to describe the energetic passage. You are SO Brilliant, Magnificent and YUMMY-licious!!!

    Here’s to that new ocean stream… AND …the this *is* IF.

    Oooo…**and all sorts of tingly sensations**…I can FEEL it!! And I love being in the *this IS if* space!!!

    XO :)

  51. Komal on April 30, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    Hey Jeannette,

    what a fantastic example you are of how to live in the vortex! You turned a difficult and horrible situation (I think we’ve all been there in some way) into such a beautiful experience. It is so inspirational! So happy for you and here’s to hoping those wonderful feelings of being in the vortex stay with you and get stronger :)

  52. SelfHelpGoddess on May 1, 2010 at 8:32 am

    You know what I think is so brilliant about this whole story, Jeannette? That Russ wanted to end things because he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of you being such great friends with an ex… and now you and Russ are becoming great friends as exes!!! hahaha!!! I just love that:)

    Very inspirational, girlfriend!! Love you! :-)

  53. Jenn on May 3, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    I LOVE this post.. I had a mini realization like that a few months ago, and it was like you read my mind and put it is words. How inspiring! Thank you for sharing Jeannette!!

  54. Ginell on May 5, 2010 at 1:51 am

    I had a similar experience recently. I’ve been seeing this wonderful guy for two months but it started feeling uncomfortable because he’s mind and heart is so cluttered right now and there is absolutely no room for me. I took the high road for the first time in my life and decided to have a friendly break up. I had my moments of sadness and depression but then I got in the vortex and felt so empowered by letting go of somebody that no longer satisfied me. He asked me to keep in touch occasionally but I stepped out and said no. I’ve been doing a balance of all the good things I learnt from him and I send him love everyday but I’m also devoting time to myself, so I can open up my heart for the real deal. I finally broke a pattern of sticking around relationships that don’t satisfy me, growing resentful and then end up hating perfectly loveable people. This time I broke my pattern and got out before getting hurt. I thank him for providing me contrast to gain more clarity of the essence of what I look for in a relationship and when I’m ready I’ll set up my intention to the Universe to attract my Mr. Right.

  55. Jamma on May 5, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    Congratulations! You are on the right road …
    I had a similar experience a year ago and have come to realize that the breakup was my manifesting what I NEEDED to happen so I could grow (and, incidentally, reduce — have lost more than 60 lbs. with very little effort) …
    Of course, at first I was just stunned, hurt and furious … what this guy had done was simply incomprehensible to me …
    I got a reading from a wonderful astrologer, who explained that I was out of alignment with this man … grasping at straws, I begged her to tell me if we’d ever get back INTO alignment …
    She said that it was possible but by the time that happened I wouldn’t care one whit about getting back together with him …
    And that’s EXACTLY how I feel now!
    He was not the right person for me, and unconsciously I’d been rationalizing away my needs, adapting to his expectations, and losing myself in the process … finally my core being had simply had enough and manifested the end of an unsatisfying relationship (note: Pluto hitting one’s natal Lilith is a powerful aspect!) …
    So once again, congratulations … you are on your way to attracting the man you really want, the one with whom there’s no need for second-guessing or fretting … a man who supports and adores you in every way …

  56. Vicki on May 5, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    I am going through a breakup at the moment after 2 and a half years, its been 10 days since we broke and I really want to get back together and work through our problem (he feels I moan at him a lot and I feel he can be selfish- apart from this our relationship is great and we love eachother very much)- I just hope I get the chance to fix this. I have read the book ‘the secret’ this week and found it very helpful. The book led me to this website… all of this is very new to me. How can I get through this with the result that I want? At the moment I am not getting in touch with him, but have had lovely texts of him, he acted like we were a couple at a wedding at the weekend, and then I was told there is no chance of working things out…. very confused!! I miss him, my home and my baby rotweiller so badly. :-(

  57. Jeannette on May 11, 2010 at 10:06 am

    Check out this girl, she knows how to have a ROOT CANAL in the vortex! (Abraham video):

  58. [...] a recent post called, Breaking Up in the Vortex, Master LOA Coach Jeanette Maw talks about her emotional journey during the ending of a [...]

  59. Sherry on June 11, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    I’ve been sitting with this blog post for a bit and have finally created how I can take its wisdom and apply it to my leaving my job. How this is going to be the best exit by an employee ever! I love energy that this attitude brings and coming in to work knowing I’m leaving feels light and easy for everyone in the office. Now to only manifest the most perfect person to replace me so I can train and go!
    Thanks for being a Rock Star Jeannette!

  60. Good Vibe Coach on June 14, 2010 at 10:54 am

    Now Sherry, that’s a post we want to read about when you’re ready to write it for us!!

    What a fabulous application of committing to the vortex! Wish I’d have known about/thought to use this when I was leaving my last two jobs.
    :)
    Thanks for reading, and especially for posting, my friend.

  61. Marquina on June 22, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    Hi Jeannette!

    Wow! You’ve had a lot going on since I last poked my head up! It was very interesting to read how you handled things with Russ. Sometimes it’s easy; sometimes it’s not. I know that if you are fully aware that “this, too, shall pass”, things get easier to process. LOA has much to do with “passing” or flowing, but it takes awareness to make it happen. (That reminds me, I’ve got to pick up “The Power of Now” by Tolle Eckhart – I seem to have a bit of a problem with being present, even more so since I’ve had the baby.)

    Like, if I were paying attention right now, I’d realize I’m sleepy and should take a nap. I can’t expect LOA to get my jewelry business off the ground if I don’t get enough sleep so that I can be alert to whatever it is I need to work on.

    My point is, I like that you were aware of the process you needed to go through in order to feel the way you wanted to feel and that you were aware EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. You didn’t just say, “I want to find my way through this breakup”, and then just sit there and mope and bad-mouth him to everyone you ran into. That’s fantastic!

    Big Hugs!
    Marquina

    PS – Boy, I’ve missed you and everyone I’ve met through the blog comments! I can’t say for sure when I’ll poke my head up again (having an unexpected baby can take a lot out of you – I’m recommending adoption or babysitting for women over the age of 40 who haven’t had babies yet!), but hopefully, it will be soon!

    Namaste!

  62. Shimigirl on September 17, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    Hi Jeanette,
    Most aspects of LOA is something that I have been practicing without realizing for many years. I especially loved the post about a chased dog always runs away. But I am really STUCK at the mo. My husband of 22 years was contacted by his ex this time last year and he left our marriage to be with her in December. I have lost weight, feel and look fantastic. I have a fulfilling job and friends and family that care and support me. I give back to the people in my world and have a strong connection to my world and the people in it. I do feel that the universe has something amazing for me whether it is with him or something/one else. So I am living a life in gratitude for the way the universe puts paving stones in front of me and supports me through it. I am trying to have faith that not only will I get through this because my life is good and I am happy with my life but that he will realize that what we had must have been some kind of fabulous to have lasted for so long. I want to have back what we had but better. How am I able to drop the need to manifest us rebuilding our marriage? How can I let go of the resistance?

  63. Good Vibe Coach on September 19, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    I think the best way to drop the need for getting him back is to allow that need to be satisfied in other ways, Shimigirl. I’m talking about the REAL need/desire.

    Which isn’t “get him back” but probably something more like “live happily ever after” or “feel good” or even just “be happy.”

    Once we realize there are lots of different ways to be happy, and that that’s ONLY in our power to choose to feel (not conditioned on what someone else says or does), we’re free from the belief that this particular thing has to happen in order for us to get what we want (which is just to feel good).

    I guess what I’m saying is continue to find reasons that life is good even without him, and eventually you won’t be so focused on getting him back.

    You deserve all the best life has to offer, my friend, and I’m loving the thought that you are willing to let it in even more so than you have before!
    :)

  64. Lynn on March 23, 2011 at 11:05 am

    Hi, Jeannette! Long time no see :) I remember reading this back when you originally posted it, and loved it then…but I stumbled across it again today “by accident” (ha ha).

    I’m currently going through a very similar situation. Though we’re not broken up yet, that may or may not be the way it’s heading. We had an argument a few days ago in which my resistance was in full swing — although I started out with the attitude of us trying to problem-solve together, it didn’t take long before all I could think of was how I wanted him to change. Whenever I’m stuck in that place of “OMG, if he could just see how much better his life (and our life together) would be if he would just UNDERSTAND this stuff!” I’m so out of the Vortex that it’s crazy. Totally out of my own business.

    Well, the day after the argument, I started feeling some of the old anxiety and worry about the future and what was going to happen. I don’t know what clicked, but for the first time I was able to truly sit and feel those feelings nonjudgmentally — feel them in my body and let them pass without THINKING about the circumstances. As I have always been told, they passed relatively quickly each time…and I was left with a much greater peace and lack of resistance. Moving toward the Vortex.

    Today, I’m feeling perfectly content to be where I am right now — sitting with the ambiguity of not knowing what’s going to happen. Not knowing if we’ll break up or stay together, but knowing that it’s all perfect either way. Sending love and compassion to both him and myself, and wishing us both the best, whether that’s together or apart. Grateful for exactly the way it went down, because it’s perfect. Excited about the future, no matter what it holds. In the Vortex, I daresay!

    I imagine I’ll have future moments of temporarily flinging myself out of the Vortex, but I feel like I have this sweet new tool to handle it now and that I’ll be fine. The crazy part is that this is information I have “known” for a long time — but now it has dropped from my head to my heart.

    I haven’t been keeping up lately, so don’t know where you and Russ stand today — but I do know that, whatever you’re doing, you’re living fabulously and happily. I love you and your writing so very much!

    xoxo

    Lynn

  65. Good Vibe Coach on March 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    Wow, Lynn – you’ve got skills!!

    Loved this:

    “able to truly sit and feel those feelings nonjudgmentally” and this “perfectly content to be where I am right now — sitting with the ambiguity of not knowing what’s going to happen.”

    Ahh, such relief, huh? And not the typical way most folks manage these sorts of situations.

    Which is why I so love that you’ve shared this here. THANK YOU, Lynn!

  66. Amanda42 on March 24, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    Hi Jeannette,
    I want to thank you for writing this. My boyfriend broke up with me today and at one point during the whole ordeal I thought “okay… we are doing this in the Vortex this time.” I did a lot of crying earlier today but I have decided to be aligned with happiness and love and I know that I/we are going to be okay… no, not okay… fantastic. There’s a lot that I would like to add about the good things that have already started coming about from it, but it’s too personal, so I will just say that there’s already been a positive change in our communication.
    I feel blessed that I found this blog and GVU before today because I already know where to turn and that’s a really good start.
    Thanks, and sooo much love to you and everyone here!
    Amanda

  67. Amanda42 on March 24, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Lynn,
    I will think warm positive thoughts for you!
    Amanda

  68. Lynn on March 25, 2011 at 11:32 am

    Thank you, Amanda! Right back to you! I get the impression from your post that you found Jeannette pretty recently…? She is so awesome and there’s so much cool stuff on here…I’m glad you found the Good Vibe! :)

    Interestingly, since I had this shift, things are taking an interesting turn. I was tired of thinking about all the ways my guy wasn’t right for me, so I took Ande’s cue and wrote out a list of what I DO want in a man and in a relationship. I ended up with 4 pages worth. What really jumped out at me was that he fits about 90% of what’s on the list. The things that didn’t match were stuff about attitude and orientation toward the world (positive/negative) and, the big one: I really want to share my life with someone who is interested in investigating his thoughts (Byron Katie-style) and not being attached to his painful thoughts — I want someone who will do that with me. I want that kind of relationship.

    Anyway, shortly after I made that list, I logged into Facebook and saw a posting for a “Relationship Inquiry” class run by a woman who is a Byron Katie facilitator. I have been FB friends with her for a couple of years and have NEVER seen a posting by her before offering any kind of a class, much less a relationship class. It felt EXTREMELY vortex-y!! He has agreed to take the class with me. I’m trying not to be attached to the outcome, and I am curious to see how it goes….but, still, the “coincidence” gives me chills!

    Feels so much better to be in the Vortex than out of it :)

  69. Amanda42 on March 25, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Lynn,
    I am so glad he is coming along with you! Yay for the Vortex!

    I’ve been hanging out around here and GVU for a few months, so I knew to go back and read this post as soon as my guy left. I feel like Jeannette’s supplied me with a break-up tool-kit with this post, The Art of Self Love, posts on releasing resistance and scripting, and my very favorite: How to Catch a Dog.

  70. Good Vibe Coach on March 26, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    Glad to hear you’re allowing the tears, Amanda.

    Some people quote me on this post as if I went straight to love and light and acceptance – but there was lots of door slamming and swear words and resentment before that came.

    Sending good thoughts your way …

    Thanks for posting, my friend!

    PS to Lynn – thanks for the kind words! And congrats on such beautiful allowing in this relationship! Isn’t it lovely how life works out when we make room for it? Delicious!
    :)

  71. Jennifer on August 18, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Hi all,
    I’ve been a found of AH for sometime but I am having great difficulty applying it to my own situation.

    I broke up with someone eight months ago and I haven’t been able to get them off my mind. We had the most amazing connection and incredible relationship, but he was Jewish and needed me to convert which I couldn’t agree to do.

    I have tried getting into a place of acceptance but something keeps pulling me back. It’s like I have this energy connection with him that I can’t break.

    I really want to move on and intellectually understand that only better things await. Any advice would be appreciated.

  72. Good Vibe Coach on August 20, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    I think I know the answer to this one, Jennifer!

    I just listened to an Abraham track (email me if you want to hear it) where they said when we have this kind of special connection with someone, and long to experience it again, that it’s because with this particular person we were more connected to Source than usual. We attribute the great feelings to being with that person (and maybe they were exceptional at helping us feel better and feel more love, etc.) but the fact is that it isn’t so much about that person as it is our connection to Source (i.e. who we really are).

    The long and short of it is that being in this kind of love is sort of the lazy way to get in the vortex. But we’re still a “slave” to circumstances in order to be in. What we really want to do is learn how to manage how we feel despite who is or isn’t in our lives, or despite how those relationships are unfolding over time.

    I’m not saying it nearly as good as they are. If anyone sees that track on a youtube clip, will you post it here for all to hear? It was really really good! (from the June 18, 2011 Portland Oregon workshop)

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