Q&A: Commitment and Feeling Good

September 13, 2009 | 67 Comments »

You all shared such helpful perspectives in our post on the vibration of demanding (consensus is it’s a powerful way to go), that I’m soliciting your input on another big topic for manifesters.

We often hear advice to choose a powerful manifesting technique and then make it a regular habit.  Even if just for 30 days, something like daily meditation, affirmations, visualization, or gratitude can transform a life when practiced regularly.

  • Tony Robbins says, “Results come from rituals.”
  • Abraham says, “It doesn’t take more than 30 days to talk yourself into being a perfect match to your dream.”
  • Mike Dooley says, “Visualizing once or twice a day for five or ten minutes is ideal.”

Shoot, even I say one page a day, as if your desire has already happened, is all it takes.

And the evidence shows success comes when we make strong commitments and engage regular habits to create that success.  (Like Olympic athletes who train mentally and physically for years, and happily married couples who honor vows to love each other for life.)

But what about when engaging in the ritual or habit begins to feel like a “should” and we find we have to make ourselves do it in order to honor the original commitment?

I experienced this recently, when I was inspired to commit to 29gifts.org to give one thing every day for 29 days straight.  Just seven days in I was already feeling the enthusiasm wane and the resistance grow – of having to think up something new, something that I wasn’t already going to do – to honor my pledge.  As soon as it felt like “pushing” I gave myself permission to unplug (because I know resistance won’t take me anywhere good).

Which has also happened to me with yoga, meditation – even Jack Canfield’s self-love practice of saying something nice in the mirror every night – I have yet to make it to the full 40 days.  (Which is when he said all his negative self-talk disappeared.  I’d love to experience that!)

So while it’s easy to see the benefit of committing to engage empowering habits, how do we balance that when the “feel good” of it dissipates?

I know some of us are really good at powering through that dip in enthusiasm in order to get the benefits that come from regular repetition of empowering habits.

And on the other hand, I know others are so committed to feeling good that they drop commitments in a heartbeat as soon as they feel like “shoulds.”

This is why Wayne Dyer quotes Abraham with: “Nothing is more important than that I feel good” and why Abraham suggests the best marriage vow we could make is something like, “I like you pretty much, let’s see how it goes.”

So my question is, how do you experience the benefits of an empowering habit or ritual while still honoring what feels best (when you don’t feel like doing it any more)?

Is it that rituals are overrated?  Or that you’re able to tap into a stronger “feel good” by honoring the commitment?  Are we experiencing a self-sabotage by disengaging from what we know would work?  Or is there a secret to making a commitment in a way that it doesn’t devolve into a “should”?

Let’s hear it from you experts who are living this stuff day in and day out!

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67 Responses to “ Q&A: Commitment and Feeling Good ”

  1. I gotta share this from Mike Dooley’s “Infinite Possibilities” that I randomly turned to after publishing this post. It’s on meditation:

    “Do I spend some time every day clearing my mind of all thoughts? No. Would this form of meditation be beneficial? Sure, but so is eating carrots, and I hardly ever do that, which doesn’t mean I don’t otherwise eat well! One day I may just commit to such an exercise on a regular basis (clearing my mind, NOT eatig carrots!).”

    I like the ease this guy brings to the table!

  2. Michael says:

    Perhaps not having one, but a few different modes of creation is the way to go.

    I have the same reactions to workouts, even playing the same music. If it gets to be a rut, I need to do something different.

    I started Pray Rain Journaling awhile back, and about ten days in, it felt forced. I actually pushed it to about seventeen days, and then found myself just ‘resting’ from it…enjoying other things.

    If feeling good is the crux of manifestation, then we just need to cultivate multiple ways of feeling good. If ‘sticking with it’ feels good…great! If not, having lots of ways to feel good in manifesting, working out, eating…variety is the spice of life.

    I circle around to a bunch of different quotes by Abe-Hicks, or videos I’ve put in my YouTube faves, or mp3s (especially the mp3s!) from previous courses like Big Break or MoneyMojo, and let them play in the background while I’m snoozing or doing dishes.

    The key though, I think, is does it feel good. If I’m playing mp3s because I’m looking for a way–a crutch–to help me avoid some toleration I’m not facing (which is something I’ve done alot in the past) instead of facing whatever’s there and then moving through it to whatever feels good, it’s almost never very useful.

    Today’s feel good: eating some good food, uploading some new songs so I feel like I’m moving my music career forward, and playing with my son…all with the ‘I’m a wealthy rockstar’ vibe just floating pleasantly in the background!

    m|p

  3. MissyB says:

    I too think that its best to have more than one ritual. Its a bit like a diet – the more varied the food, the easier it is to keep going. Keeps it all interesting. My surrender box is safely on the shelf in favour of talking it through out loud at the mo.
    I hate commitments (hmmm, food for thought there on attracting men who feel the same!) but there is no escaping them – the best way forward for me is always imagining how I feel once its done. But then again, that’s coming from someone who is no where near losing the weight, getting fit or doing all the housework jobs that I need to do.
    Thanks GVC – food for ponder yet again.

  4. Having and expressing your feel-good-ness in many ways is great for not getting into a rut. This might mean singing about it, decorating a cake with your idea, whispering it to your cat, doing a vision board, writing about it, etc!

    The rut comes when the doubt comes, so finding a silly playful way to endorse yourself and your feelings can take the pressure off.

    I think I might embroider my latest project on a pillow. That is, that I will have plenty of clients in my intuitive counseling business.

  5. I like the “looseness” you have around this, Michael. It feels like you’re able to stay on track without making it a dictatorship type activity.

    Thanks for offering this!

    And MissyB, I suspect that’s one of the most powerful tickets to keeping a commitment – remembering the end result we think that following through will lead us toward.

    So Bridget, I’m hearing you echo the above tips of using variety to keep the commitment fresh and easy to keep. I guess if we structured the “commitment” in such a way that there was lots of room to play with it wouldn’t ever feel like a “have to” or “should.”

    I think you guys are on to something here! Thanks for your input!

  6. Laura says:

    Wow..this one really hits home with me for a number of reasons. First of all, Bridget, I love the suggestion of whispering it to your cat…I often whisper to my cat (he loves to be spoken to in a soft voice) but never told him anything to do with my manifestations…what a great idea!

    I too, started a pray rain journal, back in February. It took me about 3 months to complete (realized I got too big a book!) and skipped a few days in between, but basically make it a ritual to write each night. What I soon found was that there were some nights when I just felt like I was going through the motions (not the vibe I was after)…I knew I “had” to do this and thought…just write. Another thing I realized is that I was having trouble coming up with original things to write so that I was not writing the same thing each night. As I got more creative in my writing, I soon found that I was not entirely believing all that I was writing (again, not the vibe I was after). I did find that I needed to tweak a few things that I was asking for (more clarity) to make it more believable.

    I’ve since started a new journal recently…approached it a different way. First it is two sided, meaning one side of the book I write about one topic, turn the book over and I write about a totally different topic. The journal is actually designed this way. What is great about this is that I write on whichever side I feel inspired to on that day. One is regarding money, the other is a relationship. I don’t feel I have to keep the same format either…sometimes I write down all the “what is” and then flip them. Other times, I write about as if it’s already happened. It all depends on what feels good at that time.

    I also have found that varying what you do is key, as others have mentioned. It really does not matter what you do as long as you get in habit/ritual etc. of doing something each day. You keep your focus and the activity does not get stale and boring.

    A great topic that I think many people can relate to! Thanks Jeannette!
    xo
    Laura

  7. Kim Falconer says:

    Interesting question! I’m enjoying the responses.

    For me it is very simple. I don’t see the ritual of doing one thing, (like meditation), any different from another, (like pray rain or ‘mirror love talk’ etc). I might place my awareness on my wellbeing in a different way every day. The point is, I get myself into alignment with my bliss. It doesn’t matter how, or for how long! (Duration matters? Really? Do you want to get me started on ‘TIME’??? lol) What matters is my awareness.

    A la Matrix Revolutions, commitment is a word, like “love” or “karma”. The word itself doesn’t matter. What matters is the meaning we connect with it. Commitment is a way of saying ‘I stick to this.’ Like love, one either does, or does not.

    We can no more decide to ‘make a commitment’ than we can decide to fall in love. We stick with something, or not–we meditate, or not, work out or not, live with someone or not. Do you see what I am saying? If the ‘commitment’ is not authentic, it ceases to be a commitment. In this way, commitment is synonymous with ‘being’.

    The sooner we stop ‘trying’ to commit and simply be, the sooner we’ll feel alignment with our bliss.

    In our culture the idea of ‘commitment’ has become so ingrained that many don’t realize that to force ourselves to ‘stick with’ something is to force ourselves into being something we are not–hence commitment becomes an artificiality, a toleration, a show stopper in the flow of manifestation.

    Know thyself means living authentically. In that, there is no commitment–there is no spoon. Once the illusion of separateness between ways of being (rituals) and the energy of being is seen, the question of when to commit and for how long disappears.

    🙂 Kim

  8. What a brilliant strategy, Laura! And an easy way to invite the variety in and make the commitment easy to keep.

    Thanks for pitching in!

    Kim, you’re reminding me of the question I used to ask clients: “What are you more committed to: reality or your dream?”

    Hmm. Lots of food for thought you delivered. Thank you for the thought exploration! 🙂

  9. sue says:

    I think any of these great habits are wonderful things to keep coming back to, with a great bunch of people to connect with and share information with. I don’t do the prayrain journal every night, but I do it often enough, when I am inspired to do it. I am thrilled with the idea of it, and it’s power, so I know it is worth doing. I also know that it is worth doing when I am inspired, because then I do my best “feeling” writing. I find that these “tools” are all worth adding to our lives to enhance, not to use as some sort of “ya gotta do it this way, or it won’t work” technique. They do work, and they do enrich our lives in a most impressive way. Besides we all have to find our favorites, because we are all such different creators. It’s all good!

  10. sue says:

    Isn’t the real commitment just getting back in the Vortex?
    Whatever it takes…………

  11. Laura says:

    Kim, I love this line:

    “In our culture the idea of ‘commitment’ has become so ingrained that many don’t realize that to force ourselves to ’stick with’ something is to force ourselves into being something we are not–hence commitment becomes an artificiality, a toleration, a show stopper in the flow of manifestation.”

    It is absolutely brilliant and really does reflect the meaning that our culture puts on commitment – kind of like discipline. Forcing yourself to do something to get the end result you want…Wouldn’t it be just great if more people knew that is just not the way it works?

    Laura

  12. Rhonda says:

    Jeannette & Kim Falconer:

    Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!!!

    This helped me a lot.

  13. Sue, your words will last with me for quite some time, I am sure! Indeed, the whole point is to get in the vortex, and any commitment we made would be for the purpose of getting there, so that sums it up nicely, doesn’t it?

    It also makes me wonder about those times when we do something we might not have been looking forward to, but it turns out to be more fabulous than we would have dreamed … it was like a tricky or not-so-obvious way into the vortex.

    I wonder if commitments might work that way sometimes, too.

    Laura, I totally get what you’re highlighting from Kim’s comments. AND it makes me wonder about the benefits of a discipline. I mean, the results that people get from practicing a strong discipline are pretty impressive!

    (I just watched the 20 year old Del Potro take the US Tennis Champion title from Federer – and I gotta imagine that kid put some pretty regular time in on the court to create that skill level at such a young age!)

    And like with blogs. Many blog coaches would say you have to make regular, frequent and consistent posts in order to draw an audience. And they have lots of strategies to help their clients make a commitment to their blog and exercise that kind of posting discipline.

    But I never had to practice that … I just LOVE being here so much I never had to create a strategy to make sure I show up here regularly.

    I think I’ve got two different topics in mind at once here, and am not doing either one of them justice.

    I guess what I’m thinking is, if I just do what feels good, and I’m Del Potro and some days I’d rather sleep in than get my time in on the court, won’t I be sabotaging my potential?

  14. Monica says:

    Sue is right, if it doesn’t get you into the Vortex, don’t do it.

    I do think, though, that those times when a manifestation technique feels like too much work are the times when you know it isn’t going to help you, probably because you are too far upstream (I still like that metaphor better). I have recently had success with just focusing on a slight improvement in mood, rather than trying to get all the way into the Vortex. To do that I choose a technique that will help me where I am now, rather than expecting that the same technique will help me no matter what.

  15. Janette says:

    Great post! When I think about commitment to any specific action, I’m reminded of the old gag …. “yeah, I’m great at giving up smoking; I do it at least three times a week”

    Me, I have a low boredom threshold. Many things lose their juice if I turn them into daily habits or rituals, so I’ve learned I’m better off mixing them up. A few rituals, like my nightly journal habits, are fun and something I look forward to – though if I’m really not in the mood, I skip ’em.

    Yet I do commitment really well in other areas. I’ve been effortlessly monogamous with my lovely hubby for 22 years, and I did finally give up smoking 15 years ago.

    It comes back to the basics – what feels good? The adventure for me is in discovering which potential habits great; and which ones turn into “shoulds”. The latter get replaced quick-smart!

  16. Okay, Janette – that effortless commitment is where I think the gold is!

    Because we’re in the vortex AND leveraging the power of ritual, right?

    Tony Robbins: “Results come from rituals.”

    Has anyone experienced that? I’m a believer, but I don’t hear many echoing this.

    So Janette, on the day when monogamy feels like a “should” … is that out the door? (Or is just me that can easily imagine monogamy and shoulds going hand in hand?! ha ha)

    Monica, that makes good sense to me: if it doesn’t get you in the vortex, don’t do it.

    But I hear myself wondering about how everyone raves about the benefits of regular meditation, and that seems like a good path to vortex, and yet … some days I’d just rather not. I suspect they’re right, though! (In that developing a regular practice of it would be immensely beneficial and very vortex-like!)

    But … in the short run, watching Wipeout appeals to me and feels Vortex-y. In the long run, would I have been better served to get over this temporary hump of creating a habit out of meditating?

    Kind of like I might not think I’ll have fun at this party, but I go anyway (because I said I would and I like to keep commitments) and end up having the time of my life?

    Am I making any sense?

  17. Jim says:

    Let me pose a question back to the group.

    Would a change in commitment just be reflecting that we don’t have a strong enough answer to ‘Why am I doing this?’

  18. Iyabo, I have sometimes wondered if it’s a personal sabotage (a form of resistance) that keeps us from following through on certain commitments.

    Jim, if I knew how to spotlight comments, I’d put yours in it. I think that may be the golden ticket!!!

    Thanks for pitching in!!

  19. Cheri says:

    Really enjoyed reading all the comments. Great post Jeannette – you have a fabulous way of getting conversations going!

    Kim – your comments about commitment made me think of something that I heard once – 99% commitment is HARD. 100% commitment is easy.

    I am a bit of a hummingbird – lots of different interests and shiny objects can catch my attention! I love that about me! I know a lot of things about a lot of things.

    When there is something that i know that i want to do/have/be down to the very bottom of the souls of my feet – I find ways to support myself with that. So for me I created a system that is fun and is something that I do with my friends. It gets me 100% every time. And I love every minute of it! And the results are amazing.

    I don’t do this with things I just find interesting. And I really tune into my intuition if the energy is right for me to do something. A good example is the 29 gifts. Love it and I will play – but the energy is not right for me now. I know when I do play I will not think of things ahead of time. I will go into the day and be open to God’s inspiration and give when I feel the smile on my face and the dance in my heart. It will be fun and light and easy.

    Blessings to you all!

  20. Debra says:

    This one is powerful, Jeannette. (…and they all are 🙂

    I love the thoughts and feelings that bubbled up as I read the post, question and then the comments.

    All the comments are wonderful. And as usual Kim’s response just reaches right in and touches the core, for me.

    Her closing line:
    “Once the illusion of separateness between ways of being (rituals) and the energy of being is seen, the question of when to commit and for how long disappears.”

    Says it all! (Love ya, Kim!)

    When I finished reading the post/question part the first thought I had was of my own relationship with commitment.

    I thought about the things in life that I am passionately committed to:
    Being the best, most authentic wife/partner/lover/soul friend/etc.!! in my marriage with Mark that I can be in every moment.
    Being the best, most authentic mom/guide/example-setter/nurturer/soul friend/etc.!! that I can be in every moment for my kids/family of critters.
    Being the best, most authentic person/guide/sister/auntie/soul friend/coach/teacher/that I can be in every moment for every sentient being that I have the blessing of relating with.

    Those are my top commitments. They are the ones the breathe through me as I breathe through them.

    These commitments speak to the I AM-ness of me. They speak to my being-ness.

    Things like meditation, yoga, a specific diet, journaling, affirmations, etc. are all tools that may or may not enhance my being-ness, my authentic nature, my feel-good-ness in any given moment.

    I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the “going for the feel good” thing.

    For me ‘feel good’ = alignment. Pure and simple.

    The better we get at BEing in alignment, the better and longer lived our commitments are.

    Not because we had to stick to something…or see something through… But because the experiences we’ve created in our lives are in such harmonic bliss that we have every desire to ‘keep on singing & dancing’ to this tune we love. …and why wouldn’t we?

    Thanks for another wonderfully introspective post/question, Jeannette! XO

  21. Cheri says:

    That’s a great point Iyabo! Even though there is something that you might have done 10,000 times, each time can be different if you come to it in an open way.

    In reality, we are different in each moment and the ‘me’ that is here is new and fresh and open for a new experience. I really like coming to each experience with an attitude of wonder….I wonder what this is going to be like today?

  22. Debra says:

    OMGosh! Sara, I Love, Love, LOVE your entire comment. So right on, so tuned in, beautiful!!! Ditto the whole thing.

    …and so funny, in reflecting on my comment I realize the commitment I hold most dearly, the one to myself for the very reasons you stated seem to have gone unmentioned! Without this one, I would be unable to BE available for the others.

    JOY at home, in my own heart first leads to JOY in all walks of my life.

    You’re right, “feeling good IS the ritual”! 🙂

  23. Iyabo Asani, The Inner Genius Coach says:

    Good one Jeanette!

    I love what Kim said and all the other comments.

    There are two sides of the ritual. Do the ritual but also come to the ritual with fresh eyes and with love in your heart.

    The resistance that comes up is something to work through. It could be language that you do not want to do what you are doing or it could be that after a certain number of days, the resistance brings forth another layer to penetrate.

    Approach with heartswell and joy to enter into the reason for the ritual.

    Hugs to each of you.

    MWAH!

    Iyabo

  24. Sara Exley says:

    My commitments are simple: my self, my guidance, and my joy. The best part is that one of those always leads to the other, so in all reality being committed to one means being committed to the ALL of me.

    For me, feeing good IS the ritual. 🙂

    I can’t think of one request that wasn’t fulfilled as a result of feeling good. It solves everything, improves everything, and it’s always taken me everywhere I’ve ever wanted to go.

    I love all the comments about the vortex, that’s where it’s at!

    Hugs,
    Sara E.

  25. Anyone besides me want to hear about Cheri’s system?!

    I totally get it about 100% being easy, 99% being hard. I hadn’t heard that before, but that sure makes sense.

    Debra, as usual it’s inspiring to hear from you! Thanks for adding your voice to this discussion.

    I’m fond of quoting my dad who quotes P’taah in saying “Feeling good IS the work.”

    Thanks for this insight, Deb: that it may not be the ritual we got sideways of, but something else that became attached to it.

    I’m going to go explore that possibility in my own personal examples …

    Thanks for the brilliant input, everyone!

  26. Deb says:

    You surely read my mind with this post Jeannette! One of my drawings this week will be “Resistance or Reluctance?”. The topic came to me as I am deciding whether or not to continue moving forward with trying to syndicate my daily drawings.

    I love the ritual that I have found of sitting with my tea every morning, sun streaming into the dining room, drawing and giggling to myself as I get ready to send my thought for the day out to the world. But recently the commentary coming back from my father-in-law (who is making the calls to newspapers about syndication) has been very negative and condescending for anything that isn’t completely commercially viable.

    And so my most favorite time of day had become a chore that I hated. Well… here’s where reluctance and resistance come in. My initial reaction to my father-in-law was “screw it, i’m not interested in syndication” and then my “don’t cut off your nose” thinking kicked in and I tried one more time to accommodate the commercial world. Was I just being resistant to success? Was I just reluctant to adjust and keep trying?

    It took me quite a while of sifting through the feelings and what I finally found was that I was being neither of these. What had happened is that I had lost focus on what was feeding me good feelings (the daily postings on my blog and the joy that everyone gets from that) to thinking that just because I thought syndication would be a good idea that I had to stick with it. The answer was to get back to what I loved.

    And now, from this really roundabout comment, is the idea that if a ritual becomes hard, or boring or whatever, that it may in fact NOT be the ritual at all that doesn’t feel good but something else that has gotten attached to it. And the not so good feelings may be a signal to take a look at your original motivation/intention and return to that joy that brought you there in the first place.

    by the way… this is the ONLY ritual that i have ever stuck with for a long period of time. 🙂

  27. Robert says:

    “99% commitment is hard,100% commitment is easy.”

    That is my new favorite saying! Thanks Cheri, I had never heard that before. But when I think about it, it makes SO much sense and applies to SO many situations.

  28. Very cool, Erik! Thanks for sharing that!!

  29. Toni says:

    Being a non-ritual kinda gal I concur with Sue & Co. in simply doing whatever feels good right now and sends you right back into the vortex.

    Abraham and other LOA teachers have given us such a variety of methods to connect with Spirit, it’s just a matter of diving right into that marvellous buffet of LOA techniques.

    I’m keeping my preferred ones on a long list to choose from when I need to refresh my energy.

    It’s my secret toolbox and works just like opening up a closet full of clothes: Now, what will I wear today – what am I in the mood for? 🙂

  30. Toni says:

    Oh – I forgot to write this: I’ve started journaling about how I “solve” my challenges. It’s nothing big, I just jot down a few words about “reality”, choose my preferred LOA method of addressing it, and how this is going to clear things up. And then I “forget” all about it. This is my Surrender Journal – or as I prefer seeing it, my Freedom Journal.

  31. Erik says:

    @Kim: what you write about commitment is nothing short of brilliant 🙂 – commitment = being.
    That we can not decide whether do make a commitment was completely new to me. Up to now commitment always felt like ‘should’ and ‘must’ for me – with this the vibe went down the drain.
    If I understand you correctly: commitment equals living authentically because everything you do, you do it with joy and persistence because it is *you* that you are living. That is a much more doable way of commitment 😉 for me.

    @Cheri: about the 99% and 100%: in my relationships or when I think about the times when they started, the occasions where it was 99% it always was a drag. It looked like perfect but somehow it did not click. Only at those times when I decided that it will be 100% and nothing less (not even 99.9%!!!) did it click and the good things came on rolling into my life.

    About the rituals: I started pray rain journaling some weeks ago and felt that sometimes it was completely enough to simply read my previous entries. At the moment I don’t journal, I somehow feel that there is more doing to do since my visions are clear and *my* shipping from the universe is on its way. So I just spend my time feeling good and enjoying every second.

    Feeling good is really key – after all by just reading the entries in my journal or by simply thinking of them, there is happiness coming up because the visions are so enjoyable. Simply the ‘feeling better’ is worth doing the pray raining.

    Funny thing is, I stopped one of my two pray rain journals (one for relationships and one for business) after *TWO* days because I realized that the vision I sent out had already been reality some days ago! I realized that the kind of way I wanted to feel has already been there in me but I had kinda ignored it and with the journal it just came up to the surface :). In a way this shows me that there is no such thing as time (past and future) but there is just the present moment. So things can come from the past or to the future towards you.

    As always, have a good one 🙂

  32. Okay, after reading your comment, Toni, on top of everyone else’s, I think what I’m discovering for myself personally as I read all these reminders that it’s just simply about feeling good and getting in the vortex, is that my feel good is changing (very likely based on inputs I’ve been getting lately).

    And that where I may have been commitment and ritual and routine and structure averse in the past, something about it must be beginning to appeal to me.

    So I’m going to change my story about what it means to commit and recognize that that IS part of my feel good path!

    I think. Still tossing this around. ha ha

    Thanks for all the inspiration, everyone!

  33. Jessica says:

    I love Kim’s definition of committment! It makes my day!

    I’ve often pondered this because, as others have mentioned, I get bored easily or find so many interesting things out there that I move on rather quickly. However, I have experience the wonderful success of sticking with something! I wondered what made me stick with it when I can’t stick with other things… I’ve decided it is vibrational alignment!!

    We may feel 100% vibrationally aligned with our pledged committment in that moment, but perhaps it was influenced by another (marketing hype, a loved one, etc) or that when making the committment there was no other competing vibes…

    So, for instance, why was it “easy” to “force” myself to spend the hottest week of the whole summer prickling from fiberglass insulation and getting bruised up from our home construction project? Simply, I’m in vibrationally alignment (finally!) with my dream/goal/vision of our renovated second floor. My daughter playfully pointed out that “of course she is happy about her new room- I’ve only been promising it for 10 years now! Has it REALLY been that long?! Okay, so I figure the reason I can’t seem to keep my committment to make my family wholesome meals every day is that as much as it warms my heart to think about it, I’m just not a vibrational match right now. In terms of “vibes” I wouldn’t know if one could actually hold different vibes at the same time… could I possibly be in alignment to plan, prepare and serve healthy meals, while also being up to my ears 14 hours a day in messy construction work? I’m not so sure…

    Some things in life just feel more “natural” and easier and fun! Some things that didn’t used to be, become natural. Some things that used to be easy, become no longer. Why is that? Vibrational Alignment… right?

    Yesterday, thankfully, it was finally easier to do the dishes than to work on the house so now we have a clean kitchen once again! That feels GREAT! 🙂 But had I tried to do it the day before when I was inspired to finish painting my daughter’s room… well it would not have felt good.

    I DID have to force myself to insulate in the heat… it wasn’t a fun job; however, the excitement I felt for the rooms we would be cozy in this winter was strong enough to get me through. And I didn’t have to do any ritual to convince myself… it just happened.

    I just love all the comments! What a great topic! 🙂

  34. Yup, I too love Kim’s explanation of commitment! You either commit or you don’t… there is no trying!

    I went to an improv class last night (which was super fun, btw) and the teacher was talking about commitment. We were given these scenarios we had to act out, and some people had no experience whatsoever with what they were supposed to act out. But the teacher said that improv all boils down to commitment… if you totally commit yourself to the character or scenario you’re acting out, then no one in the audience will care if you make a mistake here or there or say something that doesn’t really fit. If they see you going “all out”, they will appreciate your efforts and overlook any inconsistencies in the story you’re trying to tell.

    And I thought that was a really good example of how the Universe works as well! If we totally commit to having whatever it is we want in life, i.e. commit body, mind, and soul, then Universe delivers that thing to us… in fact, it has no choice BUT to deliver it to us! But it’s when we get wishy-washy and don’t fully commit that we get so-so results and wonder why the law of attraction isn’t working for us. If we commit 100% to having that thing in our life, the law of attraction MUST bring it to us. It is law!

    So to answer your question, Jeannette, I don’t think it matters so much what methods you practice or even how often you do them. What matters is your commitment to having that which you want in your life, and lining up your thoughts, beliefs, actions, and vibe with *already* having that thing! When you do that, it’s here in no time! 😉

  35. Adrienne says:

    I’m committed to reading this blog all the time (100%).

    love it.
    love this community.
    love the wisdom.

    thank you all 🙂

  36. Thanks for the smile, Adrienne!
    🙂

  37. Mitch says:

    Feeling good is the most important thing. Different manifesting techniques evoke different responses for everyone, but I find that if I’m really ready for what I’m manifesting, then the idea of ‘committing’ to a certain technique for a certain time period doesn’t really occur to me. In other words, it becomes easy and fun for me to work on it every day without really ever thinking of it as a commitment. If I ever catch myself feeling chained to one technique or getting overwhelmed by working on my goals, then chances are, it has nothing to do with the technique I’m using and everything to do with feeling unready or unworthy of manifestation in some way. (Which I then commit to changing. Ha!)

    And Kim, as always, my brain is doing somersaults trying to absorb your post. lol I guess the challenge for me is really accepting that being is the most important thing, and knowing that everything I *do* will come as a result of that, rather than the other way around.

  38. Speaking of commitments (and I can cos I just did something on 9/9/09 which I call a commitment to life) – when you decide to do what it takes to be who you want, then it’s like a laser focus and just remembering that feeling will get you through the times you don’t want to do a ritual you may have associated with that goal.

    Not forcing yourself to do it, but by remembering and getting in touch with that commitment, it doesn’t FEEL forced anymore. The energy, the joy, the excitement associated with the end result is so powerful, it makes the rest easy.

    And by you, of course I mean me 🙂 I can’t even begin to describe how it feels .. like I’ve transcended to a whole new level of being. This level of trust, love, knowingness and patience is new to me and I love it! For the first time ever, making a commitment doesn’t feel like a chore to carry out, it energises and sets me free!

    Maybe that’s cos I’m committed to what I really want – to be happy and healthy? And the rituals I see as a stepping stone AND an end in themselves.

    I’m having one of those my heart is gonna explode I’m so happy kind of days and it has come about from going to the gym as per my commitment and giving roses away as gifts as part of the #29gifts commitment.

    There were days I didn’t consciously give but that was ok too cos I didn’t see it as not being committed or as something I HAVE to do everyday. If I didn’t, I didn’t but the commitment was and is still there. I cut myself a lot of slack hehe!

  39. K, I was particularly interested in hearing from you, Tia, because I know your commitment to feeling good and I also knew you had recently made a new commitment to something else, too. (Maybe that’s where my issues comes in – when I see the commitment to feeling good as different than a commitment to something else, huh?)

    Anyway, as soon as I’m done with client sessions today I am diving in to this great discussion!!

  40. Good point J-bird! My commitment is to feeling good, and what makes me feel good is being healthy and happy amongst myriad other things.

    So when I changed how I looked at the health part and decided I wanted it as a lifestyle, it wasn’t about making myself go work out anymore (chore! bore!) but about feeling good so 1) getting up and leaving for the gym 1st thing in the morning as per the new schedule + 2) working out = 3) feeling great doing both those things.

    Maybe this will help: earlier I had linked my health goal to being a great mom / wife ie, I thought that was my motivation, my WHY that would inspire me to work out.

    Now I see I wasn’t connected to that wife/mom goal (as I wrote in my latest post http://www.coachtia.com/2009/09/13/the-epiphany-or-why-i-dont-have-what-i-want/) and I needed something closer to today.

    And that something was me living that lifestyle for ME, not the husband and kids I will have someday! Having made this distinction, I can’t NOT feel great about getting fitter 🙂

    Can’t explain it any better – it’s a real subtle shift in energy and thinking around the same thing thanks to getting really clear about what I’m ready for right now.

    And I can already see how this will lead to the ultimate dreams I have – by accepting where I am and choosing to love the journey. Hooray!

  41. In addendum: The ultimate health goal is still in line with my vision of a healthy, happy, active family that does Sun-runs together, which is why I wanted to be fit in the 1st place. But the way for me to get there is by focusing on a closer goal (feeling good NOW) which is aligned with the big one. So I’ll get what I said I wanted for the future, by giving myself permission to get it now.

    Like I said in the Demands more effective post. Crystal clarity on what I want = there isn’t even a thought of “I’ll try being fit for a while”. I’ve let go of that option to slip back into ‘non-fitness’ and right now, it feels like this is for real and for the rest of my life.

    Now to invite this focus and determination in other parts of my life. I won’t try to change my entire life overnight cos one big change at a time feels plenty… but/and then, I just MIGHT ha!

    Wow I’m on a comment ROLL today!

  42. OH God, I’m back … I just realised I hadn’t told you this – the word commitment and I haven’t been best friends. I can live in a town for 4 years and still not be able to sign a lease longer than 6 months at a time. Here, in Canada, it’s been well over a year and I still go month to month. I even go M-t-M at the gym!

    So the last few days have been all abt eye opening revelations for me – since the day I made those commitments to myself! WEIRD much!? LOL

    Now I’m REALLY going… 😉

  43. Cheri says:

    Jeannette,

    One of the things I’m thinking about as I’m reading the comments here is the ‘comfort zone’ vs. commitment. I think that we all have some ‘grooves’ built into how we do things because its comfortable. Like the path you always take through the grass until it becomes worn and an automatic comfortable habit.

    But if I’m committing to a different way of ‘beingness’ it means stepping off that comfortable path. There will be a new feeling as i walk differently through the world. Sometimes I can label that excitement. Other times if my thoughts are in different places I can call it other things.

    So if there is something that I have committed to and I ‘just don’t feel like doing it’ I think it makes sense to check in and see what is behind that feeling. Is it just my mind wanting to stick to the worn and comfortable path? What can seem comfortable in the moment can become a trap. I actually read about a couple who enjoyed staying in bed so much they decided to spend the rest of their lives there. They even had family waiting on them hand and foot. Crazy!

    What is more common for me than not wanting to do something is just conveniently forgetting. I think I have heard it takes at least 6 weeks to form a new habit. So if there is a new habit I want in my life I find ways to support myself getting there.

    If I find that I don’t ‘feel like doing it’ I shift to true choice. I connect with those reasons I chose to do it in the first place. I get my heart SINGING! And them take action from true choice. And if my heart isn’t singing anymore then maybe it’s time to move on. Maybe the commitment was a way to learn more about what I really wanted.

  44. Janette says:

    Hm – twice today I’ve had nudges from the U about getting some spiritual practice into my day. So I’m back to say maybe I’m about to rethink my position on this idea of daily ritual (hey, I can be flexible – see me bend!). I’m using Tia’s trick of only committing to 21 days, for now. Plus a cunning plan to avoid my boredom demon by mixing up the different techniques I use.

    Oh, and BTW no – monogamy has never felt like a ‘should’ with this guy. I can appreciate good eye candy, of course; but I’m so comfy in this partnership, I’m like a cat stretched out in that one sweet spot in the sun. No reason to move that I can see. And yes, I do know how lucky and blessed I am!

  45. Jenny says:

    This is such an interesting post and so thought-provoking to read all of the comments. It left me with a lot to think about and to say…

    I’m usually a stick-to-my-guns type. If I say I’m going to do something, I stick with it. I’ve really been looking at that pattern lately because it doesn’t fit well with the “feel good philosophy.” I want to put more emphasis on feel good as opposed to be good (by following through on my commitments).

    MissyB, I love how you say that you imagine you’ll feel when it’s done. I think a vision of the end is a good way to look at it when the going gets rough. So often there are things I start because of an end goal in mind. If I can keep the end goal in mind, then it is often possible for me to feel good along the way.

    Jeannette, It’s interesting that you mention the 29Gifts thing. I “fell off the wagon” this weekend and didn’t do anything out of the ordinary for 2 days. I committed to doing the gift giving and even started with their blog to make sure I stuck with it. But this weekend it was feeling more like a chore than something good.

    Deb writes: “And the not so good feelings may be a signal to take a look at your original motivation/intention and return to that joy that brought you there in the first place.” This makes me think about why I did the 29Gifts. Three reasons: it seemed like a neat idea, I saw other people I knew jumping in, and I read that it was a transforming type of experience. And I thought it would be easy (haha).

    There are things that I do with the end in mind, because I think they will be a positive experience, but going through them is not fun. The other side is wonderful. One example would be going to Byron Katie’s School for The Work. That was nine very rough days. I did have moments of laughter and smiles, but it was not a spa-like experience. As a result of going, I now see how often I was not feeling good and taking care of myself, among so many more benefits.

    Looking at the end result of being at The School, those nine days of not feeling great put me in a far better place in life. If I had thought that it didn’t feel good during The School and chose to leave, I would not have experienced the life-long benefits of the experience.

    So this is where the question comes up in my mind: Is a difficult experience worth the difficulty when the feel-goodness on the other side is far better it could be otherwise?

    I decided to stick with the 29Gifts today, after reading all of these comments. I am going to do it with the end in mind, even though I don’t really know what that is. I went to The School not knowing what it would really do for me and being open to all the experiences I had potentially changing my life. I think I’ll stick with the same approach here.

    Thanks to all of you for helping me figure this out! It’s like what you said above, Jeannette: “It also makes me wonder about those times when we do something we might not have been looking forward to, but it turns out to be more fabulous than we would have dreamed.”

  46. Sue says:

    Love it……………feeling good IS my ritual! thanks Sara.
    I’m putting that one on my cellphone reminder

  47. Just saw a helpful tweet relevant to this conversation:

    (from @Ph1lm RT @BridgetAyers)

    “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” Tony Robbins

  48. Michael says:

    That’s a good quote!

    I know that about three years ago, I got a link (from you, Jeannette, I think) to some Sandy Forster material from her Wildly Wealthy website.

    Sandy had an mp3 of a very short, very enlivening (for me anyway) meditation on creating whatever you want (health, money, love, etc.). I used it for ten days and had a fantastic job for 15 months!

    About five years prior to that, I was ‘trapped’ in a commercial property that was costing me a fortune to keep alive, rehab, etc. I bumped into Wayne Dyer’s ‘intention’ manifestation CD, and within about four weeks, the property sold to the perfect people…which seemed absolutely unlikely just a few weeks before.

    I’m wondering if one good way to approach this is to really hit the Universe up for the right individual method at the right time. We talked about ‘demanding’ in an earlier blog, and honestly, as many times as I’ve ‘demanded’ the Universe provide something, it’s only happened once or twice, and not happened more times than I care to count.

    Maybe that’s just not the ‘right’ method at the right time for me??

    So I’m going to cajole the Universe into bringing me the right manifestation technique to create my dream music career. I’ve been using the Forster mediation and other things I’ve read, but what I’m not doing is really asking whether each approach is right for ME in the here and now.

    m|p

  49. Mitch says:

    Michael, that’s a really good point. Part of what makes a technique work, in my opinion, is really enjoying it. And often, really enjoying something means that you don’t have to do it every day three times a day for a year. lol I love when new and interesting techniques show up because in getting excited about the technique, I can get re-excited about my dream. Sort of a double-whammy for the Universe there. 🙂

  50. As always, an interesting discussion, Jeanette. I can’t even count the little – and big – insights I am enjoying by reading through all these comments.

    Like many others here I enjoy the results that commitment to a ritual or habit bring, such as when I work out regularly (and I mean daily instead of when I feel like it), but at the same time that word ‘commitment’ has pretty negative connotations for me. I am noticing that dissolve a little while reading here, and I am enjoying the smile this brings. I’m slowly but surely gravitating towards having ‘commitment’ mean committing unabashedly to whatever makes me feel fabulous, ie. keeps me aligned with my highest, most joyful and ‘alive’ self.

    Using that workout commitment as an example, it changes an ‘I should work out whether I feel like it or not’ to an ‘I always find ways to move and stay fit and get fresh air, and allow myself to feel and look fabulous and delight in my physicality’…or some such thing. Still formulating.

    Gawd, I love you guys! Such a great group contributing with such heart to the question. Thank you.

    Shauna

  51. Cheri says:

    Michael,

    Would love to find out how to get that mediation that you are talking about – I love upbeat meditations!

    I do have to say I might not understand your post, though. If you are saying that it’s about the ‘how’ or which technique to use to unlock what you want I would have to disagree. In my experience the how does not matter. At all.

    There can be 2 people doing the same technique and one person gets great results and one doesn’t. It’s all about your beingness (or the feeling).

    In my experience, if I use something ‘hoping that it will work’ it results in very limited success (instead of wildly out of this world unbelievable results!)

    When I come from a place of ‘I am totally satisfied, I just want more’ amazing miracles happen. Blessings!

  52. Debra says:

    I just discovered this…
    I find it to be powerfully, simply, beautifully uplifting.
    Great vibe-raising quality!

    Since the vibe here is always high…ever higher…
    I wanted to share this video with this group…the feel good vibration may just fly right off the charts! 🙂

    …and Cheri…this one may just fit the ‘upbeat meditation’ category for you, I know it does for me. I agree, and find it fascinating how 2 or more people exercising the same technique, etc. can have vastly different results/experiences. …in appreciation for our uniqueness…right now.

    EnJOY!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYYzK7fkYXg

  53. Cheri says:

    Debra…LOVE LOVE LOVE that video! Thanks so much for sharing! I’ll watch that again and again. Had a big smile at the end when I saw the words were from power vs. force. Made perfect sense on why the vibe is high!

  54. Mitch says:

    Argh. I can’t watch the video from my computer at work.

    I’m writing a sticky note to watch it later tonight. lol

    Cheri, I know just what you mean about being totally satisfied and wanting more. I have had *obscenely* awesome manifestations come from that attitude. But sometimes it’s just getting to that place that is the challenge. Maybe general satisfaction is something I should be working on manifesting. 🙂

  55. Cheri says:

    You know Mitch, I personally think that coming from a place of contentment is key for me. That is how I start my day.

    I think that if you ‘strive’ for joy or bliss it has a drive to it and it’s not in quite the right vibration. When I come from contentment then it allows other amazing things to naturally happen.

    And if your open to it I would suggest changing your language from ‘working on general satisfaction’ to being aware and receiving all that is good right now.

    The video is definitely worth watching tonight! Let me about your experience! Now, I am off to write on MY blog! This conversation is so fun I’m spending lots of time here!

  56. Debra says:

    YAY!! Glad you enjoyed it Cheri; had a pretty huge feeling you would. 🙂 (Mitch, you’re gonna love it, too!)

    I know, I loved Power vs. Force when I read it. Being such a HUGE fan of the power of vibration, that book and the words/message within just flooded me with JOYous confirmation.

  57. Mitch says:

    You’re right, Cheri! My language totally gave me away! lol It reminds me of Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now.” I was just re-listening to the audio book this afternoon, and at one point he reminds us that enlightenment (or contentment) isn’t something that we have to get to. It’s something that already is, if we’re just present enough to let it be.

    Thank you for reinforcing that!

  58. Jenny says:

    “Flexible in approach.” That is always a good reminder for me. Thanks for throwing that out there 🙂

  59. Erik says:

    @Jessica: yes, you can have two vibes at the same time – but it will produce the expected results. For quite some months I had two exactly conflicting vibes (thoughts / feelings) inside which manifested both (!) in alternating fashion ;). But sure, if you don’t put too much conscious effort in it, I would say that you very roughly vibrate the same.
    After all, when we start to visualize, pray rain etc. our new dreams, we are in fact having a second (new) vibe to our habitual one. It just depends which one of those two wins in the end.

    @SelfHelpGoddess: thanks for telling the story about your improv night – that’s just the kick in the rear that I needed ;). Basically it’s a really good idea to put 100% in it, even if we are not sure if we do things right. I am reeeally good at not starting things because I think that I lack the skills (which develop in the process, but I tend to overlook that fact).

    @Tia: love the ‘I’ve let go of an option to slip into non-fitness’ ;)!

  60. Laura says:

    Jeannette and anyone else interested…the beautiful music in the video that Debra posted is called Sacral Nirvana by Oliver Shanti and Friends…you can get it on ITunes…

    I’ve heard it years ago on a cd someone made and had no way of finding out who it was. Am so happy to have been able to hear it again AND get it on my IPOD! Thank you, Debra!

    xo
    Laura

  61. Debra says:

    You’re welcome… and Thank YOU, Laura! Jeannette tweeted earlier to ask who did the music and I responded on Twitter…great idea to share it here as well. 🙂

    The music absolutely makes the video!! I’ve searched and it doesn’t seem Oliver Shanti & Friends have much other music…and no website as far as I could see.

    The song Sacral Nirvana is HIGH VIBE for sure!!

  62. Laura says:

    Debra,
    They do have an entire album (dating myself here) where this song came from and it’s on ITunes…didn’t see much other than that though.

    Funny, I loved the music but it wasn’t until I heard him say “Life”…in that smooth, fabulous voice that I realized it was THAT song! Soo cool!

    Laura

  63. Intuitive Girl says:

    I can totally relate to this post. I think once anything is forced, it’s not authentic, yet I’ll read books that say you have to do all these things in order to manifest your dreams. I don’t have the answer to this one but am loving the other responses.

  64. Berta Bauer, Lighthouse Coaching and Retreats says:

    I am late at responding to this blog as I have been living on-board our sailboat for two weeks, (inconvenient and awesome rolled into one). One ritual that I have is to meditate every morning for 20 minutes. The boat has totally screwed up my schedule, so I am actually missing my ritual of meditating.

    Side note–meditating for me frees my head of non-important junk and leaves it peaceful and open for new insights.

    Another side note–I think everyone has their own path to what feels good and is in alignment for them–so explore what is interesting but listen to your heart and do what vibrates within you.

    I meditated yesterday for the first time in about a week and I felt more connected the entire day. Essentially, mediation isn’t a chore for me, but at times I get done before my 20 minute bell rings. I just accept that I am done, and always appreciate my time even if I haven’t gotten in that open, connected and receptive place.

    For me the ritual is a treat that I give myself everyday, so at times when I hear myself say I don’t have time I stop, and tell a new story–“Screw that, I always have 20 minutes for myself.”

  65. Cheri says:

    The way I think about this is ‘false choice’ – when things feel bad, things are hard – and then ‘true choice’ – things feel good, are easy etc.

    So for example (briefly cause I’m going to bed!) I was away coaching for a week and was heading home. Long week – fabulous, but it had caught up w/me and I was tired. When I called my husband and told him I was on the way home – he said great we have to get up early…lots to do…

    So – I didn’t want to get up early. I knew if I stayed in that place it would be bad. So I thought – what can I connect with to get to true choice? this took the whole drive home btw.

    I came up with I want to support my husband. I was in true choice. We had an amazing day, things flowed in an amazing way…easy. 2 People we needed to see were at the health club (unplanned) , we signed 2 sets of paperwork there (we were selling a house and moving), up front in the shade parking spaces, – he worked out – I rested in the sauna & on the couch talking with other amazing people who ‘just showed up’.

    It would not have happened that way if I stayed in the different vibration. I know that LOA ‘lingo’ doesn’t really talk about ‘true choice’ – but it’s similar to vibration.

    That’s where I live my life. From true choice. Pretty much all the time. If I feel bad – I shift. I only do what I want. All the time. And it’s not about what I’m doing – it’s about coming from a place of wanting to do everything that I do. It’s amazing. Highly recommended. Hope that helps. It’s something that sounds complicated or a dream way to live that is not achievable. It’s totally achievable. It’s just a decision.

    Blessings & good night!
    Cheri

  66. Cheri, I just wanted to say thanks for that — it was FANTASTIC. Words don’t matter, it’s all the same thing really, isn’t it? This is a great way of looking at things/this I haven’t heard before.

    Lovely!

    …and still a great conversation. 🙂

    Shauna

  67. Debra says:

    Oh Cheri…
    I think I love you! So wonderful to meet another so beautifully committed to this path. 🙂

    You’ve just now expressed the lifestyle we’ve chosen for ourselves over the last 8 years as well.

    Each and every day is more grace and ease filled. Our lives are designed by our choices and we LOVE it.

    I like your term, “True Choice”.

    The coolest part for me is that the more I honor “true choice” the better I get at making them.

    The other coolest part is it’s a very NOW, present moment action. It’s about what is the true choice right now…based on my feelings about it.

    I can look back and say…wow, today my true choice on something I did a few years ago would be different. And, it was the truest choice at the time.

    We are constantly shifting in vibration…undulating and deepening…and growing ever lighter…ever higher in our vibe.

    I also like that you mention that it can seem unachievable or like a dream way to live. We hear that from people all the time.

    We joyfully live and lead by the clarity of our example (thanks Abe!) showing others that it is more than possible and in fact it’s a dream way to live that IS a dream come true!

    The empowered freedom of this lifestyle choice rocks my world in the best ways ever, every day. And honestly, I feel like it’s LOA to the utmost degree.

    When there are moments that aren’t all sunshine & roses (and there are those) I know it’s all about me…it’s my responsibility to navigate my way through the feelings, thoughts, vibes, etc. to feeling my True Choice…and then setting my course accordingly.

    Thanks for sharing, Cheri!

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