Q&A: How Do I Get Him to Shape Up?
Last week an ezine subscriber I’ve come to know and love over the years sent this short question (edited for anonymity):
Our co-worker is quite lazy and inept. How do I keep from letting this situation into my experience and, yet, make him more accountable and earn his pay? Any suggestions?
I wrote back suggesting this reader knew more than he gave himself credit for, to which he responded:
I can choose to ignore the situation and give little thought to it, but how does that change his action/inaction…he has to have some measure of accountability or nothing will get done.
That’s when I realized this topic was worthy of Good Vibe Community attention!
My short response back outlined a four step formula for manifesting change:
- First we have to feel our feelings or they’ll just get stuck inside.
- After that, our work is to make some peace with what is.
- And after that, we start seeing what we like/appreciate about this person/situation.
- And maybe finish it off with a little imagining what we want.
In most of my client sessions we eventually cover the subject of our influence on those around us. Most of us aren’t conscious of the effect our energy has on others, but when we become aware of that and manage it deliberately … well, the transformations that take place can seem a little spooky!
I know many would suggest a Byron Katie take on this situation where we not stick our nose in someone else’s business. And that’s super effective when we can implement it.
But sometimes someone else’s business affects us in ways we aren’t successful at ignoring, right?
(Like my neighbor who made death threats against my dogs and boyfriend and plumber, or an HOA member who threatens to sue us as board members, or when we think the boss wants to fire us – and those are just the calls I took while writing this post! Let’s face it, we’ve all been there.)
I’m turning this one over to you for an in-depth exploration of what to do when we’re feeling challenged by someone in our immediate vicinity.
When it doesn’t feel good (or seem possible) to walk away or ignore it, what do YOU do to best manage the situation?
Thanks for in advance for your excellent input! Your real life examples are super helpful learning opportunities for the rest of us.