Q&A: How to Handle Disappointment?

June 4, 2009 | 50 Comments »

disappointment1The latest question for this Good Vibe Blog community came in via a client (who asked on behalf of a friend):

“How do you handle disappointment?”

I could easily relate because of a recent personal experience.

Just 36 hours prior I posted a pray rain blog entry about my happy healthy kitty.  Yet eight hours later the vet phoned to say he was a goner.

Although disappointment wasn’t exactly what I was feeling, I sure understood where this question comes from.

In fact, this was a topic we covered in our Perfect Clients Course: how to handle when you’ve done everything as right as you know how, and yet your desire or intention doesn’t come to fruition.

(This is a little different than our Settle or Hold Out post in that here the specific thing we wanted clearly didn’t happen.  So it’s not a matter of whether or not to go with an “almost there” option.  This is the situation where it at least looks like it’s a done deal; definitely didn’t happen.)

It’s an important answer to get a fix on, because this frustration and disappointment causes many deliberate creators to throw in the towel when they don’t come up with a satisfying answer.

Let’s field your responses to handling setbacks and disappointments on more typical examples, though: 

  • What would you say to a law of attraction practitioner who set her intention for a certain amount of income by a certain date, created alignment as best she could (which was really pretty good), and yet it didn’t happen?
  • Or to a woman who intended to have fun with a great guy from her online dating service, but instead found herself having lunch with a boring egomaniac? 
  • Or to a guy manifesting a fabulous job offer, only to get a call that the dream job offer went to someone else?
  • Or – okay, let’s include this one in the mix – to a girl who considers herself a manifesting fool (in the best way), who tells her boyfriend that if ANYONE’S kitten is going to survive, it’s HERS (implying that her manifesting skills are top notch) – and yet kitty doesn’t make it? 

I’ll post my response among yours in the comments section – which I thank you in advance for!

(And big thanks to my client’s friend for asking the question that I suspect most of us run into at one time or another!)

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50 Responses to “ Q&A: How to Handle Disappointment? ”

  1. Reid Peterson says:

    I’m gonna go spiritual on this one…

    If there’s disappointment, it’s important to reflect on what the expectation was. In most cases, the expectation is not in alignment with your purpose.

    And understanding your purpose… that’s for another time 🙂

  2. Reid, I wish this comment thread showed avatars, because every time I see your picture it makes me smile!

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this … and I’m looking forward to hearing more “another time” on understanding purpose! 🙂

  3. Oh, I think you hit a really important point, Melissa – to let ourselves feel those feelings! To slow down and feel it so they don’t hijack us for a crazy ride later – ha!

    You’re a hoot and right on target, in my opinion!

    Thanks for posting and also for the kind words. 🙂

  4. Debby Haime says:

    Well, we know that girl is top notch, so does her boyfriend, and we know that kitty was given the BEST possible chance but it just wasn’t meant to be, it was one of those ‘out of our hands’ things.
    And it seesm to me the unioverse will be sending someone else along pretty soon who really needs her and all her super manifesting stuff

  5. Thanks for the hug, Iyabo!

    You’re right in that in my case I was thinking alive was better than dead.

    @LightCoaching on twitter responded with something similar to what you’re sharing here about absolute perfection:

    “I use the affirmation “The universe ALWAYS gives me what I need for my growth & joy” when I’m disappointed x”

    It took a while, but remembering how Abe makes fun of us for being so caught up in the whole “death” thing no matter how many times we come and go did help.

    And it didn’t take long for me to see what was here for me in all of this: an intense commitment to follow my intuition even more than I already do, a commitment to making myself heard better than I already do, and .. oh great, I forgot the third one. ha

    It’ll come back to me! One way or another. 😉

    Thanks for posting, Iyabo. Your much perspective is much appreciated!

  6. Debby, you are such a dear! THANK YOU!

    You know, I did practice much of what you showed us here … I was reframing all over the place.

    “He didn’t make it.” Is it true? Can I know that it’s true? Is the turnaround as or more true? “I screwed up.” Is it true? Can I know that that’s true? Is there a more true turnaround?

    But I only did that AFTER I let myself feel sorry and guilty with lots of grief on top and some tears on the side.

    After that the reframes were much more effective. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, my friend – much appreciated!

  7. Judiesjuice says:

    Jeannette, I am so sorry to hear about your kitty. I hope she is in cat nip heaven 🙂

    As you already know, I blogged about this exact subject yesterday: http://judiesjuice.wordpress.com/2009/06/03/trying-too-hard/#comment-194

    I’m in the process of figuring it out for myself. One thing that I decided yesterday was to take a break from job searching. It was such a relief to allow myself one day from searching.

    I too recently experienced a very disappointing event. It was the exact opposite of what I wanted to manifest. Since I believe we create our reality, I felt very depressed that I somehow manifested this. How could I have done that!??! But at the same time, I also had to acknowledge the relief. Finally, I had the news (even though it was not what I wanted to hear) and I would not be wondering any longer.

    I’ve read quite a bit of LOA material and most everyone says “Be happy NOW” and “enjoy where you are now”. Sometimes I can swallow that and other times, like now, all I hear is “blah, blah, blah.” Last night, I was even questioning if there is a God or a Universe and if I should be in the career that I am in (writing).

    I don’t like hearing “there must be a better job/relationship/whatever in store for you.” It’s such BS! If there is something better, then does that mean we are not really in control over our destiny or reality?

    Last night (I could not sleep last night!!), I was even questioning my belief in LOA and all that goes with it.

    Ultimately, I feel that if we do not manifest what we want, it means are not in alignment. Perhaps we have a hidden fear or belief that is not apparent to us at the moment.

  8. Your words are really sinking in, Karin and JudiesJuice, and I’m realizing that if I didn’t have attachment to kitty living, then I wouldn’t be sad if he didn’t.

    Right? I mean, if I was truly in a happy, aligned place, with no agenda, then I wouldn’t have left it after the vet phoned.

    The fact that I was sad reveals my attachment. I thought I got to a decent place of “okay either way” … but apparently not ALL the way.

    And this fits right in with my story of myself … “sick animals get me every time.”

    Time for a new story!

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. 🙂

  9. Hi Jeannette–The topic of disappointment immediately brought up for me what a cat does when wanting some time out–she quietly licks her paws and her entire body, and essentially comes around to feeling pretty relaxed about everything, without a care in the world.

    Kinda like your kitty is feeling in this moment. I am sure she will make her presence known to you sooner or later–will spare you all the stories of how that has happened to me over all these years! LOL!

    Peace (of mind)
    & Blessings to all–
    Kate aka Moo

  10. Melissa says:

    Jeannette,

    I’m so sorry to hear about your kitty. I know she was well-loved when with you.

    Thank you for posting another juicy question! Who the heck knows?! But here’s the best way I can think about your two questions, which are How do you handle disappointment? and Why, powerful creator that I am, disappointed anyway?

    Perhaps because we exist with a whole bunch of other conscious beings and the totality of what’s being created is stronger than individual desires. Just as the positive intention is a stronger counter to the negative one. In many cases, I think that’s good. I know that if I actually received many of the things I felt as if, especially people I wanted relationships with, I’d be miserable. Not a perfect answer, but that’s as close as I get.

    I let disappointment have some time – slow down, feel it, release it – often after a time of wrestling and resistance. Blech. When I don’t let feelings happen they have a sneaky habit of hijacking me and taking me on a crazy-ride!

    With love and condolences,
    Melissa

  11. Here I was trying not to make this another post about death!! lol

    I totally get what you’re saying, Susan. It took me a minute to get there, but man, it gets easier every time.

    And it does help knowing I’ve got good company in the work, Kate.

    Thanks for sharing, both of you. It sounds like what you’re suggesting to someone dealing with disappointment is that they find a different way – a better feeling way – to look at it. Right?

  12. inner Genius Coach says:

    Jeanette, I must say this is a great question.

    For me, what I have discovered is that usually when you are disappointed, you are too attached to a particular outcome and you are not trusting that truly everything is unfolding in sheer perfection.

    Your stating that you are a super manifestor and your cat will survive has a tone of death of the cat being a bad thing and I know that is not really how you feel.

    I could go on with story after story of diasappointment and with the passage of time, it turns out that it was absolute perfection.

    We just do not have the benefit of seeing the end from the beginning but we can all do with so much more trust – Trust that our best and highest good and all those involved is unfolding in the perfect time space sequence.

    To all who have ever felt a moment of disappointment, here is a hug, just for you.

    Iyabo Asani
    http://www.InnerGeniusCoach.com

  13. Karin Hanna says:

    Dissapointment can only come when there is lack in the beginning. When we r focused on something as missing and needing/ wanting it to happen we are in lack, but if we see life as perfectly wonderful already (which it is) we then emit those multiple layers of gratitude and love for everything we already have, then we visualise and say thankyou for the new result we r wanting as if it has already happened. We need to feel it on every level and not be missing it to manifest it.
    Life is a rollercoaster full of ups and downs but its a fun to ride a rollercoaster! Why because you KNOW the oUtcome already, thats the level of expectation needed to manifest results, a knowing it is already granted, we live in a Ye Universe, and attraction says Yes to us on everything we ask for, the thing is we r always asking so if we include doubt, we ask for doubt, if we include lack we ask for lack.
    So in disappointment there is a lesson of feeling lack, somehow feeling that life is not yet perfect, that we have to wait for some end result to allow ourselves to feel really happy and grateful. We need to eminate that no matter what is happening outwardly this is an expression of unconditional LOVE. Every single thing that happens to us is 2 reveal a lesson of unconditional love and teach us something new! Luvyaa all if u want to play RichBitchPoorBitch which is all about this stuff join me on titter, the website will be up soon.

  14. Here’s where I go with it when something doesn’t turn out as I’d planned:

    I rest easy knowing I’ve got one banked. Like, Universe owes me one. It’s sitting in my account, waiting for the next appropriate time to show up.

    So it’s not lost, it’s still mine, and it’ll come sooner or later.

    If I have a lunch with a less than fabulous guy, I know the next one is gonna knock my socks off. If I didn’t get this job offer, either the person they think they’re hiring isn’t gonna show and they’ll be back, or the next job I run across will be even better. Probably both. 😉

    Or if the money didn’t show up this month, it will next.

    It’s never over. It’s never done. And even dead kitties get to play again. 🙂

    That’s what I do with disappointment (again, after I’ve let myself feel it first)!

  15. Can'tRememberMyName says:

    Jeanette… sorry to hear about your kitty. Here’s my take on that. We can’t create for another – even if it’s “just” for a cat. Each soul has his/her own right to it’s path. It chose to be loved by you before it passed (not sure if it’s still alive or has passed on), but it chose it’s experience all the same. Another thing I firmly believe, you can feel sad with no guilt, no self recrimination – we’re not supposed to be unfeeling beings thinking “oh well the cat’s dead – guess I’ll catch him sometime later”. That to me is soullessness. I believe that we should embrace our sadness and say “yes, this is how I feel. I will miss that little kitty! So glad he came, but he will be well and truly missed”. Or else what’s the point of love? This is part of who we are as human beings. At the same time we know it was its path to choose, but just because we know the one thing, doesn’t preclude feeling sadness. Please don’t beat yourself up or regret FEELING what you really feel for the kitty.
    xxx 0000
    Also, right now I am going through a bit of a “disappointment”. An amazing thing happened to me out of the blue a few weeks ago and all of a sudden I was asked to write (music) with an oscar winner, etc. I was super excited, we met in person, really liked each other and then he asked me to work on one of his compositions. I sent my work – he loved it – blah blah – everything is looking amazing. He’s working on 2 movies right now and he’s super busy running from one studio to the other and now it seems he doesn’t have time to finish up our project. He sent me an email today apologizing for the delay but leaving it very open ended as to when we would finish – telling me I’m an amazing talent, he will not forget – don’t worry, we will work together. It feels like a big disappointment. Immediately after I received his email, I began writing all the things I’m grateful for to turn around the feeling. In my mind’s eye I “wrapped” up the potential of working with him and handed it off to the Universe to manage. I looked for the gift in the situation and there are many. He has inspired me to “go again” when I had been feeling low and to put myself out there. He acknowledged my talent in an amazing way, etc. and gave me a new zest and a new credibility. Perhaps, it was never to be that we actually work together, perhaps it was only to kick me out of my rut and get me refocused on my goals, OR perhaps we still will work together. Who knows? All I know is in handling this “disappointment”, I am keeping my heart (and mind) open. I know that the Universe is not dependent on him to make “it” happen – I have removed any expectation of any outcome. I release him and ME to our highest good. I am going to keep focusing on all that is wonderful and amazing in my life. I will admit, this can be a bit of an uphill battle but no one else can control our thoughts and feeling – only us. I am taking charge of my thoughts and flowing them on on fulfillment and gratitude. Surely those things will continue to flow then.
    “Disappointment” may be an arrow pointing us in the direction we need to go. AND giving us an exercise to be the master of our thoughts and feelings. It’s becoming easier the more I do it.

    All the best to everyone,
    I forgot my name

  16. WOW, forgetful girl (why am I assuming female?)! Super cool example!!

    I love this that you pulled from it: “All I know is in handling this ‘disappointment’, I am keeping my heart (and mind) open.”

    I also love that “disappointment” goes in quotes for you – and I especially love that you recognize Universe doesn’t have to deliver this just through him.

    If you were one of my former clients, I would be right proud right now. hee hee

    THANKS for joining the conversation!

  17. PurePotential says:

    Letting go, trusting and moving forward. So, acknowledging that one does not know the ‘best’ in the big picture, what was best for the kitten, what was best for one, creates a place of peace and serenity. Importance lies in the care of the kitten while one is the provider.

  18. PurePotential says:

    Just curious…..how do you that the following is not true?
    “His attitude is back, he’s playing with his brother and sister again, he’s putting on weight, he’s a happy camper again.”

  19. Thanks for the real life examples, Janette. That is so much more powerful to hear those than just the abstract idea of it. And it shows you know whatof you speak. ha – that’s supposed to be whereof, isn’t it?

    (I like whatof.)

    And I like your posts. Keep ’em coming, girlfriend!

  20. PurePotential says:

    Jeannette
    You are correct – as Janis Joplin sang ‘feeling is good enough for me’. I knew hearing Me and Bobby McGee on the radio and hearing several times over in my head until I sang it out loud, had a purpose.
    in peace

  21. Janette says:

    My ‘story’ is that disappointment can be one of the hardest things to deal with. But thanks to having been on this physical plane a *ahem* sufficient number of years, I’ve been blessed with perspective borne out of experience. Not logic, or faith, just what’s gone before.

    Because in every one of the disappointments I’ve had, the long view has shown that it was – after all – for the best. I think when I have evolved even further, I will have the serene spiritual connection that some of the other commentators here have achieved, and that will be GREAT. Until then, I rely on being able to consciously draw on those past experiences to know that disappointment is temporary and unnecessary.

    Some examples:

    my dad promised to buy me a car when I went to university – we picked out a cheap second-hand 1962 pale green mini, but when we went to collect it another salesman had sold it to someone else. The next day, our salesman rang to say a beautiful BLUE mini had just come in, and he let us have it even cheaper!

    my marriage of 10 years broke down; a long time later I recognised that it had been a limitation and its loss gave me a freedom I wouldn’t have otherwise had

    I felt my writing career had “failed” (maybe stalled is a better word) because I agreed to go into business doing something else, in order to please others – now, 10 years later, I see that led me to an amazing path which included a whole BUNCH of things I wouldn’t have even considered possible back then

    my arm was injured 3 months ago – at the time it was devastating because I couldn’t keyboard (which is like not being able to TALK for me – ack!!). As a result, not only did I get voice-recognition software, which I love, but I started writing with a fountain pen and discovered a whole different part of my creativity which until then had been dormant

    I’m so grateful for those experiences now, because I know they give me resilience if and when I need it again.

    🙂

  22. Mitch says:

    I wonder sometimes if the disappointment is slowing down my momentum toward things I want. Things like money and career success don’t really seem like one-time projects that I can manifest and be done with it. They seem more like steady vibrations that I have to activate and then maintain so that they can continue to flow. I worry that disappointment puts a stopper in those vibrations as I stop to look around and see that I’m still not where I want to be, which lately has been resulting in a lot of anger, and then I have to start from the bottom again, climbing my way up. It can get really tiresome, and *tiresome* was something I had hoped to avoid when learning LOA.

    Wow, this post struck some cords. lol

  23. Karin Hanna says:

    its ok to be sad, every feeling has its place. Without sadness you wouldnt get to know joy.maybe with yr beautiful kitty u were focused more on the sadness and need than on the appreciation of all the wonder and appreciation u enjoyed. Appreciate now all of the wonderful times u enjoyed and in this new place u find yself you now have an opening for something even more incredible and loving to enter. Love never goes away it just changes form. Luvyaa MWAH

  24. elizabeth says:

    darn it .. the universe is listening to me, hence this post. I have been whining about this particular thing all day – and I even gave myself lower back pain (feeling a lack of financial support), LOL. I was intending some money, happened across a link to a photo contest that was ending in a couple of hours, entered, totally knew I was going to win (the amount I intended). And then I didn’t .. and somehow that started me down this whole sorry path of feeling like the universe isn’t there (I mean, I did the inspired action it wanted) for me, and if it’s not there am I really going to be able to follow my dreams and .. sheesh. Anyway, I EFT’d my way through all this .. and wallowed in the disappointment for a bit .. and then I realized that perhaps I was too attached to this particular outcome, and I did discover some fears that I didn’t realize I still had and worked through them, and it was still fun (and I still like my photo the best), and perhaps I’ll realize the ‘why’ at some point .. so it’s all good again. 🙂

    I am sorry to hear about your kitty. I hope she’s running and playing in a field of catnip.

  25. Thanks Mitch, Karin and Elizabeth! Your perspectives and support are not only helpful, but much appreciated as well.

    Namaste.

  26. MSNikki says:

    Jeanette~I am sorry to hear about the little guy. Who could blame you for getting attached to the outcome? It could also have been the kitten’s desire, too.

    I am going to quote Dr Judith Orloff here and say that “rejection can be seen as God’s (Universe’s) protection.” I can 100% relate to the last example. A year and a half ago, I was flown into a city that I really wanted to live in for a job that I really wanted. I visualized everything, ie, the view of the city from the window, riding the train to work, wearing my Ann Taylor outfits, traveling around US and Europe for work, meeting other intellectuals after work for Happy Hour at the museum, etc. Oh, I was aligned that I was one with it. But then I got the dreadful call and found out that I placed second. I was completely devestated and became a little depressed about it….and extremely angry. Angry at myself. Angry at the U. I felt that I came so close and that this was a cruel joke.

    Fast forward. I am now very glad that the job didn’t work out for various reasons such as wanting to do creative work, wanting to work independently, wanting to not work in a hierarchal and bureaucratic environment, etc. It definitely was a blessing in disguise.
    As for the other examples, maybe the folks were meant to have other experiences *before* the manifestation. LOA is not the easiest thing for those of us who are extremely goal oriented/like closure. It’s the process that one has to keep in mind. Another example, I have wanted to relocate for quite some time now and yet have had numerous detours.In retrospect, I have a greater sense of what I want and who I am now because of those experiences. This will of course prove beneficial in selecting out places that may be a better fit for me.

  27. MissyB says:

    Is disappointment just a perception. ? Yeah sure one that can be heavily weighted on the old low feeling scale, but is it just a choice to view it that way ? And this comes from me who is feeling pretty disappointed myself over man manisfestations at the mo. Things don’t appear to be working and I do wonder what the point of asking if the Universe sees to deliver different to what we ask for. We make excuses similar to “oh you’ll see why these set backs have happened in a while, you’ll see why its unfolded this way”. Then that opens the fate door in my mind…
    But seeing as though its all about here and now, I choose to find the best thoughts I can (change my perception) and divert my manifesting thoughts to something else on the list so as not to drown the man manifestaions with further negativity.

  28. I’m amazed at all the wisdom posted here!!!

    I understand you didn’t want this to be another post about death, Jeannette, and yet your sad experience with the little kitten is what is on my mind and makes me want to make a comment!

    I feel very, very sorry for you. I know how much you love your animals and it must be very hard to have lost your kitten.

    For what it’s worth I want to add this:

    My brother suffers from a very aggressive brain tumor (cancer) and was operated 5 months ago – and this has “forced” me to do quite a lot of thinking about my relationship with “death” – so here is what I believe:

    I believe that we are eternal souls and that we chose to come into this physical form and agree to (or accept in advance) certain things happening to us during this physical life, including how to “die” and when to “die”.

    And I feel very much comfort – and do believe – what Abe says about “death:

    – that “death” is simply a transition into Non-Physical.

    – that “death” is a matter of closing one’s eyes in this dimension and literally opening one’s eyes in the other dimension.

    – and that the re-emergence into Source Energy is always a delightful thing.

    So I do my best (or try to – it isn’t always that easy!) to accept that the outcome of my brother’s illness is “the right one”, no matter how it goes.

    And at the same time believe that it’s OK for me to be sad if I loose him, but that I don’t have to be sad for him. (I hope this makes sense?).

    And if this applies for humans, I guess it also applies for animals?

    Much love and warm hugs for you, Jeannette
    //Pernille

  29. Thanks, MsNikki, and MissyB, I’m sure you’re right – disappointment is just a perception.

    I know someone who was disappointed when she manifested $20,000 because it wasn’t “enough.” I think $20k is a whole lotta reasons to be excited and grateful, but she saw it as a drop in the bucket.

    And surely I’m doing the same thing here … instead of celebrating all the ones who are thriving (alive and well), I’m disappointed over this current one who didn’t.

    Equally ridiculous, I guess.

    Hmm.

    And Pernille, I completely agree that it’s the same for animals as it is for people. High time we got over this death thing, huh? lol

    Easier said than done, I know, but that’s where it starts.

    Thanks for the words of wisdom, all!

  30. Kim Falconer says:

    You guys, all these posts are golden. I am seeing from so many different perspectives. Thank you!

    Jeannette, I was manifesting that kitty happy and healthy too so I also felt the ‘disappointment’ of her not surviving. At first my mind went to the idea of ‘consensus reality’ — you know, if the people at the vet’s all thought ‘kitty won’t pull through’, and then kitty began to think she wouldn’t pull through, their collective ‘consensus’ created their reality. Kitty didn’t pull through.

    Sort of like the consensus reality that standing in front of a firing squad will result in death–most people believe that notion so strongly that even if I were 100% on board with every single bullet bending through space and missing me, in the consensus reality of the firing squad, I’d be a ‘goner’.

    I think you manifested exactly what you said, kitty happy, gaining weight and playing with siblings. It’s just not ‘happening’ in consensus reality. If you put your attention on your NCR, you might glimpse this.

    As an example, (thinking of you here MissyB) a few weeks ago I experienced ‘disappointment’ with a man. (He wasn’t behaving, saying or doing what I wanted him to–such an independent guy! he he he) I felt the feelings and discovered a rather hefty backlog of ‘disappointment’ over similar experiences. I allowed myself to feel this without judgment–the hot white core of it–and I did some ‘worthy magic’ ie, I am worthy of . . .

    I still felt ‘disappointed’, so I went for a run. Adrenaline is released when upset to ready the body for ‘fight or flight’, not ‘sit and meditate.’ Unused adrenaline in the bloodstream feels very uncomfortable and there is only one way to get rid of it–(fight or flight!)

    So I ran.

    After few Km I started to feel relief and I had an epiphany. I could see the ‘reality’ where me and the man were blissful. It wasn’t ‘as if’. I actually was ‘there’.

    I got that ‘reality’ is an infinite number of outcomes–endless possibilities–but usually we only focus on one at a time. I’m guessing we keep our awareness in the ‘reality’ that needs the most tweaking.

    In this way, shifting a ‘disappointment’ means loosening our grip on the perceived ‘reality’ and allowing for the ‘lightness of being’, allowing for the experience of ‘everything’.

    Meditation is a beautiful way to practice slipping through simultaneous realities, but the other day I used brute force–running down the beach, heart pounding, tears streaming. After all, it was in ‘this body’ that the disappointment was happening so ‘moving the body through it’ had a brilliant outcome.

    Quick Summary:
    When disappointed in a current ‘reality’, get physical!
    🙂

  31. Super helpful info, Kim. Both Verrall and I had wished he would have been in the care of a vet who had higher hopes for him.

    (In fact, Verrall said never again will he risk a visit to a non-believing vet.)

    The consensus reality – this is a topic we don’t cover here much, but I think we experience regularly in “real” life.

    Of course, I totally get it that kitty IS indeed happy and healthy and thriving. Wish granted. I can’t argue with Universe on that one. lol

    Thanks, as always, for posting, Kim! Much love …

  32. Mitch says:

    That’s a great idea, Kim. I may go for some aggressive physical activity myself!

    And just to make my contribution here a little more productive, I’ll add to my last post by saying that when I get into the disappointed place, I tend to feel the disappointment very deeply. (Whether by choice or not.) And when I’ve had enough of that, I move up into anger, which for me is an improvement. And if that means I need to rant and rave at the Universe and God and Goddess and everyone else for not being more helpful, then that’s what I do.

    It’s usually from anger that I find my power again and then I’m able to move into something a little more hopeful. Like saying to myself: “The trick to manifesting something is to feel so truly complete without it that I honestly don’t need it in order to feel better. And if I’m disappointed in not getting it, I obviously didn’t *completely* release that need. Hence the not having it. Yet.”

    Easier said than done, I know, but I keep practicing.

  33. Mitch says:

    Oh, and I just remembered another good piece of advice! In the Science of Getting Rich, Wallace Wattles reminds us to keep our goal in our minds and not to get so caught up on individual experiences along the way.

    This could also be a way of releasing the “hows” of manifestation. We get disappointed when something doesn’t work out because we are attached to the idea of it working out in “just this way.” So we’re sitting in our sadness about what we see as a failure, when the Universe is standing right in front of us waving its arms saying, “Hello!! You asked for something and I’m trying to give it to you, and this “failure” you’re so upset about is part of my process if you would just buck up let it work for you!”

    Or something like that. 🙂

  34. Very true, Mitch – I can easily see how I was practicing some of that this time around!

    Thanks for putting a spotlight on that. I’ll be remembering that again, I’m sure.
    🙂

  35. Ms. Tee says:

    Wow. I had this same issue. I set my intention to find a new place to live which will give me more comfort for me and my children. I found a place that was PERFECT with a child park right across the street and closer to where my sons live now. (They don’t live with me)

    I got the money and then it was GONE, my sister said she had to use it for something else and needed it back. I ended up staying where I am and THEN she said she didn’t need to use it for that anymore…well after I committed to staying here for another 4 months. Everyday I’m sad because I feel like less than….

    I visited her at her new place yesterday and it was beautiful. I’m disappointed a whole lot but I just say, “Hey…it is what it is.” I know life has its twists and turns and NOTHING ever stays the same.

    Maybe I will end up in a better place soon, by some force of miracle. I did everything right by believing, taking action and accepting what was offered but…it wasn’t mine.

    I’ve been meaning to write you Jeanette and thank you for your inspirational words back when I was believing for my perfect place to live. But I’m reminded about a time I wanted a certain apartment only to be guided to a much better place when I thought all was lost. It could happen again!

  36. Yes, times like this these words are SO helpful, Ms. Tee: “NOTHING ever stays the same.”

    I don’t remind myself that when times are fabulous, but when they’re less than, that’s a helpful point to hold in mind.

    Thank you for it!

  37. Judiesjuice says:

    Ms. Tee, wow, your post made me realize that when we are experiencing disappointment, perhaps more than ever, it would be a wise time to remember when we experienced disappointment in the past only to later realize it was such a blessing.

  38. Can'tRememberMyName says:

    Kim, I think that the physical activity idea from is realy excellent advice and it’s what I needed to hear. I can often get lost in my head and more meditation is probably not what I need. : )

    I have found that the longer I’ve been practicing vigilance with my emotions that they really are actually a choice. I think we’re sort of conditioned to believe we are at the mercy of our emotions but in reality we can be the master of them. At first it seems impossible but it’s like anything, it takes practice and focus. Sometimes I am able to simply ignore what my habitual thoughts are telling me (i.e. “you failed”, “this is never gonna happen”) – I have become adept at simply saying to those thoughts “I’m not even gonna go there so don’t even try.” It sounds ridiculous but it really works. Sometimes it takes a tremendous amount of focus and effort to do this but it really does make a tremendous difference. I guess because I am preventing the activation of the unwanted feeling, it’s never quite able to get a hold on me like it used to do.

    Mitch – the quote from Wallace Wattles made me think of a similar quote/story from Florence Scoville Shinn. (She was a metaphysician from the 1920’s.) This particular client of hers had wanted a new set of china, so she visualized and did all that Florence had counseled her to do. A bit later, she received a box of cracked china plates from someone and she complained to Florence that she’d been doing everything right and all she’d manifested was cracked china! Florence told her it was a SIGN that the Universe had heard her and the real, good stuff was on it’s way. Many people get focused on what they believe to be the final manifestation when it is really just a signpost – a wink from the Universe.

    Another great example is Noah and the Ark. After days (months) with no sight of land, Noah began releasing birds, knowing that they wouldn’t return to the Ark if they found land. Every day the birds returned – no land. But one day one of the birds returned with a couple of twigs in its beak. Noah knew that somewhere out there, there was land. What he didn’t do is say “I failed. I’ve been focusing on land and all I got were these lousy twigs!” : )

  39. Jeanne says:

    Jeannette, feeling disappointment or sadness isn’t a bad thing, especially when it leads us to soul-searching where we regain our perspective. Hindsight can be our best friend; it reminds us that the immediate reality we’re experiencing is just part of the path we’ve chosen (that path being that we are spiritual beings who chose to have a human experience, and that includes all the feelings that are “only human”). It also brings to mind all our past successes, when we had moments of pure blissful awareness of the Universe working on our behalf. I say, embrace it all.

    And here I am, I can’t carry a tune and I’m preaching to the choir, LOL!

  40. Well said, Jeanne – at the very minimum, the disappointment leads to stronger contrast which leads to more cool things in the vibrational vortex/escrow.

    Good to remember! Thanks for that. 🙂

  41. Anna says:

    Each time I hear “disappoint” or “disappointment” it doesn’t matter what comes after, because whatever the rest of the story is, something inside twigs to “judgement” and “expectation” – both of which are ultimately not conducive to my best, most joyous, abundant life.

    All too often, we feel somehow let down because of (and by) our expectations. It’s easy for us to get a little cocky with our vibration – I’m in the zone, working the vibe to create what I want, taking inspired action, visualizing, meditating, etc… and while we remember we are a part of the Universe – connected, unified, one, whole – we sometimes forget that this Universe we are at one with, is so much more massive than our individual selves, that we underestimate the ultimate power and wisdom of this incredible Universe – and ultimately, every other being of light and energy, be their participation conscious or not.

    And (speaking for myself) who am I to think that I know better than the entire Universe about what is best for me and mine with regard to manifesting my desires?

    I mean, we’re manifesting as we are living right now, yes? And we vibe out what we desire, for the Universe to bring to our present, yes? So just because we don’t see or accept certain moves along the way to the big desires, doesn’t mean we or the Universe are doing anything wrong – only that we’re not always thinking about the big picture… which is that desire vibe we put out, let go of, forget, and thereby allow the Universe to bring to us more easily. Seems to me it’s those contradictory vibrational desires (ie long term v. short term) that get us into these pickles of disappointment.

    Personally, I’m totally cool with the Universe organizing and prioritizing my vibes – especially in all cases where I have contradictory, limiting vibes. I mean, who the heck am I to say “Give me purple – now! I like blue, yellow, soft pink and tortoise shell so give them to me – now – and do it EXACTLY where I want purple – now!”

    I guess what I’m saying is that no matter what, I’ll always be grateful for knowledge and wisdom and future sight greater than mine. Which is all I can really speak to since I’m not afraid of death, or dying… a violent horrific act, yes, but death in and of itself, never… even with loved ones, bi and quadruped alike.

    Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel for you, or that I’m not sorry for your loss, Jeannette (that’s a people here thing) only that I am happy for your sweet kitty, who’s loving the grandeur on the other side.

  42. Anna, your comments are reminding me of when Abraham says Universe/Source doesn’t question our desires – i.e. that some higher power doesn’t sit in judgment of what we want, thinking some of it is good or some of it is bad; that some of it is granted and some of it isn’t because it’s not in our best interests. Which I believe.

    Who we are to proclaim “this color” or “that job” or this trophy or whatever it is we want – who we are is an offshoot of divine source energy. Nothing less, right? So there’s no reason to feel humble or less than … WE call the shots because we’re the ones experiencing the contrast.

    And yes, certainly disappointment can arise from unmet expectations or desires, but I’m not on board with the answer being giving up expectations or desires and leaving it in Universe’s hands to deliver what it thinks best.

    Because that’s MY job.

    At least, that’s how I see it.

    Sometimes I DO find my better feeling thought by saying “whatever will be, will be” … but I don’t think that’s me at my finest.

    Or maybe it is when it’s something I’ve been really wrapped up about, then making peace is a beautiful thing.

    But I still think that’s a step on the way to a truly powerful manifestation.

    Interesting topic! Thanks for the catalyst for it, Anna!
    🙂

  43. MissyB says:

    I’m disappointed this morning – there’s no new blog from you yet ! :0(
    But thanks for the feedback on this one.
    And just in case no-one tells you today Jeannette, YOU ROCK…and so does everyone else here just in case no-one tells us too.

  44. I couldn’t second that fast enough, MissyB!! YOU ALL ROCK!! Thanks for being here!

    Today’s post is in progress … just finished watching the Wrestler self destruct last night and then had an interesting turnaround with a retainer that has me wondering the role tension plays in our manifestations.

    I’ll get back on it!

  45. Jessica says:

    I love how I can come here and find a new way to look at something that’s going on in my life. Thank you so much, everyone!

    In my case, I’d applied to three schools for an MFA degree, really just wanting one of them to want me, not really wanting to go (I realized later), but I was so disappointed to get the final rejection letter a few weeks ago, and I’m still playing with that experience because I know it represents a lot for me–in particular the way I still want *someone* to declare me a writer. Right now, I’ve just been letting myself feel the feeling as it comes up and not wallowing in it.

    As I move out of the disappointment, though, I’m finding it a great encouragement for redefining what I do want going forward, and I know that just applying opened up all sorts of things from re-activating a relationship with an old professor to finally taking a standardized test and learning that I don’t do too badly on them. I know this doesn’t work for everything, but when it does, it helps me feel so grateful for the process; probably more so than I am when I get what I want… Hmmm. I wonder if I bring about disappointment sometimes to remind myself to feel exactly that–gratitude in the process.

    As always, thanks for providing such a safe, encouraging place to play with these ideas, Jeannette.

    Oh, and if you’d like, I’d be happy to walk you through enabling gravatars on comment posts. It’s really, really easy.

  46. I’m declaring you a writer right now, Jessica! Consider it OFFICIAL!!

    Not to mention a technical genius and generous spirit to help me figure out gravatars! lol

    If I don’t get a handle on that soon, I’m taking you up on that offer!

    In the meantime, I read this bit from Michael Neill’s newsletter today that I thought might enhance the perspectives on this subject:

    (Excerpted from Michael Neill’s Genius Catalyst newsletter)

    2. Set a bold, “impossible” target with a challenging time frame.

    When I first began working with Steve Chandler a few years back, he challenged me to create an impossible game around money. With his coaching support, I set up a 90 day game where “winning” was defined as earning more than I had earned in the previous 12 months.

    What was interesting to me was just how hard it was for me to even write my “impossible” goal down, let alone speak it into being. It was as if setting a goal and failing to achieve it was the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. What freed me up was when I took my attention off “winning” and put it onto what I was going to do to play the game.

    For example, the goal in any sporting competition is to win. But if you put all of your attention on winning, you will almost certainly lose. A successful golfer will put their attention on making solid contact, or feeling the moment where their club head strikes the ball. A great soccer player will have their attention on where they need to be in relation to the ball and the other players, and as Wayne Gretzky once said, a great hockey player will “skate to where the puck is going to be”. The more these athletes allow themselves to get absorbed in the playing, the better they play and the more likely it becomes that they will win.

    Similarly, if you create an impossible game around money, you put your moment by moment attention on serving others. If your game is around weight loss, you take your attention off the scales and put it onto things like exercise, emotional management and learning to listen to your body’s full signal. If your game is around your writing, you put your attention on getting words out of your head and down onto paper.

    The point is that you get to make up the rules – and what constitutes winning and losing is only one small part of the game.

    3. Know that you will probably lose – and play to win!

    Each time I pointed out to Steve that I didn’t think I could possibly win my self-proclaimed money game, he would just say “that’s OK – if you couldn’t lose, it wouldn’t be much of a game.” I found that thought oddly comforting, but it wasn’t until I read The Last Word on Power by Tracy Goss that I began to understand why.

    Here’s how she puts it:

    Leadership always includes knowledge of the possibility of failure. In [an impossible] game, that produces a remarkable degree of confidence. If you operate with an acceptance of failure, you will remain confident no matter what happens during the course of the game.

    You still play “to win”, of course, as without that, there would be no game at all. And there is always a scoreboard – you kept your bold promise [achieved your goal] or you didn’t. You check the scoreboard when the whistle blows… but the game never ends.

    You calculate the results and debrief on how you “played”. What’s important, because you said so, is that you move the possibility forward. That allows you to immerse yourself in the challenge and pleasure of your game, regardless of the impediments you encounter or the circumstances that you must include. They are all opportunities for building the muscles of making the impossible happen.

    As it happens, I failed at the money game I created with Steve – I didn’t reach my target until half way through the 4th month. But along the way, I realized that I loved being focused on service and of course, my clients loved it as well. The more I helped them to achieve their impossible dreams, the more my own impossible dreams began to come true.

    Hope you enjoyed that excerpt from Michael as much as I did. 🙂

  47. Jessica says:

    I’m blushing a very bright shade of pink now–thank you. That’s very, very sweet of you to say. And I hope you will–it’ll absolutely be my pleasure. (You also might enjoy this WordPress.tv vid about the WP-Gravatar plugin which isn’t necessary, but can be helpful: http://wordpress.tv/2009/01/26/setting-up-the-gravatar-plugin-for-wordpress-27/)

    And I love the quote in MN’s newsletter about “If you couldn’t lose, it wouldn’t be much of a game.” Sounds like a fun way to think about disappointment.

  48. Kimberly Gauthier says:

    Fantastic question! Because I had a disappointment last night.

    (1) I allowed myself a few minutes of “bummer” and then (2) I recognized that I created the situation that led to the disappointment through earlier negative thoughts/doubt and (3) and say (out loud) “never mind” while waving my hand in front of my face (sort of a clear my brain exercise) and I start thinking about what I want.

    My real life example is that my boyfriend found “the house” and I was freaked because he loves it and I didn’t think it was a good time to move, and we clashed.

    I’m certain that you seasoned LOA pros can already see what I did – I set myself up for disappointment by having a closed mind and doubt. I know that when I have doubt or fear, then that’s exactly what I’m manifesting – so I need to change my thought process to what makes me confident and happy.

    Having done that, I now realize…
    1. my boyfriend really loves me
    2. we have plenty of time to house hunt, get our places ready for market
    3. I’m excited about being a landlord (years ago I said that I wanted a condo for a rental property – and here we are)
    4. we have a new agent who will take us around to search for more houses like The House

    Everything has worked out perfectly and I laugh that I didn’t trust myself yesterday.

    Fantastic question – this is something that we need to revisit often!

    Enjoy your week, Everyone
    Kimberly

  49. Lisa says:

    Manifesting is one thing, thinking we can control everything that happens to and around us is ego and leads to disappointment. Grieve your kitty, know she was loved and loved you, and don’t berate yourself because you couldn’t save her with your thoughts. Every being has it’s own karma, and she was living hers.

  50. Jan says:

    I often deal with disappointment and it can totally SHUT me DOWN! I find myself doubting everything, mostly myself. I am always amazed that I get thru it.
    Fir my sanity, I make stuff, and I paint. I started painting these word thingys during a particularly difficult time filled with lots of disappointment, and no one was more surprised than I to see what kinds of saying poped out of my head.
    This one below I think is particularly perfect for this conversation and the bright colors really cheered me up.
    here is a link to the image:
    http://wordposters.com/wp-content/gallery/motivational1/word4.jpg

    I find it is always important to HAVE the feelings then move thru them, because if I try to skip over them I will get trapped by them at some point.
    great blog!!

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