Surrendering vs. Creating

June 4, 2016 | 102 Comments »

Surrendering vs. CreatingSome of us in LOA world wonder how (or even whether) the spiritual teachings of surrendering work with conscious creation.

Manifestors know we can create our reality by focusing on what we prefer.

Yet there is much spiritual wisdom about accepting reality without resistance and surrendering to God’s will.

How does that fit in with conscious creation?

Anyone who has studied Byron Katie’s Work, or been inspired by Michael Singer’s Surrender Experiment, may have questioned how those habits work for conscious creators.

Can just saying yes to life go hand in hand with manifesting what we prefer?

Remember my massage therapist who just let herself “fall into it” when she got fired and had no money to pay rent? She had no resistance to what was happening.

It was a huge lesson to me on the power of allowing.

So I know that letting go is an integral part of a manifestor’s skill set.

Yet when Amina Makhdoom invited facebook friends to a month-long practice of saying yes to whatever life presents (replicating Singer’s surrender experiment), I immediately thought of my ex’s booty call invitation. And the boss who recently suggested I return to the fold in corporate world.

Neither of which I had any interest in. To say the least.

Was she asking that I surrender and say yes to the things I have absolutely no personal preference for? Because that’s not my idea of a good time.

Ruby GangadharanWhich is why I asked Ruby Gangadharan her thoughts. (Ruby is a student to the yoga sutras, a life coach, deliberate creator, and ashtanga yoga practitioner.)

Here’s what Guru Ruby had to say …

Deliberate creation is the process of using the universal law of ‘like attracts like’ to willfully call into your reality things you desire.

Surrendering is the process by which you release any active part in creating your reality and let the universal forces play out what they know is best for you.

At first glance, these might seem like they are in stark opposition to each other.

One is active and offers control while the other does not. They are in fact, different sides to the same coin.

Surrendering requires you to trust in a higher power. The premise is that the higher power knows what’s best for you and will provide you with opportunities and resources to help you live out your destiny.

Looks like you are giving up the control isn’t it?

But let’s question what this higher power is …

Deliberate creators reference ‘the source.’ We say we are the extension of that source energy. It is infinite; it guides us and creates a reality that is a vibrational match to us. Doesn’t this sound familiar to the higher power referenced in surrendering?

But how can you create the reality that you want when you ask me to surrender and say yes to all that comes my way?

You can because even when you surrender it’s your higher self that is sending opportunities your way.

Your higher self is still a point of attraction that knows what it desires and what’s its purpose is.

In Law of Attraction you are told of concepts such as ‘universal manager’ and the techniques of letting go, releasing resistance, and following the downstream flow. These are all techniques that draw from the core concept of surrender.

Surrender does not mean you go out to seek your next action. This is not about you finding the next thing to do. It is also not about saying yes to everything in the hopes that it will bear fruit.

Surrendering is about you keeping yourself aligned in a mental state of peace and being present to the Now.

And if a situation shows up that requires your attention, you do your part without attachment to the outcome, without either liking or disliking it for what it is and without losing your alignment and peace of mind.

This next thing is the important part that goes with the practice of surrender …

When you start the practice of surrender, you should engage in some regular practice of energy alignment or energy purification. (Michael Singer used regular meditation to maintain a steady state of mind). This is one example; you can choose an energy alignment practice that brings you to a steady state of mind (i.e. being in the vortex).

You have to find a practice which brings you into alignment with the source, brings you clarity and lifts your energy.

So if you find that by surrendering, situations show up that you don’t want or you aren’t sure how they will help; look at them as an indication of the vibrations that are active within you.

That will guide you in your alignment practice; either to release resistance or to realign or to seek more clarity.

To conclude, surrender is not different from the deliberate creation process. It is, in a lot of ways, its duality. Surrender is a philosophy (concept) and like every other concept out there, it can be used to best serve our growth.

This next bit is a Q&A exchange Ruby and I had via email.

I’m including it here (with permission) to help flesh out this subject …

Jeannette: So Ruby, are you saying that if I had a stronger alignment practice or purer energy, I wouldn’t be propositioned by my ex or invited back to a corporate job?

Ruby: There is a reason why proposition from the ex and running into an old boss has come to pass. There are two ways to look at this; a) there is a resistant energy towards those scenarios which is playing out (namely, a strong ‘not wanting to’ towards a corporate job and sleeping with an ex). What we resist persists.

Meditation (or whatever is your tool to release resistance) will help you emotionally detach from the outcome of these specific scenarios. Until you hold such a strong NO preference to sleeping with an ex, please expect ‘booty calls.’ 🙂

Does this help move you to the next level and explain surrender?

Jeannette: I think I have a different definition of surrender. Mine is more like … I can accept that life is presenting these things. I’m not resisting the presentation of them. (I get it’s in response to my vibration.)

But I can still honor my personal desires without feeling like I’m not ‘surrendering’ to life by doing so. To do anything else feels directionless and dishonoring of who I am.

Ruby: Surrender is really the next level to LOA’s releasing resistance. Things will continue to happen to us while we realign, release resistance. The practice of surrender comes handy while we move on with our life as our new vibrations take hold. Taking action without attachment to the outcome.

Explain that last statement, ‘… honor my personal desires without feeling like I’m not ‘surrendering’ to life by doing so.’ Do you think surrender means to give up?

Jeannette: saying yes to an invitation I don’t prefer (that would actually be in direct opposition to what I’m consciously creating) does feel like giving up my personal desire and my manifesting rights (let alone skills).

If something already is (in my reality) I know resisting it is insane. But sex with an ex or working a job I don’t want aren’t my present reality. The invitations are, but every part of my inner being says “not that way.” My inner being says run your own show! (Working for myself is elation! I love it!) And it also says, don’t sleep with that guy any more. There’s no elation in that proposition.

If the conscious creator way is to head in the direction of what feels better, then I am definitely not headed for corporate work or booty calls. Right? I’d be crazy not to listen to that inner guidance.

Ruby: Surrender doesn’t mean going against your core values, beliefs or purpose. It’s more about practicing detachment from the outcomes of our actions.

Seems to me you are on the right track of finding your own practice of surrender with or without you agreeing to the ‘definition.’

This Q&A with Ruby will likely continue in the comments, where you’re invited to join in.

Thanks in advance for your input on what can seem like a challenging marriage of concepts – for some of us. 🙂

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102 Responses to “ Surrendering vs. Creating ”

  1. Jeannette says:

    This is cracking me up now … because Ruby just asked me to swap out her photo.

    (I went digging through her facebook page to find my favorite. So she had not approved it in advance.)

    So Ruby … how do we know it isn’t for YOU to surrender to the photo I picked – rather than for ME to surrender to the photo YOU prefer?

    • Ruby says:

      This is hilarious… I just wrote you an email saying the very same thing!

      Let me surrender to the photo and that’s its probably the monkey mind vanity that’s acting up… lol!

      If it makes you smile then #myjobhereisdone

    • Patricia Bingue says:

      Jeannette, I think it is more about you being disgusted from both proposal that surrendering would be a good addition. As I read your note, I can sense the strong emotions.

      I am still receiving email from temp agencies inviting me to apply for jobs in times where money is really tight and I am seeking for the next step for business. I generally just look at it, try to see if I can emotionally see myself doing any off those jobs and just say I pass because it just doesn’t fit.

      I think it is seeing it as people will be people,, guys will be guys, things may or may not keep coming your way and let it be just that. Don’t take them as personal but rather just something out there that happened to cross your path..

  2. anonymous says:

    Thank you for sharing this Jeannette. I’ve been a little confused about this myself. I feel the urge now to back off from conscious creation techniques and other spiritual practices and just go inward. Spend time in prayer, speaking with my higher self/Universe/God. Accepting things that come my way that don’t feel good feels really bad to me as well. maybe the key is just to let them go. Focus on other things, follow your intuition, and just allow the unwanted to fall away (it will shrink if deprived of energy).

    • Jeannette says:

      That’s my response, too, anonymous. I don’t have to RESIST those things I don’t prefer – I just turn in the direction of what I DO want.

      If that’s called resistance in some circles, then so be it. It may simply be that the Michael Singer way of practicing surrender is not for me. (And I really enjoyed his book!)

  3. Mindy J says:

    I’m wondering why there can’t be a marriage of these two philosophies? I can see a blend of the two working rather nicely.

    • Ruby says:

      It’s all the same conclusion, that’s the beauty of philosophy. And yes in my heart they marry together well. But it took contemplating on the subjects to make that link.

      I love how ease this comes to you.

      • Mindy J says:

        Well, I was wondering how it all fit together as well for a bit. But doesn’t it depend on what premise you are using? I’m sure Abe has covered this in some way or fashion. And we are all looking at it from different perspectives as well. Very interesting! Love talking about this stuff! <3

        • Bodil says:

          LOVE talking about this stuf, toooooo 🙂
          Nice days to everybody over there
          and everywhere!

  4. Hi Jeanette and Ruby, I would feel the knowing that I definitely
    don’t want to sleep with him again or take back the job as a simple affirmation that I know what I DO want very clearly and that I must be in the right direction = happy. Why over-analyse?

    • Jeannette says:

      That’s definitely a conscious creator’s approach, Roberta. (And where I land with it as well, obviously.)

      When Singer talks about surrendering, he gives the example of how one day he came home to find a woman he knew building a house on his property. His first response was that he didn’t want that!! But then he meditated for a bit, and then got out his tools to help her build it. Because that’s what life brought, so he was surrendering to it.

      Amina’s surrender invitation, which a lot of fellow creators are participating in, is what brought this question up . 🙂

    • Amina says:

      It is the idea that the Universe knows better what is best for you. Let’s say you do say yes to the meet up with the ex – I am assuming you need to be in his presence before “booty call” starts and on the way to the meet up point, you run into an old friend you have not seen in years. This is how the Universe works when we let it. The problem is, we often don’t let it. Same with the job, what if while visiting to see if it is a good fit, something else came along or while interviewing you found a whole new service line you could offer, etc… the Universe is waiting to give, give, give… we just need to follow, follow, follow!

      • Jeannette says:

        I think I see a disconnect between beliefs here, Amina …

        I’ve always believed that Universe/higher power wants whatever I want. There isn’t any way for my desires to be contradictory to it’s. They are one and the same and it says yes to whatever I say. (Whether what I say is wanted or unwanted.) It is without judgment of what I choose. So it’s left to me to choose something preferable over non-preferable, unless I’m some sort of masochist. Or unless I’m completely abdicating my creative powers.

        But I totally get that Universe/higher power/higher self may know better how to deliver what I want. In fact, most definitely knows better. So I’m in charge of “what” and would be wise to leave the “how” to Universe.

        So I wonder if this is just a matter of operating from different guiding principles?

        • I totally get the idea of something great happening out of a ‘negative’ situation, such as the ex and job situation, however, I don’t believe the Higher Power, in al its benevolence, puts us in a situation where we have to CHOOSE a negative situation on the off-chance that we might run into Mr Right or half a dozen eager new clients on the way to it. That gut feeling, that intuition that says “No” is too powerful to ignore.

          Having said that, that is only my opinion and works very well for me; whatever gets anybody else through is perfect for them and not to be criticized!
          Love always
          Roberta

        • Elle says:

          Good one! Thank you!

        • Malabu says:

          I agree with Jeannette. This should be lots of fun not surrendering to anything we dont want.

          An example would be that woman who’s been trying to lose weight for decades and couldn’t no matter what diet she tries. That’s her desire but her resistance to it meant she kept manifesting more food to desire, more gain to weight etc. Then one day she finds herself in a situation where her sadness, illness, anxiety, depression etc forces her to lose weight and she gets what she wants but in not such a great way.

          The booty call from the ex (who was crap in bed lol) and the corporate job are the same thing.It’s just the universe giving you options on how you can reach your destination based on your current beliefs/energy.

          But you are the goddarn Queen (or King) and you fob those options off as they are offered to you with a warm smile and an appreciation.

          Surrender by being grateful for the opportunities and with that gratefulness focus on exactly what you want which in my case is that hot gorgeous rich man with the big *ick. So I’m a dirty manifester OK, dont judge me.

          The booty call and the corporate job are just reminants of the past and rather than surrendering to things that dont feel good, be grateful the universe is on the job and giving you options. I see it as the universe helping you feel grateful again so it can help you shift up a ladder rung.

          If we were to accept (surrender to) anything that didn’t feel good, it would slow us down manifesting what we DO want.

          Thanks very much Big Uni, much love but this is so much more fun. Energy shift and Gratefulness in one bang. Speaking of banging…..

      • Renae says:

        Wow, I really like that perspective!

  5. Stephen says:

    I don’t see the difference between Ruby’s definition of surrender and deliberate creation. Surrender is the “act of allowing.”

    I love your image ex suggested a booty call (an interesting way of expressing nostalgia). And I love even more your resistance to the idea. But resistance is resistance, whether “justified” or not. Surrender is the ultimate release of resistance. It does not mean saying yes to a nostalgic roll in the hay if you’re not disposed to. It means that the invitation is responded to without any regard to the outcome of that response. It means such an invitation will not illicit any reaction beyond laughter. The fact that the invitation (along with the invitation to re-join the corporate machine) caused the response it did is indication of resistance in your vibe.

    Surrender that resistance. Have a hearty laugh (always the best release of resistance). Move on with your happy day.

    I mean really, you can do better than nostalgia sex.

    • Jeannette says:

      Yes! I have no resistance to the invitations whatsoever. In fact, I’m flattered (on both counts).

      But the idea that surrender would also include saying yes to it, because it’s what life brought to me, that’s where I gotta opt out of this practice. IF that’s what surrender really is. (I’m not sure it is, but Amina and Ruby said otherwise when we discussed it as a group.)

      I can allow those invitations all day long! All day. Following up on them? Not in my pie, as Nancy/Abe would say. 🙂

      • Ruby says:

        Going back to the previous example of how the author gave up the resistance and helped the woman build on his property because that’s what the universe had brought him.

        That.

        The point where you don’t attach preferences. Laugh it off, allow it in, whatever tool let’s us release preferences and let’s our purpose unfold.

        • Jeannette says:

          And that’s the part where I got lost here – the not attaching preferences. All of conscious creation is driven by preferences/desires, right? So if I’m not honoring preferences … I’m creating by default, right? Except now I’m a consciously defaulting creator. lol

          Not sure you’ll follow what I mean there, but I’m getting a good laugh from it. 🙂

        • Ruby says:

          lol! I guess that a good new word you’ve uncovered, ‘consciously defaulting creator’

          We do it as deliberate creators when we allow, when we release resistance. And what comes to my mind when I read your point is that as a creator you use surrender when it suits and not for E-V-E-R-thing like the author seemed to have done.

          We have to take account of the fact that the author surrendered completely to the Universe (which is addressed in the blog as your higher self that is still the point of attraction and that knows best). He took his physical self out of the active creation part and dedicated his life to this complete surrender, trusting that his higher-self knows best.

          Which is another way to get to the same destination?

    • Elle says:

      Precious. Will be reading this again as a reminder when resistance comes up.

  6. Angel says:

    Wow, this is synchronicity. I’m just in the process of reading Steering by Starlight and listed your Masseuse as the figure in history I admire, in the sense that she “chilled” into her destiny despite all evidence to the contrary (being laid off and not actively looking for work).

    I also just listened to Byron Katie on youtube so I’m going to have to chime in while all this is percolating. I think the question of opposition between surrendering vs creating is in my view, a frame of mind that’s linear and mechanical. Though it’s completely understandable given the impression of surrender = passive vs. creating = active.

    To me, creation is larger than surrender. I feel that inspired action can therefore take the form of what appears to be surrender (I’m ok with how this is either way) in the service of creation (achieving detachments from core beliefs that hamper us and therefore the “active” part is the space and hindrance clearing). I think it’s why it can be so hard to explain it to people when you’re in midst of a life in flux..so it’s a lot of “well you kinda look like you’re doing nothing” while you’re surrendering, when the internal work is significant.

    It’s very similar to the seeming dichotomy of enlarging one’s self by returning to the simplest core of who you are. And maybe it’s not very different from how stars are formed from clumps of dust and gas where they collapse into themselves, literally imploding before they go into the EXplosion and enlarge themselves to what we see as a star.

    I guess I’ve had loads of time to think of this from having lived it the past year after having left a position I’ve had for 15 years. I encountered a lot of concerned questions (resistance) from loved ones about independence (I’m now working in a much, much more interdependent situation with a partner and things had gone slow) and vulnerability. Ironically, the people with the loudest protests about it have themselves been historically supported by their own partners..so it’s like, wait YOU’RE questioning my independence?

    But I realize that their “question” or “crux” of concern isn’t mine. And I’ve had to surrender the attachment to the identity and of course, tend to their concern of losing the “independent me” who they could always over rely on. That was a lot of noise that distracted me from focusing on creating in the present, like how do I explore this interdependence, or wow, so this is trust.

    I think truly when you go on your journey, you’re continually refining. And part of that is sort of reinforcing the things that are no longer true for you i.e. the booty call or the corporate job.

    • Ruby says:

      Wow need to let that sink in.

      What I love about this post and the discussion is that this inquiry will trigger an expansion in all of us, much like the stars you mentioned.

    • Angel says:

      Thanks, Ruby.. it’s an amazing question to ponder and one that can only all help us 🙂

      Jeanette, I was just thinking that maybe the surrendering bit in relation to the ex and the ex job is that those still hold some charge of resistance for you? I used to have exes come round on what seemed like a rotating schedule and I realized that part of it was that I actually hadn’t let go of certain things that identified with them. Perhaps, the ex-booty call is about observing yourself as a sexual being interested in the fun and levity that sharing bodies can be. And perhaps, the ex-job offer is about identifying as a “corporate type” person in some ways..

      I could be totally off base of course, but if this happened to me, this is what I’d think.

      • Jeannette says:

        I’m the kind of person who likes to get a job offer even if I don’t want the job. It’s an ego thing, probably. I really truly don’t mind invitations.

        It’s just that I like to be picky about what I say yes to. And in the Michael Singer version of surrendering, there’s no considering what you want. There’s just saying yes to whatever life brings.

        Still ruminating on your early post, though, Angel. Thanks for adding to this discussion!! I think the more ways we look at it, the better. 🙂

        • Angel says:

          Gee, who doesn’t like getting out of the blue job offers?? It’s nice to be sought after. I haven’t read the Singer version, it does sound a lot like Yes Man!

  7. Juliette says:

    I think the key in Mickey Singer’s book is that he meditated… a lot. In fact, that was mentioned in the earlier post about how he meditated about the woman building the house before surrendering to it. (Great book, btw)

    Last fall, I was in a difficult romantic relationship, and when I prayed about what to do, the message I received was to surrender. I argued with the universe about the fact that it seemed to be telling me to BE in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic, and I’m way too spiritual to do something like that (haha). I decided to meet the Universe half way, and instead of kicking him to the curb, I just meditated… a lot. He eventually went away on his own. The good thing about that was that there are no memories of me being nasty and cruel to him.

    There was another situation this winter where a girlfriend was driving me nuts. I wanted to end the friendship, but decided to take the peaceful route, and just took my attention off of it instead. She eventually defriended me on Facebook… but like the people in the post above, she reappeared a few months later wanting to reconnect. When I wondered how I attracted her back, I realized I had stopped meditating. Her reappearance didn’t mean I had to hang out with her, to me it was a sign my alignment was off.

    In April, I received a Tarot reading from the great Cindie Chavez. It said something about travel, and so I booked a flight west to visit an awakened teacher in Sedona. I asked him about surrender, and he said that surrender is an advanced spiritual teaching.

    I believe surrender is reminding us to love, it’s not telling us to necessarily do or not do anything.

    I’m currently reading a book called, The Joy of Living: Unlocking the Secret and Science of Happiness. The author, Yongey Rinpoche, says that we are all “emptiness” and that the definition of emptiness is “infinite possibility.” We can go back to the ex or not, take the corporate job or not, be in an abusive relationship or not, keep the frienship or not, let the woman build her house or not.

    I think surrender just means to love no matter what and remember that all is for the highest good collectively and individually.

    • Ruby says:

      Oh my goodness!I love this!Thank you for sharing your personal experience.

      You have managed surrender in such circumstances, that is beautiful. Yes, it is an advanced spiritual teaching and went haven’t covered all of it here. You are also correct in mentioning that the author of the book meditated for months before he stretched that ‘muscle’.

      The blog above does talk about starting some form of regular ‘alignment’ practice if you do choose to experiment with surrender.

      • Juliette says:

        Ruby,

        Thank you!!! Also, thank you for allowing Jeannette to post this information here and sharing such amazing, profound wisdom about this very important topic.

    • Jeannette says:

      That’s a definition of surrender I can get behind!

      Juliette, I really resonated with this, “just took my attention off of it instead.” And also that you didn’t interpret your mean friend’s reappearance as a sign you were supposed to be friends with her. Rather, a cue to manage your vibration a little better.

      This is much how I imagine surrendering can look to a conscious creator. It leaves resistance out of it, but still allows for personal preference.

      Thanks for sharing, Juliette. 🙂

      • Juliette says:

        Jeannette,

        Thank you!!!

        Recognizing the ability to exercise our personal preference is important. What’s the point of being provided with choices if the only answer is yes?

        (of course, in a weird way, all answers are yes… yes to that choice, or yes to the other choice; there aren’t really any options for no)

      • Malabu says:

        So are you saying that if I go back to a shitty alignment I can bring back a man who broke my heart into peaces (for the sake of my ego nothing else)?

        Yeah probably not worth it.

    • Sandi/ LV says:

      I too had some mis-givings about the surrender project and although I knew it came out because of loving and caring knew in my soul that the way it was being presented was bot a way that I could connect with in my vibration, I also go by the premise of The greater good for all (including me)

  8. Sandra says:

    Sometimes we have to look a little closer at what is showing up. For example, perhaps when an ex wants to reconnect or a former boss checks-in, it’s a good reminder that life is a mirror. It could simply have been the manifestation of wanting to feel wanted. That can be flattering! In that case, desire fulfilled! The ex and the boss were just the experiences Source chose. This morning I had to run errands and I was feeling quite tired. While I was parking at the grocery store, all of sudden a car pulls up out of nowhere and the driver yelled at me that I took her spot. I honestly saw no-one waiting for the spot. I apologized to her, but she was pissed. I chose to surrender to that weird encounter because I was secure in my sincerity. Shortly afterwards, I realized that life is only mirroring back my vibe so it was no wonder that grouchy lady showed up! I was feeling grouchy! And then I just felt relaxed and delighted to have that simple insight. ????

    • Jeannette says:

      Yes to the mirror analogy, Sandra! That’s in line with LOA principles that we can only experience what we are the vibration of. There’s something comforting in that, isn’t there? 🙂

  9. MsNikki says:

    This is crazy deep! Whoo!

  10. Amina says:

    Michael Singer talks a lot about the following:
    1. We only see a small portion of anything that is happening at any time in the world. Look around now, did you see what just happened in Indonesia (no, unless you are in Indonesia). Did you see what happened two streets down from you or in the next room over? No. So your knowledge is based on the tiny, tiny amount of the world you see and experience.

    2. Of the small portion we see, we only care about a small fraction of it (i.e., anything that impacts us… you just saw someone walk down the street, do you care? No. You just saw your ex walk down the street, do you care? Yes. Why? Because it “means” something to you).

    3. Our hearts feel a TON of things (good, bad, sad, fear, anger, etc). Some we like. Some we did not like. The ones we did not like, we say, I don’t ever want to do that again. When we say that, our brains get involved and start determining how to “protect” us from never feeling that again…

    4. In order to protect us, our brain has to come up with things we can and cannot do in order to “never feel that way again” – so now, we have preferences. I like this because it will help me feel good. I do not like this, because it makes me feel bad. I want to manifest money because in my experience people with money (what, fill in the blank). So, I am creating this to feel ________. We are always using LOA to create a feeling or an outcome.

    BUT… all of it was based on the tiny little fraction of the world we saw in the first place, which is so small compared to EVERYTHING that is happening at all times. AND… our heart was able to handle great sadness, great fear, etc. Part of being alive is to allow our heart to have all of those feelings and experience them (not shut them out).

    (I’m getting there…)

    So, when something happens and you have a STRONG YES OR NO. STOP. And, tell your brain the opposite. (This is totally Byron Katie’s the Work right here). When you do that, you neutralize it. Once it is neutral, then you can flow with it. When it is a STRONG charge yes or no – you have a preference, because your brain has created a rule to protect your heart. And, if you have a rule to protect your heart, you are not being whole and having a whole life experience. You want to expand your world to no preferences versus make it smaller and smaller with fewer and fewer preferences.

    Jeannette – In your case, say “hell yes” (in your head only please, not to the invitee) to each invitation individually and then just notice how you feel inside. Let the feelings flow and move. That will heal any resistance (and in my personal experience will burn like hell, but only for a few seconds, but it feels like eternity)… but that is the practice 🙂 And, then, tell us what happens. If it is not meant to be, something else will happen and those invitations will be removed from your consideration.

    Step 1 with surrender, I have learned, is to do it in your head and allow the super icky, blocked, uncomfortable feelings to flow. Then the actual act is less of an issue.

    Also, someone mentioned he meditated two hours a day. Yes. So, if you want to practice surrender, please do not just willy, nilly say yes or no to everything that comes around (which is how I was going to start playing with this… such a rookie move on my part), but instead, neutralize the thought in your head by saying the opposite and let the feelings flow (i.e, LOA terms = release resistance to any outcome).

    • Jeannette says:

      Amina, I know you’re a big student of Abraham. How do you reconcile things as a deliberate creator? (Or maybe you don’t feel the need to? Do you consider yourself one?)

      I’d also love to hear an example of something you’ve surrendered to, that wasn’t in line with your initial preferences? I’m a fan of real life examples, so if you care to share one, I’d love to hear it!

      • Ruby says:

        Amina I’d love to hear yours too…

        Can I chime in?

        For the longest time, I resisted getting married. I loved my boyfriend (now husband) he has the kindest heart and I couldn’t give you one reason why I didn’t want to. I just knew it’s not something I’d want. I think it was the fifth year of us being together, things started to happen that meant people were looking at me to get married. I won’t got into details but I surrendered… to my panic, to my preference, to the universe and that it would lead me to a ‘different’ kind of marriage than what I had seen around me. And I opened that door and the universe delivered… and how! My relationship, my marriage, my mom in law, is exactly what I wanted.

        My moves from Mumbai to Pune, then to Buffalo and now to Dallas, these are all surrenders to the universe, new adventures, knowing that I am meant to offer something to someone in that new place. When everyone I know worries that I have not ‘settled down’.

        I love LOA and the concept of Deliberate creation and I love that we can have so many tools to live our path, our legacy. And I love the intertwining of these topics. 🙂

      • Amina says:

        I love Cindie’s explanation below – totally agree. It is not a blind yes – sometimes you want to say yes, and surrender means saying no! It is about getting past what you want and don’t want to a higher, better solution.

        In terms of reconciling with Law of Attraction – I am clear what I want (the final outcome, which often times is more a feeling than an actual thing if you think about it). By being clear what you want, you start walking towards it and by surrendering each step you get that or something even better! Michael Singer wanted to practice yoga and meditate out in the woods for hours each day. He was clear. He took action towards it. And, now, years later he is still doing that. But, now, he is doing that with more than enough money, 300 acres instead of 5, etc, etc. How did all that happen – surrendering? But, the vision was the vision – he put that into deliberate creation and then followed a path to create that on a bigger level then he could have ever dreamed. I use LOA to get clear about my outcome and surrender to get me to that outcome faster or better.

  11. Renae says:

    Wow, this was a strong post with many strong comments. I really like this one. I read on a previous comment here that surrendering is not really about doing or not doing. When I think of surrendering, it’s usually during those times when I am frustrated with something, perhaps an attachment to an outcome, actually yes, that is mainly why I get frustrated. But when I surrender I meditate. I simply don’t think of it. I don’t do or not do anything about it. I let it sit and I sit with the present moment and remember that I am surrendering essentially to this present moment. I am letting go of all resistance and feelings and thoughts. There is no “doing” or “not doing”. I simply am. It simply is. You surrender to the moment and clarity will come on it’s own. I think surrendering is simply a moment by moment thing, it’s a break in the situation, you have to give your mind a break and whatever answer or feeling comes out of that meditation or break, you follow it.
    I have a story about how that happened to me yesterday. I was getting frustrated about money and how things in my life weren’t moving as fast as I would like. I actually randomly broke down and started crying. This was right after me and my husband enjoyed a really great lunch together. It was seemingly out of nowhere really, it happened on the car ride home. When I got home I had to lie on my bed and close my eyes and surrender myself to this moment. Suddenly, I stood up and felt very clear, I saw everything I had and just how abundant and thankful I was for everything and what a great time we had. and I went for a run.
    You just can’t dwell or let it bother you.
    I am slowly learning that life is really a moment by moment experience. I try to do what feels best in each moment and to not resist my inspiration.

    • Jeannette says:

      I also resonate with this definition of surrendering that doesn’t involve any action at all, Renae. And your example is a perfect one of how powerful it is to practice! Thanks for posting here. 🙂

  12. For me surrender is when outer circumstances are allowed to take over without any resistance from me. Choice doesn’t come into it. If I may give a brief example in my own experience 🙂 ?
    I am a Brit and I lived in the US teaching yoga and meditation in LA for years. My green card got lost and I slipped into a grey area immigration wise (although I was a US taxpayer), but I had to see my family after 5 years so I left the US for Christmas at home. I had been booked in Acapulco to host a long weekend retreat in the New Year and had my return ticket Gatwick-Cincinatti-LA-Mexico City and then an overnight bus to Acapulco. I knew I was taking a risk vis-a-via a visa but the need to see my family was visceral and I surrendered to it. Coming back to the US, I made it as far as Cincinatti when I was stopped at Immigration. I did everything I could to convince them that I should be allowed to follow on with my journey, EXCEPT LIE. They put me on a plane back to Gatwick anyway after 4 hours interrogation and I said goodbye to my home,job, belongings, car, friends and everything and everyone I had accumulated in LA after 6 years there. I surrendered to that and on the flight back to the UK I thought about how interesting my new life was about to become; any stress I felt, I chose to refer to as ‘excitement’. Back in London I found a flight from London to Mxcico via Toronto (as I was not allowed to touch US soil even in transit and banned from the country for 10 years).. and made my retreat with a day to spare. Long story short, from Mexico I ended up in Guatemala where I adopted my LONGED FOR, beautiful baby daughter who is now 7 and living with me in the UK. If I had managed to slip by immigration, I would no doubt be doing the rounds of multiple classes in LA, barely making a living and, unthinkably, I would not have my daughter now. Love Roberta

    • Ruby says:

      Gosh Roberta, thank you for sharing this life experience. It’s 7am and I am reading these comments and contemplating surrender and I see this!

      I love how life presented the alternative path to what you thought you should be doing. I love that it knew that it needed to lead you to your baby.

      That gives me peace and reassurance. The universe has a specific plan to for making me a mother. I always say to my husband, our child is already watching, it will choose to come. I have to maintain my energy, live happy and follow my purpose the best I can.

      • Ruby I would suggest you check that you are feeling happy where you are and be careful not to let ‘missing’ that baby take hold(I know the feeling well). Just keep rejoicing that he/she is on the way and don’t listen or talk to anyone who isn’t totally on your side and positive about it or tries to talk you out of it! My baby came to me when I was over 50, no husband, no money and many people said “No way”. She’s 7 and loving life in a great British school (free)
        “Out of nothing and no way a way is made” Rev Dr Michael Beckwith <3
        Good luck, I am saying a prayer for you!

    • Jeannette says:

      WOW. I LOVE these real life surrender stories!! That is a fabulous one to make your point, Roberta.

      Super cool practice on your part of surrendering. 🙂

  13. Ruby says:

    Wow Renae, that’s beautiful. I had a similar experience last week, here’s what I had posted in the group on FB

    Yesterday my husband and I got our annual mortgage statement. That statement is a special one and it really sent my husband on a spiral. And before I knew it, I was on board that train.

    On the call yesterday, we talked about staying on the shoreline and that’s what I needed to do.

    So I surrender to feeling the complete weight of it all… the uphill battle of paying high EMI and not seeing the principal go down, the unfulfilled promise of partial pre payments, the eternal question of is all this worth it…

    I watched and allowed that energy to move through my body. Painful as it was. I started to focus on observing, following it, very soon it wasn’t engaging the thought. I found one word that helped, then one sentence…
    It took us 15 minutes to get out of the spiral and on to the shore and another 30 minutes to relax into the present followed by 5minute foot massages to find our laughter.

    In our case, we can’t see a solution yet but I trust that some how a way will present itself or if there is a reason why we are meant to continue paying in installments. Whatever the case right now, this moment it’s not something I have a preference towards.

  14. Said Grrl says:

    Hey girl! (and LOA community!)

    So… this is kind of what I talked to you about in the very beginning of our conversations. Although it was with my current relationship at the time, I wanted it to go a certain way and it was not doing that at all! I said to you, why do I have to detach, why do I have to let go of the outcome, why do I just have to accept that maybe this relationship is “supposed” to go a certain way according to divine planning yet I am told that I get to choose who shows up and what they bring to the table when they get there?!
    Maybe it’s the how and when that isn’t part of our control? It seems like such a delicate balancing act. I know that when I think of someone random or want to create an experience that I put little EXTRA thought to it- it or they manifest like that. I had been talking about 3 different random people from my past and each one of them showed up at my job in a matter of three weeks. I hadn’t seen any of them in years, but had just had conversations with people from our past together and as easy as that there they were!
    Another example, I started this job and it was so challenging. I didn’t need this job I was just doing it – I don’t know to prove a point to myself that I could I guess. In the past my pattern would be to bail if things got uncomfortable. One of the main things I was being challenged by (and realized always had been– talk about old vibrations!) was not being accepted by my new co-workers right away. I normally would cause myself a lot of grief by trying to fit in and rush new friendships with the “wrong” people and it would end up in a mess because I didn’t take the time to let people get to know me and vice versa (Forcing… not letting the Universe do the how and when?)!
    So this time, armed with my Universal power and knowledge, in my mind I pictured me and this certain co-worker that I wanted to be friends with laughing, hanging out and me getting a hang of the job (it was also way more challenging then I expected) and then let it go. I literally clapped my hands showed it to the Universe like a poker dealer and said it’s yours now. I could have quit, I could have gone to the beach with a particular co-worker the first day we met even though I knew she was not a good fit vibrationally just so I could “fit in” but I didn’t. I let the situation unfold. Last night, me, another co-worker and that specific co-worker I thought about in my mind ran a 5k together and had dinner and everything! Posted pictures on IG and she has supported me in a much healthier way then I could have ever pictured. I knew she enjoyed running 5k’s and even though I had only ran one in my life I pictured us doing that someday and it happened way sooner than I ever imagined!
    I guess what I am trying to say is.. as much as I wanted to fit in, the feeling behind it was like ya know what if they don’t like me, then they don’t. Now, as you know the relationship with my ex has been a major resistant trip for me. He said to me he was still in love with me but he just didn’t have any time right now. So every two weeks I think I am doing good then I end up reaching out to him and am met with the same short answers, the same I still care but not now and it drives me batty. I know you say this is a sticky area, and that maybe I shouldn’t be focusing on said relationship but if I am a creator and deliberate at that why can’t this relationship come back to where it was and continue to be a life giving experience?
    Because I resist the fact that it’s no longer what it was. The minute things started going south for us I focused more on how hard it all was and now I find myself focusing more on his absence rather than his presence. I guess my point is, surrendering for me at least, is picturing a piece of the outcome and then letting the how and when it all gets here be up to Source’s timing. Because often times when I take action around a subject I am resistant to (reacting) or one that I really, really, really want to have happen I end up feeling crappy about it later!
    I know this stuff works. We all do. It’s amazing how the so called big stuff or the experiences that show up for us that we may not want right away can be the most exhilarating teachers if we let it.
    Hope you are well.

    • Jeannette says:

      Sounds like you’ve been having fun with your creative powers, Said Grrl! Kudos to you!

      Loved this: “my point is, surrendering for me at least, is picturing a piece of the outcome and then letting the how and when it all gets here be up to Source’s timing.” I agree that letting go of the how and the when is a great way to practice the surrender! Huge alignment in that, as I think conscious creators would agree. “)

  15. Juliette says:

    Amina,

    Thank you for the invitation. The link is missing an “a”. Folks will want to go here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/aminaadv/

  16. BrightStar says:

    I just happened on an Abraham quote that cleared it up for me — there is no standard formula for knowing what’s on our path of least resistance. In other words, it’s not always surrender, although some times it is.

    “… Only he could know, if it’s the path of least resistance or the path of more resistance. There is no formula that’s right for everyone.And, the formula that feels right for you right now may not be the formula that’s right for you as you get down the road a little bit, because the PoLR keeps shifting, because it keeps being the PoLR in relationship to where you are and what you now want, and where you are and what you now want. (…) Only what feels best to you is the path for you.” Abraham

    One could say — surrender to the path — but to me that still means to make the best feeling choices. Being able to feel within myself if I’m clear in my guidance, or throwing up resistance.

    I would think Jeanette’s examples are “no’s” from her clear guidance — she is choosing the better feeling path.

    • Jeannette says:

      Okay, that’s a perfect quote for this discussion, BrightStar!

      In fact, I was just logging in to share this one that Stephen sent me recently from Seth that also feels relevant:

      “Do not place the words of gurus, ministers, priests, scientists, psychologists, friends –or even my words–higher than the feelings of your own being. You can learn much from others, but the deepest knowledge must come from within yourself. Your own consciousness is embarked upon a reality that basically can be experienced by no other, that is unique and untranslatable, with it’s own meaning, following its own paths of becoming. You share your existence with others who are experiencing their own journeys -in their own ways,- and you have journeying in common, then. Be kind to yourself and to your companions.”

      And I love your description of surrendering to the best feeling choices. That’s a plan I can get down with. 🙂

      • BrightStar says:

        That’s a great quote from Seth!!

        Thank you for the whole topic and discussion, Jeannette and Ruby and commenters.

  17. Susan says:

    Jeanette and Ruby, thank you so very much for this!It came at exactly the right time! I have had a lot of difficulty with this “allowing” part of LOA. Not so much when I’m in a daily meditation practice, although I still have challenges, but lately I’ve been taking care of a sick, aged parent without much help from a sibling and I’ve been resenting it and waking up at night with all kinds of “what if” scenarios. I realized when I read this it was my message today: I must allow her to be her and I will take care of what I can at the present moment (so I won’t attract those “what ifs”) and get back to my daily practice. Thank you so much again.

    • Jeannette says:

      I can feel the peace in that shift in your thinking, Susan. Nicely done!! I hope to be able to do so just as effectively next time I’ve got a bit of resistance on my plate. 🙂

  18. Aniket says:

    Thanks for this,

    IMO surrendering is letting go of thinking the means by which a manifestation will occur.. Let the higher self take over when it comes to the “how”.

    We might see some unwanted manifestations in the process (like the couple of them shared by you). We can right away say no to them if its something we dont prefer..the booty call and the the boss … but we shudnt get caught up with the unwanted manifestations..

    take it as a part and parcel of manifestation process and let it be..

    • Jeannette says:

      That’s the definition I’ve been working with in my manifesting practice as well, Aniket (the surrendering is letting Universe do its part of putting the manifestation together while I’m doing my part of vibrational alignment).

      And I agree – our best work is to stay focused on the “do want” instead of the “don’t wants.”

      Here’s to letting it be. Thanks for chiming in here. 🙂

  19. Elle says:

    Oh my! What a fabulous post! Wonderful topic and commentary!

    This leads me to kind of the next step in creation, that of miracles. when you know, trust and let go, you enter that realm after all, do you not?

    Also, if still in love with an ex (it happens) if you share a deep bond (some do) or if the former employer misses you because you were the best, I’d also take the booty call and job offer as a sign that those bonds are still there. They are indicators that those doors are still open. I don’t know how else to describe it. With some people, bonds are eternal and in another dimension you may very well be together, and people do miss you and would offer you a job every time they see you. It doesn’t necessarily have to be resistance, although in these cases it may very well be since both are not really wanted. It’s all relative. Thank you wonderful community!

  20. Diane Allen says:

    I LOVE how the more I read the different ways to describe “surrender” the more clarified I feel! For me it’s the opposite of fixation on a thought.

    What’s missing for me in this conversation is the “conscious creator” side. For those of us who love activity, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

    I LOVE being busy and working. You can tell by my decades of prolific production – all of which have been produced from passion and intuition. Family and friends… “What’s Diane up to now?”

    BUT – this activity has the impression of being confined to the proverbial gerbil wheel. Despite the extensive inner work and belief work I have done, I still am not earning enough money from it to build the Empire that I know is my life work.

    I’m looking for advice from the “conscious creator” side from someone who loves being industrious!How does this fit in with this conversation?

    (Susan – I hear you on the parenting a parent issue. My Mom has been in my care for years and I just transitioned her to Hospice which has been a huge relief – burden lifted. But I’ve often wondered if this energy is keeping a dark cloud over all my best efforts… I would love to hear what the rest of you would have to say about this topic too.)

    • Elle says:

      Hi Diane!

      If you are not pushing against anything, are in flow, love what you are doing and do not feel it is a burden, then by all means follow your bliss and keep going. If you feel re-energized in working and feel inspired and are closest to Source, then keep doing what you are doing. It sounds to me like you are on the right track and have no resistance, unless I am wrong. Why not keep going with the buzz and I am sure all the activity will lead to something or many things from all the exposure. As long as it’s no effort for you. You know what I mean. I say keep going, in my opinion, since you enjoy it. Bash at always says if you have enough funds to do what you need to do, then you are okay for the moment. So, you’re covered. Align with the empire you want to build, then. I can’t tell you the how, though. that’s up to the Universe.

      • Elle says:

        Bashar always

      • Diane says:

        Thanks Elle! You are spot on! However funds are dry. You also mentioned exposure and there isn’t the massive exposure I crave. As I’m writing this I realize I’ve never deliberately asked the Universe for the exposure! I’m excited like waking up on Christmas morning!!! Thanks tons!

    • Jeannette says:

      Yes, that’s been my basic question as well, Diane, whenever a spiritual teacher talks about giving up preferences/desires and practicing the surrender to whatever life brings. (What do we do with our creative powers in all that?)

      Your thoughts about your love of being in action makes me wonder what your core values are! (I once had a coach tell me years ago that one of mine was Action.)

      I personally think as long as we’re enjoying whatever we’re engaged in, we’re contributing to our positive alignment. The opposite of that would be working hard (from a place of effort or struggle) to make something happen.

      In fact, it makes me think of how Abe answered the question about the role of action that action is for us to ENJOY ourselves. Period.

      Which it sounds like you’re doing a good job of. 🙂

      • Elle says:

        The Universe itself must do it with ease and joy, from what I understand. I mean, Spirit is ease and joy and peace, is it not? Why not behave like spirit then? It think that is how one gets in flow, by behaving like spirit.

        I know we are human in this reality, but the more open the channel is with spirit, the more communication we have and feel good, have fun, not nit-picking and worrying about stuff the closer to Spirit we get and that is the path.

      • Diane Allen says:

        Thanks for your insights. Very helpful because I see now that I’m prone to the high level of activity with enjoyment or with the intent of making things happen (even if I’m grumpy). Highlighting this will help me to look for the enjoyment and weed out the grind.

        With regards to the BIG picture, I recently achieved a huge goal. It kept me on track so it was easy to see what to surrender to and what NOT to surrender to. The dialogue on this post has helped me to realize that it’s time to decide on a new big hairy audacious goal. Without it the “surrender to it all approach” comes to play. With a big long term goal that is in alignment with my life purpose, I can surrender in alignment with the goal to guide me.

  21. Jacky says:

    We’re used to charging everything that happens to us as good/bad, right or wrong. It’s really just human nature isn’t it?
    So maybe surrendering is about observing an event as neutral (even when we instinctively see it as wrong – like sleeping with an ex) and then deciding from there what action (if any) to take.
    Isn’t that what Michael Singer did? His conditioned thinking automatically judged the lady building on his property as wrong but then he meditated until he came to a place of neutrality and an altered viewpoint – hence he let her build and even ended up helping her. And he loved it!
    So maybe surrendering is really about letting go of our conditioned “thinking” about an event and just observing through neutral eyes. IOW dropping any resistance. And then following our inspiration from there.

    • Jeannette says:

      That could very well be the best summary of what surrendering is, Jacky! Thanks for that.

      What I wonder is how that works in conjunction with a conscious creation practice, which is predicated on contrast & new desires. ?

  22. Teresa says:

    As a survivor of abuse, I really feel that there is another viewpoint when it comes to someone forcing their control over you. There are certainly times when it’s good to resist and even defend yourself. I practiced passively allowing the person to treat me badly (turn the other cheek, honor your marriage vows) but it can get to an ugly point where non-resistance damages others (the children involved). Resistance to evil is good. There is a place in the universe for defense and resistance. Resistance to life happenings is probably a different thing. But I for one am glad our soldiers finally liberated prisoners from the concentration camp, where would we be if we all passively accepted evil? It seems that even with the LOA, things can be more complex (and beautiful) that we know.

    • Jeannette says:

      Indeed, I know an LOA relationship coach who gets concerned when she sees a conscious creator in an abusive relationship relying on switching up her negative thoughts instead of packing up to leave.

      Teresa, I love that you added things can be more complex and BEAUTIFUL than we know. That is a delicious thought. 🙂

  23. Daniel says:

    “If you do what you have always done, you will continue to get what you hvae always gotten.” Something in here revolves around your relationship with WORK! I’m going through it, too! I have to leave my current girlfriend, and logic is working against me. Following my heart feels like hard work!

  24. Surrender is NOT saying yes to whatever shows up. Surrender, as a spiritual practice, is saying yes to Higher Wisdom, our Higher Self, the part of us that is connected to Source, the part of us that is one with all that is.

    What shows up in our life is always connected to what we believe about our self. So you may be believing that you are super hot and intensely desirable to both men and the corporate world. 😀 You’re in high demand! Or a bazillion other thoughts that could show up as these offers coming in.

    However, when we make a conscious intention what shows up will always be one of three things, what we intended for, something obviously better, or a choice. The choice will always contain an option that is connected to our old identity, and an option that aligns with our new identity. This is an alignment opportunity.

    So, if we make a conscious intention that we don’t want to sleep with someone anymore and then they send us a booty call, we can respond in alignment with our old identity, or we can surrender to the new identity.

    Another example of surrender to Higher Wisdom may be a person having a desire *to* sleep with someone but hearing the inner voice saying “Don’t do it!”…in this example we would surrender to our Higher Wisdom by hearing the warning within and saying “No” to the offer.

    In any case, our Higher Wisdom always takes us in the direction of peace. If we can’t say yes and feel peaceful about it then that’s a pretty good sign it isn’t coming from Higher Wisdom.

    • Moonsparkle says:

      Thanks for the comment, Cindie and explaining more about surrender. It’s a practice that I find hard to understand, I’ve read a bit about Byron Katie’s work (I actually first heard about it in the Steering By Starlight book Angel mentioned above) but I just don’t vibe with it at all. I like your perspective on it. 🙂

      This is a good subject, Jeanette. I think the most important thing is to do whatever feels right and good for you. 🙂

      • So glad this offered you another perspective that resonated with you Moonsparkle. I agree about the importance of listening to our feelings and following what feels right and good. 🙂

    • Elle says:

      Thank you for this explanation, Cindie!

      If we continue to feel bad about an opportunity that was way better for us, does this mean we have resistance? We need to ease this to move on our path. I have managed to neutralize other things, such as my feelings about my mom, the neighborhood I live in, yet it still stings when I think about the thing I did not do, becasue time was wasted, even though in Universe’s eyes, there is no such thing, but human judge you on this. yeah, this topic is still pretty heavy. I try to let it go, but it comes back when I beat up on myself. This is my personal example.

      For the booty call, if you feel worse after it than before, by all means stop. If you feel better after the event, then be thankful. If your Inner Being is screaming “no, not now”, then listen to it.

      • Hi Elle,

        In answer to your question “If we continue to feel bad about an opportunity that was way better for us, does this mean we have resistance?” I would say that if we feel bad about an opportunity (and then continue to feel bad) it most likely was not “way better for us”. And yes, anytime we feel uncomfortable we are experiencing resistance, regardless of whether we feel uncomfortable saying “yes” or saying “no”. And resistance will always mean a delay in receiving what we desire.
        And please don’t beat up on yourself for whatever has happened in the past. There are no mistakes, only human experience. The past is gone. If we learn something “the hard way” we can count it as very valuable as it cost us a lot. We can then just treat it as the treasure it is, a very valuable lesson, and then we move on with grace and ease. Sending love to you Elle. xo.

  25. Ann says:

    So, a few years ago, I really, really , really wanted my children to live with me full time. Instead, their father decided to move them to the other side of the country. I cried, protested, tried to go to court to stop him, but in the end, they went.
    Less than a year later, his life fell apart and guess what happened…the kids came to live with me full time.
    It was my greatest lesson in surrender and trust. The Universe knows what it’s doing.

  26. Jacqueline says:

    Aaand THIS is why this blog is the best real-life-application-of-LOA resource evah!

    Surrender has always been a tad prickly for me … given the (perceived) overtones of defeat/giving-up/having-to-‘settle’.

    I see my part of the manifesting magic as getting clear on my desires + focusing on what I want.
    My ‘work’ is to stay as aligned as I can to who I’ll BE when that desire shows up – which is why I focus so much on nesting and home, ie immediate environmental support.

    This way, I can ‘surrender’ control of the HOWs and I can respond to whatever shows up, not from where I was, but from where I’m going.

    Always knowing that what feels good is always True North and that no-one need feel the rightness of it except me.

    Jeannette + Ruby, thank you for sharing your discussion. Cindie, you are a master coach, indeed.

    And everyone else, thank you for adding your insights + experiences. Every nuance/perspective adds to the whole and we are all uplevelled by it.

  27. Janette says:

    Brilliant post, brilliant discussion. Chiming in with my two cents, too.

    First of all, I LOVE that Abe perspective – that there is no one-size-fits-all blueprint for how to find the path of least resistance.

    I’m going to use Jeannette’s situation to tease this out.

    It’s never NEVER the situation, person or invitation which gets us caught up in resistance. It’s always our THOUGHTS about the situation, person or invitation.

    The existence of the offers from the ex and the job offer are neutral. They’re not good or bad, they just are.

    Jeannette’s thoughts about them might be what we would call “aligned” (“flattering offer, thanks!”) or neutral (“hm, interesting”) or “misaligned” (“ugh, now it’s gonna be awkward when we meet up again”). From what she’s reported, her thoughts about the offer are pretty clearly aligned.

    What’s interesting is what happens next.

    Someone who is happily practising the saying of yes to everything life has to offer, might have a thought such as “oooooh, I wouldn’t have said yes to that but hey, here’s something I can play with and really flex my surrender muscle – how fun!” And their action would be to say yes, from a spirit of openness and maybe even curiosity.

    While someone who prefers to make decisions about what to do based on what feels best, her thought around this might be “you know what, it IS a flattering offer, but it’s not my preference thanks all the same” And her action would be to say no to the offer, thereby saying YES to her preference.

    Each of those feels fully aligned to the person thinking the thoughts.

    I’m also reminded of Drew Rozell’s approach, which I’ve found really useful.

    Drew suggests that we surrender to our thoughts, whether we like the thought or not. All thoughts – including the ones we are resisting, the ‘negative’ thoughts – want to be thunk.

    When we have a negative thought, we sit with it and really allow ourselves to think it, fully, all the way to its conclusion. In a very short space of time, there’s a visceral feeling of relief. It’s almost like we surrendered to thinking a very scary or unpleasant or painful thought – and the sky didn’t fall.

    To me, THAT is the core of surrender. The willingness to have the thought I’ve been resisting.

    For example, a while back I was in the process of promoting a new program. I’d been bitten before by launches which spectacularly crashed, and I had plenty of gremlin thoughts trying to come up. I’d been firmly setting them aside, resisting their siren call, focusing on what I DID want – full program, thriving group energy, excited students. And none of it was working.

    Crickets.

    And then I heard Jeannette interview Drew on a GVU call, about the art of letting go.

    I stopped right where I was (park, sunny day – lovely!) and sat down on a nearby bench. I allowed every single gremlin thought to have its say. I surrendered to all those worst case scenario thoughts and let them come through in full blazing colour.

    And they were MEAN!

    “This’ll never work”
    “Nobody’s going to sign up”
    “You’ll never get to teach a class again, because there won’t be anybody there”
    “You might as well give up being in business right now”
    “See, the Dalgliesh family is hopeless at entrepreneurship”
    “You’ll end up dying alone under a bridge”

    Yes. Mean. And some of those thoughts were thoughts I didn’t even know I’d been having!

    But I got to where I was okay with each and every one of them. Even the dying-alone-under-a-bridge (because hello, that would just mean a return to pure positive energy, so what’s the harm?)

    I didn’t love those thoughts. I didn’t even like them. But by being okay with them, by surrendering to them, I took away their power over me.

    So I wonder how often all that is required is a willingness to surrender to the thoughts, with a clear intention of allowing them to be released. Going THROUGH them, rather than pushing them away.

    And once that surrender has taken place, it’s far more possible to ask “what would I like to happen now?”.

    Circling back to Jeannette’s example, if she’d started out with the misaligned “ugh” thought, surrender might have looked like being willing to have that thought, until it lost its power and she could ask “what next?” – which would probably be a heartfelt “flattering offer but not for me, thanks for asking”.

    For me, my own self, this is my clearest path to surrender, my own path of least resistance. To remember it’s not the situation, it’s my thoughts about the situation.

    Of course, this may have something to do with my Libra Sun air sign tendencies – thoughts are often the first place for me to play LOL

    🙂

  28. Just wanted to thank you for this conversation. I’m in Dallas this week (a place I don’t want to be/resistance) to attend a family event (my son gets married Saturday) but it brings me back to a lot of old stuff that I’d rather not face (more resistance to past pain).

    I’m going to apply the surrender concept here! If I surrender, and let it flow, the resistance is already subsiding. No values are being challenged. Not being presented with anything I don’t want to do or have created otherwise. Just brings back a lot of ‘ick’ from the past. This helps me reframe to just put others first, release the past and surrender to the present. Let the events this week unfold as they do. All will be fine. I’ll be back to my wonderful mountains soon enough.

    This helped me A LOT!

    Thank you 🙂
    Thomas

  29. Sabeen says:

    I have many thoughts on this… they all come down to trusting the Universe/Higher Self.

    To me, surrender is what Abraham refers to as “making peace with where you are”. Giving up all resistance to what is. Trusting that because the Universe has brought this moment to you, it must be ok. Moreover, it must be right. Moreover, it must be perfect. So, the first part of surrender to me is full acceptance of “what is” as being the perfect thing to be happening right now, because you fully trust the Universe is always bringing you the right thing and always taking care of you and always presenting you with the next right thing on your path of life experience.

    Surrendering to what is. No resistance. No “this shouldn’t be showing up”, “this shouldn’t have happened”, “this is wrong”, “this should be different”. Only, this is happening and I trust the Universe is unfolding perfectly, so this must be the exact right thing to be happening right now. You are always on your path and nothing ever goes wrong. If it looks wrong, it’s only because you aren’t seeing the full picture. But that’s ok because the Universe holds the full picture for you and is taking care of all of the details.

    I think this is where “surrendering your preference” comes in. You have no preference for what is occurring, because it is in fact occurring. You call it “right” because you know it must be and you find the perspective that lets you see it that way. You also have no preference for where this will lead or what the outcome will be. Why? Because you trust that the Universe knows every detail of your every desire and is only working to put that together for you. So however this turns out, it will be the perfect outcome for you and for what will happen next.

    So where does this surrendering and trusting the Universe leave you in all of this? Where does choice come in?

    If you accept that the moment before you is perfectly orchestrated by the Universe to give you the experiences you desire, and you accept that the Universe is orchestrating perfect outcomes for you, then the only thing for you to do is flow love and joy in this moment before you. Take what the Universe has put before you and: 1) See it’s perfection; and 2) Ask “how can I flow love here? How can I enjoy this moment?

    You get to decide how you want to participate in any moment and only you can know. Follow the inspiration, the nudges you get from Spirit, because Spirit is the highest authority on how to flow love. In Jeannette’s example, maybe meeting the ex’s booty-call invitation with love means laughing it off and loving herself enough to say no. Maybe the way that Michael Singer flowed love in the situation of the house being built on his property was to pick up tools and help. Inspiration will tell you and you’ll know what’s inspired by how you feel.

    But the best part is you can never get it wrong, so no matter what you choose in whatever is before you, it is all leading to the next perfect moment being put before you by the Universe, who again, has taken every single one of your preferences into account and tailor made that moment to serve your experience here. You don’t have to worry about making anything happen, or missing anything important, or getting anything wrong. Just accept what comes without resistance and choose how you want to participate in it to bring the most joy and love to your experience. Then repeat.

    That’s how I view surrendering to Life.

  30. Dee says:

    This blog totally oonfused me and it is too in depth. The LOA is quite simple. We are the ones who complicate it. I think Jeannette had to revisit the ex-boyfriend’s situation. Perhaps there were subconscious desires that she wasn’t aware of. The situation presented itself for her to realize that wasn’t what she truly wanted. The boss presented themselves to help her see how much she’s grown with her own business and that she doesn’t ever need to go back to the corporate world. Maybe there was an underlying fear that she would. I think we need to stop over analyzing everything. I liked the woman who lost her job and just surrendered. It didn’t mean she gave up. It just meant she didn’t know what else to do so she surrendered and allowed her Higher Power to step in and help with the next step. Let’s just all keep this simple.

  31. Sabeen says:

    I love the in depth discussion here. Everyone has such different knowledge and experience, it’s so interesting to hear the different perspectives shared on this question.

    • Bodil says:

      Dear Sabeen, I so agree! I imagine the studies we are able to join, when we have crossed over, are somewhat like this – sharing our experiences in a not 3D-perspektive. So much fun!I specially enjoy that we value everybody, who are writing. It is very comforting for me here in this human experience.
      Here in Denmark we are some 150.000 people, who have started what you could call a “Kindly Revolution”. I think, to be kind is key to all developement – also the inside one. So thoughts, memories, taken parkinglots – everything: be kind to all of it, say thankyou for showing up and do, what you feel will lead you towards joy and comfort. Joy is a high vibration, go for it! And from there you always know what to do and what not to.( what an Aha! I did not know, I was thinking like this, until I wrote it here :-)) Thanks for this “talk” !!
      By the way, my take on surrender:
      I think of the following example from everyday life:
      I am down town, I want to go home, but I have a book to pick up from the library. What do I do? I can do both, the book can wait, but I can also wait to go home. Then I surrender to what feels my thing to do, without one thing being better than the other and without having to do one over the other out of a feeling of duty. I had a feeling, I actually really wanted to go to the library now, it felt like the naturel choice and I surrendered to that feeling, just letting all kinds of thoughts go.
      In the library I met with the person, I have been looking for for years. He offered to help me get my poems publiched, so now he and I have a deal 🙂
      Why do things often happen, when we least expect it? Are we surrendering? Are we getting out of our own way, by having no expectations what so ever? Are we following the best feeling thought? Whatever we do, if we do it in a kind way, we will get a kind outcome, I assume!
      I wish all of you a lovely life 🙂 & 🙂 & :-)& 🙂 ………..

  32. Marianna says:

    Give up what you do not want and relax on what you want!let go of the pushing against and embrase fully of what you want! Abraham Hicks

  33. Tony says:

    Longtime reader of your blog… First time comment…..
    Love it by the way…

    The Maharishi told the Beatles in the 1960s

    everything is passing through the universe, but some of it got stuck inside you.
    Free this, thought, memory.
    Let them pass through you to continue their journey “Across the Universe”. this was where John Lennon got the inspiration… (Taken from TV interview). I like this…

    We all hold of too bits of information and it consumes our thoughts and day to day thinking. Micheal Singers talks about. Cleaning these away by just letting them go. If we do your mind is clean and clear to get inspiration. I find this works for me personally. I still use LOA but in a open disattached way. More than often I end up with things far better than I was hoping for. Things that just were not on my radar at all but better….for me. This happens over and over.

    Abraham also speaks of letting go or finding the point of balance by not having up stream thinking in the river of life. Go with the flow. Tao also says this by finding balance.

    Intention and inspiration mindfulness are not two different things…
    Your intention is mindfulness.
    Once you are present in the momnent you will see the part you are to play… In the orchestra of life.
    Your life unfolds in Devine order. Allowing it to happen through you is the key.
    Agreeing to life..

    When you are at the place balance… When your Ex calls. Your emotions and feelings are clean and clear for you to be inspired from. As Abraham says. They are your indicators.
    I call things like this a disturbances they can be good and bad but you need to disattached to the outcome.
    Once he was not an “EX” but he is now for a reason.
    You can never go into the same river twice. Everything has changed. That water is likely to be the sea now. It was great once to be in that river but today it is not the same river. Again everything has changed.
    If you have truely let go, allowed yourself to move with the river… Surrender.
    You will be in a new place today and not caught in a memory. You can make a fully inspired choice from this very moment. Not a past emotional memory.
    Surrender does not mean just let go and give up. It is finding the point of balance.
    From there the real magic flows … LOA and mindfulness are not two different things.

  34. Christa76 says:

    Late to the party, but still have some hors d’oevres to share. I feel the two, LOA & Surrender, go perfectly hand-in-hand. What LOA teaches us from day 1 is to detach and accept and appreciate the now. Surrender is exactly that. Surrender doesn’t necessarily mean to take action, if anything, it tells you not to, unless you feel absolutely natural to do so. Singer only went and helped that women on his plot once he had meditated on it and the answer was natural.

    I will still continue to set my intentions, but also delightfully accept and surrender to the flow of life. As it unfolds, as I try and remain courageous enough to keep an open heart and observe the events in my life, I am 100% that whatever I desire in my soul will come to pass. This belief is 100% LOA, while the receptive observing is 100% surrender. It is a beautiful practice which will enhance your manifestations.

    My 2 cents on the whole men coming back into your life, Jeannette: I recently had a number of men entering my life, some old, some new, some romantic, some family… the deeper lesson I took from that was to re-evaluate my general relationship with men. During reading the untethered soul, I realised my two thorns are: Fear of Rejection (from men) and Need for Confirmation (from men). To acknowledge those 2 thorns, to name them, created an immediate sense of awareness of how much I have led my relationships (mainly romantic, but also with the various father-figures in my life)by those two thorns and how I dislike how this makes me feel.

    The reappearance of certain men in my life helped me to surrender to the feelings of fear and need, forgive myself them and then let them go. It helped me to step back from those feelings, observe myself and review my interactions in the past. Now, I was given the opportunity to accept and surrender and deal with rejection in a much more graceful and dignified manner. I did not let sadness rule me, I did not resist and I know that in the future, I will also no longer let passion rule me.

    The LAO manifestation from this: I really really REALLY did not want to have these shitty anxious, needy feelings in a relationship anymore. And I manifested an answer by allowing in a) a book I would not have picked up myself, b) surrendering to the situation and c) observing my feelings and thoughts.

    So, the two men in your case, Jeannette, it’s not about the things they are offering you, it could just be an opportunity for you to observe your reactions to men, to passion, to your role in the working world.

    Hope this gives some new perspective. I did not read all comments, so if I’m rehashing something someone else has said, my apologies :))

    XXX

  35. Anonymous says:

    I see resistance is a big issue here.
    My take on it is that resistance is a wish in itself, although a unconcious one.
    So, my way to overcome resistance -that is, when it is really persistent- is to ask myself, what wish may be at stake, that is opposing my concious wish?
    Once the wish behind resistance becomes concious to me, I may or may not have to decide, which one to honor. But, in any way, the unconcious wish stops acting -and specially feeling- as resistance.
    Greetings to all!…

  36. Master Manifester says:

    Jeannette, My take on all the things that come my way as opportunities is that it is the universe offering me the buffet and I can choose what to say yes to. I do not need to say yes to a job I do not want or a booty call that does not honor me. I can however say yes to the fact that the universe is offering me all kinds of opportunities. The surrender part is in not feeling negative emotion or attachment and getting upset that the universe offers these things I am NOT interested in. I can say ‘yes’ to the variety of opportunities coming my way and YES to having choices and then still follow my highest JOY. I am also aware that by not pushing against the universe sending me things I DO NOT want, but simply focusing on what I do want, the opportunities I feel resistance towards will appear less often and eventually be a thing of the past. Some much faster than others depending on what I am vibrating.

    These days when I am offered something I do not want. I celebrate it as an opportunity to clean up my energy and what I am vibing. If it came my way, I attracted it. It is a surrending to myself and to being imperfect. So now I celebrate these NOT WANTED opportunities. Allowing all kinds of opportunities to come in and trusting that I am headed in the right direction and being guided every hour. Deliberately choosing from the wealth of opportunities the ones that provide a YES in my being. Having practiced this for a while now, I am celebrating how the kinds of opportunities that come is changing to more of what makes me say YES and much less of what would make me say NO. In part this is because I stay more and more in alignment of allowing what comes without judging it or getting upset that I attracted something “unwanted.” I can embrace an opportunity and say YES to how it came my way without engaging in the activity. Like Abraham will say that life is like a buffet and you would not want to eat everything at the buffet. But are you going to get upset that there are all kinds of olives offered when you, like me, do not like olives at all? Instead, I can look at the olives and smile thinking, “how nice that there are olives and some people will really like those and I get to choose to eat something else.”

  37. Kimberly says:

    I seem to come across a blog post just as I need to take in the message. I’m going to have to read this one over and over again to soak it all in. In order to surrender the events that are knocking me out of alignment is to (1) embrace what’s going on and (2) let it go with the reminder that I’m being prepared for something amazing in the future.

    What I struggle with is when my depression has taken me out of alignment. I have to remember to recognize what’s happening and let it go, but it’s more challenging, because my instinct is to do something; to try and force manifestation to gain relief.

  38. Harshal says:

    Omg! Is she the same Ruby who lived in Mumbai & coached me? I thought she ran away. She has blocked/unfriended me on Facebook. She forced me to act against my desires, to stay in corporate jobs even when I wanted to freelance. (This is not a complaint. My source / higher self wrote this. Point being, heads or tails, we win! Eg. If you want to travel from north pole to south pole, you can travel by any longitude, take any path & still you reach the same destination, just the journey on each path being different experience that’s it..)

  39. Priya says:

    I wonder if the booty call and corp job invite are just the last throes of your old vibe momentum playing itself out.

    Maybe they are the last throes because you felt the most strongly about (against) them.

    And maybe surrendering is letting the manifestation of those throes play themselves out (while still saying NO to them) and continuing on focusing on your current vibes.

    The whole concept is very intriguing that’s for sure…

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