Saturday night my sweetie* came home from the first day of a weekend golf tournament feeling anxious.

Not because his game sucked that day, but because it was just the opposite.

He played well enough to be in the hunt for the win, and thus knew it was shaping up to play out like every other high pressure tournament of his where:

He does great in the beginning; and the better he does, the more he chokes.

Case in point is last month’s spring tournament, where he handed over a two stroke lead due to his complete and pure choking the last two holes of the game.

For those international readers not familiar with this slang term, choking is defined as: “to become too tense or nervous to perform well.”

The term may have originated from when women accused as witches were forced to swallow a communion wafer as a test.  To choke on the wafer (which, considering the stakes, wouldn’t be surprising) was to fail the test.

Here’s an entertaining list of famous chokes which I don’t recommend reading.

Anyway, Russ recounted several recent stories of his typical “fade out.”  In unconscious rehearsal for another one.

He said his golf god and mentor, Rick G., told him he needed to get his head straight if he expected to take home the titles he was capable of winning.

I agreed!

And even knowing he treats my suggestions as a joke (I can still hear him laughing about “making friends with the tree” and rolling his eyes at the “I am a good putter!” mantra I advised) – despite that, I wasn’t deterred in sharing my tip for bringing home this win.

Since it was the pressure of being so close to winning that was messing up his game, I asked when he played his best golf.

He thought for a second and quickly responded, “At work.”

(Yes, he gets to play golf at work.  Rough life, I know.)

They have a work league  and the other day someone introduced him as “the best golfer in our league.”

Which is probably accurate, much because playing with these guys doesn’t matter all that much.  There are no sought after titles or shiny trophies or big pots at stake.  But there is some fun competition for bragging rights.  No big deal.

So I suggested he pretend he’s just golfing for work, while he was playing the second day at this tournament.

“When you feel pressure creeping in just say to yourself, ‘It’s just another day at work.  No one cares.  It’s just the work league.’”

He was polite enough not to roll his eyes.

To bring the point home, I told him my stories about:

• when I have a big audience on a call I pretend it’s a small one to not get freaked out.
• I shared about how when one of the animals is at the vet getting a serious test and I’m anxious about the results, I pretend the vet’s already called saying, “Everything’s fine.”
• and how when I’m on a date with a totally hot guy I pretend it’s already a given that he wants to see me again.  (Okay, I didn’t tell him about that one, but I thought it.)

It makes a difference in the vibe to play this pretending game.  Even though it’s totally made up.

So without making too much fun of me off he went to play day two, positioned in fifth place after first day standings.

It would require some good golf to pull off that win.

Which is exactly what he did!

He came home with a lovely trophy and a big smile, shooting a 69 to win three strokes ahead of the runner up.

He talked about how on the fourth hole where he duck-hooked it the first day to miss the green by 20 yards – this time he “stuck it three feet.”  From bogey on Saturday to birdie on Sunday.  (Whatever all that means.  All I understood was that it was a nice comeback.)

I asked what made the difference.

He said he slowed his game down and repeated to himself over and over when he started feeling tense, “work league, work league, work league.”  He laughed as he told me about it.

I was incredulous.  My sweetie?!  Listened and applied?!  Woo Hoo!!

That’s the true miracle here in this story - don’t give up on our stubborn sweeties. 

But the real reason I share this story – besides that Nancy suggested it would make a good blog post after she read about it at GVU – is to point out how simple it can be to turn things around.

In the words of my sweetie (from an email to his son):

I had a completely different mindset on Sunday and tried to relax and think of it as just another work match, where I am considered the best player in the league.  It worked – credit goes to Jeannette who gave me the idea on the new thought process.  I also slowed everything and tried to be more patient.

Ahhhh.

My work here is done. 

And it’s also where Nancy and Laura’s work begins.

Starting Monday June 14th these two amazing LOA coaches are spending six full weeks at Good Vibe University leading Shift Happens: Consciously Creating New Thought Patterns.

They’re drawing on work by Max Maltz and Dan Kennedy to cover:

• How your self-image dictates what you attract into your life
• De-hypnotizing yourself from beliefs that hold you back
• Why willpower fails and how to use relaxation to succeed
• How to give your subconscious mind instructions to overcome obstacles to your desires
• Awakening the automatic success mechanism within you
• The role of imagination in manifesting success
• How to acquire the habit of happiness
• and how to avoid accidentally activating your automatic failure mechanism

The 6 week Shift Happens: Consciously Creating New Thought Patterns class with Laura Gevanter and Nancy Barry-Jansson includes  access to live weekly Skype calls, recordings, class materials and a private forum for $199.

Unless you’re an annual member of Good Vibe U, in which case you get in free.  How’s that for membership having its benefits?!

But they do have limited seats for this (23 to be exact), so if you’re interested visit Nancy’s page for details on joining.

* – and for those who are scratching their head in confusion because you thought I was boyfriend-less after the breakup in March, you’re right.  Russ is my most recent ex-boyfriend with whom I am having more fun than ever, after committing to a breakup in the vortex.  It really does just get better and better.

Anyway, I’ll see 22 of you at GVU next Monday for Nancy and Laura’s launch of Shift Happens!

Related posts:

1. Feel It First, Then It Happens
2. Power of Not Knowing How
3. It’s Just Bad Luck

For example, that microwaved food is not healthy.  And that deep breathing is.  That sleeping with the tv on is not a good habit, and that giving to charity is.

I mean, there are some things we can always count on, right?  Those things are the “givens” in our world.  It’s what we KNOW.

Sometimes, though, what we KNOW doesn’t serve us.  And when that’s the case, it’s important to remember that nothing’s set in stone.

Lately, it seems, there’s been a lot of evidence that reminds me to question what I “know.”

Including Garrett Gunderson’s Killing Sacred Cows, where he says many things we financial planners were taught as rock solid truths actually don’t serve the average investor. 

Gunderson’s argument was so convincing that I started rethinking investment principles I’ve assumed true for decades.  (Including that regular savings, added up over time, benefiting from the power of compound interest growth, is a super solid investment strategy.

Maybe, maybe not.

My world was turned even more upside down after reading an article outlining several important medical benefits from indoor tanning.  (Health benefits from tanning beds?!  I gotta say I like it!)

Late last year I heard a very credible doctor tell me the best way to lose weight was to get more sleep.  (Which fit perfectly with the “I lose weight while I sleep” mantra I’d just created.) 

Fellow coach Zoe Routh recently introduced me to a resource designed to improve health by correcting the “over oxygenation” most people experience. 

There’s such a thing as too much deep breathing??   

Is nothing sacred?

Apparently not.  Last year I was talking to a highly esteemed scientist (his title too complex to remember right), and he said that there is no real evidence that microwaves are  bad for us.  I’d chalk him up to crazy, if I hadn’t recently heard that 31,000 scientists have signed their name to a petition denying global warming.

What about eating salads, right?  We all know leafy greens are good for us – the more the better!  “A salad a day” was what I was taught to strive for. 

And yet, at the Chopra Center’s “Perfect Health” week retreat, I learned through ayurvedic study of my imbalanced doshas that I needed to stop eating salads and instead eat heavier foods (like sour cream, guacamole, mm!). 

What else do we know for sure?  That terrorists attacked the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001?  Don’t be so sure.

Kim Falconer’s explanation of reality served to scramble even more ideas about what’s real and what’s not.  (Thanks for a scientific perspective I can understand, Kim!)

I don’t share these various examples to suggest we stop saving or recycling or exercising or breathing deeply, but rather to just to remind us to question what “realities” we’d change if we could.

Because, indeed, we can.

Related posts:

1. Q&A: How to Live Real Life While Manifesting the Dream?
2. Making It Real
3. Gotta Love It to Lose It