While Sadie and I had a great time hiking the Hidden Valley trail on Saturday, Russ shot a dismal 82 the first day of the tournament. 

(He usually shoots in the 70s.  For those of you like me who don’t know much about golf, high scores are not good.)

At dinner that night while recounting disappointing stories of triple bogies and shanks and O.B. shots, Russ summed up his problem by saying his confidence was shot.  He’s nervous at the tee and his hands even shake a little.

Not hard to imagine how that mindset affects his game.

I asked what he was going to do about it.  He said he had to get his confidence back. 

I agreed wholeheartedly, and asked how he would do it. 

He said he’d have to start playing better in order to feel more confidence.

That’s where I couldn’t disagree more.

That’s the typical trap many of us fall in, right?  “I’ll feel better when …. ”

We think the external circumstances will change our internal feelingscape. 

And that’s just not how it works best.

It works way better when he finds his confidence first, which puts him in a much better vibration for an improved game.

But he doesn’t think that way.  I didn’t point out the rut he creates for himself by saying that playing poorly shoots his confidence, and that without confidence he can’t play better.  Sounds like a no win situation to me!

Like many folks out there, he doesn’t know how to feel differently now before there’s any real “reason” to feel differently.  He really thinks his game has to get better first, and then he’ll feel more confidence.

Those of us tapped into the law of attraction do it differently, don’t we? 

But he’s not a client and he doesn’t read this blog and he doesn’t even invite my input, so he doesn’t get the benefit of my immense wisdom.  <hee hee>

What I did suggest, though, was that since he played so crappy the first day, the second day would go much better.

We’ve all experienced that, right?  When the pressure’s off, things (often) get better. 

Now that he’d lost all hopes of being a contender, he could play for fun.  He wouldn’t have to worry about making good shots, because he didn’t have to any more.  After all, he was already trailing the field.  Nothing to do now but enjoy the day.

He smiled patronizingly when I said that.  (When is he ever gonna learn not to doubt me??  lol)

At the end of the second day (after Sadie and I hiked the stunningly beautiful Bill’s Canyon – here’s a picture of it!), we drove to the course to pick up what turned out to be a particularly zippy boyfriend.

Turns out he played much better the second day.  Apparently he plays quite a bit differently when “all is lost” than when he’s trying to win.  He took aggressive risks he wouldn’t normally take (because after all, there was nothing to lose), which paid off.  And he didn’t think about his shots too much because nothing was at stake.

He shot a lovely 76.  Which put him in the money.

Now he’s excited about his game again, and has a couple ideas for how he might improve even more for the rest of the season.

This goofy guy – living so reactively!  lol  Gotta love ‘em, huh?

Sidenote: I didn’t understand how an 82 on Saturday and a 76 on Sunday could put him in contention, when 73 was leading the show the first day out.  But he said everyone always shoots higher on Sunday. 

Huh.  “Why is that,” I asked?

“Because the pressure’s on,” he said.  Everyone’s more nervous after they’ve done well the first day, and they don’t want to lose their lead.

How interesting is that??

So what can we glean from my sweetie’s experience?

Here’s what I learned:

• There isn’t just one way to our happy ending.

My sweetie could have chosen new thoughts that would have amped up his confidence to improve his game the second day.  But instead he ”gave up” hopes of winning which actually furthered his (lost) cause tremendously.

• Golfers, just like the rest of us, would benefit from learning how to manage energy!

If they really to tend to shoot higher scores on the second day of tournaments because of the pressure, learning to manage pressure would serve them well.  That goes for all of us: if we care about our performance – whether it’s in sports or business or love – if the results matter, we would do well to mind the vibration.

• Finally, I was reminded that I’m a master manifester even in the presence of supreme skepticism. 

Russ believed there was no way I would find a vacancy in a nice hotel that allowed dogs the day before we drove down.  Wrong!  Gorgeous clearn room easily found.  (Who does he think I am, anyway?!)

He believed traveling with Sadie would be a huge hassle.  Wrong again – she was a dream come true travel companion!

Even when I was my own skeptic (and I thought our hike was ruined because of downpouring rain), I remembered my creative power.  I set an intention for an amazing hike and the second we stepped out of the car, the rain stopped.  We didn’t get hit with one drop.  The trail was empty since everyone else was away due to weather, so we had the whole place to ourselves!  

When I caught myself with thoughts of “the room’s probably not ready yet” (since check-in wasn’t till 3), I remembered my master manifesting self and turned that around, too.  We got a lovely upgrade that was available immediately.  Then on the second day’s hike I intended Sadie be much better with meeting new dogs than she usually is, since this trail would be packed with them.  It was and she was. 

Sheesh, it’s enough to (almost) make me want to take up golf!

But the whole reason I posted this was to pick your brains for thoughts (or actions) you use to build your confidence when you’re not feeling it. 

What do you do to feel it first, in order to make it happen?  Would love to hear from you!

• At the manifesting seminar last month, Koelle talked about how bizarre it is to horses (and animals in general) when we humans try to manhandle our feelings by pretending not to feel something we are.  (Which is exhausting to practice over time; it takes a lot of energy to try to squash feelings.) 
• In a book I picked up at the airport (Change Your Brain, Change Your Life), author Dr. Amen mentions the importance of letting yourself acknowledge and feel what you’re really feeling in order to overcome anxiety and depression. 
• In The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process, author Dr. Berceli also stresses how crucial it is we let ourselves feel what we feel, otherwise the body ends up paying the price for it and we never experience mental peace.
• Some of my favorite work is renowned life coach Tom Stone’s “feel your feelings” advice, which I recently posted to my Perfect Clients group forum. 
• One of our blog community members touched on this subject in their comment; which a few of you inquired about.

So it seems appropriate to devote a blog post to this topic …

Why do we need to be reminded to feel our feelings?  A couple of reasons:

1. most of us don’t realize how important it is.
2. especially law of attraction savvy people sometimes get nervous when they’re flowing something “negative.” 
3. and most of us have been socially conditioned throughout life to avoid expressing certain feelings (we judge certain feelings as not cool).

Which just gets us in trouble.

After all, we’re human – we’re gonna have a variety of feelings.  That’s part of the POINT of being human, isn’t it?!  We get to experience the whole amazing range!

So when that happens, and a feeling comes up that we deem as not worthy or wrong in some way, we then enter denial and create resistance. 

(In fact, Martha Beck said that when you feel a strong feeling come up, if you just let yourself feel it, it’ll take roughly 90 seconds or so to come and go.  But if we deny it, we can get stuck in it for decades.)

From a law of attraction perspective, when I’m irritated but I try not to be -either because it’s not a reaction others appreciate, or because I don’t want to acknowledge that I am capable of the lower vibrations, or whatever reason I might have for disavowing this feeling – when I try not to feel something I’m feeling, I just get even more enmired in it. 

Which means the feeling of irritation lasts longer; the vibration gets stronger (because like attracts like and thus more things begin to irritate me), and I’m off my best game.

When I get irritated, and I let myself feel it, it passes.  Sooner rather than later. 

When we feel what we feel we don’t get stuck in the feelings we don’t want to dwell in. 

It’s actually the exact opposite of what you might expect, right?  Some LOA savvy folks are nervous that if we acknowledge the “negative” feeling then we attract results that match.  But the truth is we attract those things when we get enmired in the feeling by denying it over time.

From the Shrinking It post earlier this month Wakati says:

Funny thing happened to me last night. I admitted to my boyfriend that I was afraid about our finances. The instant I said it, the charge went away, the bubble deflated, and I was fine with all of it. All of a sudden, I really believed what I had been affirming, that all is well, that there really is abundant supply.

Since that worked so well, I decided to spend some time today working writing down all the things that I’m afraid of … Pure relief. I’d been fighting so much. I feel like the gates opened.

This gives you a sense of what’s possible when we acknowledge what we’re feeling, right?  Freedom, relief, possibility.

So my invitation to you is to become more accepting of whatever feelings come up for you throughout daily life: the good, the bad and the ugly.  When you release the judgment you may have held for certain feelings, or free yourself from caring about what others’  may think about you for feeling it, and simply let yourself feel whatever comes up, my prediction is you’re going to find a much more enjoyable ride.

For those of you who already practice this, I’d love to hear about your experiences!  And for those who may not be sold that this is the way to go, let’s hear what you’re thinking.  This is an important subject!

Well, I suspect my clients do. (They’ve heard it from me.)

The fact is I’m still getting some juice from anger right now in this red hot moment, and I’m hanging out here as long as it feels good and certainly long enough to fuel incentive for positive change. If it didn’t bother me this much, I might not notice it and I might not change it. (“It” being my relationship.) So this anger is a good thing. It’s got my attention!

I refuse to feel bad about this anger, and I’m not letting anyone talk me out of it, because this feels better right here, right now.

In fact, it makes me wonder – what feels good about anger? For some reason, this anger does feel better. As I wonder why, and I look up my trusty emotional scale on page 297 of “Ask & It Is Given,” I see that anger might be feeling fabulous right now because I’ve moved out of unconscious guilt and unworthiness. Mm hmm. No wonder I like it here!

Here’s Abraham’s emotional scale for reference:

1. Joy/Appreciation/Love
2. Passion
3. Enthusiasm/Happiness
4. Positive Expectation
5. Optimism
6. Hopefulness
7. Contentment
8. Boredom
9. Pessimism
10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
11. Overwhelment
12. Disappointment
13. Doubt
14. Worry
15. Blame
16. Discouragement
17. Anger
18. Revenge
19. Hatred/Rage
20. Jealousy
21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22. Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair

Man, me?! Guilt or unworthiness?! I’ve done so much self-love work, how is that even possible?!

But, it’s not a huge stretch if you saw the circumstances that brought me to anger.

I see now I’ve denied what’s important to me. Plain and simple. (I didn’t see it until Anger got my attention and inspired me to look.) I’ve tried to live what’s important to others (likely inspired by remnants of unworthiness), and I of all people know the trap door it is to follow someone else’s “feel good.”

Specifically, I committed to a weekend full of activities with my boyfriend that have kept me from giving my dogs, my health, my house, and certainly my work the attention I’d like them/me/it to have. Because everyone knows that in order to be in a good relationship, you must have some give and take. (What the hell ever.) That when it’s your anniversary weekend, you don’t say “I’m working” or “Maybe next time.” You say “Yes. I’d love to.”

The problem is my “yes” – as much sense as it makes in the relationship world – was a betrayal of what I really wanted. Look, I need some exercise. You got yours while you walked the golf course today, but I sat at the computer meeting an article deadline, and no, I’m still not done working. But that’s not what I said. I said, “Sure, let’s go.” To a party that I could invest two hours in, not five. And on our anniversary night, frankly, I’d rather have done something more our style – maybe just the two of us.

I also see that I visited with revenge earlier tonight when I left him sitting at his friends’ party for over an hour while I went for a walk in the neighborhood chatting with a girlfriend on his cell phone, which felt much better than hanging out with a bunch of drinkers. (No offense, guys. Just not my gig.) He thinks it’s okay to keep me from getting back home for dogs’ potty breaks and finishing the article? Oh yeah?? We’ll see how cool it is.

I mean, those words didn’t actually cross my mind, but that feeling sure did. I see how I went tripping right on through revenge earlier tonight on my way to this beautiful anger.

Anyway, I’m pissed off for right now and I’m staying here until I decide to go somewhere else. And no coach, or ex-boyfriend, or girlfriend, and certainly no boyfriend is going to talk me out of it. Anger is what feels good, I hear my “feel good” loud and clear, and I am more committed than ever to following it.

Now, I fully expect I will wake up with a completely different attitude (I might even set an intention, or not). But for right now, this is where I am, and it is okay. (Lorenzo, I still love you for that.)

This anger is serving me.

And it’s given me clarity that I’m upset because I haven’t honored what’s important to me. I haven’t fully followed my feel good. No wonder I’m so mad!! It isn’t anyone’s fault but my own and I get that.

Thank God, I get it.

I know this post is long enough already, but it seems helpful to note that I recognize a theme here from the email/computer challenge I recently experienced: disrespect. As this vibration of disrespect seems to come up here and there, it makes me realize that if the world is showing me disrespect, then it’s worth looking within to see how I’m disrespecting myself.

And it’s right there plain as day for me when I look for it: I haven’t respected what’s important to me. Hello!

Thank you beautiful world for showing me where I’ve got room to clean up my vibration.

PS – in the time it took me to edit this post, I’ve already moved out of anger and am feeling something more like peace and relief. So even though it’s already old news, I’m still posting this, because if this isn’t real world manifesting, I don’t know what is. And I am committed to showing how law of attraction works in the real world! This is my real world, and I know it’s not 100% beautiful and peaceful and lovely, but … it still works for me. : )

PPS – sweetie, if you’re reading this – happy anniversary!

PPPS – sorry for the swear words, everyone. (Keepin’ it real.)