You’ve noticed it, too, I’m sure.  How the things you don’t care about too much come together easier than the “big deal” desires of life.

It’s why the email from an old friend pops in the day after randomly thinking about them, but the phone hasn’t rung in weeks after interviewing for the dream job.

It’s why we can manifest a free lunch in the blink of an eye, but dropping the extra weight seems next to impossible.

People ask me regularly why the stuff they don’t care about happens so quick, while the things that really matter take forever.

* It’s the difference in the energy. *

When we make it a big deal, it might seem like that would light a fire under Universe to deliver it faster.

That approach might have worked with mom when we were little (which is probably why we default to it), but Universe doesn’t work that way.

That’s because when something really matters to us – when it’s a really big deal in our life, it’s common to have a “charge” on it that isn’t conducive to true vibrational alignment.

Feel it out for yourself … when something is really important it’s not unusual to feel a slight tension or anxiety, right?  It’s a stress signal that tells Universe all is not well here, that we’re on a little bit of edge.  Which is why it can’t deliver the goods since we’re not lined up for good news.  Rather, we’re lined up for tension, anxiety, more stress.

How do we get past that in order to let the “big” stuff manifest just as quickly and effortlessly as the “little” stuff?

The answer is to find a way to feel easier about it.  To lighten up.  To relax a little.  To treat it like the big deal it ISN’T.

Dropping the “charge” doesn’t mean giving up on the desire; it just means don’t make it a ‘life or death’ matter.

Because if your happiness or satisfaction is conditional on this result, you’re signaling Universe for a delay.  You’ve got to get happy/relaxed/peaceful/fulfilled first, then it can send in the goods.

I chill out a big deal desire in a couple of different ways:

by appreciating what’s already going right, and reflecting on all the things I already enjoy about my life.  That helps me release the “need” for this next thing to manifest.  Life is already REALLY good!  This will be icing on the cake, but I don’t have to have it in order to feel satisfied.

Sometimes I just remember that Universe might have an even better plan than I did, so while this thing might seem like a fabulous next step in life, I’m open that there could be something even better.  Thus, I don’t feel as attached to my idea.

Another way to replicate that aligned energy is to practice thinking of the big desire like it’s a small one.  I remember how I felt about something that happened really easily which helps me conjure up that “no big deal” feeling, and then practice feeling that way about this desire.

Sometimes I just remind myself that everything is easy to Universe.  There’s no difference between a huge pile of money and a good song on the radio.  A healthy body is just as easy as a smile from a stranger.  We’re the ones making some things harder than others.  And we can change that.

When we stop making things a big deal, when we remember that it’s all the same and that we don’t need anything to be happy anyway, we become much more powerful manifesters.

There is a way to make something a big deal that doesn’t kink the vibe.  That’s when we have strong belief or expectation and little attachment.  So it’s not that we have to never have another big dream again – it’s just a matter of making sure the energy is lined up.

Even if it isn’t the desire that we make such a big deal, some of us put pressure on ourselves to prove our deliberate creation skills. And that’s more energy that can kink the alignment, so let’s not do that, either.  <wink>

I’d love to hear how you let go of “big deal” anxiety to create stronger alignment to your desire, as well as examples of how something manifested after you stopped caring so much about it …

Harder than doing something, it turns out.

At least for me.

When coach Lisa Hayes prescribed three days of doing nothing other than just being with myself, I thought that wouldn’t be too far off from how I already did life.

Cinchy.

Until I had to say goodbye to everyone on facebook.  And couldn’t read or post at GVU.  Or write or respond here.  Or check emails.

Holy hannah, that’s unplugged!

I also ignored the phone and doorbell (except when Michele Woodward called – I mean, come on, I’m not Superwoman), and the only appointment I made was for a full body massage, which seemed appropriate for the self-connection intention.

But the other hurdles were managing strong inclinations to clean, organize, read, watch tv, exercise, garden, play with the dogs, brush the cats, … anything but sit quietly with myself.

Apparently I’m more outwardly focused than I realized.

Which I wouldn’t have guessed.  I mean, I’m the one who makes fun of my boyfriend for habits of always plugging into to something in order to avoid the “quiet.”  He doesn’t drive in the car without music, he prefers a tv on in the background, he doesn’t know how to slow his own brain to get to sleep at night and flat out refuses to try meditating.

In my opinion, my sweetie is a bit of a wreck on that point – but I’m good at this.  I can spend hours on end just by myself, doing nothing.

Or so I thought.

Doing nothing isn’t as easy as it sounds.

Doing nothing is not a vacation.  It’s not goofing off.  It’s not “following your feel good.”  bsscorpio8 says that “although ‘doing nothing’ may sound simple,it actually requires discipline” for activity-obsessed Americans.

But Americans aren’t holding the market on this goal oriented living.  Sid at Flow Psychology observes that many cultures consider doing nothing to be lazy and irresponsible.

So why is it worth practicing?

Personally, I wanted to be as good at being with Me as I am at being with others.  I wanted to master the art of presence.  I wanted to better embrace the truth of myself.

(Plus my coach told me to.)

But the benefits of doing nothing are widespread, including (click the links for great articles):

• making room for something new
• improving your health
• sparking your creativity
• supercharging your manifesting
• creating peace of mind and raise healthier, independent children
• increasing productivity (Alex says: “The less you do, the more you want to do.”  Paradoxical, but true, I found.)
• relieving stress
• allowing for reflection

(Regarding the importance of reflection and creativity, on a recent episode of Project Runway a designer complained that even while she knew she was going down the wrong path with a particular dress she was working on, because of the time constraints of the challenge she never “came up for air” to realize it, and to reassess and redirect.  That’s one thing when you’re screwing up your dress on reality tv; it’s another when you’re doing it to your life.)

More arguments for practicing nothing: Dr. Adizes believes doing nothing is the prerequisite for change.  Joann Davis writes that “Our souls need time to think, dream, and reflect. We benefit from doing nothing, from going out to play, from giving from the heart and spending time in nature.”

Doing nothing for three days also helped me truly know what I missed (writing, creating) and what I didn’t (obsessive facebook checkins, jumping from one activity to another).

I think doing nothing works best when you do nothing without an agenda – otherwise you’re actually probably doing something after all.  But regardless of how or why you play with it, I highly recommend you do, because there’s something very powerful about getting quiet, getting to know yourself, and making some extra room in your mind and your life.

I’ll close with a quote from the very wise Pooh:

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”

I have been a life-long tryer. Whenever I wanted something, I would really go for it, chase after it, make it happen, and generally put forth several million watts of energy. I’m not sure there’s an English language word for what I do, so I’ve coined the word, “over-efforting.” Over-efforting could be defined as:

Trying really, really, really hard to make something happen by using way more energy (both mentally and physically) than is necessary while also putting huge amounts of pressure on one’s self to do whatever it is “right,” perfectly, or really extremely above averagely.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered the law of attraction. What? Here is this natural law in place that brings things to me? I don’t have to chase after them? I can just sit back, align my energy into a place of peace, and they show up?

Seriously?

At first, I tried to apply my usual over-efforting approach to the law of attraction. That was a little counterproductive, to say the least. Trying and being peaceful don’t exactly co-exist. It was kind of like using a flame-thrower to lightly toast a slice of bread. A wee bit of overkill.  On the very rare occasion, I have a tendency to do that. (Insert husband rolling his eyes, here.)

In case you’re thinking of trying the over-efforting law of attraction approach, let me assure you right now that it is a giant waste of time.

I quickly saw that I’d need a whole different approach to manifesting. This coincided with me realizing I’d need a whole different approach to life. I was experiencing a level of fatigue akin to what one might feel after swimming across the English Channel, twice. I imagine, anyway.

My over-efforting was taking its toll. You wouldn’t think mental over-efforting would be so exhausting, but it truly is. I was trying to think, analyze, and intellectually figure out everything in my life. It was awful.

It was time to start letting my inner wisdom take the lead.

I began to practice trusting my intuition, gut feelings, and instincts. From this was born a completely new way of being. Instead of forcing my mind to work hard, try, and think, think, think, I started the radical practice of lying down and doing nothing.

I started doing nothing first thing every morning. Sometimes I did nothing by lying on the floor and breathing. Other times I did nothing by walking or doing yoga. My only nothing requirement was that it involve a deep awareness of my body, because the body is the conduit for inner wisdom.

For a perfectionist and over-efforter, doing nothing was a really unusual experience. Luckily I was so tired that doing nothing was kind of all I could do. Thus, I stuck with it.

It didn’t take long before interesting things started to happen. Stuff started showing up in my life. As in, things I’d been trying to manifest. In fact, in my state of “who cares” exhaustion, I was pretty much ignoring everything, and pretty much everything was flourishing. (Except, I will admit, my houseplants. I think those need actual water.)

Maybe it was just the visceral learning that happened from this experience, but I started to really catch on. The more I un-tried, the better things worked. It felt a bit like falling backwards on a giant trampoline, arms and legs totally relaxed, and finding it not only supported me, but bounced me delightfully upward.

I used this image (falling back on the trampoline) in my mind anytime I wanted to manifest something. I would fall back into nothing, and ignore whatever I was hoping to manifest. Then, when ideas and inspiration came out of the nothing-ness, I took physical action on them.

This is the interesting twist to slacker manifesting: it’s actually mental slacking more than it is physical slacking. If I want to, say, write a blockbuster blog post or informative ebook, it starts with doing nothing. Then I ignore the project.  Eventually, a slew of ideas flows in, which I write down. I keep up this cycle until one of the ideas is to start actually writing. I physically sit down and write, but everything I need is already there, mentally speaking.  I move my fingers, but my mind is doing nothing. It’s the easiest thing in the world.

I use this approach with everything (albeit not perfectly, mind you! Sometimes I forget and start over-efforting).

• Do nothing.
• Ignore it.
• Listen for ideas.
• Take action on the ideas.

It’s the recipe for instant manifestation. I have learned not to put one ounce of mental or physical effort into anything until I have done nothing, ignored it, and listened for ideas. Yes, this is the exact opposite of everything we learned in school.

Recently, I’ve really gotten the hang of this. It’s the who-cares, whatever school of manifesting. It’s strangely relaxed. I’m always quite delighted when I do manifest things, but I’m also oddly detached. I feel like a partner with the universe, which always delivers amazing and completely unexpected treats with each new manifestation. For example, I slacker manifested around a group coaching exercise I was leading a few weeks ago. I wanted it to be really fun and useful, so I applied the slacker techniques. Did nothing. Ignored it. Listened.

On the day of the group exercise, I took action on all of the ideas that had surfaced. I felt pleasantly calm. I trusted that the ideas would lead somewhere great. My mind did absolutely nothing. In the end, several people went away weeping, laughing, and utterly transformed from this experience. I could not have figured out, planned, or orchestrated anything that happened during that group coaching exercise. I was just the listener and the doer of what the brilliant universe concocted. I was blown away, too, and I was the facilitator.

I have this experience pretty much daily – sometimes in small ways, other times in big ways. I am happily manifesting all kinds of fantastic things both in my personal and business life. I’m having so much relaxed fun with this that I plan to continue slacking into the indefinite future.

You can find Abigail doing nothing, ignoring things, and listening for ideas regularly at www. thehealthylifecoach.com.

She is currently ignoring a new website design and giant new audio product about the mind-body connection, due out … well, whenever the universe says so.

… and that allowing is the best way to let in good stuff,

… that we still get anxious at the thought of giving up “hard work” and struggle in favor of doing what feels good?

I continue to be amazed at how many clients request coaching for getting over anxiety at releasing what doesn’t feel good.  Shouldn’t this be easier?

Are we that strongly programmed for struggle?

I can’t say I’m not familiar with that routine, though …

Years ago in corporate world I hated not just my job but my entire life.  Rather than stop doing what I didn’t like I drove myself to a mini-meltdown in the backyard.

That’s what it took for me to let go of what wasn’t working - a mental collapse.

Only then did I honor what my heart and soul screamed for: an end to the work I hated, an end to pretending everything was okay, an end to trying to keep it all together.  I let it all go in one feel swoop as I retreated to the bedroom for good.

When I tell this story, I credit a short scripting session (where you talk about what you want as if it’s already happened) as the trigger for a turnaround, but I underemphasize the importance of doing nothing in bed for four days to allow a transformation.

Giving it all up like sounds extreme, doesn’t it?  It seemed so to me, anyway. 

But relaxing and letting go of resistance doesn’t have to be that dramatic.

If you want to baby step your way there, you can begin by just taking a deeper breath right now.  

Already there’s less resistance.  That’s how easy it is.

You can also loosen your shoulders right now, too.  Soften your eyes.  Unfurrow your brow.  Maybe roll your head gently to relax a stiff neck. 

The body is a great tool to kickstart the releasing of resistance.  (Thank you, Abigail.)

Then perhaps you can let this tension-releasing process start to spill into other areas of life, little by little.

• Maybe by relaxing boundaries.  (So you’re a few minutes late for your lunch date?  It’s be better than showing up stressed and on time.)
• Or maybe it’s to strengthen a boundary with a delicious “no thanks” where a reluctant yes would ordinarily prevail.
• Perhaps it’s to reconsider an old habit.  (So what if all the dirty clothes aren’t in the basket before bed?)

Whatever you’re wound up about, consider loosening up a bit.  Notice what that extra room does for you physically and emotionally.

Contrary to popular opinion, I predict your world will not come crashing to a stupendous halt when you give up the struggle of hard work and that rather the opposite will unfold:

you’ll recognize it not only feels fabulous to release the resistance but also realize how nicely it opens doors for cool things to manifest.

Spouses get sweeter, traffic gets smoother, cashiers are friendlier, great deals pop up, good news is announced, lost items reappear, new job offers come in, surprise money appears, and more smile-inducing things unfold.

So if you find the thought of only doing what feels good too impossible to embrace, start small.  A deep breath, relaxing the body, and very soon the Universe will meet you in the sweet spot you’re headed.

I’m giving up the fight today.  On lots of things:

• I’m giving up my prejudice against processed food.  (Why did I carry that so long?  I know better!) 
• I’m giving up trying to contain this feral foster mom.  (Sweetie, you wanna go – you can go.)
• I’m giving up thinking I know how air travel purchase is supposed to work.  (What do you mean my browser timed out?!  Who do I gotta be – Speedy Gonzalez to get this thing done before you unplug me?!
• I’m giving up telling my body what I think is best.  (I was thinking sleep would be better, but she says awake is the way to go.)

Okay, I get it.

While I’m at it, I’m also gonna give up thinking I know how Russ should deal with his youngest son.  And maybe my attachment to this sweet foster dog, Sydney. 

And giving up being upset about damage to carpets and broken dishwasher doors and screwed up internet service.

Whoa nellie – things are starting to feel better already!

I’m giving up the fight!  Yay!!

Feral mom, Humane Society is waiting for you and they (unlike me) believe you are adoptable.  I’ll take good care of your babies.

Dishwasher repair guy – take your time.  It all works out perfectly.

Crackers and cheese for lunch – I’m gonna eat it either way, why not LOVE IT?!

Body says move now, I get it.  We’ll move.  She says chocolate soy milk – hey, who am I to argue?!  She’s officially running the show from now on.  Can’t wait to see what happens!  (Oh my God, did I just say “see what happens“!?  ha!)

I know I’m due to send out an ezine today and a follow up post on Bridging the Manifesting Gap – we’re waiting till some of this resistance clears, apparently.

‘Cause I’m giving up the fight.  All of them!  Including the one that says you better finish booking your air travel since you only have one leg purchased.   Screw it!  I hate air travel, and Universe and Delta and Southwest all know it!  I can’t fool ‘em! 

I’m giving up the resistance and getting okay with what is.   

And already, just while typing this post, I feel (and see) things coming together. 

• The furniture delivery guy calls to say bookcase is ready and lets me pick the delivery day next week.  Sweet! 
• Michele says stay as long or short as you want on Sunday.  Easy!
• My ex & best friend calls to say “What can I do for you today?”  Oh, let me count the ways! 

Ahh, the relief of giving up the fight! 

All this perseverance and “make it happen no matter what” and be the boss of everything – sheesh, it sucks.

When we feel resistance, rather than taking it as a sign to buckle down and grin & bear it and get’r done – let’s instead take it as a signal to relax and let go. 

Let’s take a deep breath and give it a hug instead of a boxing glove punch. 

Let’s remember that it all works out; that plenty is going right, and not take it all so seriously, huh?

Hee hee.

This post was for me today, but I thought someone else might benefit as well, so here it is.

Namaste.