At least, we know that intellectually!

But in practice, many of us have our fair share of resistance flowing.

Whether it’s not liking that we owe money, or wishing we had more of it, feeling frustrated in a relationship, or frustrated from the lack of one - there are all sorts of opportunities for us to not like what’s going on.

Which is normal and expected.

Feeling contrast is part of the process!

But savvy creators know to minimize that part of the process.  There’s no reason for us to suffer, and pushing against the suffering isn’t the way through it.

Rather, we know we can experience what we “don’t want” and then swiftly use it as a launching pad to the good things it’s inspired us toward.

For those of us who spend more time in the resistance to what is than we’d prefer, let’s review:

One of the reasons we focus so well on the contrast in life (like the sick dog, mean lover, unreliable car, etc.) is because we think if we’re not paying attention to it and willing it to change, it won’t change!

We’re (often unconsciously) nervous that if we accept it as it is, we’re stuck with it.

Which couldn’t be more backwards.

Because things don’t change while we’re in resistance to it.  Desperately needing things to be different just reinforces more of what we don’t want.

So when I ask new clients to make peace with what is, they sometimes hear that as a request to give up on their desires, and are afraid that by doing so all hope for change will be lost.

Not so.

Getting okay with what is can take a leap of faith.  But when we do, we open the door to what often seems like “magic and miracles”!

Here’s what Abe had to say about it in Phoenix a few months ago:

We want to say it in a way that is really convincing to you. That making peace with What Is, is not settling for What Is. It’s settling for what IS, in the Vortex of Creation.

Did you hear the distinction?

What Abraham means is that when we get okay with what is right now, that’s not settling.  Instead, it’s actually opening us up to all the wonderful things we desire.

It means that when I get okay with the state of my business, body, bank account or whatever – that’s how I allow all the stuff I’ve been wanting to come into my world.

(And it is a matter of allowing, not figuring it out or making it happen.)

I like how Thich Nhat Hanh said it in You Are Here:

You do not have to struggle against a desire.  There is no need for a battle within you.  The essential point is not to create conflict, a fight, within yourself.

He suggests we embrace whatever negativity arises in our world and in our selves, rather than push against it.  That’s where transformation begins.

So what have you been in resistance to that you can practice easing up about today? 

Where have you been pushing for change, when you can instead embrace how it is, knowing that’s what puts things in motion again?

It’s taken some practice, but I’m finally getting the hang of being okay with this body just as it is.  And making peace with the dog who doesn’t always potty outside.  And my boyfriend who sometimes comes home from work ornery. 

Not only does this allow things to get even better for me, but it also gives me the pleasure of enjoying life as it is right now.

What could be better? 

I played with a variety of techniques in practicing peace (Katie’s four inquiry questions, simple deep breathing, and Paul McKenna’s work), but I’d love to hear what works for you when it comes to getting okay with what is.

That sounds contradictory to most, since it seems like the more we want something, the more we naturally cling to it. 

But that approach doesn’t work according to the way the system’s set up, where clinging to something actually repels it. 

Once we get “easy” with something, we make a nice space for it to come into our lives.  The desperate desire for something is actually not helpful (rather, it’s an obstacle) in achieving it.

On the other side of that wisdom is also this piece of wisdom from Martha: if you want it to shrink, you’ve got to allow it to expand.

Which is related to the topic I wrote about for Catalyst Magazine recently about not needing things to be different than they are in order to change them. 

Since I love how contradictory-sounding things often reveal the most valuable insights, I thought it would be fun to explore here.

If we want something to go away, we’ve got to allow it to get bigger.

It sounds sort of like how when you do a detox, symptoms actually get worse before they get better, right?  The key is to and ride it out in order to reach that healthier place.  But lots of folks experience those detox symptoms and conclude it isn’t working.  When that’s not the case at all – the increased symptoms are actually a sign it is working.

It also reminds me the last part of Byron Katie’s Work where she asks us to say “I look forward to … ” whatever it was we really didn’t want to experience again. 

As in: “I think it sucks when Russ gets upset about my foster animals” would turn into “I look forward to Russ getting upset about my foster animals.”  (Of all the times I’ve witnessed someone doing the Work, it’s that turnaround that’s trickiest!)

So with the “allowing it to expand in order to shrink it” wisdom, that means if I want Russ to stop getting upset about foster animals, I need to allow him to be as upset as he wants to be.  (Man, and if I could actually look forward to it, that’s a sign I’ve truly released the charge I had on it!  woo hoo!)

This also sounds kind of like Abraham’s suggestion to make peace with it, doesn’t it?  To release resistance in order to get unstuck and allow what we want to happen.

Which makes good sense because if I’m pushing against his upsetness, I just add power to it.  So to allow him to be as upset as he wants to be is what allows it to subside.

Sounds good in theory, right?

Practicing it can be another deal.

But the times I have practiced it have proven it out.  Surely it’s because the lack of resistance and the willingness to allow is what makes transformation possible.

I’m curious to hear your experiences, though …

• Have you ever found debt going away by allowing it to get bigger?  (Cool for the U.S. Treasury if that’s the case.) 
• Have you ever found love by making peace with more loneliness? 
• Or lost weight after you stopped caring how much you were gaining?  (I sure know my retriever gained weight after I restricted her food intake.)

This can be a tricky thought at first glance, huh?  Would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on the topic!