The Attachment Test

April 1, 2014 | 15 Comments »

Take the Attachment TestHow to know if attachment is spoiling your manifesting game?

Here’s a quick quiz to help you know whether your manifesting process could benefit from some “letting go” practices.

It’s easy to believe our happiness or well-being depends on certain outcomes – like becoming financially stable, recovering our health, finding a good partner, etc.

But whenever we think we have to have specific results before we’ll feel good, that spoils the party. That perspective tells Universe we “need” something to happen in order to be happy, and that’s a game without any winners.

Take this short test to see if attachment to your desire might be spoiling your results

Of the following groups of statements, choose whether statement A or statement B is more true for you:

A: I enjoy thoughts and visions of my dream, even before it manifests.
B: I engage thoughts and visions of my dream in order to manifest it.

A: I enjoy real life as it is now.
B: I’ll enjoy life when my dream materializes in real life.

A: It thrills me to see someone else who has what I want.
B: It frustrates me to see when someone else has what I want.

A: I don’t work too hard at making this dream come true.
B: I work really hard to make my dream come true.

Scoring: if you answered all As, you’re probably not hindered by attachment. Congrats on your alignment!

If, on the other hand, you’ve got a couple Bs sprinkled in there, it might be time to get straight with how the system works.

Conditioning our emotional state on external things is not how we achieve alignment – and alignment is what it’s all about.

There’s nothing wrong with desire – having a dream is what fuels a life that just gets better! It’s when we hold out on happiness until we achieve that dream that we run into trouble.

The bottom line is that if you can honestly say you’ll be happy whether this dream materializes or not, you’re probably not attached.

This excerpt from Hammered ‘s main character Atticus sums up the concept well (he’s addressing his dog Oberyn, thus the bone metaphor):

It is good to have a dream so long as you don’t let it gnaw at the substance of your present. I have seen men consumed by their dreams, and it is a sour business. If you cling too tightly to a dream … then you miss the felicity of your heart beating and the smell of the grass growing …

Your dream should be like a favorite old bone that you savor and cherish and chew upon gently. Then, rather than stealing from you a wasted sigh or the life of an idle hour, it nourishes you, and you become strangely contented by nostalgia for a possible future, so juicy with possibility that you feel full when you’ve eaten nothing. And when the time is right, you bite down hard. The dream is yours. And then you chew on the next one.

As I succinctly learned from Abraham: the sweet spot for manifesting is to be happy with what is and looking forward to what’s next.

When you’re there, you can be sure attachment isn’t holding up your expanded good life.

If you’d like help troubleshooting lackluster manifesting results, check out this post and this one.

 

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Jeannette Maw is the LOA party host at GVU and publisher of the rave reviewed Good Vibe newsletter, which you can subscribe to here.

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15 Responses to “ The Attachment Test ”

  1. ButterflyWoman on April 1, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    I totally understand this. But the reality I have created is not what I want. It was mostly created unconsciously, with years of very deep subconscious stuff going on. I understand this, but how can I be happy with it? How do I rejoice in a reality that I know I created but which I don’t want, and it includes things like pain, stress, and other unpleasantness. How do I get out of this? How do I stop saying, “This is not what I want, I am not happy with this”?

    Serious question here, because I’ve been trying for years to get past this…

  2. ButterflyWoman on April 1, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    Dang it. Mistyped the email address. Just adding this so I can get response notifications correctly. Sorry for the double post. ;)

  3. Good Vibe Coach on April 1, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    Such a good question, BW! Thanks for posting it – I think many will benefit from it.

    (And I hope many others chime in with their responses as well.)

    You probably know that what we resist persists, right? So as long as we see our present reality or current circumstances as something we don’t like or don’t want, we perpetuate our misery.

    The challenge is to start releasing that resistance by noticing things that are going right or by paying attention to things that we don’t mind so much.

    Even if they’re little things, this will kickstart some change by activating a new vibration.

    And there is ALWAYS something going right. ALWAYS. (Even if it’s just that we’re still breathing; the world is still turning; the sun is still shining somewhere.)

    With a little practice, we can start tuning in to things going right, and it’ll grow from there as we continue that practice.

    I strongly believe in “What’s right about this?” as a question that can help turn things around when we take a moment to find answers to it.

    So it’s not so much, “How do I get out of this?” but rather – what here is there to appreciate? Does that make sense?

    Would love to hear from others on this …

  4. kg on April 2, 2014 at 8:08 am

    Butterflywoman (what a great name!):
    Here is my suggestion (as I, along with everyone else, have also unconsciously created a reality that isn’t my “dream” life):

    Even if you aren’t happy with everything you can always find things that lift your spirits. (For example: butterflies!)

    Make a point of paying attention to all that gives you joy – a smile, a soft breeze, decent health (or the parts of your health that are good). Make looking for what is good in the now your project. When you are feeling happy about the little things the larger things will begin to come to you.

    Really count your blessings. And as for for unconscious stuff: eventually it will come to you what you’d thought you should have and you will be able to replace the thought with something else that may bring you more joy.

    I have lived much of my life thinking I have to be useful to others. Although it’s something that have given me satisfaction and joy (I’m a teacher and was one of those very helpful wives and mothers) it also found it frustrating: I wanted to play too ad be taken care of. I know I learned the belief and behavior when I was young I’m oldest child–and being that person fit me for a long time. AND…it’s okay! Being frustrated, unhappy or regretful doesn’t serve me and chases light away. Focus on the good and be patient because life is always getting better and choosing to see what is good and beautiful moves mountains!

  5. kg on April 2, 2014 at 8:10 am

    Oh… and my dream is to make art and travel and allow some new people to take care of children (& husbands too!)

  6. Good Vibe Coach on April 2, 2014 at 10:09 am

    Love your reply, kg! (Especially the intention for other people to take care of hubbies. lol)

    For real, though, you make a great point about how powerful it is to start focusing on the good things – no matter how small. Sometimes that’s hard to do if we haven’t properly felt out the other less fabulous emotions, and sometimes our brain chemistry appreciates a kick start from a doctor’s Rx, but one way or another starting a habit of appreciation can change everything. Seems to small or trivial to be that effective, but it sure adds up over time!

    Thanks for chiming in, kg.

  7. Namaste on April 2, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Butterfly Woman,

    I struggled with exactly what you described for years.

    My answer came when I found the attachment vs preference technique taught by Ken Keyes Jr.

    I found out all my pain came from being attached to things being a certain way that they weren’t. I learned that I was able to turn those attachments into preferences. Preferring means you still get to want, what you want, but if you don’t have it, it doesn’t cause you all the miserable suffering.

    When I originally heard about this stuff, I was insanely skeptical, but I spent the $4 to buy the short intro book on Amazon, read it in 45 minutes and I got it. The proof was undeniable. http://www.amazon.com/Your-Life-Gift-Make-Keyes/dp/0915972123/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396459327&sr=8-1&keywords=your+life+is+a+gift+by+ken Then I bought the The Methods Work If You Do so I learned how to do the technique (intro book just shows you how it works)http://www.amazon.com/Methods-Work-If-You-Do/dp/0915972069/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1396459451&sr=8-2&keywords=It+Works+IF+You+Work+ken+keyes

    I used the technique, it worked, I finally was able to enjoy life right now, exactly was it was. Then I was able to do appreciation exercises and the rest of Abraham’s processes everyone else was always recommending ect and actually get results from those as well. And of course my manifesting results increased because I was no longer looking at my life and thinking, “This f’ing sucks.”

  8. Good Vibe Coach on April 3, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    Namaste, thanks for that tip! Sounds like a life-changer!!

    It’s especially nice to hear from someone who’s “been there, done that” – so thanks again for posting on this one.
    :)

  9. Kelly on April 3, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    Hi Jeannette,
    The first set of A/B options is totally enlightening. I’ve often found myself doing the “work” to get the outcome. I’ll see what happens when I use tools such as visualization as a joyful outgrowth of my positive energy regarding my dream! Thank you again for all of the thought-provoking posts!

  10. Good Vibe Coach on April 4, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    I did that myself for several years, Kelly. lol I know how easy it is to engage it that way!

    I have to thank Abraham for helping me understand that distinction.

    Thanks for reading and for contributing to the conversation here! :)

  11. Janette on April 4, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    Love this post! Not least because it helped me realise I’ve gone from a whole swarm of Bs to just a few here and there. And that gives me a nice sense of “I got this!” even where I know there’s still a buzz of resistance hanging on.

    I can definitely look back to the days when I was in misery pretty much 24/7 and struggled to find ANYTHING to appreciate in the “now”. But with practice, and lots and lots of self-compassion, everything has changed.

    You’re right about how and where to start, Jeannette. Small, tiny, here-right-now things. One trick I like to play in those B moments is to look around where I am and find three things to actively appreciate. This is especially powerful if you’re in a very familiar setting (eg your office, kitchen, car). See if you can spot something you’ve forgotten existed – a picture on the wall, the chair underneath your rump, the beautiful building on the street corner where you’re stuck in traffic. You don’t have to limit this game to visual things. You can make it the taste of hot coffee, the feeling of clean air going deep into your lungs, a great song on the car radio.

    And then spend thirty seconds mindfully appreciating it. It’s that mindfulness which will do the trick, and you can easily do that for just thirty seconds. As you practise this, your brain will be flooded with pleasure chemicals which will not only feel good, but will also help reset the chemical balance from the (seemingly) constant barrage of anxiety or irritation chemicals.

    Writing this has reminded me how delightful it feels to bask in appreciation, and given me a great incentive to re-commit to letting go of those last few Bs! Thank you, Jeannette. :-)

  12. Good Vibe Coach on April 5, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    That feels like a winning formula right there, Janette: practice and self compassion.

    Here’s to both of us releasing our lingering “Bs”! :)

  13. Delicate Sound on April 28, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    Jambo everyone,

    Attachment is a rough ride, at least in my view. I find for myself that it is ok to go without the attachment when it concerns dreams linked to a job, to money, to any type of ‘nice to have’, something which gives a + to your life.

    However, I have a difficult time not to get frustrated or sad when it comes to matters of the heart, the love-factor.
    Being in love evokes such intense emotions, a turmoil of feelings bringing you to a very vulnerable position, esp when you are uncertain of the feelings of the other.

    Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this?

    Yesterday I started the Pray For Rain Journal, looking forward to writing every day.
    Btw can someone confirm to me that it is ok to write in the present tense, not in the past? And is it ok to go into detail, including specific names of people you know?

    Curious to hear your views,
    Wishing you happy thoughts in the meantime.

  14. Good Vibe Coach on April 28, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    Yes, present tense is good! And specifics are fab when they help us FEEL it. If specifics make you feel tense because either you don’t believe it or you get attached – then leave them out. But I’ve found getting specific is a wonderful way to amp up the energy of the entry.
    :)

    And you know, DS, those intense feelings in love – I don’t think we’d want to do life any other way, would we? (Can you imagine if a person never got to experience heartbreak? I think it’s one of the privileges of being human!) I think even those challenging emotions are a gift. When we see it that way, we’re probably less inclined to get attached to outcome.

    Maybe one of these posts might be helpful for releasing attachment:

    http://goodvibeblog.com/how-to-release-attachment/
    http://goodvibeblog.com/how-to-let-it-go/

  15. Delicate Sound on April 28, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    Thank you very much for your quick reply, always nice to feel supported.
    You are right of course, falling in love and perhaps heartbreak are intense and a such valuable. Still challenging indeed.
    Will check out the posts, thanks for the tip.

    have a wonderful day

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