Switching the Dial

April 3, 2010 | 52 Comments »

My patience was sorely tested at lunch with dad the other day when the table behind us had 14 kids running around like they’d just been let out of the nuthouse. 

(Yes, I can say “nuthouse” after that lunch.  I earned it.)

Literally – they were running around! 

From the restrooms to the fountain back to their table, then to the empty section (where they didn’t stay nearly long enough) before they burst through the doors to make the rounds again. 

In moments like that, I totally get parents who beat their children.

And .. okay, it was probably more like four kids than 14, but still.  It was nerve-wracking.

With their frazzled mom whisper-shouting their names every time they passed, and their dad retreated to the parking lot to spend his lunch hour in peace, no doubt.   It wasn’t fun.

But my lunch date wasn’t phased.  Dad just commented the kids must be full of energy and happy to be here.  And that’s as negative as he got.

(Seriously, dad?  Are you kidding?  What kind of drugs are you on?)

His biggest challenge was sharing a meal with someone ranting about how they should have child-free restaurants, the same way the Disney Cruise has an “adults only” island, and how some movie theaters don’t let you bring in babies.  

(Good ideas for those of us who haven’t developed immunity from screaming kids!)

I didn’t wonder too long how it was he and I could have such dramatically different experiences in the same place at the same time under the same circumstances – until my boyfriend broke up with me earlier this week. 

!!

(If you just gasped and said “what the …?!” – that’s what I said, too!)

But my beau of almost four years was fed up, tired of not getting what he wanted, done with compromise and through with the dissatisfaction he felt in this relationship.

Which was news to me, because I thought we had a pretty good thing going.

Sure, it wasn’t perfect, but it mostly was. 

The parts that weren’t perfect were just my chance – and my responsibility – to clean up my focus (i.e. change my dial).  Not change my partner.

But that was just my version.  Turns out he was telling a different story.

Where he saw indifference, I saw acceptance.  When he felt isolated, I felt independent.  What he thought was “wrong,” I thought was very, very right.

How could two smart and observant people be in the same relationship and yet experience it so dramatically differently?

I think Dani Webb helped reveal the answer on her facebook page the other day.  She asked:

Why is the mindset of lack and/or “it won’t happen” sooooo much easier to be in than the place of abundance and possibility?

It’s a good question.

  • Dana Boyle answered that, “We create what we believe, and we believe what we’ve previously created. Until we suspend belief in reality and envision something different we will continue to fall back on old habits and recreate the same over and over.” 
  • Laura Gevanter talked about how most of our thoughts are unconscious and habitual.   
  • Randy Shreve said, “Negativity, lack, and complaining have become the baseline of our society.”
  • I particularly resonated with Karen Fagen’s comment that,  “It’s not easier it’s just old and familiar.”

How dad can be in the same restaurant with the same screaming kids and still have a pleasant lunch while I thought the manager should blacklist the whole family, is the same reason Russ can be in a dismal relationship while I’m thinking we’re on our way to happily ever after.

The difference is our point of focus and how we choose to perceive things.

And that is a choice.

A choice I made again when the breakup was revealed to me. 

I chose to enjoy the process (although it did take a minute to get there), to be glad for forward movement, and told members of Good Vibe U that I got to practice breaking up in the vortex.

That’s a separate post in itself, but things got so vortexy (with GVU members’ reminders that it’s a breakthrough, not breakup, and that these are sacred days to be embraced, not resisted) that Russ soon saw things how I’d been seeing them.  As perfect.  Not to be changed a bit.  The sort of thing that makes you realize you’d been living a dream come true life.

Yeah, I know that – how could he not have seen it? 

Well, the same way I didn’t see those kids as full of energy and happy to be here.  I dialed in differently.

And thank goodness we each get to choose how we dial in! 

Our point of focus is not dependent on our upbringing, our astrology, or our past experiences.  Although those things can certainly affect us, they’re not more powerful than our ability to choose.  We get the chance to pick a dream come true life or a “This sucks, you suck, I’m outta here” life.

Today, just like yesterday and the day before, I get to choose whether to dial in on “He’s an idiot and an ass” or … something else.

So, what are you dialed in on? 

If it’s what you want, kudos to you!  If it’s a conscious choice you’ve made every day until it became habit, you’re my hero!

And if it’s not, remember each and every day you have the choice to change your dial.

You choose what you want long enough, and pretty soon you’ll happily forget that other settings were even possible.

* * * * * * * *
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52 Responses to “ Switching the Dial ”

  1. Roger says:

    Thanks for lunch. Love, Dad

  2. Laura says:

    Great post, Jeannette (aren’t you tired of hearing that? Don’t you wish someone would just say “Jeannette, this post really sucks, what were you thinking? No? Okay….anyway)

    I think alot of this also has to do with the people you spend the most time with (in person or on-line, at work, etc) as this can become a navigational system for which direction (or which dial) your thoughts go to. People who tend to doubt, complain, feel less then as their default thought pattern will always find what they are looking for. This can mean the lack vs. the abundance, the obstacles vs. the possibilities, etc. Since most of us were not brought up with the level of conscious awareness that our thoughts dictate our experience, we have to retrain our thoughts and beliefs so they don’t go back to that default place. That is why it is easier to go to those old, familiar thoughts. We know them so well, like an old comfortable sweater. The new, improved beliefs and thoughts still feel a little stiff at first but the better we start to feel and the better our outcomes, the more comfortable those become.

    I’m with you Jeannette, about the screaming kids. I know they are kids, I know they have energy, I know they are having fun…but not during MY lunch. Ha! I think that just comes down to good parenting and teaching you kids about being considerate of others and making them aware of how their behavior affects others, but that’s another post. LOL.

    I must say, I am getting pretty good at changing the dial days!

  3. Laura says:

    Oh, and thanks for the mention above…:-)

  4. I totally agree, Laura, we always find what we’re looking for!

    Thanks for pointing out that although new thoughts can feel a little stiff at first, with some regular “wear” they become much more natural and comfortable.

    Always a pleasure to hear from you, Laura. 🙂

  5. Iyabo Asani says:

    Jeanette, you know I love and praise you a lot. One of the things that means the world to me is that I have you as an example in my life of honesty and someone who desires growth and positivity in her life. I love you. You are awesome. This is such a great post.

    I am dialed into the fact that I am a powerful creator and I continue to manifest amazing things in my life. I love that I do not know exactly what is going to happen tomorrow. I love that I get to wake up each day and create that day!

    Life surely is awesome. I am dialed into bliss!

    Iyabo

  6. Iyabo, I’m loving this thought especially:

    “I love that I do not know exactly what is going to happen tomorrow.”

    That’s an attitude I’d love to embrace even more in my life.

    Thanks for that, girlfriend. 🙂

  7. Barbara says:

    Jeannette,
    Wow. Every post is better than the next! You really rock, Jeannette! I so appreciate you!

    Yeah, it’s all a choice indeed! Switching the dial, bouncing forward to a better feeling, shifting to a better thought, letting go of the oars and floating downstream…we certainly get our “aha” moments when we let it go and allow, don’t we?

    And I find that when I hear screaming kids and feel a bit of tension setting in, I remember how good it feels to play and have fun. I bet those kids had smiles all over their faces that day in that restaurant and were really feeling good! (I also found that I was much more “accepting” of kids running around after I became a mother myself, but that’s another topic.)

    Aw, isn’t it interesting that once you got all vortexy about the “breakthrough,” you and your boyfriend were in agreement with how good things were? This is such an inspiration, Jeannette and confirms what I know about shifting that dial (for yourself) and how that seems to “affect” how other people behave around you–or makes them go away so that they’re not part of your experience anymore?

    It’s great to read that you’re both listening and tuned into the same station now! 🙂

    Excuse me now: I’ve gotta go and turn that dial and choose the JOY station!

  8. You know what makes all the difference (for me, anyway) when it comes to challenges with kids, Barbara? When a parent is at least making an effort, or trying to be considerate, or even sending out a little apology in the form of a quick smile or shrug, it means SO much.

    Then I just have sympathy. lol

    And yes, here’s to taking the BOUNCE to joy! 🙂

  9. Wealth for Everyone says:

    Ohhh, I’m with you on the kids thing. Those high pitched kid screams are like nails on a chalk board to me. Since kids are not in my pie I try to be good at just tuning them out/not attracting them into my daily experiences. I’m pretty decent at it. So that may be why when I do hear screaming kids it seems very intense.

    And I LOVE some of those quotes. I’ve wondered too why if Abraham says joy and wellbeing are what Source knows then why is misery so prevalent and seems easier than the other? But I am getting that it’s not easier but just more PRACTICED. And the good news is I can CHOOSE which I want to practice. Takes a bit of practice to remember which to practice, but it’s coming together. 🙂

    –Stacy

  10. Ah, Stacy, that’s exactly what I intend to do by telling the stories here in this blog – reminding myself and anyone else who cares to read that we DO have the choice, and making that choice makes all the difference.
    🙂
    Thanks for reading, Stacy, and especially for writing, too!

  11. Jeannette, I remember those crazy running-around-the-restaurant kids in Utah. I’ve never lived anywhere else where that kind of behavior was regularly tolerated. I happen to like kids, but I remember being stunned by that behavior, too.

    Your Dad may have been used to it (parenting prepares you for *lotsa* things), so it was easier for him to dial into *ignore*. I’d also say this: When I am well-rested and relaxed, it’s easier to consciously shift the dial than when feeling tired or stressed.

    I am loving the overflowing support in GVU, and your example of getting clear on your preferences and living in your Vortex is *delightful*! :o)

    Many blessings,
    Nancy

  12. No doubt, Nancy! It’s helpful to remember that supporting ourselves with excellent self-care makes it SO much easier to remember to make positive conscious choices.

    And I often forget that not everywhere is like it often is here – I don’t get out much! lol

    Always good to see you here, Nancy! Thanks for pitching in this conversation and also for your amazing contribution to Good Vibe U.
    🙂

  13. Toni says:

    Jeannette, I don’t know who’s the coolest person, you or your dad, but you’ve definitely latched on to something incredibly important here!

    Two months ago I was in a most unhappy working relationship with a seriously negative and unpleasant boss and had been for about a year.

    A friend challenged me to change my perspective just for a little while (using a technique similar to your original scripting experience – just saying it without really believing it or putting too much energy into it).

    So I sat down and wrote my boss a “love letter”, praising the good things he contributed to my life as well as the challenging items too (praising him for opening my eyes to new aspects in life and in my own personality!) and feeling quite grateful and convinced this would change the energy between us for something much better.

    And then I forgot about it all.

    Only three days later a new job opportunity, which I’d been dreaming about for years, opened up, and I got the job ahead of 250 other applicants.

    When I resigned, my boss completely took me by surprise, praising me for being a most loyal employee and such a sweet and pleasant person – something I’d never expected him to see in me or anybody else for that matter. And he described my time in the company as a truly happy one – which it definitely hasn’t been for me.

    Talk about different sentiments about the same situation and dialing in differently – scripting is so worth the effort!

  14. Wow, Toni!! Thanks for sharing that personal real life story!!

    Super cool example of how powerful it is for us to consciously dial in on something that feels better.

    And a fun way to implement it!

    Huge kudos, my friend!

  15. MissyB says:

    I need GVG post-it notes ! Post-it notes of these reminders because they are so simple but easily forgotten. As your dad said – thanks for lunch – because even though I wasn’t there, we have the chance to learn from your experience

    I chose to turn my dial up today and goodvibe my way through it…

  16. Ha – you’re welcome for lunch, MissyB! Although the truth is that one was dad’s treat, so thanks go to him.

    Although I will take credit for telling the story of it.
    🙂
    Which wouldn’t be any fun at all if you weren’t here commenting on it – so thanks go back to YOU!

  17. leslie richter says:

    I have been mulling over Sandra Bullock’s latest turn of events. Just a few days after winning the Oscar her husband’s infidelity is spread all over the media, embarrassing, humiliating and heartbreaking I am sure for her.

    But the more I thought about it the more I saw the natural progression. There is obviously a certain energy called forth with winning the Oscar, and it changes the playing field and demands an upgrade in relationships. Growth does that ! – we don’t get to rest on our laurels, big changes require big upgrades.

    And while it saddens me to hear two of my favorite Super Stars, Sandra and Jeannette have relationships that might be over I have always had the dial on growth is worth it, expansion is a beautiful thing and that your higher self is always operating for your highest good.

    Love to you ALWAYS,
    Leslie

  18. Well said, Leslie: “Growth is worth it, expansion is a beautiful thing.”

    I guess my job is to make sure that I DO go along with the expansion, rather than use this as an excuse to stay stuck in contrast.

    Which I have been known to do in the past. lol

    Huge love, my friend. 🙂

  19. Debra says:

    First, and most importantly… Here is a HUGE {{{HUG}}}.

    Just because they feel good. And because from where I’m sitting it feels like a big, huge, loving, unconditional, melt in my arms hug and allow the sweet moment of comfort and relief washing over you as you take a deep, deep breath…followed immediately by the biggest out-breath of release ever, would be a really good thing.

    FREE HUGS!!! There are tons of them packed in here. Just close your eyes…allow yourself to FEEL them…and RECEIVE the free, unattached, unconditional, good feeling love, comfort, nurturing goodness. That’s all. Easy-Peasy. 🙂

    Regarding this ‘breakthrough’…
    I know it may be too early to hear this. And I know you already know this. What ever the current reality ‘looks as if’ it’s showing you…it just means there’s something even better awaiting your receiving. (love & align w/Leslie’s comment)

    My first thought when I read, “until my boyfriend broke up with me earlier this week” was…
    Wow! Jeannette’s on her way to a relationship that is the perfect match to who she’s now vibrating to be. How brilliant is that? She’s living the experience that we all know to be real. She has amped up her game so much…she’s in the vortex so often…and aware of the subtle degrees of being sideways of it when she’s not that the Universe is answering her requests for a perfect match…even if she hasn’t caught up with that plan just yet. Amazing.

    See, you’re right, Jeannette. It takes two, baby. You’ve got it. You’ve both got to be dialed into the same station or even if you’re in the vicinity…there’s still static on the line. The clearer your station gets, the less tolerant the frequency is for static. This doesn’t make one station better than the other. It just is.

    So…you could be dialing in to that reality where yours and Russ’ relationship was getting better and better all the time…and you could see the beauty of the dream as it magically came into reality…while he was seeing it another way. The more clear you got, the more clear he got…the greater the gap until one day (earlier last week) the gap got so big that he needed to step away, releasing you to your dream.

    Trust me, Jeannette. Your energy is powerful. And beautiful. And powerful.

    You will call to yourself all that you are really asking for…and the pace at which it will arrive will continue to accelerate at a warp speed.

    This is true for all of us committed to our vortexuality*. 🙂

    *LOVE that one…from GVU’s Annette (I think…from a scripting call) to me via Tia’s FB!*

    Sometimes things are moving at such an accelerated pace that experience catches us by surprise. (i.e. the breakthrough… and my own experience w/fear that I’m still processing since my sleighing accident. Really must write about all of it one day soon!)

    The surprise is always a blessing. The aha’s! within the surprise are golden. And what we choose to do with all of that is a magnificent continuum of choice! How perfect is that!?

    Yes, it’s the dialing thing. You’ve got it. It’s choice. And we have it in each and every moment. What a GIFT! 🙂

    Love that you lunch frequently with your Dad. Love that you share your lunch with us.

    LOVE YOU!!! As always, there is GREAT LOVE for you here. …pretty good idea to stay tuned into that, do you agree? XOXOXO 🙂

    Me? I’m dialing into the sweet nectar of LIFE that is blooming all around me. I’m dialing into NEW LIFE, Renewal. Potential. JOY. LOVE. Harmony. Grace. Ease. Vitality. Aliveness. JOY. Did I say JOY? 🙂

    Mwah! 🙂

  20. Boy, if anyone shows the example of a clear channel, it’s you, Debra.

    I’m thinking you’re dialed into all the good stuff. 🙂

    Thanks for the huge love you’re sending my way; it is much appreciated, my friend.

  21. Ande says:

    First, Jeannette, a hello and a friendly hug of support from a new reader. I just discovered this blog a few days ago, and it has already vaulted to the top of my favorites list.

    Your post reminds me of the “I finally get it” moment I had a couple weeks ago. I’m in full-on LOUSY mode in nearly every area of my life–not going to activate the vibration of any of it to explain it–and I’ve had trouble dialing in to anything because it seemed everything around me was a mess. Then I watched Brigadoon–remember that old musical? One of the lines in it is “sunshine can peek through a wee hole.”

    I heard that and it all clicked into place. The reason we so easily find the mindset of lack is that we look at what is and have a negative thought about it and the law of attraction ever so helpfully brings more thoughts just like the previous ones. Until we stop and look for that minute stream of sun coming through that wee hole, we’ll get more and more cruddy thoughts and cruddy experiences.

    We have to put our undivided attention on that wee hole and let the sun shine in.

    I applaud you for doing just that regarding your relationship, and I have no doubt that new love will shine throughout your life very soon.

  22. Annika Bomark says:

    Of course it’s easier (for most of us, not for all people) to think negatively. We’ve been practising those kinds of thoughts for most of our lives after all!

    Now that we’re aware of it, we can practise new, positive thoughts until they’re more familiar to us than the old thoughts, and then it will be easier to think positively than negatively, in an automatic way.

    (There are people, though pretty rare, that continue to be natural positive thinkers – even past childhood LOL! All small children are connected to who they are.)

    Still, there will always come up new subjects where our thoughts are where we last left them, and those are new opportunities for us to change our thinking.

    Also, I don’t think our thoughts are affected by the people around us, it’s the opposite. The people around us are affected by our thoughts. We create them, and they cannot be different than how we see them, even if they want to.

    The way the people around us are is the way we think them into being. The only way they can change towards us, is by us changing how we think.

    Now, if only I would take my own advice! 🙂

    With Love,
    Annika

  23. Ande, what a pleasure to meet you! It’s always nice to hear from a new reader, too.

    LOVE the quote you shared: “sunshine can peek through a wee hole.” What a powerful visual for someone struggling to find their better feeling thought!

    Here’s to looking for, finding and celebrating the minute stream through the wee hole. Thanks for that, Ande!
    🙂

  24. Annika, I appreciate your thoughts about how our thoughts affect & attract those around us.

    Also, your post made me think of Pollyanna, my all time hero (introduced to me by dad) for naturally embracing the positive thoughts.

    Thanks for reading, and also for adding to this conversation!
    🙂

  25. Pernille Madsen says:

    Thanks for a very interesting and very personal post! And for being so open and honest – love you 🙂

    And I agree that we always have a choice and that we can choose to dial in positively! (hurray for that 🙂

    As regards this: “How could two smart and observant people be in the same relationship and yet experience it so dramatically differently?” – I’m not quite as surpriced! – As I see it we are all different, unique individuals and each of us experiences the same thing in each our own way. I actually believe that we never see and experience things exactly the same way, even though that’s what most people seem to believe!

    I wrote a blog post about this very recently: http://loamagic.blogspot.com/2010/03/which-truth-is-real-truth.html

  26. Ah! What an excellent post, Pernille!

    I loved your recognition that it was the “filters” at work, creating the differences.

    Russ said something interesting to me yesterday. He acknowledged that while it sometimes drives him nuts that I’m so consistently positive, he really does appreciate it when all is said and done. And I was thinking I’m not nearly as consistently positive as I could be!

    Interesting that through his “filter” I’m super positive, but through mine I don’t see it quite like that.

    Ahhh, it’s never boring, is it? lol

    Pleasure to hear from you, Pernille, and thanks for the link to your most excellent post!!

  27. leslie richter says:

    I have been thinking more on this subject and I would like to offor this thought – that of course we all experience
    the situation differently because we all have different things in our space at the time. Look at the lunch you had with your Dad- you would have had trauma and shock in your space and most likely were looking for some quiet supportive time with your loving Dad, Roger on the hand loving you as he does (SO UNDERSTANDABLE) was just wanting to be there for you and noisy bratty kids wouldn’t diffuse his intent. And perhaps your reaction is also a reflection of your energy at the time, there can’t help but be a bit of “noisey” energy in your space. Truly lovely one don’t beat yourself up for having a cranky moment. There is a reason why cranky moments come up – and it’s all good.

    And I would also like to point out that when we feel our needs aren’t being met and it’s obvious to ourselves
    why do we assume it is obvious to others? Most times males and females needs have a different order (which I think is hysterically funny). But I guess no matter who the party is it’s always a good thing to check in. And especially important to voice cranky energy. yeah for cranky energy – it says my needs aren’t being met! Which gives you a red flag which is always awesome because then you get to see what do you reallllly need right now and then you adjust the dial.

    Here is to meeting all your needs Jeannette and living with ease and support because you are the honey bunny who so deserves all the treats.

  28. Brilliant, Leslie! That reminds me of an Abraham track celebrating kids’ ability to make their crankiness known – they don’t have it in them to pretend things are okay when they’re obviously not.

    Abe said we’d do well to do the same.
    🙂
    Thanks for the reminder that there can be a “yay” for cranky energy, and not to beat myself up for it. Feeling the wisdom of that.

    Big love, girlfriend.

  29. Ariel says:

    I so appreciate this post and these responses because I too was happy, happy, happy in my relationship.. when my boyfriend suddenly broke up with me. I was SHOCKED and thought.. “How can two people perceive the same relationship so differently?” (I can say that with time I have realized that he was not “the one” for me and I am so grateful to the universe for not letting me settle.)

    I think this gets tricky for us positive vibers because we see a situation and are always looking for the very best perspective. We see the man/relationship in front of us and we see only the good things and focus on only the positive aspects.

    Thank goodness we can rely on the Universe to bring us the perfect relationships at the perfect times.

    Usually after a breakup.. no matter how sudden and shocking, I can go back to a time when I had a *slight feeling* that something was not completely right and see that as the moment I manifested the break up myself. It’s sometimes a frustrating realization when I am resisting being single but usually gets me to a more powerful feeling place.

    I am not sure what conclusion the two of you will come to.. but do know that the universe only has the very best to deliver to you. Now is the time for dreaming BIG.

    Sending much love!!

  30. Ariel, I can very much relate to what you’re saying about LOAers ability to see the best and focus on the positive, which may mean we don’t bail out when others might.

    Interesting observation.

    You nailed it when you said thank goodness we can rely on Universe to sort it all out to perfection.
    🙂
    And funny you’d say that about “knowing” from the very beginning … I was just reading an old Michael Neill newsletter to that very effect today.

    I’m finding it super helpful to refrain from applying labels of “good” and “bad” through this.

    Thanks for a helpful perspective, Ariel. Much appreciated!

  31. Jeannette, your posts always come at exactly the right time!! Or maybe I just always look for the connections of your posts to my life, since I know they’re always there… 😉

    Anyhoo, one thing that popped out at me while reading your post has to do with dialing in on different things and dating different/new types of people. Let me explain: I just started dating someone recently, who doesn’t really have any of the qualities I used to look for in a partner. In the past I used to place a lot of emphasis on status, ambition, wealth, etc. (because that’s my family history), but not so much emphasis on how the other person treated me, how much time we spent together, if I was truly accepted for who I am, etc. Recently I’ve started changing what I’m looking for in another person (i.e. changing what I’m dialed in on), and as a result I’m attracting new types of people into my life. And even though this new guy doesn’t have all the qualities I looked for in the past, he has qualities that I *should* have been looking for because I feel so much happier/fulfilled!

    Sure, I could dial in on the fact that he’s not x,y, or z, but instead I choose to dial in on the fact that he IS totally accepting of who I am, wants to spend lots of time with me, is very open emotionally, etc. And with those qualities, who really cares about all the rest of the stuff he doesn’t have?! At least, that’s where I’m at now:-)

    Good stuff, as always!

  32. Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    Wow, I’ve been missing out over the weekend! What a neat post, Jeannette.

    It strikes me two-fold. First, I used to be a person who thought that restaurants should have child-free areas. Maybe they should. Heck, you wouldn’t have to put the parents in a parent-child only area, you could just have an area for people who don’t like kids. Hahaha. That sounds bad, but some people are just annoyed by kids, and I used to be because I was raised to be very well behaved in public, and not everyone else was. That’s what I thought, until my sister had a baby. Stella is such a good girl, but she really is just thrilled to be anywhere, including the local restaurant where she gets to have a grilled cheese sandwich and sip from her Aunt Dana’s iced tea and see all kinds of new things she’s never seen before. She sits well if she can play with toys, but the toys make noise no matter how quiet you think they are when you bring them. She joyfully orders, “CHEEEEEEEEEESE!” really loudly as soon as we walk in the door, and her mommy has to whisper to her that, “Honey, we have to wait for the waiter and tell him we want your ‘cheese.'” 🙂 Then a 2 year old just can’t sit for as long as it takes, so we take a few walks during lunch, and she even cries when mommy goes potty because at first she thinks mommy is leaving without her. That’s when I put her on my lap facing the doorway where mommy will be coming back and tell her to watch, she’ll be coming right there.

    It’s a whole new world for me, and I now smile when I see a little one throw a toy on the floor in a restaurant or loudly proclaim that he doesn’t like his lunch or squirm out of the booth and run for the door.

    Second, I’ve been in those kinds of relationships where I think everything is just peachy and the other person does not, or vice versa. I hear ya, and I know it can be a bit of a surprise to the one who is blissfully floating off into the sunset.

    Great point, Mary! Dialing in on new qualities to look for in a mate only makes you attract those qualities that are now important to you. So many great comments here.

    Jeannette, thanks for the mention, too! 🙂

  33. Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    Pernille,

    I love your post, and I love the point you are making which really helps with the point Jeannette is making here. It reminds me of when I worked at the firm and what I was dialed in on versus what they were dialed in on. I’ve been having all sorts of revelations about that, and I’ve also had the conversation with one of the former partners there that we each have our own experience. He had argued with me over my experience there, stating that I was wrong and that it didn’t happen that way. To me, it did. I’m sure that to him, it happened the way he experienced it.

    Probably a very neat question is what do you do when two people in a situation together experience things so vastly differently? I guess, as I demonstrated with my firm experience and as Jeannette has shared, sometimes that means you go your separate ways and do the best you can to stay dialed in on what feels good to you, or you go on your way and readjust your dial.

  34. Wow, Self Help Goddess, sounds like you made a significant shift in focus! Indeed, anything that’s got you feeling more fulfilled and happy is obviously right track material.

    Kudos to you for changing up your game!

    Keep us posted how this new focus turns out, please! 🙂

  35. Oh my gosh, Dana, you’re a good auntie!! lol

    I like your response to Pernille’s post, that our work is to just stay dialed in to what feels good no matter what someone else’s experience might be.

    Thanks for tuning in to the conversation, my friend.

  36. Carly Fortin says:

    A very insightful post! I enjoyed it so much!

    Carly
    navigationallifecoaching.wordpress.com

  37. Hey Beautiful Jeanette :), great post, great timing, great vibe – as usual. Thanks for the reminder to tune in…

    I have five kids (all girls) and LOVE them ( otherwise I wouldn’t have them, right?) but I must admit to not feeling the same way about other people’s not-so-well-behaved children at times. I also admit to the occasional irritation, especially at bedtime, with my own childrens’ boisterousness (‘girlsterousnous’?? :lol:) but mostly I remember ‘if it bothers me, its ABOUT me’ and as soon as I ask myself (and answer!) why my happy children’s noises upset me, I find the irritation evaporates. (Unhappy kid noises are the same, btw)… &…why would you attract happy, active kids into your experience while you’re sitting there having lunch with your Dad?? 🙂 (we all have a happy active kid inside us somewhere!).

    I haven’t had a ‘boyfriend’ in years and years (i.e not since I was a ‘girlfriend’)… all the men in my life are either friends, lovers or life-mates (or they aren’t in my life). I don’t know anyone who has ‘happy ever after’ with a boyfriend. Only with husbands. Your word is your wand honey 🙂

    By the way…Do you have a Good Vibe Middle School in the works? I don’t think I’m ready for University yet! 🙂

  38. Good reminder, Danae: “if it bothers me, it’s about me.”

    I think it’s related to what Nancy said earlier about how when my sense of well-being is depleted, I’m much more easily triggered.

    But a plug for boyfriends: my happy ever afters were much more tangible with every long term boyfriend I had than it was with the husband. lol

    Your Good Vibe Middle School comment made me laugh out loud, too! Thanks for writing in, Danae.
    🙂

  39. Ruby says:

    This is a great post Jeanette.

    Recently my business partner suggested we do an excerise to identify / focus on what I wold like to get out of the business that would help my goal in life.

    I could tell her what i wanted / what makes me happy. I couldnt however answer her ‘How would you reach there?’ question.

    I am going to use this post to explain to her what I was trying to tell her… I am dialed into happiness and abundance… I am confident I am and will continue to see evidence of it in my life…I have never been to keen on ‘how’ (thank god! else I wouldnt do half the things that I do!!)

    🙂

  40. Ruby, kudos to you for not falling for that “how” trap!!

    Especially when someone close to you is pressing for an answer.

    Smart girl. 🙂

    Thanks for chiming in to the conversation here, Ruby!

  41. Michael says:

    Wow…great stuff! You know, as great as things have been for me…’I’m gonna lose this!’ has crawled in a bit, and things have gotten bumpy at times. Realy bumpy (in my mind…but then again, I can dial in a different deal!) and so I’ve noticed how familiar those old patterns are, and have remembered that the way all these great things came to me is through joy and digging my life!

    So I’m getting a shot to dial in something new!

    m|p

  42. Good for you for choosing to dial in to something new, my friend.

    Those old habits can be especially tricky to navigate, so the awareness and commitment to a new setting is especially important – and powerful.

    Do keep us posted, Michael. 🙂

  43. I tend to agree with Danae: “I don’t know anyone who has ‘happy ever after’ with a boyfriend. Only with husbands.”

    I’ve never been particularly fond of the word “boyfriend” either. To me it implies someone that you’re just kinda hanging out with until you meet the REAL one you’re going to spend the rest of your life with… haha. Even when I have a boyfriend, I don’t call him that:) It just has never resonated with me, because I’m looking for so much MORE than a boyfriend.

    Love this Danae: “Your word is your wand honey.” Amen!! Such a great reminder that our words are SUPER powerful! 🙂

  44. Funny how different we can each be with this stuff, huh?! To me, had my husband felt more like a boyfriend, it would have been much more blissful.

    I can easily embrace the dream of being 80 years old with a hot boyfriend. lol

  45. gemstone says:

    Jeannette:

    I use to be a server way back when. I came to realize some parents think their children can do no wrong, and others just want to take a “vacation” when they go out in public and let their kids run wild– and have no shame about it, and never tip when their party leaves a mess. I was just always happy that I would most likely never see them again! Good riddance.

    As to dialing into what we want Vs what we need, it’s something I never paid much attention to in the past. However, as I became more conscious of what I wanted out of life, I stopped to think about my choices. Now I always hear Susan in my head saying *Happiness is a choice!* and if I’m too stubborn to let go of my “less happy story”, I ask myself what part of that story is serving me. I’m finding that I’m able to let more and more roll off my back. And for that, I’m grateful to all the contributors on this blog and GVU for enlightening me!

    Mary– Another voice I hear in my head more frequently is Kim saying “we can have this AND that!”…. so if status is still important to you, couldn’t you have someone who’s emotionally open to you AND financially secure?

    Great post as always Jeannette.

  46. Pernille Madsen says:

    Dana, thank you for your kind remarks about my blog post and for your great question:

    “Probably a very neat question is what do you do when two people in a situation together experience things so vastly differently?”

    It doesn’t feel good to me when other people feel that they are “right” and try to make me feel “wrong”. Cause as I see it we are both “right”!

    So I would say it depends very much on the situation. And I agree with you that sometimes that means you go your separate ways.

    I think you just inspired me to do a follow-up blog post 😉

  47. I love how much we all learn from each other, Gemstone!

    And thanks for your blog post link, Pernille – off to check it out now!
    🙂

  48. livingtheloa says:

    Jeannette wrote:
    Funny how different we can each be with this stuff, huh?! To me, had my husband felt more like a boyfriend, it would have been much more blissful.

    I can easily embrace the dream of being 80 years old with a hot boyfriend. lol
    ——————-

    I so agree!! I don’t AT ALL equate the word “husband” with happily ever after (although I fully respect that others see marriage as sacred). I realize it CAN work out that way, but with all the divorce in my family (including mine), my personal experience has been just the opposite.

    I do see myself living “happily ever after” with my current boyfriend and will be thrilled to call him that even when I’m 80, even though it doesn’t necessarily do justice to my feelings for him (at least not based on the comments I get from others about how we must not be serious if we have been dating for 3 yrs and don’t want to get married). Still, people tend to look at you funny if you refer to someone as your lifemate or soulmate in everyday conversation. LOL!!

  49. Tshombe says:

    Hi Jeannette,

    I have always appreciated how open and transparent you are. You are a blessing.

    There is so much going on here and so many things to say…..so many things that have been said.

    For the last couple of months, I’ve been following a monthly Shamanic Forecast. I’m feeling that you may find April’s to be particularly valuable at this time as a reminder that stability and security are illusions, at best, and how freely it is to embrace with trust movement, change, and transition.

    Let me know what you think: http://ShamanicForecast4-2010.notlong.com

  50. Kat Crowley says:

    Hi Jeannette

    I am late to this discussion, but I thought your post [as always!] was spot-on, and just what I needed to read! I am always curious as to why I attract whatever shows up into my life. I know that my thoughts have brought these things to me, and I know I can alter the situation by changing the way I view things, but sometimes I can’t get at the “why” of the thing. [Why did I get case of bronchitis, that I couldn’t dump no matter how much shifting I tried…had to break down and go to the doctor!]Hmmm, that which we resist, persists? Darn that Abraham!

    As for the noisy kids, I work in both elementary and middle schools, so I have my share of noise. What I have found helpful is to see them behaving in my mind as I want them to behave, then that behavior usually shows up. To encourage walking, rather than running in the halls, I changed my face and body language from Crabby Teacher At the End of the Hall Who Yelled, to Smiling Teacher At the End of the Hall Who Held a Sign that said “Thanks for Walking!”. The kids would pause to read the sign, laugh, and then walk to where they needed to go. Eventually, I didn’t need the sign; the smile alone would work. But I know I changed myself and how I looked at things, then everything else changed.

    I vote for “boyfriend” over “husband”. To make myself feel more grown-up, I refer to my boyfriend of five years as my “Dearly Beloved” to friends and family. I am happy in this relationship as it is now…marriage scares me. Eventually I will face my fear of “losing myself” in marriage, but that’s a post for another time!

    Thanks, Jeannette! You rock!

  51. KatCrow says:

    Sorry…this is my real gravatar!

    Kat Crowley/KatCrow

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