Guest Post: Not Caring What Others Think

May 10, 2012 | 13 Comments »

Today’s guest post is from Chip Engelmann.  I asked him to share his thoughts about how deliberate creators could get better at not caring what others think, since that is a common source of kinky vibes:

Chip Englemann, not caring what others thinkHow do I stop caring about what other people think of me?

This question cannot be answered as such because it is predicated on a fiction. In truth, no one can ever know what anyone else is thinking. At best, they can make a guess based upon false assumptions.

If you will bear with me, I will create a metaphysical construct in which we can re-examine the dynamics of relationships and from that, reformulate the question to make it more useful.

To start with, we are each magnificent beings of light and love. We are both individual and All-that-is. How we are individual is that we each have a unique blend of spiritual gifts. And as such when we create, we expand the Universe in ways no other individual is capable of.

As a very powerful part of this creation of expansion, you chose to have a physical experience. When you created an idea of you that is very different from who you really are, a being of light and love. This idea of you is based upon millions of years of experiences, colored by your unique mix of spiritual gifts.

Anyone you have a relationship with also has a unique mix of spiritual gifts through which they have interpreted millions of years of experiences.

You may agree that an object is green, but your interpretation of “greenness” will be unique to you.  You may agree that a certain arrogant fuzzball is a cat, but your interpretation of what a cat is will be unique to you.

Because you have a unique interpretation of everything in your experience, there is simply no way you can know how anyone is interpreting you or anything else.

Therefore, we can also conclude that the way most people think of relationships is also a fiction. That is not to say we don’t blend reality, it is just slightly different than how we are used to thinking of it.

I have a relationship with Jeannette. I don’t have a clue who Jeannette is but I have assigned her the qualities of carefreeness, cuteness, slightly flirtatious, and a whole lot of fun. In essence, I have created a fiction of Jeannette that matches my unique point of view. She in turn cannot know me and has created her own fiction. In our blending of reality, Chip has a relationship with Chip’s idea of Jeannette, and Jeannette has a relationship with Jeannette’s idea of Chip.

Another way of saying this is I line up with a version of Jeannette that matches the vibration of my expectations. And Jeannette lines up with the version of Chip that matches the vibration of her expectations.

In the same way, you have a relationship with the idea of everyone one you meet. You have a relationship with the idea of every plant and animal you encounter. In fact you even have a relationship with the idea of every thought you think. And each idea you think carries with it a unique interpretation.

In other words everything you see about you is a projection of your interpretation. It’s all you baby.

You truly create your physical experience through your thoughts.

So let’s get back to the original question:

How do I stop caring what other people think?

We are still not quite there yet. No doubt you’ve heard the expression, “What you don’t like about someone else is what you don’t like about yourself.”

If you get that what you experience in other people is a projection of your vibration, what you are looking at in a person you don’t like is a projection of you.

Some examples of how this might work is:

If you are angry, you will attract the versions of people that will yell at you.  If you are feeling guilty, you will attract the versions of people that will punish you.  If you are feeling shame, you will attract the versions of people that will “put you down.”

So when you are worried about what others think, what you are really worried about is exposing yourself to yourself through the mirror of “other people.”

Now you can change the question to something more useful. You can ask, “What is it that I’m judging myself for that I’m not quite ready to face?”

Chip Engelmann is the founder of Light Tapping and known as the Law of Attraction “Fun Guru.”  Visit Chip at PracticalWizard.com and sign up for his free video series: the 5 Pillars of Practical Wizardry.

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13 Responses to “ Guest Post: Not Caring What Others Think ”

  1. Reeya says:

    OMG…I just opened my browser and because I have GVU as one of my home tabs, this headline screamed at me today. This has been exactly what I’ve been working on for the last two weeks and a major thing in my life that I want to change. SUPER!! I cannot read the post now because I don’t have time but I know its a good one and cannot WAIT to come back and read it later! So excited and just had to leave a comment!! 🙂 You ROCK!

  2. Pernille Madsen says:

    I like your way of describing this a lot, Chip 🙂

    I particularly liked this one: “I line up with a version of Jeannette that matches the vibration of my expectations” – it gave birth to a lot of thoughts, ideas, considerations, etc.

    I used to be a people pleaser and was very much concerned with what other people would think about me.

    Today I don’t think much about that anymore. I still remember how surprised and relieved I was, when someone said “you never know what anyone is thinking”. I immediately resonated with that idea and over the next couple of months I would time and time again ask people what they were thinking, and they never answered what I had expected them to answer!

    When I finally felt that I had seen enough proof of “you never know what anyone is thinking”, I started deliberately telling myself positive stories about what other people were thinking of me and my doings, and it was extremely liberating.

    Ever since that it has been so much easier for me to not worry very much about what other people think 🙂

  3. Anonymous says:

    Standing ovation!!

  4. I like that strategy, Pernille.

    Caring less what others think has been an evolving process for me, so I’m super curious to hear how others are working this, too.

    Thanks for posting!

  5. Reeya says:

    I finally got a chance to read this post and it speaks VOLUMES to me personally. This is something I’ve actually been working on recently so perfect timing. I’ve cared waaay TOO much about what I THOUGHT others have thought about me.

    So to look at it in this perspective is soo enlightening and helpful and will make turning this around for me easier to manage.

    What a breathe of fresh air…and I like the idea of why not turn it around, since it’s all my perception anyway, and try what Pernille says and “deliberately tell myself positive stories about what other people were thinking of me and my doings…” Haaa…Screw it!

  6. ChipEFT says:

    Thanks Pernille. That is a fun strategy.

    Jannette,

    Isn’t it funny how you can understand a topic so thoroughly intellectually and still not be able to pull it off in practice. Every blog post I put out there I wonder how it will be received and what people will think.

    Chip

  7. Michelle Dobbins says:

    This is brilliant!!! I love it! I been trying to let go of caring what others think, and this just makes so much sense. It’s like a light bulb flashed on when I read this. Thanks!

  8. Petecito says:

    Being back in the corporate world I’ve been riddled with doubts over what all those superegos think of me.

    Intellectually I knew it was all a reflection of how I saw myself so started doing work I felt I was good at and everyone started to congratulate me. I would ignore the work I wasn’t comfortable with (even if I was asked to do it!) and just did work I thought had value. “oh, of course, Peter, great idea”.

    It makes it easier if you go within, fill your time doing stuff you like, are proud of, see the value in and everyone’s comments (in essence, yours, ha!) will come back to you to match the goodness, the value, the fun. Now I don’t even need to worry about what people think because I can control it!

    Lovely post, Chip

  9. Brilliant post Chip! It reminded me of 2 separate posts I wrote some time apart. First is “That image of you” in which I describe that you create an image of the other, and are responsible for that image. Not that other person. Second post “F*ck what they think” (pardon my French) explains my view of the relevancy of what others think.

    I love the depth of your post. In the end we are all extensions of Source Energy, and our inner being has no thoughts about others, just love for their expansion and who they have really become.

    Links to my posts: http://www.patrickbrinksma.nl/2011/01/that-image-of-you and http://www.patrickbrinksma.nl/2012/02/fuck-what-they-think/

  10. ChipEFT says:

    Thanks all. I was thinking of doing a Part II follow-up that was more nitty-gritty and gives you more to work with. That is if Jeannette isn’t tired of me yet.

  11. Paul Zelizer says:

    “Isn’t it funny how you can understand a topic so thoroughly intellectually and still not be able to pull it off in practice. Every blog post I put out there I wonder how it will be received and what people will think.”

    You see Chip, that’s what I love about you. You’re incredibly helpful, smart and authentic all wrapped up into one big bear of awesome. Not that you give a crap about what I think. 🙂

  12. libby says:

    Love the post, Chip. A great reminder to step back and consider the bigger picture – that we’re dealing with another Inner Being, another fragment of Source. When we get that uncomfortable gnawing inside – that emotional trigger from worrying about what someone’s thinking about us – all it’s telling us is that we’re out of whack with ourselves. We’re not seeing them for who they really are.

    When the flag goes up and I feel that trigger, it reminds me to pivot on the thought. So I think –

    – they’re spicing it up for me. Diversity is the point. If they disapprove, that’s ok. Thank them and just let it go.

    – I know I create in my own reality. I can’t in someone else’s, so if their opinion really bothers me, then my work is to create inner peace by allowing people to be who they are. It’s ok.

    more often than not, by letting go, they end up coming round to your way of seeing things!

    I’m talking a good fight here …

    Twitter @freeyourIB – I have a really cool picture, hand drawn 😮

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