What To Do with a “WTH?”

October 10, 2009 | 27 Comments »

WTHEarlier this week a new client asked how to handle it when our intentions don’t come to pass.

Some people use the possibility of foiled intentions as an excuse for not practicing deliberate creation.

That’s not how we really want to play it, right?

Like, Tiger Woods doesn’t stop swinging because he might not make every shot and Mick Jagger doesn’t stop writing songs because one might not become a hit. There’s still plenty to enjoy!

We simply take our occasional disappointments in stride, shake ’em off, move on, and celebrate the successes that DO unfold. (And pretty soon we don’t even see them as “disappointments.”)

Which is what I got to practice when I learned a coaching award I intentionally set my sights on isn’t coming my way. My initial “WTH?!” response was quickly followed by wondering where I missed the mark.

After all, I wasn’t attached to the outcome (although my irritated dismay at the results would reveal otherwise), I didn’t overdo it with the manifesting, I acted as if and visualized occasionally, reminded myself of the reasons it could happen (amping up belief), and activated the vibration of acknowledgement (which is what I really wanted).

Which just brought me back to thinking, “What the h*ll?!”

Yesterday a former client sent a similar email after learning her desired manifestation didn’t come to pass either.

My suggestion to her is the same I gave myself and what I would say to anyone else in these circumstances:

1) If it didn’t happen it’s because we’re not lined up with it.

And that’s not a big deal. Let’s relax and remember life is still good (just look around to see evidence as to why that’s true).

After all, vibrational misalignment might not be a bad thing.

For example, in this case it turns out the award is going to someone who has a stronger focus on business than coaching (that’s not the case for me, so I don’t fit the profile of who they were looking for); and that the audience plays a part in choosing the winner. (I really don’t like popularity contests or soliciting votes.)

I’ve seen this with clients who were unsuccessful at manifesting a particular job or lover, only to later discover a person or opportunity that was even better for them than they originally set their sights on.

Expecting McDonald’s to deliver a gourmet meal isn’t exactly paving an easy path. Rather, we can just line up with “gourmet meal” and trust Universe to deliver it, not getting hung up on how or where or who it comes through.

Also, I recognized minor counter-intentions during the manifesting in realizing I didn’t want to deal with a winner’s spotlight. Do I need to get my hair done? Am I expected to promote this award as a recipient of it?

(Hm, starting to see why this didn’t come together for me.)

2) You’ve still got it banked; don’t give up on what you want.

If you imagined it, Universe put it together and it’s patiently waiting for you (in a vibrational state). It doesn’t disappear or go to waste – that energetic investment will be rewarded sooner or later. (Even if it’s when you croak, as Abe says, before you get lined up.)

“Acknowledgement” is what I thought that award would do for me, and when I recognize how I already experience that, as well as additional ways I could let more in, I realize there’s no such thing as “losing.”

PS – thanks to Paul and Kim for sending really nice acknowledgments my way this week. You reminded me I already have what I said I wanted!

Not to mention lots of us think it’s “over” before it really is.

My ex just called to say his credit card company refused him the additional credit he needed for an expensive truck repair he had scheduled at the shop today. He couldn’t see any other way the money would come to him in a few hours. (No time to find extra work, no work to be had even if he had the time, no one was in the mood to lend or give or pre-pay the money, etc.)

The smart guyΒ recognized he was digging himself into a vibrational ditch with his fretting routine, so he said he wasn’t going to worry about it any more and hung up. Five minutes later he called back to say someone voluntarily out of the blue just gifted him more than he even needed for the repair within minutes of making the decision to stop worrying.

Amazing how shortsighted we can be sometimes, huh?

When I asked higher powers about it (just got a new oracle deck that I’m loving!) this is the message that came (my summary in parentheses):

  1. The fruits of your labor are manifesting. Behave as though the desired change has already come about. (You’ve planted a seed that is still unfolding.)
  2. The process has begun; things are not as they appear to be; let the desire take you further down the road. (It’s not over just because you can’t see it.)
  3. Normal methods and views are no longer applicable. New ways of seeing and operating are needed; move to a new vantage point.

Another tip came in from Alan Cohen’s email today, quoting A Course in Miracles:

“In any situation in which you perceive something missing, what is missing is what you have not given.”

Not exactly sure what that means yet, but what I’m most interested in exploring are YOUR perspectives on this topic.

How do you handle it when the intention (supposedly) doesn’t come to pass?

* * * * * * * *
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27 Responses to “ What To Do with a “WTH?” ”

  1. Wes says:

    One area in manifesting is tricky, and that’s when other people are involved. Like awards. As Wallace Wattles says, the Universe will not take what you want away from someone else to give it to you. Or as Thomas Troward said, the the interests of Spirit are universal and therefore Spirit cannot play favorites. Getting an award is not a question of manifesting skills, it’s up to the Universe to decide between candidates. So my suggestion is to look beyond the award to find what you really want that is in unlimited supply – like appreciation, acclaim, gratitude, and acknowledgment from your peers. Knowing you and your work, that shouldn’t be hard to find! Sometimes you get an award as a bonus, too.

  2. Haven’t seen you here in a while, Wes! Nice to hear from you again!

    You’re absolutely right in that it isn’t the award I wanted, but the feeling I thought it would inspire. Acknowledgement is what I’ve been dipping in lately, which surely takes the focus off not getting the thing I thought I wanted.

    Thanks for starting the conversation here, Wes!

    PS – I have to admit, I laugh every time I look at that photo and imagine Cookie Monster upset about not having cookies! lol

  3. MissyB says:

    Unless I’m in work for 7.30 am I’ve no chance of a car space in the car park. On Friday I arrived at work at 9 am and despite having made the request for a space – nothing. I drove up the road undismayed and with that, someone was pulling out of a space within a two minute fast walk from the office. Thing is – I’ve also requested weight loss – so I got a space and a little calorie loss too !
    I don’t think I’ve ever been too dismayed at not quite getting my orders…or at least I don’t remember might be a more wiser choice of words…it must have happened ! Most things I ask for are not needed. Extra cash, boyfriend and a car parking space – these things I don’t need so if they don’t come to pass I shrug it off and know there’s a reason for not getting them (yet!)
    I think I only dabble with LOA compared with you guys…perhaps that’s why I can shrug it off. My parents, who only requested stuff when they were desperate, were never let down. My mum recalls times when stuff always turned up when we were down to the last penny. My parents weren’t greedy – it was only ever enough to get them out of a tight spot. But they were never let down.

  4. That’s a beautiful approach to model for us, MissyB – that ability to easily shrug it off.

    Your parents’ experience reminds me of how authors talk about the “comfort zones” we operate within – we never let things get too good or too bad based on what we’re used to. And each of us has a slightly (or dramatically) different setpoint on those ranges.

    Loved your car space manifestation – thanks for sharing it, MissyB!

  5. Judiesjuice says:

    Hmm, I wonder if it’s me who you are referring to, aka, a “former client.” Hey, I still consider myself a current client πŸ™‚

    But yeah, I am totally bummed. For the past 7+ months, I have been manifesting an assignment in two specific magazines. My dream magazines. I have been sending ideas after ideas after ideas but also have let editors know that I am open to getting assigned a story. I have pray rained, chanted, prayed to get in alignment, demanded, used afformations, visualized, “let go,” unlisted Jeannette’s help….and found out yesterday that it did not manifest YET again. And they asked me to please not send in any more ideas for at least the next three months since they are not using freelancers. (The other magazine also told me they do not have much of a freelancer budget. And, yes, I did ask if they were hiring. They are not).

    I was and still am very, very bummed. I feel as if the Universe and God are not on my side, they are not helping me, what’s the use???

    I know why this did not manifest. Earlier this week, one of the publishing houses shut down at least 5 of their magazines and also laid many people off. I thought- shoot, I bet they are going to tell me their freelance budget is cut. I hope that doesn’t happen. At the same time, after I worked through these fears, I felt free and in alignment. I felt, surely, after all this work that I have been doing (and the subject matter that I pitched has a connection to Jeannette), I really felt that I was going to hear a YES answer.

    Jeannette has been encouraging me to just let this go. That’s very hard for me to do, but at this point, I don’t feel I have a choice. Both magazines told me flat out they are not using freelancers. I don’t even have, at this point, any desire to submit more ideas. I’m exhausted!! At the same time, part of me is still holding out hope that maybe, just maybe, one of these editors will feel sorry for me and offer me an assignment. I’ll take anything, just to make my dream come true.

    But I still very, very sad about it all. Sigh….

  6. Times like this it kind of makes you look at MissyB’s ability to not even remember a missed manifestation and want that for yourself, doesn’t it?

    One of the most obvious differences in situations being the lack of need and attachment – although that’s just my guess based on what you’ve shared, Judie.

    If I were … well, WHEN I was in your shoes … I would take the time to be sad, and then when it’s time I would ask myself, “What would feel better?” “What would give me some relief right now?” And then I’d head in that direction.
    πŸ™‚

  7. Mitch says:

    This is pretty much the reason I don’t get too specific with manifesting. If I need *that* person or *that* acting role or *that* amount of money coming from *just that* source, there is inevitably going to be hindering attachment for me.

    But there have been times when I have tried to be really specific about what I wanted and where I wanted it, and even though what I asked for didn’t come about in just that way… it still came about. But the Universe was tricky about it. Sometimes you have to really keep your eyes open to see what’s right in front of you. Don’t think your award (or your magazine job or your lover or whatever!) isn’t coming after you’ve clearly put so much into it! That energy is never wasted.

    A good, if somewhat silly, example is when I decided I was going to manifest a winning night at the blackjack table. lol I was serious about it! I visualized for probably a month before going and I had a set dollar amount that I wanted and I felt great. The trip rolled around, and I didn’t win what I wanted to win. But about a week later, I filed for unemployment (totally unrelated to the gambling, btw. ;)) and they responded with the amount of money I qualified for, which was the same amount I had asked for at the tables, plus about $500, to be paid over several months!

    So as much as I wanted my winning night, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some trepidation about gambling. But the Universe simply couldn’t ignore all of the focusing I had already done, so the money came to me through a less resistant path.

    My advice is don’t give up on your stuff! Just loosen your hold on the details a bit! πŸ˜€

  8. Don’t give up, just “loosen your hold on the details” .. wise words, Mitch!

    I’m not much of a gambler, but I bet (ha) that I’d have a great time sitting next to you at the blackjack table! lol

  9. Judiesjuice says:

    I don’t usually get this specific when it comes to manifesting. Some do recommend getting ultra specific and others recommend to be more ‘”loose”. During this manifestation process, I HAVE been very, very focused on these two magazines AND I have reached out to other magazines and websites (I am a freelance writer). Now that I think about it, I have manifested assignments with current magazines/websites but not any new ones that I had been pitching. Perhaps I was too focused on these two specific magazines.

    Someone told me that we cannot manifest everything that we want. I’m not sure what I believe. It’s not as if I am manifesting to win the Nobel Peace Prize, for goodness sakes! It’s simply a magazine assignment and I am a magazine writer πŸ™‚ This should be a no brainer. That’s why I think I am struggling with this so much. I have manifested so many “bigger” things that I was very much attached to (without doing all this work)- a partner, children, house, other assignments…. So why can’t I manifest this???

    Gee, clearly I am still too attached!! LOL! I will have some of what MissyB is having and shrug my shoulders. And, Mitch, thank you for your wise words. I will loosen my details. Many thanks to all for sharing.

  10. Judie, you get a prize for keeping your chin up while frustrated! To be able to laugh, to accept input, to consider the situation objectively – that’s all great stuff you deserve lots of good credit for.

    Are you giving it to yourself? It’s big.

    I’m thinking about Abraham’s downstream/upstream analogy, or the way Martha Beck talks about it (shackles on/shackles off) and thinking that’s a good guide for where to go from here.

    My downstream is spending 30 minutes on the elliptical with my favorite new book: Instant Magick. Off I go! πŸ™‚

    PS – for the record, for everyone else reading, I was NOT the person who suggested to Judie that we can’t have everything we want! Nobel Peace Prize? Here we come!! lol

  11. Judiesjuice says:

    I’m not familiar with Abraham’s downstream/upstream analogy or the shackles on/off concepts, if you care to share Jeannette πŸ™‚

    And, goodness, no, I hope it didn’t come across that you said that! It was someone else who also said that we come into the world with contracts and if something is not in your contract, it won’t happen in your life. I know everyone has their own opinion and beliefs but I don’t think I agree with that.

    Since this just happened yesterday, it’s still fresh in my mind and heart. I know (hope/pray) it will ease in time. It does suck knowing that you are the reason both good and bad things happen in your life. At least I think that is what I believe. I’m all confused right now- lol!

  12. Anna says:

    Judiesjuice – check out Abraham-Hicks on YouTube – lots of clips, and you’ll soon get the upstream/downstream bit and let go of the oars, Baby!

    As for handling apparent mis-manifestations … I essentially do, in fact, say “What? No cookies?!” And as (increasingly IF) disappointment begins to creep up, I switch my thought to “Wow – I’m better than I thought! I mean, I can’t even imagine what the Universe has in store for me – and I ROCK at imagining!” And then I giggle with delight, wonder and anticipation!

    Cookie Monster was almost as influential as Grover and that little crazy dude on the drums…

  13. Nice turnaround, Anna: “I’m better than I thought!”

    I’m SO using that!!

  14. Dan says:

    One thing to remember, we can’t push the river. In the Teachings of Abraham, within the deliberate creation, Abe suggests that you focus on the what and leave the how and the when to the Universe. Create in your mind and let go! Period. Our desires may continuously be added upon to create more clarity, however if what we really want is to be manifested, do you really care where it comes from? You can set a time frame as long as you are willing to let go of the deal when you set it, and not be watching the clock so to speak since this creates a vibration of lack and counteracts the manifestation. When any focus of ‘its not here yet” you send a vibration that you are not ready to receive it. This is the most difficult process of manifestation we as humans can overcome. I have had many personal manifestations come through with specific dates only because I let go once I made the request. They manifested from sources I never even suspected, because I didn’t care how, only the what. Oh, btw, I love your site Jeanette! I don’t participate much in the responses, but I do love reading them all!

  15. Toni says:

    I love the way you describe the most important aspect of LOA: not giving up on your dream even if it doesn’t appear at your first shot at it.

    I keep forgetting how to remain focused myself when something takes a “wrong” direction, so I need to be reminded all the time πŸ™‚

    Thank you, Jeannette.

  16. Well said, Dan. Here’s to not caring “how”!!

    And Toni, this is not the first nor the last time this topic appears in this blog, because I also benefit from the reminder! lol

    Thanks for sharing, you two!

  17. Susan says:

    I know it’s really hard to do but I’ve found that whatever it is I want comes when i’ve forgotten all about it . These have been the easiest, fastest manifestations for me. Obviously when it’s not in my thoughts I have absolutley no resistance.
    Of course when it comes to ‘big stuff’ that’s when it gets difficult to get out of your mind. But I would say just keep going, do your best and every time you find your thoughts going where you don’t want them to go have the discipline to think of something else completely.
    I hope this helps a bit.

  18. Susan, I was just reading a book on this topic last night, and that’s exactly what the author said we should do (and aren’t very good at) … letting go!

    I could write a whole blog post on this topic – in light of my five month old foster kitten who (finally) got adopted yesterday. As soon as I start thinking maybe he’s meant to live here, he gets adopted.

    Sounds ironic (and it sure feels it), but obviously it’s because I finally let go of what I was so set on creating.

    This is really interesting work, isn’t it?!

    Thanks for joining the conversation, Susan!

  19. JudiesJuice says:

    I had this thought while brushing my teeth this morning. I remembered that Missy had said she only “dabbles” in LOA. I feel like I have lived my entire life with Loa. As a child I wrote letters to God, did visualization etc. I manifested a happy home life with husband and child before I “really” began reading more about LOA. Now that I think about it, life seemed easier back then. I didn’t struggle as much. I would state my intention and then lived my life. Sure I journaled and prayed but… I don’t know. I guess I didn’t feel so responsible about creating. Now that I know “more” it seems more challenging. I’m not sure I am making sense…

  20. MissyB says:

    JudiesJuice – you make sense ! :o)
    A few years back I had one heck of a major manifestation. I simply asked – nothing else. And it came. I was brought up with LOA – but not as we know it here. My parents told of stories of how stuff came just as they needed it as I’ve said. After the major manifestation, I decided to look into it all – there had to be something in this “ask and you’ll receive” thingy. And here we are, 5 years later, I’m busy tapping my thoughts to you guys. What you said is what I was trying to get at about my parents. They just asked. Almost a prayer I would say – though I’d not say we were religious. The innocence of it – just asking. But they didn’t request stuff over and above need. Now they could have ordered more as we know, and Jeannette covered this in her reply to me, but I almost feel that innocence of needed requests only made it easier. My parents had a plan b in hand and were working on it when the manifestation came in to play and saved the day. If it hadn’t have come, they wouldn’t have held it against the Universe (wrong use of words there but can’t think of a better way to put). Effectively if something doesn’t come to pass, we seem to beat ourselves up for not being in alignment. That’s why I tend to shrug it off – better luck next time eh !
    My parents make the best of their lives – I wish I had been born with the enthusiasm they have for making best of all situations…it is something I am learning though. There is two major things in common with their requests and LOA as I see it now – they asked – and they got on and felt good – no matter what !

  21. Kristy M says:

    What if there is a better award for you to win? One that involves a cash prize ;)? “This or something better”

  22. Amen to that, Kristy! Thanks for that beautiful thought.
    πŸ™‚

  23. Roxann Kennedy says:

    I just wanted to share my story. At the beginning of this year I wanted to rent a duplex. I put in applications all over town but never did get anyone to rent one to me. I got close and even one time was called to say I had one but then 5 minutes later got a call back that no it had already been given to someone else. So I just gave up on it for the moment.

    I have never thought I wanted to buy a house but one day on a lark I went to a bank to see if I would qualify for a loan on a house and if not what would I need to do to get there. Was I ever shocked when I came out being preapproved for a loan for a house!! I got a VA loan which I have never used so no down payment. I am a first time home buyer so I get the tax credit for that. Then I also qualified for a program that would pay my closing cost. How great is all of that?!?!

  24. Judiesjuice says:

    Roxann, thank you for sharing your story. Very interesting! I know we should all think “this or something even better will manifest for my highest good.”

    It reminds me of what happened to me years ago. The magazine I was working at merged and laid off people. I was one of them. I had not enjoyed working there and knew I had to be very choosy for my next job. I wanted to be there for a long time and be happy there. I went on almost 200 interviews! I could not find one job that appealed to me. It was a very challenging time in my life.

    I ended up getting a freelance position at a magazine. Every single woman in that department was either pregnant or on maternity leave. A couple of months later I became pregnant. My husband and I were not planning it but we left it up to God and one month later, I was pregnant. I casually started asking the other women there about their ob gyns and based on their recommendations, I ended up finding a doctor who specialized in an issue I was having. I could not have asked for a better doctor and I don’t know if I would have found him on my own.

    I continued searching for a job until it became obvious I was pregnant. I figured that I was meant to be a Stay At Home Mom for a while.

    That situation sort of reminds me of what is going on with my life right now, trying to get published in those magazines. This time, I AM keeping my eyes and ears open for other opportunities not related to these magazines and in fact, had an interview this afternoon πŸ™‚

  25. Brenda says:

    Thanks Jeannette, for this opportunity to share about the LOA. After two years of “working” with the law, I gave up on it. Duh! As if we can give up a natural universal law:-)

    My life long quest to calm my inner turmoil was being ignored on so many levels, or so I thought. In exasperation, I emphatically demanded (almost screamed) to be shown ways to release my inner pain.

    As soon as I quit asking and let go of expecting and not getting, along came meditation. I know I did not ask for meditation – I did not believe in it then. However, almost immediately meditation techniques began to work for me – my inner storm subsided. Abraham recommends meditation to help us raise our vibes – I completely missed that point in my two years of studying. That was 10 years ago. I’m still meditating, and now teaching it. Even when we give up on the law, it remains our constant genie in a bottle; ask and it is given – when we get ourselves out of the way.

    Great site, wishing you continued success and joy
    Brenda

  26. Patty says:

    This is such a great discussion!

    Judie – I feel your pain sister! There is so much info on how to practice LOA and what will and won’t work. After a while just trying to “do it right” no matter what the intended manifestation can feel exhausting. I’ve even gotten to the point where I wonder why a Universe that loves me so much would make this so darn hard!

    And that is when I know it is time to take a vacation from LOA – not too long – a week or so. Of course LOA is always in action but during the vacation I don’t do anything consciously to try and manifest a thing. And you know what? Everything turns out just fine. Gifts continue to appear in my life. And more importantly I find renewed enthusiasm for the connection I have to the Universe–and faith that this benevolent Source only wants the best for me. If you aren’t ready to shrug off this dream right now maybe you could shrug off your manifestation efforts around it and see what happens.

    As for all the great advice here – Thanks so much everyone! I’m going to file this away for my next manifestation hissy fit:)
    -Patty

  27. Judiesjuice says:

    Thanks for the note Patty. That is exactly what I am doing. Taking a break from all the “work” and simply enjoying the moment!

    Judie

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