How to Break A Bad Story

We talked about how to stick to your story, but what about when you’ve got one worth dropping?
Like some of these stories, maybe:

  • All the good ones are taken.
  • There isn’t enough money for that.
  • I’m so busy/tired/sick of it.

Those are not fun stories to reap the consequences.

Yet sometimes they don’t seem so easy to discard.

Let’s get as good at dropping a bad story as we are at sticking to a good one.

How to tell when you’ve got a story that isn’t serving you?

You can spot those a mile away based on how they feel.

You know how it feels crappy to talk about how our politics are going to hell in a hand basket? Or that you don’t know how to make your body heal? That not-so-great feeling is your first heads up that you’ve got a story worth dropping.

How the story makes you feel is worth paying attention to. It’s your first indicator and it’s also the easiest time to drop it – before it builds more momentum.

Because your next indicator of engaging a bad story is real life 3D results. When the sh*t is hitting the fan, that’s another sign you’ve got a story worth changing!

By then it can seem so real and true that it’s challenging to disengage from it, but you’ve got even more incentive at that point.

Speaking of good incentive, I was telling a crappy story the other day. About how much I didn’t like someone who was left in charge of my rescued foster kittens. I was driving home after a bad exchange and retelling what an awful person she was, how bad she was at her job, and listing all the reasons why I was right to have a negative opinion of her.

Hello, bad story alert!

This is no time to tell that version! I just left my kittens with her for the day! I’ve got to clean that up for their sake, let alone mine!

So I dropped the old version like a hot potato once I realized my kittens were sitting in the crosshairs of it. And I started telling the version of how she’s done a lot of good work, and she’s in it for the right reasons. And even if she doesn’t like me, she’d never take it out on my kittens.

I let her be the hero instead of the bad guy when I believed that my kittens’ well-being was at stake. But a skillful creator would have caught it at the first whiff of anxiety or discomfort I felt when I started my rampage of frustration.

As you speak, so shall it be. Tell the version you want to see unfold!

Just knowing the consequences of what comes from telling what you don’t like is often incentive enough to switch it up.

This morning I saw a facebook post from a mom whose 15 year old daughter didn’t come home last night.

As I read the account of when the daughter was last seen and the comments from concerned friends and family, I felt fear and worry settling in. That’s my first clue I’ve got a story worth dropping.

So I told it differently. And invited some LOA savvy friends to join me in a new version.

Where she’s home sweet home, safe and sound, happy healthy and thriving. All is well here.

That version feels SO much better.

And that’s how we break a bad story.

By replacing it with a better version.

You might be able to do that in the red hot moment of realization, or you might need to process some of those prior lingering feelings before you can successfully switch tracks.

But you can do it. It’s just a matter of (feeling your feelings first) and then finding a thought that feels better. On purpose. Again and again. Until it’s your new normal. Hello new story. 🙂

If you find yourself drawn to repeat the version you don’t like, it may just be law of attraction calling you back to it. (That’s what law of attraction does.) Resolving the situation is just a matter of consciously creating new momentum by engaging a different thought/story.

It could also be that you’re getting some benefit from telling the unwanted version, so you don’t really truly intend to leave it behind. (Like if I keep talking about how all the good guys are taken, then I never risk rejection or failure in a new relationship.

So there can be some interesting dynamics involved. (Coaches come in handy at times like that.)

Here are three tips for succeeding in a new story-telling process:

1. Don’t make it harder by dwelling on contrary evidence. Shift your attention to a place where it’s easier to tell the new story. (Example, I’m purposely refraining from checking the facebook post for updates on the daughter’s whereabouts. “Don’t take score too soon,” advises Abraham.)

2. Don’t get caught up in others’ stories that you don’t like. They get to have it their way; you get to have it yours. Choose according to your preferences, not according to momentum from the masses.

3. Don’t get stuck in your own history. Just because it’s been true before, and appears to be true right now, doesn’t mean it has to continue being your truth. You can choose differently at any time. You are not a prisoner of your past. Everything is happening, it’s all happening right now, and you can select a different version simply by changing your mind.

But I’m preaching to the choir here. What are your tips for breaking a bad story? You guys know this stuff. What’s worked for you in successfully choosing a new version to create?

(((Update: less than 24 hours after gone missing, the daughter is home sweet home! Yay!)))

  • April 3, 2016
  • Karen says:

    This came at such a perfect time, and I had a really cool experience yesterday that was SO validating of what you’re saying!
    I was wrestling the tendency to tell myself a bad story the past few days. I used this post and tried to improve the story, choose better feeling thoughts and wait for inspiration — which led to my lovingly detaching from the thing I was anxiously waiting for. Just after that I had a sort of optical illusion with an insight: I just retrieved my bike from winter storage and had locked it to a parking meter to ride later. When I came back out I glanced at it, I thought the front wheel had been stolen. I had the whole arc of emotions, fast: shock, upset, loss, acceptance… and then I realized that the wheel was still there. It was just pointed directly at me so it was almost invisible. And I thought of that Abraham quote, ‘don’t take score too fast’. Sure enough, I got a message not long after that the absence I was interpreting telling myself a rejection story about? Was a technical glitch. And the inspired action cleared it up…

  • Mrs V says:

    I have a story that I have decided to change right now. So I will come back with a update with all the details A.S.A.P!

  • Sage says:

    and note to self during mental churn: “and you think you know the TRUTH of this?” (i know, not the gentlest self talk)

  • Pickles says:

    Hi everyone,
    This is such a great post and has come to me with perfect timing. I find myself in a (for me) really ”bad story” situation and I would love some help in how to get out of it.
    A family member of mine has got themselves into very bad debt through a series of circumstances, which have only come to light recently – I am trying to not to judge how it all happened but I do feel very much it is a strong case of ‘the definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results’! Unfortunately through years of poor decisions this has all come to a very nasty head and they are in a very bad place emotionally and mentally and of course, financially and are unable to pay the debt. It’s been a terrible time for them and of course has affected the rest of the family to. I have only recently learnt that this has been happening for years as they have kept it hidden from everyone.
    I am at the moment, the only person in my family who is in a stable job and earning an income, so I have the unfortunate responsibility of the debt now and am paying it off. In a country with a very fragile and weak economy – it’s been very hard. I have only recently moved back here to be closer to family and sadly the two years since I have been back have been tainted with the same issue happening repeatedly. My parents are elderly and retired and have no means to assist with this debt so it’s landed with me.
    Here is my bad story struggle: I can’t see a way out of this story. There is no one else who is financially able to assist except me but in doing so – I have put my own life on hold. I can’t find an apartment of my own (currently staying with a friend of a friend so not ideal) because I cannot afford rent, I have my own things to pay, I am trying to save to build a new life for myself and I am finding that very hard to do because financially I have no spare income to get out and do things. I live in a city where I don’t know anyone and would so love to settle and have my own home and a happy life but I can’t seem to make it happen because I just don’t have any spare money to go out and do things. I also support my parents financially which is not a burden at all, it’s a choice and I am delighted and grateful to be able to do it as they have given so selflessly their entire lives to my siblings and I, and I want to be able to give back to them as much as I can.
    I so want to change this story to a positive one, where this family member finds their OWN way to settle their debt, stop borrowing money from my parents and I all the time because they have more than enough of their own. I want them to be happy, live a joyful life, be happy, financially stable and be able and WILLING to contribute to looking after and supporting my parents. I am struggling to not feel angry, hurt and resentful as it feels as though everything I worked so hard for in the past 15 years I have lost due to thinking I was doing the right thing by lending them money every time they needed it. This person means the world to me but sadly they only seem to contact me when they need money and I realise now looking back that I haven’t helped their situation at all by constantly bailing them out, I have only enabled it.
    I hate that I feel like a victim because it’s a mind set that I not only don’t like but I understand how it just attracts more of the same. I swing between thinking about relocating back to where I was because I will then be able to pay the debts off much quicker and be able to earn back the money I have lost helping this family member out over the years, and not wanting to have to go through such an emotional upheaval again and have to relocate.
    Any thoughts and advice would be so appreciated – I am struggling to not feel panicked and scared about the current circumstances and I don’t know what to do to change it.

    • Elle says:

      You are right, the victim mentality is not only out of the vortex and feels bad (that’s why it feels bad), it is also not a spiritual stance. That, feeling sorry for oneself and constant complaining are not spiritual.
      You are on the right track, so have no fear and keep going with what you started. Perhaps one day you won’t take this situation anymore and do leave to go back to your old life. The family member, though needing assistance, would perhaps get on their feet then and take responsibility. Something will come up for them. Jeannette wrote a brilliant post on creating a miracle for someone else. You can find it and start practicing that and it will help your family member. I think the trick is to see them in a non-victim way and not that of a victim. They are powerful indeed but perhaps do not know it. You can give them tips on how to get their life back together. You can become their teacher if they are up for it. If they are not open to it and just don’t get you or listen to you in any way, then try not to become depressed yourself, stay in the vortex and spread good vibes. This way, this person and their situation won’t affect you as much and you can focus on your own thing. Perhaps along will come someone who can help the situation, like a financial planner, or attorney who can give advice, an accountant, or a new job for the family member. Or, you may get so angry one day, you have a release and the family member will get the point. Many things can happen.
      I just provided some scenarios to you mostly to make you feel better, show you you are not stuck, the universe is at work and things will eventually work out. Do not despair. I hope this helps a bit. I know it’s easier said than done, but You will get tired of the bad feelings anyway and turn to the light naturally one day.

      • Pickles says:

        Thank you Elle, a very helpful post and a inspiring list of possible scenario’s. I agree that the victim mentality is so out of the vortex, probably why it feels so awful for me. I think I need to release the thought I have that it’s my responsibility to protect and help out otherwise bad things will happen.
        Thank you for your thoughts, I appreciate that a lot.

    • Granted I don’t know the full details, but to me the easiest way out for YOU – don’t pay off someone else’s debt. I’m not seeing how someone else’s debt is your responsibility. And just because your family thinks you should help this person out doesn’t mean you have to.
      I’m not saying it wouldn’t be painful to see them struggle but I’m just not seeing where it is mandatory for you to pay off their debt just because you are the “only one” who can. (I think that might be a story to work on changing as well.)
      And again, this might not be the case at all so I’m not trying to be insulting – but is there any chance you’re paying off their debts to feel like a hero and/or martyr? That by paying off their debts you’re keeping yourself safe from doing what you REALLY want/how you want to live because you have fears of failing and or success or even just self worth issue – as in you’re not feeling worthy of living your life how you want?
      This might sound mean – but again why are you expected to pay for someone else’s mistakes? It sounds like the person who got into debt is an adult and thus it is THEIR responsibility to deal with the consequences of their actions. Unless you were directly involved/caused them to go into this debt – just stop paying it for them. It’s not your responsibility. I really don’t believe that just because someone is family that you become an indentured servant because of what they did. Also you bailing them out doesn’t really help them. They just learn that someone will save their butts so they don’t have to change – they can keep messing up and letting others clean up their mess.

      • Elle says:

        You make many good points, Stacy! In many families, though, problems are shared and people get taken careof.
        Universe will provide for everyone and this seems like a cattle prong moment, if you will, for all parties concerned. The person in debt can do something about it after this wake up call if there is one, the family member may not get involved, or they can both meet halfway. I am not sure how old the person in debt is, but the family member can put their foot down and forbid unnecessary expenses, for example, or make some other rules or guidelines to live by, while respecting the other person and for the greater good.

  • ramona says:

    Oh thank you for this post! I needed it! I used your kitten -sitter analogy, I replaced the kitten lady with a couple of people who have someone I care about in their care, instead of focusing of their downfalls, I must make them the heros! I used the sentences of ‘they are in it for the right reason, and even though they may not like me, theywill never take it out of the person iI care about!’ I may not believe it at first but man, it feels good to say it and change my dialogue! Just the simple changing of my spoken words make me feel 150% better about it ! Ah so magical! You post the best articles! Thank you : )

  • Danielle says:

    OK Jeannette, how the heck is it you always know EXACTLY what type of Blog I need? Perfect words, perfect timing, you rock!
    Laughter and Happiness, Danielle

  • Mrs V says:

    Oh boy! Do I need to do this big time!
    Thank you!
    I will start my new story right now and keep my mouth shut about the bad story, that I have been telling for the last 6 months.
    I did practice the The Pruning Shears of Revision by Neville Goddard
    When I done this it worked like magic, freaking fast to.
    Thank you everyone!

  • Jiya says:

    Great post and I am pinning it to my favs so i can reread it.
    I need a big help in this area… While I know everything I am good at letting the negative thoughts pass and start creating deliberately. ..
    I don’t like one of my neighbours and I have no intention of liking her. When I see her or hear her talking I just can’t stand her. She has done some bad stuff in the past…

  • Jiya says:

    Great post and I am pinning it to my favs so i can reread it.
    I need a big help in this area… While I know everything I am good at letting the negative thoughts pass and start creating deliberately. ..
    I don’t like one of my neighbours and I have no intention of liking her. When I see her or hear her talking I just can’t stand her. She has done some bad stuff in the past…

  • Serena says:

    I like to use “I could be wrong “. Because no matter how sure I am of what could happen, I could actually be wrong. That leaves the door slightly ajar for the good stuff to come though.

    • Amanda says:

      Oh Serena, I love this! Realized that one of the things that can make it challenging for me to stop going down a path I know will likely not end well is a need to be right. (This is a difficult thing for me to admit to myself!) So, I’m going to use this phrase to see if I can find a feeling place of it that satisfies me:-)

  • Raji says:

    You always always have posts that resonate.
    8 months back, i had commented on on of your posts where my friend was looking for a job and although he got calls, he couldnt land the job. He got it next week though 🙂
    Today, I am getting a bunch of interview calls. Everytime I come out exuberant it went well. For some or other reason, i cant seem to land the job.
    I am not sure if subconsciously I am telling myself a different story. A conflicting story?
    How can I know?

    • Jeannette says:

      For fun, I might start telling the “I love my job” story. Just to get some traction with it. Just to give Universe some powerful direction. Anytime I heard myself thinking, “When am I gonna get a job?” I’d use it as a chance to practice my new one: “Man, I love this job. This job is perfect for me. In so many ways. I love my job!” 🙂

      • Raji says:

        Thanks Jeannette
        That makes sense 🙂
        Will make that my mantra… i actually do love my job 🙂
        i love the place, my colleagues, my profile..
        it is the contract expiring thingy that’s out of my hand…

  • Jen C. says:

    It took months to catch myself to stop and pivot–when I’m starting down the path of something negative, to just be aware, and slowly realize it. And allow myself permission TO shift my own energy, knowing that I have to feel differently in order to get different results. No special magic, that was all it took, but now it’s a habit that works in my favor and I employ it daily.
    I had to actually feel and then see improvement in a few areas before I could really feel this method “working” though. Wishing the best for my fellow creators as you learn to walk away from the old story and realize that your new story has a lot of support–in the form of YOU, power, intuition, Angels, and lots of beings that are lining up good things for you.

    • Jeannette says:

      Good point about how this can become habitual. So while it make take a lot of effort to practice in the beginning, pretty soon we can do it automatically. Thanks for that, Jen!

  • Elle says:

    Ok, this is my topic! The very topic that led me to LOA.
    I can attest that not only does changing your story work, it changes the past as well. The fact is that no two people remember the past the same exact way. Universe is on your side no matter what. If you are trying to escape your bad past, you can totally do so, it is possible, so don’t give up. That is the name of the game.
    I’ve flipped around my story from a bad experience to a good one and I kept telling it as if that was what happened because for me that was what happened, and lo and behold, that is what happened! And do not buy into what will others think and all that jazz- they don’t. It all depends on you and what you put out there, so make it what you want to see and you eventually will. People will respond to you the way you want, eventually. Just keep enthusiastic and keep at it.
    On this point, Jeannette if you would please talk about, as a future post, how to get the job before you even have it- like at the interview. I heard Abe speak about it once but can’t find it. I know it’s about alignment and those who supposedly have strikes against them, according to others, still get the job of their dreams! If you have posted on a similar topic, please point me in the right direction. Thanks!

    • Jeannette says:

      Elle, I love that you brought up about how “time” and past occurrences don’t have to get in the way of the version we choose! That’s some real flexibility there. Master manifesting at its finest!
      Thanks for the tip on the future post. Will do! 🙂

    • I’ve been hearing a lot (or rather attracting) the concept of changing your past by telling a different story.
      I’m curious – could I tell a story that is VASTLY different than what physically happened and see the physical proof of the new story? For example, when my dad died his wife said he left everything to her – which I know was a lie but at the time I didn’t have the resources/information (emotional, legal, or financial) to fight it. So if I were to practice – and get good at – telling a different story – like my dad married someone else who was awesome and treated me fairly/cared about me or even what he had left to me made it to me as it was legally supposed to, could I see evidence of that new story? Like more money in my bank account or even items he would have wanted me to have that I hadn’t received?

      • Mrs V says:

        Hi Stacy,
        Do read the links I gave on Neville Goddard as I think it will be helpful.
        I know what you are going through because something like that happened to me and I it took me many years to decide to put the above into practice, mainly because it was such a really hopeless case. However when I did start to re write the situation I knew that I could not change lets stay my Dads death, the will but things did work out for me. Just avoid worrying “how” it will happen.
        You have to put it to the test and block out anything that states otherwise and keep detached. I don’t think it would of worked out for me if I didn’t do that.

        • Thanks! I’m familiar with Neville Goddard through Joe Vitale (I’ve been re-going over his Attractor Factor stuff and one step is “Neville-izing Your Goal”. But I don’t think I’ve heard/seen/read the pruning one you linked to below. I will definitely check it out.
          I’ve been aware of LOA for more than 10 years now (even before the Secret came out – I was reading Wayne Dyer), so I’m not new to it – but I still struggle with worrying about the “how” and being detached and ignoring what is.
          But I’m open to going into a kid-like staying of “playing pretend” and not worrying so much about reality.
          Thanks again for the links – another wink from the big U to do some Neville work. 🙂

        • Mrs V says:

          Nolonger a fan of Joe Vitale due to him mixing snake oil with true facts and really useful info to shaft people. Anyways Do read this really helpful link from Mr.20 20. I like his stuff because he is not taken in by some of these so called LoA Guru’s …

          Quote from Mr. 20 20 “Notice how Neville says you must escape habitual reactions to life (that come from your old states), by formulating your aim, and noticing if you are coming from that aim.  If you do a Feel It Real Session, and then get up and react to the world from your OLD state, you haven’t detached from the old state yet. ”
          I am done telling folk how long I have been doing LoA because I find it a tad embarrassing because I spent most of those years just manifesting for things I wanted then never used it in my daily life style change. So one can say I that I wasted my LoA knowledge.
          Dr. John Demartini uses this affirmation DAILY, yes even today when he has multi millions of dollars. “I am a genius and I apply my wisdom”

      • Elle says:

        My husband went through what you went through and eventually, the money made its way to him. You most definitely can! He never felt sorry for himself, and kept moving forward. And things manifested where he was able to track down the money and have it transferred over to him. Can’t share the details, but that is what happened.
        Also, my sister was “the rich lady” since we were little. When asked what exactly she “did” then, she’d state “I’m just rich.” And guess what, she now is. Again, life reflects back to you the story you tell and evidence crops up everywhere, so be attune to it. And I mean everything, signs that ring a bell, a ringtone, an overheard conversation, anything that gives you a prod inside or lights a bulb or something.

        • Elle says:

          And, of course, do not forget this blog! It is of utmost importance what we share here, so do not underestimate it. Once you post something, the Universe is at work, you know and also the exchanges you have will do good as well. you may not get instant results but the ball gets rolling.

        • Mrs V says:

          You made a very important point about what you said about your husband never felt sorry for himself. The moment I game out of victim mode with this situation I forced myself to stick to my new reality and I was happy that I did.
          Even reading this thread over the last couple of days was a massive wink for me from the universe on another personal issue.
          Massive thanks folks!

        • Well, that gives me some encouragement, Elle! Thanks! Glad he got the money!
          Also good point about the feeling sorry for himself. I think I get caught up in the story of how wronged I was and how tough I’ve got it – and I like the sympathy it brings me. Also I feel like by going through what I’ve went through it’s made me so “strong” and admirable – especially because I’ve had to rely only on myself. So now to turn some of those details around to where I’m actually getting what I want and without struggle and negative stuff.
          The story about your sister reminds me of something when I was a little kid. My best friend at the time when I lived in Japan (my dad was in the Army) had 2 sisters. And the oldest one said she wanted to be a millionaire. I was about 5 or so at the time and I didn’t even know what a millionaire was (I just thought it sounded good), but when she said it – it just resonated with me and I thought to myself, “I want to be a millionaire too!” Nearly 35 years later I can not think of another thing I clearly remember my friend’s sisters saying, but that I remember. Must be a sign. 🙂

  • George says:

    I apologize in advance, but I saw the post of the missing girl and I am a little confused about breaking a bad story by saying she is home safe. If it’s not true, which is the part I am assuming, is that the right thing to do?
    I wouldn’t want someone saying that and friends and family assuming she’s home. Did I miss something here?

    • Dani says:

      Jeanette would be best at answer but I’ll give my interpretation.
      Although it’s “true” that she’s not there (yet) if we focus on the idea that she’s missing and not safe then we’re adding to the energy of she’s not home and what we focus on we bring about.
      Just because we’re telling the stories that she’s home safe to ourselves we don’t necessarily have to tell that to the family especially if they’re not emotionally/vibrationally ready to believe that story.

    • Jeannette says:

      Very well said, Dani! Thanks for responding. I love your point about how we can keep the new story to ourselves when it doesn’t feel appropriate to broadcast it.
      Because there’s a time and a place and an audience for our new story, right, George? Like, I imagine when mom was calling the police for help finding her, that was not the appropriate time to say her daughter was home safe and sound. But I loved how even on her social media post, the mom didn’t elaborate too much about her devastation. She said what she needed to say and asked for prayers and support and was done with it. Didn’t post constant updates. Just asked for what she wanted and left it.
      We, on the other hand, who know we are co-creating this reality with each other, are in a perfectly fine position to tell it differently right now. (To tell it the way we want it.) We don’t have to wait for that reality to unfold (indeed, it unfolds best when we lead it).
      (Although frankly, if I’m the mom I have more incentive than anyone to start practicing the happy ending I’m praying for. I totally get what a challenge that would be under the circumstances, though.)
      When you think about how everything that could happen is happening, right now (study multiple worlds theory if that’s not a familiar concept), then it isn’t so much that we’re saying something that isn’t “true.” Rather, it’s that we’re choosing to bring to light an alternate truth.
      In fact, when you think about that, the best thing we COULD do to get what we want is to have friends and family tuning into that version, too! Imagine the power there! Which is why I posted it on my facebook page, so people who know our power to choose could practice it for the benefit of this family.
      But it always comes down to what feels best, doesn’t it? And it is an art to be able to hear that inner guidance and follow it, allowing inspired action its proper place.
      Such fun stuff to play with!! 🙂
      PS – did you see the update where the daughter was returned home sweet home within a matter of hours? Yay for happy endings!

      • Elle says:

        Ah, wonderful story! I knew it would end that way!
        Reminds me of the owner of land,useful at one point, which he allowed to deteriorate. He knew that someone would come by and offer him money that would set him for the rest of his life and held on to this knowledge for I think a decade or so. But, as we creators know well, time is not a factor. Though people would complain to him about how he kept the place and groaned that he should spruce it up if he wanted to sell it, he said that was not necessary, as the next person would have other ideas and he would not go through the trouble. And one fine day, that person did show up, riding along the road, just as he pictured, offering him the money after which man bought himself a condo which he did not have to spruce up! I do not remember exactly where I read this, but you can certainly change your future and past and make it how you want each to be!

  • Sue says:

    if you pick hearts they come thru as question marks, interesting.

    • Jeannette says:

      I know! Took me a while to figure out what was happening there. lol
      I trust one of these days the system will learn our heart love. 🙂

  • Sue says:

    Just antisipating the new stories is exciting! Thanks for another great post????

  • Amanda says:

    boy, is this an appropriate post for me today! (but of course, i attracted it:-) have been spending a lot of time this morning tapping (EFT)as i decided to just give voice to that part of me who was ranting since i couldn’t seem to find any other way of shifting the focus. that seemed to relieve the pressure enough to begin acknowledging other better-feeling perspectives. and then attracting this post helps me see that i’m now moving in the other direction, thank goodness! so thanks, jeanette, as usual:-)

    • Jeannette says:

      That’s a good point, Amanda, about using release techniques to help clear the slate and make it easier to tell a new story. Thanks for mentioning EFT here. 🙂

  • hey
    reallly great post, approaching bad stuff and finding a way to deal with them is sometimes can be a hassle

    • Jeannette says:

      Yes, indeed, which is where it’s a huge advantage to have flexible story telling skills.
      Thanks for reading and for posting, Hussein!

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