Care But Not Care

horses2Continuing the highlights from the manifesting seminar with Koelle’s horses in Scottsdale, Martha shared a quote that is at the heart of successful manifesting.

I thought it might be from Lao-Tzu, but I might have that wrong.

Anyway, what she said was that one of the keys to getting what we want is to “know but not know; care but not care.”

She is, of course, talking about being free of resistance and dwelling in the sweet spot of allowing.

This “caring, but not caring” is one of the aspects we’ll focus on in the Perfect Clients course next week. Martha said if you care deeply about something, you’ve got to let it go.

Sounds contradictory, huh?

But deliberate creators know that’s excellent advice because the more we care about something, the more we want it, the more attached we (often) become to it, which means the more we repel it.

So this trick of combining desire with allowing could be described as “caring but not caring.”  I think Martha’s saying that you don’t want to release your desire (which is what some Buddhists practice, right?) but you also don’t want to be attached to it.

Martha had a beautiful moment of imparting this wisdom when she taught a participant how her version of “not caring” wasn’t serving her. I hope I can do it justice by trying to describe it in words …

In an attempt to show us the different ways of “not caring” Martha stood in front of the group, paused while she got in character, and then embraced what felt like flippant and slightly bitter energy (reminded me of a snotty brat teenager) and said with very biting words, ” I don’t care!” along with a caustic flip of her hand and head.

Then Martha paused for a moment to “not care” differently: she took on a very light and carefree energy (you know how you can feel the energy someone’s flowing even before they talk?) and with a half smile and open arms she said, “I don’t care” with complete freedom, enjoyment and openness.

Again, it’s hard to describe, but I hope you get a sense of what I mean.

Can you feel the different versions of not caring? The helpful one is a kind of not caring that comes from already being fulfilled, simply because the sky is blue and life is good.

Koelle shared a related concept as well, when she asked a woman what having a boyfriend was going to do for her. The woman said it would make her feel loved and supported and appreciated. Koelle asked her to start feeling those senses now. Because, Koelle said, when you can feel love and support and appreciation now, you no longer need a boyfriend for it – and that’s what lets the boyfriend happen. It eliminates the “need.”

Koelle’s basically talking about releasing resistance, and stepping into allowing by creating vibrational alignment.

koelleSo to love, to enjoy, to be at peace and be happy now – that’s the key, right?

This “not caring” conversation came about when we were doing a herding exercise in the corral, where it was easy to get “attached” to doing it right and getting successful results. It was a great opportunity to remember to have an end result in mind, but to approach it with a lightness and easiness that kept resistance out of the picture.

Honestly, it was easy to stay light and easy in that gorgeous setting with beautiful horses and generous people and happy dogs and the amazing energy of Koelle. But we can do it no matter where we are, who we’re with and what we’re doing. We can do it at work, at the mall, and with our ex.

Life is good and offers an abundance of reasons to be happy. Find your reasons, and as you stick with ’em, know that’s putting you in direct alignment with all your dreams coming true.

  • April 4, 2009
  • Dylan says:

    Great post Jeanette (as always)! This “art of allowing” can be a very tricky dance… our manifestations can so easily be denied to us by any inherent need of them (cuz “need” implies our thoughts are primarily on what we don’t have).
    In my own life, before I understood LOA, I REALLY wanted to manifest a fantastic girlfriend. Like, bad. For years I was focused so intensely on wanting her in my life. Yet in hindsight my “vibe” contained primarily thoughts about her NOT being in my life… so of course she never appeared.
    Eventually I finally got fed up with all of my desperate wanting… I got to a place where I just let it all go… “didn’t care” about needing her anymore.
    You guessed it… literally within weeks of that internal decision she did in fact show up in my life. We’ve been married now for 5 years and together for 10… I bless my stars every day that I found someone so exceptional to call my wife.
    LOA kicks ass! (When you’re aware of it that is… otherwise it can kick your ass pretty good!)

  • danae says:

    I love this! As usual it was timely in its message – serendipitous! I’ve been working on exactly that – the letting go of ‘caring’. So now I say I don’t care in the same way as I say ‘I don’t mind’… 😆

  • Oh how those (need for) Specific Outcomes like to trip us up, huh? ha
    Dr. Jenn, when you said, “Unconditional Love looks a lot like Not Caring!” it reminded me of the story Byron Katie tells of the time she was walking in the desert with a guy who had a heart attack.
    He was on the ground, facing death, and Katie was totally calm and relaxed and peaceful. He mistook her lack of concern and total acceptance for “not caring,” when in reality, Katie loves everyone and everything just as it is/they are, 100%.
    And my boyfriend, too – he mistakes my acceptance that he might leave one day to be with another woman as not caring about him. Nothing could be further from the truth. He thinks that Love would look more like someone fighting or protecting or guarding against that outcome.
    That doesn’t sound like Love to me.
    REALLY interesting concepts you’re bringing up here, Dr. Jenn! Thanks for this!!

  • Dr. Jenn says:

    Caring, but not caring, that’s the 2nd time in a week that has come up! Hmmmm…must be the message!
    The first time was during a very deeply moving and spiritual communication session I had with a lovely animal communicator,, and our eldery Greyhound, Ice, who’s in his last stage of this earthbound journey.
    Ice was reminding me that the key to offering healing to others, was the same: To care, but not to care- because in that state of faithful “allowing”, as you called it, you can become the Instrument of Spirit. And he explained that Unconditional Love, looks a lot like Not Caring!
    Still trying to wrap my brain completely around that one and your story helped!
    Ice said that we humans are much too full of Doubt, while animals are not.
    And it must be that this releasing of the Need, for a Specific outcome- Now, that allows the possibility to flow into our lives.
    And of course, the horses are always exceptional at reminding us of this, especially when we are in a rush!

  • What a great example, Leslie!!
    Martha told a similar one of when she was in Africa with a group and they were “intending” to get the lion they were watching to roar. (She says there’s nothing like hearing that in real life.)
    So they’re all trying to “will” this lion to roar, their guide in particular who really wanted them to experience a real life roar. And after a bit she saw the guide half shrug his shoulders and reach to turn on the engine of the jeep, and that’s when the lion roared.
    hee hee
    Can you imagine how much fun we’ll have when we all remember to practice this on purpose instead of finding our way here on occasion by accident?!
    WOO HOO!!!!
    Thanks for sharing that story, Leslie – and nice to hear from you again!! 🙂

  • Leslie Richter says:

    Our small community had a meeting at the town hall as to whether to join up with a bigger credit union. I heard promise of cake and door prizes so I thought I would go. As with all meetings amongst eccentrics it started to get hot and heavy and I was thinking maybe I will go. Finally we got to vote with a show of hands and it was a big yes. Three friends went past me and gave me their door prize tickets, just as I was thinking of bolting. Now I had four tickets and I had declared I was going to win a door prize, so I stayed.
    I kept missing the numbers called by one number – it was getting spooky, finally I shrugged a little, and with THAT ever so slight shift my number was called.
    $25. buck gift certificate at the local nursery. And the chocolate cake was yummy. And by the way I won with my ticket, and next time I will shrug sooner and get the $100. gift certificate.
    Love Leslie

  • Mitch, thanks for sharing an excellent method to create success … looking back on past ones and picking out the key elements to replicate!
    I’m sure you’ll have a great time with that as you practice it, too!
    Hey, Happy Birthday, by the way, Mitch! Here’s to your best year ever!! 🙂

  • What is Changing Hands, Ms Nikki? Sounds interesting!
    I can tell you from the experience with many clients that you are not alone in believing you need the money. That’s an easy one to fall for.
    And a crucial one to see past! (In order to let the money in.)
    Have you tried the Work (Byron Katie)?
    The process of asking four questions allows you to inquire into the thought that we think is so true that we know isn’t helping us. As you question it, it seems less true, maybe even completely false, and that’s what helps us break free from believing we “need” money.
    I bet there are some EFT practitioners here who could tell us the power of tapping past that “need” feeling, too. ?
    Thanks for sharing your experience with Martha at the other even, Ms Nikki! Lovely to hear about!

  • Mitch says:

    Just the other day, I was thinking about past manifestations that felt very easy for me and trying to put my finger on exactly what made them so. This blog post described it perfectly. “Caring, but not caring.”
    I’m going to practice some of that on my other projects now. Thanks for this!

  • MsNikki says:

    That was my comment above! I’m on the BlackBerry right now!

  • Anonymous says:

    Could have originally been attributed to Lao -Tzu, quoted by David Carridine in Kung Fu, and then resurfaced on your blog in 2009, woo-hoo!!
    I just saw Martha Beck at Changing Hands a few hours ago and she couldn’t say enough about the seminar. She was just aglow about it! She also demonstrated in real time the effects of energy and the power of collective thought/feeling on hapless volunteers.She emphasized the word “energy” throughout the lecture.
    I absolutely love the concept mentioned in the blog and it is relatively easy on things that we have not assigned a “charge.” One of the things that I wanted was a supportive /like minded community and no matter how I tried to make it happen,it didn’t. I always have been an eclectic, cosmopolitan, intellectual, witty, etc type of person and I just could never find that here. I just came to accept and love those features about myself and let it rest since I wasn’t able to relocate right away. I can’t tell you how many cool people have come into my life!
    Now money? I have difficulties with that! If I need $800, I can’t not care about it because I need it! Can’t reconcile that one!

  • Well said, Aaron: “By being attached to the ‘thing’ it seems that a person would vibrate ‘wanting’, and not ‘having.'”
    Yeah, that attachment incorporates that vibration of “need” and if we’re telling Universe we “need” something Universe can only answer exactly that! Which keeps us in perpetual “need.” Only when we release the “need” are we sending a vibrational instruction that actually allows it in!
    So the more we need it, the more we won’t (indeed CAN’T) have it.
    Fascinating, indeed! lol
    Thanks for playing with us, Aaron! 🙂

  • Melissa says:

    I can’t wait to get really good at this with you next week in Perfect Clients!
    I am really bad at not caring when I’m coming out on the other side of hurt and loss. I know what I want and want it to happen, right then!
    Thanks for putting it out there.

  • Aaron says:

    Wow ! I am seriously blown away. I feel like when someone speaks the truth it resonates. I love this blog ! Ok..I thought I was getting contrasting descriptions of manifesting, but this actually makes so much sense. By being attached to the ‘thing’ it seems that a person would vibrate ‘wanting’, and not ‘having’…fascinating.

  • Oh, those entertaining illusions of hurt and loss!! They are so entertaining, aren’t they, Melissa?!
    You’ve said it very well here in a way that we can feel the attachment that goes along with that certain type of caring. Which I believe most of us feel at one point or another.
    To release this is what opens the floodgates to what we’ve been wanting!
    Which some of us stumble on by accident – when we “give up.” (I’ve written before about giving up to get ahead.) But it’s such a more pleasant process when we don’t let ourselves get hopeless or frustrated enough to actually give up.
    We will have a fun time indeed in Perfect Clients! Thanks for being there (and here), Melissa!! 🙂

  • Janette says:

    Could be Lao-Tzu, could be Yoda – either way it’s BRILLIANT and, as always, completely pertinent!! Not just to me but to the planet, don’t you think?
    And I have a question – I totally get the ‘care but not care’ part of the quote from your excellent description.
    But the ‘know but not know’ bit seems WAY more difficult and to be honest I’m not sure I understand how that could be possible. Isn’t that strange, when I can see how ‘care but not care’ is possible even if I don’t have mastery of it yet 🙂
    Hmmm, something to ponder for the week, what fun!

  • Well, Janette, there was a reason the second half of the phrase was the focus of this piece!! lol
    Yeah, I’m still ruminating on the know but not know myself. Martha didn’t elaborate much on that, but from my perspective it’s the power of “not knowing” which allows us to be even more open to possibility from the Universe.
    Because when I “know” how something is going to happen, or when I even know WHAT’S going to happen … I’ve just tied the Universe’s hands, right?
    When I can “not know” in an open way, instead of a “shut down” way, that allows freedom and possibility, right?
    Like Tia not knowing how her $10k is coming, but if she could combine that not knowing with the knowledge that it WAS … huge power spot to sit in.
    But maybe this not knowing business goes deeper than that. Maybe it’s also not knowing about the $10k in general?
    Okay, I just made myself laugh out loud when I typed that last sentence and then thought, “I don’t know.”
    Must be on the right track!! hee hee
    Thanks for adding to this fun conversation, Janette! Always a pleasure to hear from you, my friend. 🙂

  • I know, huh, Kim? It sounds counter-intuitive to tell someone that if they care deeply about something, the best thing they could do is let go of it.
    Gosh, I know I’ll get to practice this again and again myself!! lol
    How fun for the practice grounds, huh?! To get a chance to master this in one lifetime!! WOO HOO!!!
    I’m so grateful for all the wise support I/we get here! Thanks for posting, Kim. 🙂

  • Kim Falconer says:

    Jeannette, I love this idea of caring but not caring–and I love buckskins so thank you very much for that too!
    I am doing a reading this weekend for a client that is caring with a vengeance and as I mused about her chart and what I wanted to say to her I realized that I was doing a mini-version of this myself (of course, or how could I have attracted this client in the first place!)
    And then I read your blog! Epiphany!
    You are bliss 🙂

  • Oh my gosh, well said, Debra! I couldn’t have put it any more succinctly myself.
    And it takes courage to do this, doesn’t it? Or for some of us, it’s just a habit change, but I love how you said, “Finding the happy ’sweet spots’…sticking with them and enjoying the ride that I know and trust is going to be WAY better than if I (feebly) attempt to micro-manage its unfolding.”
    It DOES take some trust to believe and practice that, doesn’t it?
    And what a beautiful payoff/reward when we do!! Not to mention it’s a lovely way to live.
    Thanks for sharing this, Debra! It’s perfect!

  • susan says:

    Attributed to Lao tzu
    The master sees things as they are
    without trying to control them
    She let’s them go their own way,
    And resides at the center of the circle

  • Debra says:

    Yay! More horsey fun. More awesome living life brilliantly, on purpose, freely! (caring, but not caring) 🙂
    This makes complete sense. In fact, I believe that it’s the ‘magic key’ to the kingdom.
    The power of intention/desire without attachment is HUGE. I see this more and more in my own life’s practice.
    When I’m in harmony with being unattached, ‘not caring’ in a loving, happy, free-spirited kind of a way that’s when the true magic happens!
    That’s also when I *feel so good* :0) That’s when breathing is smooth and effortless and there are no ‘stuck spots’. That’s when I get surprised by the magnitude of the manifestation that arrives…going *way* beyond where it may have if I had been waiting with bated breath, attached to the outcome I desired.
    Practicing that BIG time right now with our transition/move. Finding the happy ‘sweet spots’…sticking with them and enjoying the ride that I know and trust is going to be WAY better than if I (feebly) attempt to micro-manage its unfolding.
    Wheeee~~~~~~flowing merrily, merrily, merrily…gently down the stream!!! 🙂
    Love, love, love it!!! Love, love, love YOU. …more, please?
    PS~Go Tia, Go Tia…w00t!

  • I’m glad it’s working for you, Lisa.
    The four words “care but not care” have HUGE meaning for me after sitting through that experience .. I was hoping I’d be able to convey it here for everyone else as well.
    Thanks for reading, and especially for joining the conversation, Lisa! 🙂

  • Lisa says:

    Jeannette – Perfect timing for me on this blog. Makes so much sense and so much of a difference. This has been my number one block… Thanks for the great reminder!

  • Funny you would post that piece, Susan, as that’s what we spent much of our time doing: working from the center of the circle.
    Thank you for that! It’s beautiful!
    PS – the link to your site was broken, but I’d love to have one that works if you care to repost?

  • I won’t be surprised to hear about your $10k in cash, either, Tia!
    In fact, Martha did a whole segment on “Near Misses” and how they represent that you’re on good track with getting exactly what you want.
    Although I would hardly call $10k worth of free stuff a near miss – just doesn’t seem right to label it that, huh? lol
    I can tell from your note that you wouldn’t either.
    Thanks for posting, Tia!! And congrats on your $10k windfall of stuff and $10k windfall of cash. 😉
    PS – indeed the horses ARE gorgeous! Wish I had a photo of my favorite .. maybe I’ll see if anyone else got a photo of her.

  • Those horses are sooooooooo beautiful!!
    I TOTALLY get the different energy of not caring in a defiant, I’m going to pretend I don’t care so that no one will know I failed or how disappointed I am that I didn’t get what I wanted
    the I don’t care if it doesn’t happen cos although I really want it I’ll be ok without it and something better will come my way and whaddaya know, then you get it :D!!
    Like when back in Feb I said “Universe I want / have $10,000 within a week, thanks so much”.. I really wanted it in cash but I wasn’t attached to it.
    And within a week, I had an overseas tax refund, jewelry gifts and a flight ticket bought for me – all totalling approx $10,000!! HAHAHA.
    Remember me telling you all that in the MM group and laughing about it!??
    And it reminds me to keep living life one day at a time and be happy NOW even though sometimes little thoughts like why is it taking time pop in, but I’m aware of them and quickly do a vibe change.
    Not letting those impatient little buggers get me out of my zone 😉
    Having said that, it would be nice to have $10,000 extra in CASH by April 09 end thanks Universe!!

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