I got a text from a 12 year old girl who is one of the most compassionate, generous, considerate people I have ever met.
She has gorgeous brown eyes, the loveliest curls a girl could ever ask for, and the physical strength of a true warrior. She plays a mean game of soccer, devotes her free time to nurturing abandoned cats, and babysits her little nephew with joy in her heart.
She’s an excellent student, and has the kind of manners that you don’t often run into these days (in kids or adults).
This girl is a treat to meet.
And she’s breaking my heart, because she wants to be skinny.
She weighs more than most others her age, and she is not comfortable with that. She doesn’t know what’s wrong with her, and is desperate to change it.
Here’s what I want that 12 year old girl to know, and anyone else who is unhappy with their body:
Lots of skinny girls don’t like their bodies either. Skinny isn’t the answer. A different anything isn’t the answer. You’ll just find something else to not like about yourself (or your life) if you change your weight without changing how you feel about yourself.
Weighing less doesn’t necessarily mean you will be healthier or have a better social life.
What you really want is to feel good about yourself and your body; to love and be loved.
The best way to like your body is to practice now, in the body you’ve got today. Practice liking your body. (It’s not as hard as you think it is. And seriously, if you can trim the nails of an angry squirming cat, you can do anything, girlfriend.)
Loving your body will transform it and you.
The way to practice body love is to simply start treating yourself – in thought and action – the way you would treat someone you love. That includes saying nice things to it and doing nice things for it. You wouldn’t abuse or criticize or withhold love from your favorite person – give your body that same respect.
When you say you just want to be healthy, the best way to do that is to listen to what your body wants. She will tell you what and how much to eat, when to eat it, when and how to move, when to rest, etc. Learn to listen to her. She is the best authority on your health and well-being.
That’s it. That’s what I would want this girl and any other person who doesn’t like their body to know.
Your body deserves your love and kindness. When you learn to treat your body well, it will do the same for you. Maybe that means weighing less, and maybe not. But it won’t matter when you’ve got what you really wanted all along – which is to like yourself.
Many of you reading already know this. Do you practice it in the way you want to? It’s advice I suspect we could all benefit from taking more to heart, myself included.
Here’s to learning to love who we are, as is, right now. That sounds like a good time to me. 🙂
For anyone who wants a deeper dive on this subject, I wrote an ebook for it. It’s written from personal experience with self-loathing and the transformation that happens when we self-love instead.
Body love is worth getting good at.
I know some who are reading now are familiar with the pain and angst of not liking their physical selves – we’d love to hear your words of wisdom, too.
One of the most common questions from creators wanting physical change in their body is how to love your body when you don’t feel beautiful.
The question came in again after I released an ebook on the subject last month:
My question is what does that actually look like to love your body even when it’s not what you prefer?
I mean, what did you actually “say” to yourself during those times? When I look in the mirror, and get so bummed, get dressed and the physical evidence of clothes being tight … I want to cry!
When I try to fake it till I make it, and say something like “I appreciate my body for being strong and healthy, my mind goes back to what’s in front of me. And if I even try to say something like “I rock! I’m sexy no matter what” my mind adamantly replies “you are full of shit”!
I feel like I’m not doing this stuff right.
I responded that we weren’t trying to see something that wasn’t there, or pretend it was other than it was. But rather we practice seeing it in a more loving and appreciative way.
Which is hard when we’ve practiced criticism and judgment for so long.
What I did was look in the mirror and practice looking for curves instead of fat rolls. Curves are womanly. They can be sensual, if you practice seeing them that way. We’ve just been hypnotized into hate for so long that we don’t see beauty without consciously changing our perspective.
I would also think of some of the beautiful women online who have shared pictures of their bigger selves, and how sexy they were. And if they could be sexy – and undoubtedly they were – if they could be sexy in their bigness, why not me?
I just practiced seeing it. It wasn’t easy, or immediate, but we get whatever we look for long enough.
I also remembered how good it feels to hug someone with some heft to them. Isn’t that the best hug? And now I was someone with some heft to herself. I’m a woman of substance! I can get down with that.
Somedays I’d see my mom’s family in the mirror when I looked at myself – they’re not dainty women. They’re strong, beautiful European women. And I LOVE them! They are lovers of life! They give the best hugs! They laugh with gusto! They eat with gusto! They enjoy life! They don’t sweat it what size they’re wearing. They’re lovely, loving women. And I could be one of those women, too, maybe. A lovely, loving woman. I could start to see it as a good thing instead of a cursed thing.
Sometimes I would try to see what my boyfriend say when he said he loved my butt. What could be loving about this butt?? But the more I looked, the more I could see it. It did have a nice shape and a nice feel. (Not gonna lie – it does!) I could see how he was a fan.
And that’s all it was – practicing seeing it with new eyes where it isn’t easy at first.
Little by little, not giving up, being persistent at finding the treasure that this body is. Because guaranteed our bodies are true treasures, and if we keep looking for that, we’ll eventually see it because we always get whatever we’re willing to see.
I asked for permission to post her question, because I thought you all would have good input, too. She said yes, and added this:
My thing is I can’t seem to get past the feeling of the fat rolls on my back, or whatever, which only thrusts me back into reality, which is what I’m supposed to be not focusing on! How in the world can I get to the point you were at in the shower, not even realizing you got thin again until you ran your hand across your belly? I am looking for it at every turn. How did you just forget the bigger body you were in??
And I told her that I didn’t forget it. I found the love in it. I didn’t pretend it was something different, I just changed the way I saw it. And that changes everything, when we learn to look with love.
Just like that exchange between Sarah Silverman and her troll. She responded with love and it transformed the situation.
We’re looking to do the same thing with our selves.
That’s what I told her.
But I thought maybe someone here might have a different way of saying it or a different approach altogether? Let’s share tips that work.
Thanks in advance, everyone!
In honor of my latest ebook on Manifesting the Body You Love, I’m sharing three things I wish everyone knew about their body.
After more than a decade of working with fellow creators to manifest physical changes in their body, these are a few things I’ve learned along the way:
1. Your body is working for you, at all times, even when it doesn’t seem like it.
“Symptoms” and illnesses are not a sign of failure on your body’s part. They are actually in service to your healing and your highest good.
Any time we feel inclined to judge or criticize something going “wrong” in our body is a sign we’re operating under an illusion.
Our bodies aren’t betraying us. Rather, they’re either in the active process of healing or they’re simply following our own bad instructions.
The good news is we can change those instructions. In fact, even judging it as “going wrong” is an instruction the body has to follow!
2. Your body is capable of more than you’re allowing.
We limit what’s possible in our bodies by what we believe. Most of us have been trained into a very narrow thought stream about what our bodies can and can’t do.
When we drop those constraints about what’s possible, our bodies rise to the occasion.
And that’s when things get really fun. There are plenty of people already proving it!
3. Your body knows best.
Anyone who doesn’t know your vibration is not in a position to know what serves your physical form best. (And no one knows your vibration better than you.)
That means anyone writing a prescription, creating a workout, or offering diet instructions should take second chair to your body’s own wisdom.
That’s not to say that muggle experts don’t sometimes present us with just the solution needed, but you don’t know for sure until you check in with your body.
The thing is our bodies are telling us what they want every moment of every day. They’re constantly calling us forward on the path of well-being, when we take the time to listen. 🙂
When we learn to trust that our bodies know how to thrive, and we let them lead the way, our experience of our physical selves gets better than we ever dreamed.
Here’s to partnering with our bodies and loving them into their highest expression, rather than that other routine we may have been doing for so long.
You’re invited to check out the ebook and give your body some love today. 🙂
Even savvy creators fall for it …
When we want to drop weight, common wisdom has trained us to clean up our diet and increase movement.
After all, everyone “knows” you can’t lose weight without watching what you eat and/or making an exercise commitment.
It amazes me how often skilled creators default to muggle weight loss methods, even though they know we live in a vibrational world that arises from our thoughts.
Granted, whatever we believe strongly enough, we will see evidence of.
So some people do get results by restricting calories and sweating up a storm.
But for those who are looking for more efficient results in manifesting physical change, it’s worth starting with what matters …
Our thoughts. That make up our vibration.
Instead of swearing off pancakes and vowing to take the stairs, start with an inventory of your thinking.
This is where savvy creators begin – with the vibration – long before we do any evaluation of food and movement.
We start by making sure our thoughts are lined up with what we want.
Because that’s what really matters.
Are your thoughts those of a healthy, beautiful, strong, energetic person? Or are they thoughts of a critical, tired, out of shape person?
You can’t get the body you want while thinking thoughts about a body you hate.
That’s not to say you can’t get results by taking a traditional focus on food and exercise, but best leverage comes from vibrational tweaking at the start.
Once you know what lean/healthy/sexy/strong/or whatever-you-want-your-body-to-be thoughts are – and that’s what you’re thinking more often than not – then it will occur to you to make helpful changes.
You’ll make those changes from inspiration, not willpower. It will be enjoyable, not a slog.
But making those changes without having the right vibration in place is pointless.
(Which is why there are so many frustrated and disappointed dieters out there.)
We start with the vibration. Not the diet. Not the exercise.
We cultivate the feelings of what we want, and then listen to inspiration for what comes next.
Sometimes just changing the instruction you’re giving your body is enough to create the change. (I’ve seen it happen!)
Sometimes your inner guidance will show you the next step to getting there.
Like that time I consciously dialed onto body love instead of body loathing, and shortly after I got all lit up about a NutriBullet. (I still love my NutriBullet!)
It would be easy to say that thing changed my life, but the truth is, the new vibration changed my life. The vibration of love instead of loathing; the vibration of healthy and beautiful instead of declining and out of shape.
So the next time you’re in the mood to manifest physical change in your body, start with an inventory of your thoughts.
That’s where savvy creators start.
But however you do it, giving your body the love it deserves is the best way for it to love you back!
If you’ve ever wondered whether accepting your present reality eliminates motivation to manifest the dream, you’re not alone.
Whether you’re after professional success, new love, more money or a better body, many are hesitant to appreciate what is (let alone accept it) for fear things won’t change.
I’ll share my thoughts in comments, but this one comes up often enough to run it by you all.
Here’s the latest version of the question:
I had a question about practicing self-love and acceptance for the body … I have been doing that, and felt huge relief.
But what’s the difference between surrendering/acceptance and giving up? For example, I was the top student in school (I really liked it and desired it a lot), but I feel like if I had been totally accepting of what is and not doing any work, I wouldn’t have had that success.
I’m just wondering if I’m not asking enough of myself. I don’t have to beat myself up to challenge myself, but it feels kind of weird for an achiever like myself to be totally cool with size 14 (even though that is totally cool). It feels like I’m not fulfilling my potential.
I would appreciate your thoughts!
Fellow creators, what say you …
Is there a difference between accepting and giving up? And what impact does that have on accomplishing our true desires?
Do you find that acceptance of what is prevents progress toward what you really want?
Thanks in advance, my friends!