Even one of these ideas – put into practice – can make all the difference in your marriage, friendship or relationship with a family member, co-worker or neighbor.
You don’t need to engage all ten. Just be on the lookout for which appeals most:
1. Look for things to appreciate.
This is common advice in LOA circles, and for good reason. It’s a game-changer to develop a habit of noticing what we like about our other person.
Don’t overlook this gem for its simplicity or mundaneness. If every time you engaged a critical thought, you turned it around by clocking something you appreciate about them, that relationship will skyrocket into fabulous territory. Shoot, I even did it by accident once.
2. Love them up old-school.
Remember how in the beginning you only had eyes for their perfection and were blind to faults? You can plug back into that original love vibe by recalling what you were so taken with about them, before contrast clouded your vision.
Just take a moment now to recall what drew you to them in the first place. Next write that down and keep it handy for occasional review, or be prepared to recapture this perspective next time you find yourself dwelling on less than fabulous thoughts.
The first time I laid eyes on Russ I had a strong sensation of coming home. It felt like I’d been on vacation all my life and I’d finally returned home sweet home. Recalling that brings me right back to the truth of what’s possible for us together.
3. Release your grudges.
If there are memories or stories you’ve been hanging on to that you don’t want more of (I’m talking resentments, grudges, grievances, etc.) consider letting that go. Your relationship will be handicapped as long as you nurse old wounds.
That’s why it’s well worth letting that old reality be exactly that – an old reality. Stop bringing it into your present experience and make room for something better.
When I find myself lingering on a negative memory of Russ, I quote dad’s wisdom: “I don’t hold anything against anyone any more.” It helps me shake off the negative past and create a more enjoyable present.
4. Give what you want to receive.
When we stop trying to outsource our happiness, and instead take responsibility for our own feelings, it gives the relationship breathing room to thrive.
Whatever we wish someone else would give us so we could feel better, we can give that to ourselves. You wish he was more considerate and respectful? Dial up your own self-respect and consideration. You want her to be more loving and attentive? Lead the way yourself. This is LOA at its best.
I used to blame Russ for not appreciating me like I thought he should. When I gave myself the gift I wanted from him (by finding ways to appreciate myself more), I felt better right away and it didn’t take long for him to follow my lead. Magic happens when we release the pressure we’ve put on them for how we feel.
5. Distance yourself from drama.
If you’ve got friends or family who chronically complain about their connections, limit your exposure to that energy. Don’t overly entertain others’ relationship criticisms.
Be discerning about the conversations and people you engage. Make a point of talking about what you prefer rather than what you wouldn’t consciously invite into your world. Because, as Jim Rohn said, we are who we hang out with.
6. Practice “I love that about you.”
When you see something you don’t like in your partner, try this little trick to turn that vibration around:
Say they’ve done that thing you just can’t stand. Again. Instead of engaging your inner critic, simply say to yourself (or even out loud), “I love that about you.”
Your Inner Being (aka Higher Self) really does love that about them, so when you think that thought you’re connecting with the part of you that sees them as Source does. And that’s a delicious and immediate shift.
In my experience, sometimes this trick works wonders and sometimes it just takes the edge off the criticism. But even that is a vibrational improvement.
7. Love them like you got what you wanted.
Have you noticed how much nicer we are when we’re fulfilled and satisfied? And have you noticed on the other hand how we sometimes withhold the goods when someone isn’t delivering what we want? Let’s suspend that latter routine, and instead lead the way to a happy relationship by conducting ourselves like we already got what we wanted.
My boyfriend works this magic on me sometimes … he’ll treat me like gold for no obvious reason. And when he does, I rise to the occasion and meet him at that gold standard. It’s a reliable way to draw the best out of your partner.
8. Clean up your expectations.
Often times what blocks another from being really good to us is our knowing who they are. We can only get what we vibrate, so when we expect someone to behave badly (“He’s a jerk”; “She’s so needy”), it’s a challenge for them to buck that vibrational current.
Practice seeing them at their best. As Abe would say, imagine their “vortex version” and let any low-vibe expectations evolve into positive ones. People live up to and down to our expectations all day long. Give your partner something good to work with!
When I found myself expecting Russ to be mad or upset about something, he was. When I shifted my expectations, it was like a different boyfriend came home from work that day. He matched my thoughts so perfectly it was a little spooky.
9. Rethink the negative past.
This is master level manifesting, and isn’t for all creators. It’s different than the tip to release a grudge, because what we’re doing with this one is imagining our past problem never happened. Or at least that it unfolded differently.
I learned this from Lynne McTaggart, who suggested we can change the past by recreating the memory in our minds. Not as it happened, but the way we prefer it had.
We do that by simply imagining the past events differently. That’s all. Tell a softer version of the past, and your present reality will adjust accordingly.
I practiced this once with a blowout that led to a five year estrangement with a loved one. Instead of thinking of that day as the big fight that ruined everything, I re-imagined that it wasn’t that big a deal. I told myself it was clear there was still a lot of love flowing between us and that all was well. Within days I received a love note and we were soon on friendly terms again, as if nothing had ever happened.
10. Open to possibilities.
Sometimes the transformation that’s being called for in our relationship is an ending. When we resist or deny that, we prevent our expansion and end up sabotaging our true fulfillment.
It simply doesn’t serve us when we’re attached to a particular outcome, so letting go our ideas of what’s “supposed to be” allows things to unfold in a way that serves everyone best. The name of this game isn’t using LOA to keep this person in our lives at any cost. It’s about finding a way to feel what we want and let Universe sort the details that match.
When I question the future of a relationship and am not sure whether to work it out or cut it loose, I let Universe guide me. My job is to vibrate what I want, so I tune into the feelings of a healthy, rewarding, happy relationship. I don’t necessarily know who I’m in this fabulous relationship with, but I do know how it feels. When I vibrate that, Universe makes things clear very quickly.
But it requires openness to practice that LOA magic.
These aren’t the only ways to employ your conscious creative powers in favor of an enhanced relationship, but they will take you far.
I’d love to hear your tips in the comments for how you’ve manifested positive change in your key relationships.
Important Note: if you are reading this in hopes of transforming an abusive person in your life, here are two suggestions: One, read this. Two, get outside support. This post is not written for those situations.
A week or so ago I volunteered for a puppy transport from Louisiana to Washington. I got the leg from Evanston to Salt Lake.
I told my ex I’d be gone next Saturday night since I was driving a couple puppies across town.
He asked if I wanted company. Very out of character for him to show any interest in any of my animal-related stuff.
I said sure, knowing he would either forget, or be out of town, or still be on the golf course. No big deal, I’m used to doing my thing without him.
But I forwarded him a copy of the email with transport details even though I knew he probably wouldn’t be involved.
In the meantime, the transport coordinator is exchanging a bunch of emails with everyone to coordinate the trip.
Everyone’s asking things like how big are the crates, will they fit in my car, where should we meet, what’s your cell, expected weather delays, etc.
A whole bunch of people are involved in this transport. (It is so cool to see so many strangers coming together to help get two little pups to their forever home on the other side of the country!)
I admire everyone involved so much, and I’m just delighted to be part of the effort!
Okay, so I’m happy to be involved and my inbox keeps getting updated with new emails in this conversation, which I’m largely ignoring.
But one reply gets my attention.
It’s a guy’s name, first of all. Which is rare in itself because animal rescue is mostly a lot of women.
You don’t see guys here too often unless it’s someone’s husband, and single guys get snatched up fast in this world. (Everyone loves a guy who helps out animals!)
I made a mental note that there was a hot guy somewhere in this transport. (Of course he’s hot, he’s in animal rescue. That’s my kind of guy!)
And get this – he was super excited to be included.
You know how your inbox previews the first sentence of the email? This guy was saying something like, “So excited to be part of this. Can’t wait to meet the pups.” How cute is that?!
I was like, man. If I had access to a guy like that … whew! It’d be ON. But he’s probably in Texas or something. And probably married, too, so cool your jets, girl.
This rescue work isn’t for meeting men. Not right now, anyway, while I’m still doing an on again off again routine with my ex.
So the day passes, and later that night I catch up on emails.
And I read the full note from the guy I’m trying not to pay attention to. The guy who is excited to be part of this transport and can’t wait to meet the puppies.
I notice he has the same name as my ex. (Seriously, you just don’t see guys in this gig every day!)
I continue on to read his full note to the group.
Except it’s not to the group.
It’s a note to me. I’m the only recipient. What?! Why would he be writing me?!
That makes no sense. Who is this guy?! I look again. I must be wrong.
Sure enough, his note is just to me. (My heart beats a little faster at the thought.) And it reads:
“Super excited to be part of this. Can’t wait to meet the pups.”
That part I knew from the preview earlier.
The next line says, “Love you.” wth?!
Now it’s getting weird.
I look at the signature line.
It’s an email from my guy. Not some guy on the other side of the country.
It’s from the guy I already live with!
The guy I thought wasn’t into this sort of thing. The guy I was sure would forget about it or flake out at the last minute.
The guy I’ve written off many times because we just don’t see eye to eye on stuff like this that matters to me.
Because he just doesn’t care about the things I care about.
He’s excited. He can’t wait.
You know that saying about how what you want is often right under your nose? Yeah.
Cue the Pina Colada song.
Apparently I was so programmed in thinking Russ is not my guy that I couldn’t see how he was.
Melanie would say this happens more than we realize. And I’m inclined to agree.
I did this before when I insisted the renters were late with their payment, but the money was in the account the whole time. (I had seriously checked it well over a dozen times and literally couldn’t see it while telling my story of “it’s not here.”)
I did it when I started my coaching practice and believed Utahns were too close-minded for LOA coaching, and it turns out there was a local meetup of LOA savvy business owners who’d been gathering in my neighborhood for years.
Because when we’re used to seeing what we don’t want or appreciate, it’s hard to see what Universe is delivering. Especially when we’re prejudiced about where it comes from or how it gets here.
It can literally be right under our nose, but we don’t see it because we’re beating a different drum, as Abe would say.
Anyway, I tell this story in answer to a question I got this morning about why our fabulous men seem to get less fabulous over time.
I don’t think it’s that they get less fabulous over time as much as it is that we stop seeing their fabulousness over time.
We start seeing their shortcomings and flaws. We switch focus from what we love to what irritates the hell out of us.
Until one day we mistake them for a stranger and recognize their fabulousness yet again.
Okay, maybe that was just me.
But my point is we get whatever we focus on.
Thank you, Universe, for tricking me into dropping my guard about my been-there-done-that ex and letting me see him yet again as the hot guy I first knew him to be.
In fact, it makes me want to commit to seeing not just the lovely things in the guy under my roof right now but in everyone and everything around me. Because I think Melanie’s right – everything I want is already here and I just need to develop eyes to see it.
But there are two secrets that savvy creators know make all the difference in the world when it comes to drawing in the love of a lifetime.
These aren’t popular suggestions, but they are powerful ones. So if you’re serious about getting jiggy with someone’s heart, here’s how you’d do well to proceed:
Secret #1: Love yourself.
If you want someone else to love you, you get to lead the way.
Not because no one will love you if you don’t, but because you won’t feel it until you do.
We get what we vibrate, so if you want someone who loves and adores you, you’ll want to know how to love and adore yourself.
The more challenging that is for you to do, the more important (and potent) it is to practice.
And if you don’t know how to love yourself, it’s as simple as treating yourself the same way you would anyone else you love. In thought and action. You know how to be good to someone else, right? Be that kind of good to yourself and you’re well on your way to allowing a fabulous love into your life.
Secret #2: Love being single.
If you’re trying to manifest a lover out of resistance to not having one, you’ll like just perpetuate the single state.
What really cues Universe for your good time in the romance department is getting okay with – or better yet, embracing – being unaffiliated.
A lot of folks are nervous to do this, because they think they’ll end up alone forever if they let themselves enjoy it.
It’s the exact opposite.
You can’t have a good time with another person until you know how to have a good time alone.
It’s that law of attraction thing, you know. Whatever you’re vibrating is what you get more of. So if you’re in a state of “I don’t like this; I don’t want this” you’re just gonna get more of it.
Which means getting happy being single is one of the most powerful ways to attract a new love.
And if you don’t know how to be happy being single, just ask any of your married friends about the upside of rolling solo. They’ll help open your eyes to the benefits of your current situation.
Plus, when you love life as is, you become very attractive – in more ways than one. Just make sure you don’t give that up when you commit to your new lover. 🙂
It’s something we’ve all run into before, I suspect.
In fact, you guys gave great advice for how to handle that in this Q&A post from last year.
Since it’s such a common question, I wanted to address it again.
… it’s good for a conscious creator to know how to handle that kind of input.
We all know how wearing it can be to try to help a faultfinder see things differently. In fact, if we spend too much time doing that, we may end up as discouraged as they are.
Here’s what I’ve found works:
1. Limit exposure.
Sometimes it’s as easy as choosing not to interact with the negative nelly in your life. You can end friendships or romances that require more work to stay in positive territory than it’s worth. You can even minimize time spent with family members who are chronic complainers.
If you’re stuck at work with a co-worker who brings you down, I know people who have employed ear buds, strategic turning of chairs, adjusted schedules, etc. to create time away from the draining colleague.
Often this is the path of least resistance that we don’t even consider choosing. But if that doesn’t feel fab, try the next suggestion:
2. Let them have it their way.
Because we know the power of thoughts, we’re often tempted to help friends and loved ones switch out of their negative mindset. But that can backfire. (What we resist persists.)
In the interests of not offering resistance, you might even try “loving this about them.” You know we practice that with our own self-love (loving the ‘unlovable’)? It can be a transformational experiment to practice embracing them with their negativity and all.
After all, you know why we love Oscar the Grouch, Grumpy Cat, and Up’s ornery old guy so much? Because they’re rather entertaining when we know they can’t hurt us.
So best advice is to remember that we don’t all have to agree, and your good vibe doesn’t depend on theirs. So don’t exert a lot of effort trying to convince them life is good. Just let them be (maybe even love them for it) and follow the next tip:
3. Get grounded in your perspective.
Don’t let them sway you to the dark side. There’s this thing called entrainment, where someone who is strongly committed to a particular vibration can sweep others up in it. Remember how you want to feel and keep your thoughts focused where they serve you. They’ll make their exit soon enough if you can maintain your good vibe.
Here’s an example of that:
One day I was having a perfectly lovely afternoon when a boyfriend walked through my door in an exceptionally angry state of mind. I can’t remember what he was so mad about, but it was definitely directed at me.
As he ranted about whatever he was so upset about, I felt my blood pressure rising. I was starting to get hot, too (“I didn’t deserve this! What’s wrong with him?”), and I took a breath to fire back – but in that breath I had a flash of insight: this isn’t how I want to feel. I was having a perfectly nice day – why would I ruin it? This isn’t even mine. He’s the one who’s mad – I don’t have to join him in it. I know better. And I exhaled that breath I’d taken to let him have it, and instead let him continue his tirade for another minute.
And that’s about all it took for him to realize I wasn’t going to join him in this “upset” energy. He paused for my response, which I think I said something to acknowledge that I heard him. When I didn’t take the vibrational bait he turned on his heels and slammed the door behind him.
Because peace and love can’t hang with anger and hate for very long. Something’s gotta give. Make sure it isn’t you.
4. Ask them to keep it to themselves.
This isn’t appropriate for all situations, but sometimes the easiest thing to do is make a request of the person shoveling the sh*t your way.
“I’m making a concerted effort not to worry about this, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t add to my concerns.” Or maybe something like, “I get that that’s how you feel;
I see it differently. Let’s leave it at that.”
Yesterday Russ practiced this with me by simply saying, “I’m not going to argue with you about this.” And that was that. (Hint taken, sweetheart!)
I’ve asked my animal rescue friends to not share horror stories with me. They know to call me with good news. When my contact calls for help, he keeps the “problem” part of the situation to a minimum. It can be surprisingly effective to just make a solid request of someone to be more considerate about what they’re sharing.
5. Pre-pave your interactions.
And then there are times to just get magical about it. You can use your creative powers to have a different experience with the negative nelly in your life:
Set an intention in advance. Plug into the feeling you want to feel before you get there. Practice knowing them differently. Imagine positive exchanges unfolding instead of bracing for the onslaught of negativity.
My success rate with these techniques isn’t 100%, but it’s close enough to feel like magic when I remember to use it!
Bonus tip: crossing paths with someone dialed on the negative can be a wake up call to check our own perspective. If we’ve been repressing our own negative thoughts, sometimes they come out of someone else’s mouth.
More than anything it gives us a chance to walk our LOA talk by remembering external circumstances do not dictate how we feel. Rather, we choose how we feel. And we can do that right now, by choosing not to be brought down by Mr./Ms. Grumpy Pants.
Lead your own party by choosing how you want to roll, and let them make their exit if they aren’t up to speed.
Hope that offers some helpful alternatives for the next time you’re in this boat.
And I’d love to hear what’s worked for you. If you’ve got a great story to share or a tip that we haven’t covered, thanks for sharing in the comments.
Maybe it’s the time of year, but my inbox has a definite theme of queries this month.
It seems like every other person who writes wants to know how to manifest a specific someone into their love life.
Ay yi yi.
I’ve been responding individually, but I’m just going on the record with an official post on this subject once and for all.
Note: this is different than when someone is attracting a person with specific qualities or attributes. This post is for when someone wants this particular Jane or John Doe into their arms.
Here’s my answer to the question, “Is it possible to manifest a certain person into my love life and if so, how?”
Yes, it’s possible, but please, don’t bother.
There’s a better way for you to get the love you want.
I know a lot of other LOA savvy folks say that it isn’t even possible to manifest a specific person into a love relationship.
That’s probably the best way to think about this subject.
However, that hasn’t been my experience.
But because I do have experience on this, it is very easy for me to recommend that you don’t go that route. It is not going to take you where you want to go. It really truly isn’t a focus that will serve you.
What you do want to focus on is what you really want.
And that’s not the one particular person that your mind might be fixated on.
What you want is how you think you’ll feel when you’re in a relationship with this person.
Those are two potentially different things.
And because of that, you want to pursue the latter, not the former.
Your higher self (or angels, guides, God, Universe – whatever you want to call higher power) is way better at arranging the love of your life than you are.
For some reason, we meet some “close but not quites” on the journey. Those are the men and women in our lives who give us glimpse of possibilities of a fabulous love, but for some reason it doesn’t pan out.
My friend, let it go.
Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.
You’ll not achieve your best alignment to love by trying to hang onto it.
Instead, tap the feelings of love right now.
Not yearning, not chasing, not desperateness, not clinging, not manipulating, not obsessing.
You know how that feels, right?
Tune into that, and you’ll allow your best lover to arrive on your doorstep.
You can align to love by:
But please stop thinking your romance has to be with so-and-so.
Consider him/her a filler, a stand in, a whiff of what’s to come, just to whet your appetite for something even better.
Because if you are attached to a certain person, you’re kinking up your own love story.
Let them go and get on with loving your life.
And trust me, you’ll be headed straight for your happily ever after with your next perfect someone.