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Category Archives for "LOA in Love & Relationships"

When It's Wise to Hear the Peanut Gallery

law of attraction and others' opinions

what to do with potentially detrimental input

It’s easy to understand why Abe suggests we pay no attention to the “peanut gallery”
… because letting someone else’s opinion matter more than our own inner guidance isn’t helpful.
And since we don’t all have to agree (we each get to be right about whatever we choose to focus on), it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks anyway.
I get that.  (And I can practice it!)
But I recently noticed a situation where it might be wise to pay closer attention to someone else’s opinion
For the sake of a deliberate creator’s personal privacy, let’s go with hypotheticals on this.
Let’s say you’re in close quarters with someone important to you – a friend, lover, colleague or family member, perhaps.  (I hope you wouldn’t experience this with a mentor or spiritual guide!)  And let’s say you work or live together, so there’s a lot of daily interaction.  And let’s also imagine this person has a critical opinion of you.  And that you get to hear that opinion over and over, day after day, month after month.  Maybe even year after year.
(Maybe some of you don’t have to imagine it because you’ve experienced it.)
Guys, you’ve got to have mad focus skills for that kind of input to not take root on some level.
We know how brainwashing works, right?  And affirmations, for that matter.
It’s the systematic repetition of information that we eventually come to know as truth.
When you’re hearing something personally damaging, over and over again – I think that’s a smart time to pay attention to someone else’s opinion.
Just so you can get that sh*t handled.
Not because it’s true, but because it can wear on your vibe when you subject yourself to that kind of verbal abuse over and over.
Abe has said  that when a stranger shares a negative opinion about us, it’s easier to shrug off.  When it’s a parent, a spouse or a boss, and you’re hearing repeatedly how wrong/idiotic/incompetent/worthless you are, that’s harder to ignore.  And yet – sometimes we try by turning a blind ear to it.  (For one reason or another.)

Are you ignoring potentially detrimental input from others?
That’d be fine, if you really could (ignore it).
Or if it wasn’t an important reflection of our own inner vibe.  But there’s something important to pay attention to here …

I’m not saying that the other person involved is to blame.  (Although, hello, they may deserve credit for being a first class ass.)
We know we can’t experience what we aren’t a vibrational match to.  And if you’re repeatedly hearing something negative from someone you love (or used to love, or have to work for) – that’s a reflection of something inside you.
That deserves some cleaning up.
Inside and out.
But we have to be aware of it in order to do that work.  Which is why I’m advocating paying attention to those opinions that I used to be such a big fan of ignoring.
Your work here is to get straight with yourself and remember what the truth is – you are perfect, whole and complete.  As is.  Always.  Automatically.  Already.  Right now.  Forever more.
That’s the truth.
(I guess that also applies to the one who’s telling you how rotten you are, too, technically.)
But if this input recurs repeatedly over time, that’s not good to ignore, my friends.
I’m not saying there are easy answers for managing it, but pretending it isn’t a problem does not strike me as a self-loving alternative.
And I might have this all wrong.  (I’d love to hear your thoughts, please!)
Where I land with it is if you’re dismissing someone’s abuse because

  • you don’t recognize it as such, or
  • you’ve been hearing it so long you don’t even “hear” it any more, or
  • maybe because there’s a part of you that thinks it’s true –

it’s time to get that straightened out.
It’s not good for you or your vibe to be exposed to repeated long term negative opinions about yourself.
This is Self Love 101.  Or maybe it’s the graduate level 501 course – I don’t know.
But I do know that it’s not just a matter of addressing the external – the job is to get aligned to truth and love within as well.
What do you think?  Is it possible to ignore verbal abuse from a loved one and not be affected by it?  Thanks in advance for sharing!
(Picture: Right Sizing from www.f1me.net)

  • May 23, 2013

My Manifesting Love Story

Law of Attraction success storiesIn the mood for a good manifesting story?

Here’s my latest big adventure in manifesting

Last year as I felt the contrast in my love relationship and caught myself trying to “figure things out” – I realized I’d be better off with a more aligned approach.

So I got focused on what I wanted – in a high level, big picture way – and then turned it over to Universe.

I gave the vibrational instruction (by focusing on the idea, image and feeling) of being in a happy, loving relationship and having the time of my life with a great guy.

I let go trying to figure anything else out, knowing Universe would coordinate the details. All I needed to do was get OFF the contrast, and ON the happy result I wanted. If I needed to do anything, it would be made clear in the form of some inspired action or internal nudge.

Sure enough, within two weeks I got a crystal clear signal that this was not my guy.

Seriously, I’ve never had such clarity in my life. I think angels must have delivered that message personally – it was SO clear!

 

When you get clarity like that, you can’t ignore it! Especially after you purposely asked for it.

So I cut him loose that night. In a very loving and respectful way. (I did good for a girl who hadn’t practiced a breakup speech!)

And it was done.

But by the end of the week, I was in the breakup from hell. I’m too LOA savvy to elaborate, but many of you who were in touch with me at that time know I’m not exaggerating when I say it got ugly.

Me, the Good Vibe Coach, who can do breakups in the vortex, was in the breakup from hell. I felt like a manifesting failure!

So we’re doing the worst breakup I’ve ever had in my entire life, but my wise coach told me this is his breakup, too, and I can’t deny him his process. And if he’s gonna be a beast, I can’t control that. Fine.

Which meant I had to give up thinking it should be a parting with love and light on both sides.
manifesting love

All I could do was my best to stay focused on what I wanted: love, appreciation, respect, support, etc.

That was a challenge. One I failed at many days.

I mean, in the face of some really ugly stuff, I was trying to –

  • dial in on the best of who he was
  • find compassion by seeing things from his perspective
  • and wish him well rather than curse him.

I built some muscle on this one! That focus did not come without effort.

But I eventually got pretty good at making positive aspect lists, and fast forwarding to the time when I would be happily ensconced in a new love affair, at which time it was really easy to only wish the very best for this ex who was going all out to make life hell.

I began to stop fantasizing about his demise, and started wishing good things for him – that he would be able to connect with someone with love and respect and generosity and other good things. I imagined how great it would be if we had the kind of ex-relationship where I could help him succeed in a new romance. (I figured

I had good insight for him!)  I imagined the kind of woman who would love and adore him, the way he deserved to be loved.

And I focused on the things that I did appreciate about this long drawn out ugly breakup. Believe it or not, there were some things:

  • It gave me a chance to be sure about where I wanted to live
  • and how I wanted to structure my finances as a single person again.

I realized I wasn’t interested in moving or living alone again. (It makes me laugh when I think back to how I dragged my feet to cohabitate with him – I thought that would be SO hard to enjoy a new house and another person under my roof! And here I was now not wanting to give it up.)

When people would ask how the split was going, I could feel myself struggling to answer. What they expected, and in many ways what I expected, wasn’t what was happening. Sometimes it was great and sometimes it was awful. Sometimes our path was clear and sometimes it wasn’t. I could feel the “should” about how things were supposed to proceed getting in the way of how things actually were unfolding.

So I just let it go.

I decided to let it be whatever it was going to be. I didn’t know what to call it or how to explain it. But I would simply do my best to make the best of where I was right now.

Although I did relocate the guns to a trusted friend’s house, just in case.  lol

 

That’s been a while ago.

Two (reluctant) love interests and a new year later – my ex and I are still under the same roof together.

Living more happily than ever before.

No one is more surprised than I to read those words. But the truth is I’ve never felt such love, respect and appreciation for him – or from him.

Our life together has never been this easy or free. It’s based on enjoyment, with very little struggle involved. Even when a little challenge does crop up, it (usually) quickly becomes a source of laughter.

I don’t know what’s happened, other than that I got really good at appreciating him. And he stopped taking me and our life together for granted.

I never would have guessed – when we were in the middle of all that contrast – that he would be the next guy in my vision of a fabulous, loving relationship. (I thought he was the guy I needed to ditch in order to find that!) My best dream I could conjure up was that we would eventually become good friends as exes.

I guess that’s what’s happened.  That, and more.

My ongoing intention is to continue holding this relationship loosely, and allow Universe to continue coordinating my happy ending. I don’t know what tomorrow holds (although we are going to Maui this fall, so I have some idea what the future holds) but I promise to keep using my positive focus skills and be open to whatever results best match the love vibe I conjure up.

It seems to be a pretty good formula for living “happily ever after.”

And that is my law of attraction love story for today.

Not what you expected, right? Me either, it turns out.  😉

Share your manifesting story in the comments below, or email me for individual posting.

Namaste, lovers.

  • March 9, 2013

LOA Parenting Interview

Julie Masters

Julie Masters

When it comes to law of attraction parenting, these coaches walk their talk.
They use deliberate creation to raise their own families and are who I rely on for high vibing support at Good Vibe University.  I was delighted when all three accepted my request for an interview on the art of LOA parenting!
Here are Julie Masters, Lesley Reid Cross and Sara Garcia answering the big LOA parenting questions:
1. What does it mean to be practice LOA friendly parenting?
Julie: It is the intention to parent in the present moment, recognizing that whatever is happening, is a mutual creation, rather than your child trying to get their way at the expense of yours.
Lesley Reid Cross

Lesley Reid Cross

Lesley: For me LOA friendly parenting is simply following my essential self, the most positive loving clear part of myself, rather than social messages about what good parenting is.  The biggest skill I engage is listening to my body and stepping back when I feel tense, tight and constrained.  To be a clear, loving and positive parent, I need to embody those qualities myself in my relationship with my children and take a time out to feel my way through when I’m not.
Sara: My process started with a clear desire to enjoy parenthood and parenting, which led me to teachers and books that validated the possibility that parenting didn’t have to be a laborious experience. For me being an loa-style mom means letting my guidance system be in the driver’s seat of my decision making, allowing my children to lure me into my vortex as often as possible, embracing my inherent wholeness, and generally expecting that Life will be good.
Sara Garcia

Sara Garcia

2. What makes LOA savvy parenting different from traditional parenting?
Julie: It allows for a different degree of flexibility, because you recognize that you both, as a parent and as a child, have unique needs and desires that are always shifting and changing–hence the importance of the commitment to be present.  There are no formulas for schedules and rules – only unique arrangements.
Lesley: In relatively modern western parenting, say the past few hundred years, most ideas are about power: who has power and control over whom.  LOA savvy parenting is more akin to that of older societies, particularly the peaceful ones.  There’s a level of personal sovereignty recognized for every person, regardless of age, as well as deeper and more intuitive connections between individuals.  And a trust in the idea that one’s inner guidance is the best and most positive impulse regardless of how it appears to an observer.  An LOA savvy parent will take the role of mentor and partner more than that of a teacher, ruler or supervisor.
Sara: For me, the primary difference is that as an loa-style mom I’m (usually) showing up to life understanding my creative power and the value of all emotions & experiences.  That affords me the pleasure of being emotionally available and present with my children in their moments of contrast. Whereas if I’m working hard to manage and control their moods, I’m more likely to feel drained and disconnected from what I want. Knowing the value of contrast, I have less resistance to the broad range of feelings they can potentially experience in a day.  And because of that non-resistance, being there with my children in their upset moments is actually more of a pleasure than a drainer. This mindset is what allows the bumps in the road to become part of the fun!
3. What’s the biggest challenge you see for those using deliberate creation in child-rearing?
Julie: My biggest challenge was/is the fear, and often consequence, of being judged for what I do or don’t do as a parent.  There are so many cultural beliefs and ideas about what a “good” parent is.
Lesley: Continuing to follow the social self and ingrained and unexamined rules about what makes a “good parent.”  Much of that “conventional wisdom” is about controlling a child’s experiences and deciding what their outcome should be without the child’s input.  In different social circles these rules can be polar opposites, but following any without a gut check and without acknowledging the child’s desires is the most common way I’ve seen parents move out of their vortex and steer their children away from theirs.
Sara: When I embarked on loa parenting, I was immediately met with the vibrations of my own childhood and the ways in which I was parented. At first this caused me to make an enemy of my conditioning, which just made things worse!  So my biggest challenge has been to embrace who I really am and release deeply rooted contrast without making a villain of it. The big lesson has been realizing that the more I invite the old conditioning to stay, the easier it is to stay aligned with who I truly am.
4. How would you suggest moms and dads begin leveraging LOA in their parenting?
Julie: Adding LOA friendly responses, and expecting them to be “tested.”  However, children recognize energy shifts very, very, quickly, so if your own energy is clear about it, they will respond very rapidly, in my experience.  And, of course, practicing living your own LOA conscious life!
Lesley: Observe yourself as a parent and observe and interact with your children as whole, complete, sovereign people.  Pay attention to the sensations in your body while you interact with your children.  Any sense of tightness, heaviness, constriction – even and especially when it’s accompanied with a feeling of self-righteousness (in my experience there’s no bigger tip off to the sway of the social self) is a sign to step back and reconsider, even if it has to happen after the fact.  Lean into interactions with your children that feel wonderful and engage in more of them.  Connect.  Have fun together.  Question everything your mind tells you is “necessary.”
Sara: Think of a relationship that is really easy for you to feel good in – whomever you feel easiest, most comfortable, and most free being around. And simply contemplate: what would it be like if I could feel this easy and good with my child(ren)? What might it feel like if I could be more of my true self with my kids? What kind of mannerisms and behaviors come naturally when I feel my best?  Whatever insights come in response to those kinds of questions, pick the things that feel easiest to implement and intend that you’ll feel more inspired to do those things more often.
5. What are you most proud of in your parenting?
Julie: So many things make me proud, but I would say that the main thing is that they FOLLOW their OWN hearts!  And that I have amazing, open, respectful relationships with all of them.  I think that the belief that made the biggest difference in my own LOA style of parenting is that I had NO expectations of who they were, or what they would be interested in, or what they would do with their lives.  I mainly created a safe container for them to explore what they came here to explore, got out of the way, and watched with total amazement!
Lesley: What always makes the most difference- accepting my kids for who they are, exactly how they are in each moment, age and stage.  Allowing, appreciating and making space for their differences, quirks and emotions, and my own.  Turning towards love for my kids and myself no matter what is happening on the outside. (I don’t always succeed.)
Sara: I’m most proud of how much fun I’m having. The happier I’ve allowed myself to get, the more my parenting style seems to entrain with that. My best tip for parents – know that because life experience is the best teacher, you need not bend over backwards to teach your children what they need to learn to have a good life. Life is already helping them with that. Your job is to show more, tell less. Show them how good life can be with your own willingness to align with and allow what you uniquely and deliciously want. Now is always the right time and it’s never too late.
6. What’s one thing you would want every aspiring LOA parent to know?
Julie: That it’s one of the most (for me the most) enlightening, inspiring, entertaining, fun, mind blowing and heart opening, experience you could ever have!  And you never have to deal with being the guard for a grounded child!!
Lesley: Children are complete, whole beings with their own inner guidance and desires.  Trust them.
Sara: That your vortex can be the rule rather than the exception. If you know that’s what you want, you know what to do.
You can find more wisdom from Julie Masters here on facebook, and from Lesley Cross at Euphoria Life Design Studio.  And Sara Garcia is online at Vibrational Movement.

  • February 27, 2013

The Ins & Outs of Facebook Marriage

what is a facebook marriage?If you ever wondered what it means to be facebook married, this is your answer.
Although I don’t consider myself the expert on virtual marriages, I’ll share why I said yes to a facebook husband and how it can be a helpful manifesting tool …
What is a facebook marriage?
The unromantic answer is that it’s when you mutually agree to tag someone else as your spouse. Meaning, it’s a marriage on facebook only, not real life.
You can find the definition in Urban Dictionary here.
What does it mean to be facebook married?
Just like with anything, including real life marriages, it means whatever you decide it means.
For me, it’s simply another way to have fun.  Real life marriage turned out to be rather challenging when I said “I do” 20 years ago. Either I’ve gotten better at being a wife, or facebook marriage is sooooo much easier to enjoy! (Smart money’s on the latter.)
Why would anyone want a facebook marriage/spouse?
Depending on who you marry, of course:

  • it can be fun
  • it can liven up a boring timeline
  • it can be good practice (sort of like how people adopt pets before they have babies)
  • it can minimize flirtations from others
  • and for me it took the sting off of a recent breakup.

But for deliberate creators it can do one better: put you in the vibe of being romantically attached.
Sometimes conscious manifesters wear rings to replicate the feeling of being married, or sleep on one side of the bed and clear out half the closet, or stock their sweetie’s favorite snacks in the house.
This is just another creative way to send the signal to Universe that says “I’m taken!”
I’m finding the additional benefits of having a great facebook hubby include receiving sweet notes, getting support in my business, someone to celebrate wins with, and he even sends presents! Plus, it’s just plain fun to talk about my “facebook husband.” To top it off my mom gets a facebook son-in-law. It’s fun for the whole family!
Does it spill into real life?
I’ve never met my facebook husband in real life (which may be the undiscovered secret to a happy marriage), but we do talk on the phone regularly and exchange emails. You get to make your own rules.
How do you get facebook married?
Well, someone’s got to propose, and someone has to say yes. After that, you decide whether you celebrate an engagement with friends or just flip the switch online to say “married.”
Jeff proposed via email after he heard about my real life breakup (I think he was just offering a sweet condolence, but I liked the idea so much I emailed back “YES!” and switched my status before he had a chance to say “j/k.”)
What do you do with/for  your facebook spouse?
Whatever you two like.  🙂
How do you get facebook divorced?
Let’s not spoil a good thing just yet.
(But I will say there were a couple times I asked myself this question during the presidential election.  I couldn’t believe I married someone without inquiring about his political beliefs! Oh, what we do for facebook love.)
What’s the downside?

  • You’ll likely be doing a fair amount of explaining to friends and family who don’t know what facebook marriage is.
  • You might steer away potential love interests who think you’re truly taken.
  • Health insurance companies don’t recognize facebook spouses as qualifying for benefits.  😉

Say again what this has to do with manifesting?
For me, it’s fun, it’s light, it makes me laugh. That’s reason enough.
But it also helps me feel like I have a functional committed relationship on the books. (That’s practice I can use.)
I’m not actually intending to get real life married again, so it’s not like I’m using my fb hubby to activate the “husband” vibration – but it is helping me have a happy experience of “marriage.” Even if it’s a virtual marriage. And that is a good thing in my book.
🙂
PS – I like facebook friends just as much as facebook husbands. Friend me up if we’re not already connected.

  • February 20, 2013

Activate: Great Relationship

manifest a great relationshipAs part of our vibration activation series, this post inspired by relationship coach Leigha Pitcher is designed to align you to a great relationship.
Whether you’re currently in a relationship or are in process of manifesting a new one, reading this can help activate the vibration of being with a great person.
We know this works because whenever we find a way to feel what we want like it’s already here, it cues Universe to make it happen.
One read through should be good for a 17 second vibe activation, and that’s all it takes to make a shift.  All you have to do after that is honor inspiration (that is, do what feels good).
Change up words or phrases as you feel inspired to best suit you.
Quick reminder why this is so powerful: when we’re feeling lonely or even just thinking that we’re single, that vibration reinforces our current state.  If we want something different,we have to vibrate different.
These activation scripts help us vibrate something different!  So even though it may not be reality yet, just reading it makes us send out a new signal – and that kick starts change in real life.
Enjoy the vibration of a great relationship:

This is it.  It’s finally happened for me!
Actually, it’s even better than I imagined!
I’m in a fabulous relationship with an amazing person – someone who gets how amazing I am, too.
I knew there was someone out there for me, and we are so perfect together!  It’s like we were made for each other.
This is literally what I’ve dreamed about.  So many of their traits are exactly what I hoped for!  Smart, kind, capable, compassionate, and helloooo – attractive!  Whew!  Let me just say that our connection is amazing!!
I remember people telling me that maybe it wasn’t meant to be for me, that God had other plans.  Wow, was that wrong!  I’m in LOVE!!  With someone who is head over heels for me, too!
And this love affair has legs.  It’s not a flash in the pan.  It actually feels timeless.  This is a soul connection like I’ve never felt before.
We have such a good thing going!  All that waiting – and all that contrast over all those years – it was soooooo worth it!
I simply could not be more pleased with how things have turned out.
Our pace of getting to know each other was perfect, we really understood where the other was at.  We have similar desires in life, and things unfolded between us so naturally and easily.  It really felt – and still feels – “meant to be.”  Like higher forces guided us to each other.
Even after the throes of new love have matured, I still get giddy when I’m around this extraordinary human being.  I am with the love of my life!
We have fun together, we support each other, we “get” each other, we even thrive when we’re away from each other.  I definitely got the complete package!
Some of my friends who don’t have a love like this don’t really get it.  But I tell them they can, too, if they want it.  If this happened for me, it can happen for anyone!
This is what I’ve always wanted.  It’s a love affair like no other!
It’s funny how I used to wonder whether this was even possible for me.  I’m so glad I stayed open to love and let the universe bring this love to me!
There is no one else I would rather be with.
This must be what “happily ever after” feels like!

 

  • December 8, 2012
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