Custody Battle in the Vortex?
A long time friend wrote today asking me to envision seeing her on the winning side of an ugly custody battle.
It’s the sort of request that makes me take a deep breath.
Because while I feel deeply for her, and can tell how badly she wants this, I also know that approach doesn’t always turn out like we hope.
The reason is because our attachment to results, rather than attachment to feeling puts a kink in things.
If she were as perseverent about how she felt as she is about the outcome she wants to see – this would be a whole different story.
Believe it or not, she doesn’t really want custody of this child – she wants the feeling of well-being that comes in knowing this child is well and thriving. She just doesn’t trust it will happen somewhere else as well as it will with her.
To which she wrote back – respectfully – suggesting I didn’t understand what it was to risk losing a loved one to someone who is obviously not in the child’s best interests. She asked me to imagine that someone was trying to wrestle away one of my beloved pets. (She knows I don’t have kids, but am nuts for my animals.)
Interestingly enough, I didn’t have to imagine.
I had just been through that very experience last month.
It wasn’t my favorite experience, to say the least.
But in it, I recognized that fighting this fight wouldn’t lead to a happy outcome. To paraphrase Abraham, “Unhappy journeys don’t have happy endings.”
So I did my best – which wasn’t overly impressive – to get okay with the fact that things might not turn out here like they “should.” That this beloved animal who deserves to be happy and loved may very well end up in a home where he struggles, is neglected, overlooked, and uncared for.
But I did my LOA work:
* I decided to trust that he was going to be okay regardless of how things turned out. “His well-being is assured.” After all, I’m not God – I don’t know what’s best for this little guy. (That one I had to work on between thoughts of anger, resentment and vengeance. It was quite the ride.)
* After I practiced better feeling thoughts for a few days, I was able to imagine some good things might actually happen for him in that other home. I mean, maybe this really is a happy ending. I don’t know. I was making room for the possibility, trying not to be attached to the ending I wanted.
* Then I put myself in the shoes of the person who was fighting to keep him, which was easy to feel compassion for someone who so badly wanted this beloved being in their life. We all did! So that was easy to understand, and made it easier to relax about the fight they were putting up. It made sense to me.
And when it did come time to turn my loved one over to exactly the home I didn’t want him to go to, I did my best not to be a b*tch about it (probably got a C minus on that), cried for the rest of the day – and on and off as needed that week – then committed myself to thoughts that felt better.
There were really a lot of good ones to find once I devoted myself to it.
And that’s what I was looking for all along – to feel better. To be happy. To feel good about how I conduct myself in the world and to believe good things were in store for this amazing beautiful baby.
Not to micromanage Universe in how things should happen.
I did get an unexpected progress report the other day that my little guy is thriving and making friends, which helps fuel more good thoughts.
So my suggestion to someone who wants to see a happy ending in their custody battle is to devote yourself not to the battle, but instead to thoughts of this child’s well-being. Make the effort to see positive qualities in the other parties involved. Trust yourself to be a cooperative component in this happy unfolding. Remember that everything always works out.
Since my kids aren’t human, though, I’d appreciate hearing from you law of attraction savvy parents (and aspiring parents) on this subject. Got thoughts to share about custody issues in the vortex?
(Here’s a reminder of what a vortex is.)