October 1, 2010

Downstream With Bullying (Guest Sara Exley)

This originally appeared in the Good Vibe U forums via Coach Sara Exley. Here’s the guest post from LOA Parenting Coach Sara Exley:
I have so many buzzing thoughts, I barely know where to begin.
I’ve been seeing this all over facebook (Ellen DeGeneres video on teen bullying), and I think it’s a fabulous opportunity for us to remember what we know about how deliberate creation really works.

I love that so many people are feeling inspired in the direction of change, and what I also notice (some times) is that it’s easy for us to be loa-minded about money, romantic relationships, health, and plenty of other life-areas, but as soon as kids are brought in the mix, all that we know about LOA seems to go right out the door and we resort back to old ways of responding to both life and our kids.
As deliberate creation-savvy peeps, you know as well I do that putting up a fight against bullying is a sure way to keep it alive in our reality.
We know that the answer is not in getting control over our kids’ behavior (as if that were even possible), tightenting up on consequences, or even keeping an eye out for the unwanted stuff. Life can only show us what we’re watching out for, and if we’re watching out for bullying – Universe is hearing that we’re expecting to see it and will surely deliver on it. (If you think about it, that’s all that’s really happening here.)
So how do we go downstream with something that sucks so bad? The same way we do everything else – lining up with the version of teenagers that we’ve put in our vortex. Vibrationally, teenagers are already there appreciating their differences, celebrating each other, enjoying life, creating life from inside their own vortecies, being inspired examples of love, inspiring others to be more and more authentic, remembering who they are and showing up as that, softening their gap between their contrast and where they want to go. I get thrills just thinking about it!!
Step 1 as far as I can tell is to remember that the way we manifest our experience of our kids is the same as manifesting anything else. Creating what we want in response to the contrast of bullying is as basic as getting clear on what we want, staying focused on our desired vision, looking for evidence of it in as many places as possible, celebrating the evidence we see as we notice it, and celebrating everything else that is going right too. Have a conversation about THAT with your teenagers! Get into YOUR vortex by putting your attention on the rockets of desire you’ve launched! Think about the marvelous version of teen consciousness that is in your vortex just oozing to show up in reality! (Talk about some serious quiff popping!)
And more importantly, see how your desired vision is already happening in reality! If you don’t know what I’m talking about, watch the video below. The newer generations are more ripe for empowering concepts than any generation that has ever come before them.

We are not the bosses of our kids. And the more we seek control over their behavior, the more they are going to show us how absurd we are for trying.
Ellen is right, this is a wake up call, not to get control over our kids, but to get control over what we’re vibrating about them.
Thank you, Sara, for sharing your insightful perspective with us here.

  • helen says:

    wonderful and timely post, it is easy to sucked back into the old way of thinking about this topic in particular. Even though I knew nothing about LOA when I was a teen I can’t ever say I let bulling bother me rather I used to ignore the bullies and be friendly to them they mostly turned out to be alright people once I got past their defensiveness. I never saw myself as a victim and never ever bothered about peer pressure in any way, kind of always been a travel to the beat of my own drum sort of person & was pretty “different” at school, yet every type of group of kids liked me. While I realise that this is not so for others I have a hard time wondering why people put up with feeling so bad about themselves that they attract bullies who in the end are also “victims” otherwise the two would never meet.

  • Erik says:

    Hey all, I also got the news on the web and started to ‘react’ to it at the first moment (old memories from school time) but your post, Sara, is spot on. Look for what you wish and not for what ‘is’ (or what you are thinking that ‘is’).
    I also love the Abraham video because it gave me a clue to another question that was whizzing around my head lately (the vid pointed to effortless learning loa style, gotta try that!!).
    Thanks for posting!

  • Flavia says:

    So glad that in the mids of people worrying about this and the other your voice is the loudest and sweetest to me! Rock on Sara!

  • Leigh Anne Saxe says:

    Hi Jeannette- Wonderful post! Gotta love the contrast here. You are right – it takes many of us practice with the subject of children to change how we feel and get off our default setting to deliberately create what is wanted.
    Thank you for this!

  • Katie says:

    As a mom of a tween this was so nice to read. I have been using the LOA when thinking about my kids and how they are doing with their peers. So far it’s been great! I love watching them and seeing how they are functioning in their worlds. I’m so proud to be their mom and so grateful to have them as my kids. I know they’re on their own journey’s and I’m only along for the ride for a short time so I only hope I’m doing a good job.

  • Sara, you wrote what I had been thinking when I watched the Ellen video.
    I was very appreciative today when Barbara Clark (@spiritedstrider) shared this wonderful video on FB today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pj0tgQLeCkA (it’s worth watching!!!)
    Many blessings,

  • Jessica says:

    Thank you for posting this. As a barely 16 year old deliberate creator I often feel like I’m the only kid who ever knew about the LOA lol.

  • Sara says:

    Janette!!! It’s difficult to imagine anyone bullying you, but KUDOS for following your feel good, talking to your friend, and employing some ho’op in the process!! I’m glad my post could help. And I look forward to what’s next up for this guy! I see him doing a total 180, feeling inspired to treat you with kindness, and who knows, he just might even apologize. 😀
    Thanks so much for your thoughts, Ryan!! And you’re so right about the power of being for vs. being against. If we’re going to nurture a perspective, it might as well be the one we want. 🙂

  • Stacy says:

    I am a huge Ellen fan and saw her message yesterday. And I immediately tried to think of it in a LOA context.
    I also tried to think – how can I focus on a solution and an idea I had was putting together something for teens who are gay – or are just being bullied about it whether they are or not or even who are bullied for other reasons – to get positive encouragement. And I even thought hmmm, maybe I can do this in some way where it gives these teens an introduction to LOA.
    Anyhoo, yes, it really really sucks that this kid took his life and that there are so many teens so out of alignment that they are such assholes, but I couldn’t help but thing maybe these recent suicides were agreed on before they came into physical to inspire new approaches to bullying and such.
    It’s inspired me and given me ideas. Not sure yet what to do, but I’ve gotten the opening inspiration.

  • Sara says:

    I’m feeling the LOOVE!!! 😀
    Jeannette, thank you for being as excited as I am!! I had such a great time writing it, and I so appreciate your enthusiasm to share it with a larger crowd.
    Lin – Big Mama hug right back!! I LOVE your inspiration to jump into action!! The bigger the contrast, the more Well-being is calling us. I think it’s great that so many parents were saying “enough is enough” because it shows how big the desire is for something different. And now that we know what we want, we can move in that direction instead of away from it.
    How cool that we can look forward to more headline stories about teens blowing our minds with their joy? And as we continue to loosen our grip on them (like we have a choice lol), they get to see how cool WE really are!! My guess is that they have a whole new version of us ready for them in their vortex too. 😀

  • Ryan Biddulph says:

    Super post!
    It’s refreshing to see a different take on the situation. I live by Rutgers and although I don’t follow the news I can’t go for more than an hour without hearing a negative view about what transpired. The loss of life of a young man is tragic but we can only address how to improve the lives of all going forward.
    Such is the power for being for versus the power of being against. Great reminder to continue to think “downstream”, no matter how difficult it is when addressing parent-child interaction.
    Thanks for sharing Jeannette and have a fun day 🙂

  • Janette says:

    OMG! Such a timely post. Yesterday I received a bullying email (from a guy 1/3 my age LOL!!) and was amazed to find that it triggered all kinds of old responses from my teen years. Yikes.
    It took a call from a dear friend who was one of several people cc-ed in the email and several rounds of ho’oponopono …. but 24 hours later I finally got somewhere near making peace with it.
    And then reading this post totally turned the corner for me!
    It’s not just teens who bully or are bullied (though I agree that’s when the behaviour can do the most damage). And more importantly, it’s not just teens for whom we can line up with the version we have in our vortex. Huge clunk as the penny drops!!!
    Thank you Sara – I now know, with a kind of inner glee, that this lad has a perfect version which he doesn’t even know about yet… and *I* get to line up with that version of him! This in turn truly takes away any power he has over how I feel – which is the ultimate defence against bullying!!
    There is a divine symmetry to this which I’m just beginning to feel rippling through me. Bliss!

  • Barbara, I appreciated your sharing this story on your facebook page. I hadn’t heard it until you posted.

  • Barbara Banfield says:

    Thanks Sara. Just what I needed to hear as I move into working with kids again. I’ve been having a lot of fun watching my 14 year old nephew step into his power.

  • Sara has a gift for piercing through the veil, huh, Lin? I appreciated the message on this topic, too.
    Thanks for reading and for starting the conversation here. 🙂

  • Lin E says:

    Sara… this is absolutely perfect. The wisdom in your message runs deep. Thank you for your gentle reminder to those of us (me) who reflexively jump to take action. Downstream is the only way. Kudos to you. And a big mama hug!

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