Ending the Fight LOA Style
Sunday night I found myself inventing new swear words as I planted grass seed alone while my sweetheart lingered on the golf course instead of upholding his promise to help with the job.
(Responsibility for grass growing and being AWOL with golfing are long standing issues at our house. I know it’s ridiculous but there it is.)
Lord knows how any of that seed is going to thrive with all the resentment it was planted with!
Anyway, in prepping for his return, deciding whether to let him have it now or wait till tomorrow when I’d (hopefully) cooled off a little, I knew what arguments he would use to defend himself. I knew what to say to prove him wrong. I knew how hot he would be that I was getting hot. And I knew that no one was more mad than me. And I knew the downward spiral we were about to take together.
Until he got home. And apologized.
Even seeing how mad I was (too mad to talk) didn’t trigger his defensiveness.
“I know. I blew it. I’m sorry.” He was genuine; not placative.
Even though I wouldn’t talk to him all night, he didn’t return my cold shoulder or shut doors harder than he should. Even when I did.
He simply wasn’t going there with me, while at the same time he didn’t blame me for being there myself.
We’ve never done that before.
You know, you just can’t have a proper fight with your sweetheart when they behave like this.
But it makes sense. Since like attracts like, when my sweetie is peaceful he can’t have an angry lover. Either I have to calm down, or I have to find someone who’ll match my anger. That’s how it works.
The reason I’m telling this story is because I think my sweetie’s response holds a clue to peace.
- We aren’t going to fight our way to it;
- we aren’t going to kill our way to it;
- we aren’t going to argue our way to it.
The only way to end the fight is to stop fighting. To embrace the feelings we want to feel – peace, unity, love – right now, before anything else changes.
Even when someone is slamming doors in our face.
If my sweetheart can do it, I can too. That’s two more joining the peaceful front.
Despite reports of celebration across the nation for Osama bin Laden’s death, I was encouraged by the number of U.S. facebook friends and colleagues sharing their opinion that death is not a cause for celebration.
I can find compassion, and empathy, and peace within me.
In fact, I’m also finding my way to the place where I don’t judge others for doing it different. For celebrating the death of an “enemy.” Whatever floats your boat, I guess.
We don’t have to agree and we don’t have to worry when others have a different opinion.
All there is is for each of us to choose what we want.
Thanks to my sweetheart for reminding me that I can choose love.