Energy Dynamics in Relationship
Last week I had a seemingly random thought about how it was time to call an old friend I hadn’t spoken to since last year.
So I dialed him up and asked how he was doing.
He was taken aback by my call, which he explained at dinner a couple nights later.
Apparently just a few hours before I rang, he’d been thinking of me.
In a not-so-nice way.
He had said to himself that he was done with this “one way friendship” where he has to make all the efforts to connect and I only respond occasionally to his messages. He was fed up that I never took the initiative to reach out.
So it spooked him a little when I rang just a few hours after he mentally wrote me off.
He thought this was more evidence that women respond best when treated somewhat disdainfully, because they dismiss “nice guys” who do all the right things.
And he shared a bunch of examples from his own life and women he knew to prove his point:
- Like, how when he shows up at the club not looking or smelling his best, women are all over him. But when he cleans up nice, he doesn’t get any attention at all.
- Or when he shows no interest in a girl, she’s practically pounding down his door. But when he says and does all the right things, she doesn’t want anything to do with him.
I know there are dating experts out there teaching guys to “pick up chicks” by being somewhat condescending and withholding to women. And getting results from it.
But I don’t think the proper conclusion here is that women need to be treated poorly in order to capture and maintain their interest.
The only reason anything changes is because the energy changed. And there are lots of ways to create those energetic changes.
Like giving up your resistance about being the only one who calls – that’s one way to shift the energy.
(As proven last week, it gets results.)
Changing the story you tell is another way to shift the energy dynamics.
(Maybe instead of saying “She never calls,” it might behoove one desiring change to entertain a story that goes more like “She’s probably thinking about me even when I don’t know it” or even “She’s good about staying in touch.”)
Another way to shift the energy dynamics in the relationship is to … well, this is where I open it up for conversation with you.
How do you shift the energy when the relationship could use some tweaking?
Looking forward to hearing from you!