Energy Dynamics in Relationship

Last week I had a seemingly random thought about how it was time to call an old friend I hadn’t spoken to since last year.
So I dialed him up and asked how he was doing.
He was taken aback by my call, which he explained at dinner a couple nights later.
Apparently just a few hours before I rang, he’d been thinking of me.
In a not-so-nice way.
He had said to himself that he was done with this “one way friendship” where he has to make all the efforts to connect and I only respond occasionally to his messages.  He was fed up that I never took the initiative to reach out.
So it spooked him a little when I rang just a few hours after he mentally wrote me off.
He thought this was more evidence that women respond best when treated somewhat disdainfully, because they dismiss “nice guys” who do all the right things.
And he shared a bunch of examples from his own life and women he knew to prove his point:

  • Like, how when he shows up at the club not looking or smelling his best, women are all over him.  But when he cleans up nice, he doesn’t get any attention at all.
  • Or when he shows no interest in a girl, she’s practically pounding down his door.  But when he says and does all the right things, she doesn’t want anything to do with him.

I know there are dating experts out there teaching guys to “pick up chicks” by being somewhat condescending and withholding to women.  And getting results from it.
But I don’t think the proper conclusion here is that women need to be treated poorly in order to capture and maintain their interest.
The only reason anything changes is because the energy changed.  And there are lots of ways to create those energetic changes.
Like giving up your resistance about being the only one who calls – that’s one way to shift the energy.
(As proven last week, it gets results.)
Changing the story you tell is another way to shift the energy dynamics.
(Maybe instead of saying “She never calls,” it might behoove one desiring change to entertain a story that goes more like “She’s probably thinking about me even when I don’t know it” or even “She’s good about staying in touch.”)
Another way to shift the energy dynamics in the relationship is to … well, this is where I open it up for conversation with you.
How do you shift the energy when the relationship could use some tweaking?
Looking forward to hearing from you!

  • March 23, 2010
  • Jessica says:

    Erik, I just wanted to say I like your point of being authentic regardless if it is in a bad or good way. It is true that most “bad” guys (if there is such a thing) are just being themselves, take it or leave it.
    There are genuinely kind, “nice” people out there- like everyone here! But really what drives people to be “nice” anyway? I think a good percentage of people who are “nice” are just people pleasing anyhow because of how we are conditioned as we grow up. Say please and thank-you, manners, etc. All that depends on culture. What is polite and “nice” in one realm can be barbaric in another. So “nice” is relative anyhow! I have never cared for the word nice for this exact reason. It has an “unauthentic” vibe to it, imho.
    Anyhow, I laughed at “can you flow resistance”… funny!

  • Erik says:

    As you might have noticed, I in no way excluded the possibility that there are truly nice guys that have rock-solid confidence, totally are themselves *and* are ‘the perfect match otherwise’. So there is hope ladies ^^.
    @Mary&Laura: I can totally relate to this withdrawing and he / she comes running game. So true and frustrating at times.
    Ah, and one more thing that came to my mind regarding this topic: for most people some of the worst things is to feel inferior or not adequate in any way. Maybe its learned during your youth, school time, or via family.
    So with a bad guy you can feel totally good since he is *suuuch a jerk* – no fear *ever* of feeling inadequate again ;). When you look at it this way, kind of reassuring isn’t it?
    Face a truly nice guy who has his stuff together, oooops there goes your ‘feeling inadequateness’ again *ouch*.
    Please take note, that I am playing the ‘devils advocate’ here, nice guys don’t finish last, only guys who aren’t themselves and don’t like how and who they are ‘finish last’, whether good or bad.
    So hooray for self-love ;).

  • Erik says:

    Truly interesting topic. This really good question of why ‘nice guys finish last’ has some pretty good answers to me. If I ask myself, what is it that draws women towards jerks that don’t care about them??
    Well, jerks for one are *totally themselves*, they have no worries whatsoever if they are doing things right or if it is ‘ok’ to be who they are – they just ‘do their thing’, even if it is drinking beer all the time and watching football or whatever sport on TV.
    Just by being themselves, they flow virtually *no* resistance towards women. And energy and attention always flows to where there is the least resistance – the U always takes the shortest route to fulfill your desire.
    So my reasoning goes like this: if a women is in desperate need of learning how to be more herself (who is not?) *and* has a bad self-image then two things are in action. First the guy can teach her, even in a bad way, to be herself no matter what and second, she attracts someone who confirms her ‘non-worthyness’.
    The so called nice guys, as many stated above just try to hard —> huge flow of resistance —> icky vibe. They don’t have a good self-image either and since like attracts like, there you go attracting insecure ‘nice-guys’.
    As it seems, for some women, simply to be with a guy who vibes ‘I am totally myself, no matter what others think’ (even if it is in a bad way) and flows virtually no resistance is preferred to be with a ‘nice guy’ who flows loads of resistance (can you *flow* resistance??), is not so confident that he is ‘ok’ but who whould otherwise be the perfect match.
    Don’t get me wrong, I am not for being a jerk or treating women badly in any way but since ‘bad-ass guys’ and ‘jerks’ attract (a certain type of) women left and right, there must be something to be learned. Just my two cents on the whole jerk vs. nice-guy dating dynamic.

  • I couldn’t pass up commenting on this topic.
    On you calling your friend – maybe it really was a one way relationship and you felt him pull away and so reached out to him.
    But does that mean that women respond best when treated with disdain? Not at all! As many have said here, I would challenge both of your male friends to look at why they need to be in relationships with women who don’t appreciate the gifts that they are!
    To be sure there are women who only respond to being treated badly, as there are men who only respond to the same. Perhaps because to be treated well is too risky – if you are treated well, you fall deeply in love and then have so much more too loose if things go badly.
    But there are women who appreciate being treated well, in fact there are women who will accept nothing less than being treated well. And there are men who are the same. Simply find those people. Find the people that fit what you want, rather than complaining about those who don’t.

  • Barbara says:

    I shift the energy in my relationships by doing lists of positive aspects about them. It gets me in the better feeling place (as it’s really all about my vibration anyway). It assists me in finding many things to appreciate about them, too. And when I do that, my relationship with that person improves. I did this with my ex-husband, bosses, colleagues, friends, and in my current relationship. Works for me everytime.

  • Leo says:

    In my opinion, the Women you are referencing here are looking for a fixer-upper. Like any person that likes to fix things, it seems to me that these women like to fix people. Why bother with a man that gets it right most of the time? They are looking for a man that needs some polishing and they are just the woman to do that.

  • Great insights, everyone!! Very helpful, indeed… 🙂
    And yes, I would like to agree with everyone who mentioned the dynamics of the push/pull phenomenon in relationships. It NEVER fails (at least in my experience) that the minute you start to pull away from someone and move on to someone else, that’s always *precisely* the moment when they show up back in your life and are like HI!!! 🙂 hehe.
    And agreeing with what Laura said above, I’ve definitely also experienced the backing off and letting him pursue me thing, which also works. And it doesn’t take very long either! Whether or not it’s conscious, the other person can definitely sense the energetic misalignment and they go about trying to re-align it to the way it was before:)

  • Laura says:

    Wow…there are so many things on want to say on this topic! First, I think alot has to do with the relationship you had with your opposite sex parent and how you are accustomed to being treated. That is your first experience with the opposite sex and you learn what to expect and how to be treated. Granted, you can use LOA processes etc. to create the the ideal way you’d like to be treated, but you must first get comfortable with being treated well or it will not feel right to you.
    This is so interesting if we look at our past and look at our dating history. I have a wonderful relationship with my father who is a sweet man who makes people laugh and feel comfortable around him. He (as well as my mother) have always been unconventional and are more “alternative and slightly bohemian – or they were). So, I have always been attracted to men who treat me well but also have a slightly “rebellious” or offbeat side which mirrored what I had growing up. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t. But one thing is for sure, I won’t tolerate for even a minute, a man not respecting or treating me well.
    The other thing I want to add is I totally agree with Rose on the energy perspective. I read an article a few years ago (wish I still had it) that talked about the equilibrium in the exchange of energy between two people. Like the woman who chases a man, calling all the time, doing things for him all the time and then gives up because she isn’t getting anywhere. All of the sudden, he notices the absense of attention (or the pulling away of the energy) and he starts pursuing her. It is a natural tendency to balance out the energy and bring it back to equilibrum. The guy may not even conscious know why he is doing it, but feels the shift in energy. I tried this out once and it totally worked.
    Now that I am much more in tune with energy and LOA savvy, I am only interested in how I am flowing energy and not so much in the manipulation of other people’s, although when you really like someone the temptation is there.
    BTW Jeannette, this topic (well relationships) is what my call with the COL was about yesterday and boy did it shed some light. What happens when we send out conflicted energy on wanting a relationship vs. I can’t have what I want. Great topic for conversation!

  • ChipEFT says:

    I hope no one minds, I clipped a piece of my own blog to explain relationship dynamics in terms of vibration.
    Vibration is vibration–just that. But for the sake of understanding the dynamics of a relationship I divide vibration into two types: harmonic and sympathetic. These are my terms, so don’t bother Googling them.
    Harmonic vibrations are those that are similar. In a relationship these harmonic vibrations are the ones that are all kissy face and huggy bear: love, compassion, joy of companionship, etc. You are in harmony with the other person.
    On the other hand, sympathetic vibrations stem from repressed emotions. You literally attract a person to show you the emotions that are creating conflict. In other words, you will find a person who pushes your buttons. For example, if you harbor strong feelings of self-anger, you will attract people to yell at you. If you have low self-esteem, you will find people who put you down. If you have deep feelings of guilt, you will find people who will punish you.
    Form this perspective it is easy to see that if you change your part of a relationship dynamic, the situation can shift dramatically. Perhaps it is easier if you imagine two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly when you join their slot and tab. If you change the shape of either piece, the tab of one or the slot of the other, they no longer fit together.

  • Ruby says:

    Forgot to write my name for the above response…
    Jeanette, I am still trying to employ this process with my folks.. which like you said can be more difficult to follow.

  • Anonymous says:

    To manifest a better relationship…. hmm, let’s see…
    From my experience, you already know what feels right for you to do. I think most of the time I always knew what I would like to do/say etc but most times have ended up doing something different.
    I think we try and rationalize or bring logic and practicality into what we ‘feel’ like doing… and there has been my down fall..LOL!
    And I can tell you that whenever I have done what feels right the relationship has always been better or in some cases I have realized the ‘fake’ ones from the ‘true’ ones.
    And once I was able to ‘clear the fake relationships’, It made way for other relationships to walk righ into my life 🙂
    And so I have always felt abundance in healthy relationships in my life…yipeee!

  • Ooh, Jessica, it sounds like you are beautifully sensitive to the energy dynamics!
    I love that you can recognize this: “I can FEEL the energy sucking out of me that he wants from his giving” and I suspect even those who aren’t conscious of that vibe are still responding to it in some way.
    I totally know what you mean, anyway. Even if I’m not saying it well. lol
    Thanks for dropping by with your thoughts and observations. Very nice to hear from you again!

  • Jessica says:

    Some perfect insights to think about as I head off to bed. It is funny b/c it reminded me that I get annoyed when my husband tries too hard, as if he is guessing and grasping at straws to do something to get the reward of pleasing me. See, the energy is different than genuine giving. It is as though I need to react a certain way. I can FEEL the energy sucking out of me that he wants from his giving. He is trying too hard to please me, rather than just giving for the joy of giving. I feel an expectation of sorts in the giving. Sometimes he sincerely wants to give, but it is just easier and I am free to be myself, when he just does what makes him happy… so I can be happy that he’s happy.
    I dunno. I always felt guilty when I’d turn down “nice” guys. It was because they were trying too hard. As though they were being nice in order to win me over, rather than just get to know me. Is it over-compensation for an insecurity? Even giving can have a “needy” vibe too it! Right?!
    Anyhow, thanks for the topic, because I think I discovered some of those “mirrored” issues that Kim is talking about! I have been trying “too hard” lately and I need to let go and just be “me”. So I need to go sit with that for awhile! Thanks so much everyone! 🙂

  • Good point, Ben.
    And you’re right – he does! As I believe we all do. (Deserve someone special.)
    Nice to see your smiling face here, my friend. Drop by again with any excuse to post, please! 🙂

  • Ben Weston says:

    I’m really curious about your friend, Jeannette! What strikes me is that, he gives the impression that when he is not trying to attract anyone, he will attract them.
    Perhaps it’s when he senses he needs to do something or be someone in particular, by dressing or acting in a particular fashion, that he is giving off a different vibe. Perhaps it’s a vibe of not being good enough.
    Maybe when he isn’t trying and just presenting himself as he is, he’s naturally more relaxed and giving off a vibe of natural confidence.
    I dunno. Either way, he sounds like he deserves someone special!

  • Ah, yes, Dana – the way they say it in Martha Beck world is “you spot it, you got it.”
    Here’s to giving Universe more options! 🙂

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    Oh, and Robert, the flowers and candy don’t hurt! It’s not a bribe. It’s making your lady feel special. I know some people find it cliche, but you know…I don’t know too many people who can say they “get too many flowers” or “wish he’d stop bringing them chocolates.”
    I get flowers about every other weekend (every time David comes to see me) and I have never once thought they were cliche. They’re a constant reminder of him when he’s not here, and they are a symbol of all I have to be thankful for in him, not just in the crabby moments, but even in the neutral moments when it can’t hurt to think of something with gratitude and beauty. They smell good too!

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    You’re right. Sometimes a characteristic you don’t like in yourself or you resist having within yourself is something you attract by that very resistance.
    I just had the same convo today about “if you see it you be it” but in the context of talking about who the three people you admire most are and why you admire them. Those characteristics are also in you, because if you see it you be it and they really are the “ideal self” that you want to be if you admire those three the most.
    We also attract what we believe we’re capable of attracting. If we think, “all men are jerks” or “all women like jerks” or something of that sort, that’s what we attract because we give the Universe no other options. If we give more options, then we get better results. I think we can even think we deserve a great man or woman but if we think “all the good ones are taken” then we won’t attract what we deserve.
    Really fun topic, indeed! 🙂

  • Gemstone, that sounds like shadow theory, right? Like when we disown something about ourselves, we’ll see it reflected in others?
    I love your awareness of how this process unfolded with the ex-boyfriend. That awareness serves us SO well!
    Thanks for joining the conversation, Gemstone. Always a pleasure to hear from you!

  • gemstone says:

    I’ve heard the mirroring aspect of self too. However I’ve also been told (and believe) that what you see in another may just be a personality trait that your detached from within yourself.
    For example. I’m very uncomfortable with pushy, aggressive people. I’m not that way. I’ve never been that way out of fear. Yet I would bring these people into my life over and over again. I’ve started making peace with this, and these people are not showing up as frequently in my life.
    I do agree with you that we attract the love we believe we deserve!
    I’d also like to add, that I was so attached to an ex-boyfriend. When he broke up with me I was really hurt. As soon as I finally let him go, he started contacting me again (but by that time, I wasn’t interested!)
    Great topic as always Jeannette.

  • Dana, I’ve got an email in your inbox!
    Amen, Kim – way to go straight to the source! (Literally.)
    So worthiness and true desire is the work.
    I think that anyone who practiced that would find themselves in good stead.
    Thanks for posting, you two!

  • Kim Falconer says:

    This is such an interesting post and all the comments are filling my brain with ideas! Thank you!
    I responded to the ‘how do you shift energy when the relationship wants tweaking’ question on FaceBook:
    When I don’t like what I’m experiencing in a relationship I’m usually thinking something like ‘they don’t care,’ or they don’t have time for me.’ or ‘they don’t get me.’ When I see my finger pointing towards them, I know I am looking in a mirror. ‘We people our lives with bits of our-self,’ Jung said. Basically, if I see it in another, it’s mirroring me.
    When that bingo moment happens, the bubble pops and I know it’s really me that isn’t caring enough, or spending time enough or getting that part of ME!. So I settle down into a little communion with myself and connect with the angst or hurt or unacknowledged and sure enough, as I change my relationship to ‘me’, all my external relationships change as well.
    It takes practice AND is so worth it. ‘Physician, heal thyself!”
    The questions ‘Why women go for bad boys’ reminds me of the CW song ‘We all know ladies love outlaws’.
    We can find evidence for this kind of behavior and say things like ‘some people don’t know the difference between love and abuse’ or ‘we seek to recreate our parental relationships no matter how damages or unfulfilled’.
    For me the bottom line is we attract the love we believe we deserve.
    If we think ‘ideal’ partners reject us for ‘less ideal ones’ it might be time to look at what we feel we are worthy of, and what we really want.
    🙂 Kim

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    That’s what life is all about! Having cake and eating it too. My first deliberate manifestation was David. I told him I “ordered” him when I met him and I think he still thinks I’m a little nutty (in a cute way), but he is exactly what I ordered and more. The really neat thing is that I know exactly how I did it and can recreate it for others, if my process works for them. It’s all about what works best for each individual.
    I love your calls and would love to do another!

  • Ah, I found the link, Jeffrey!
    I think you nailed it with: “given up hope/made peace that it may never improve, and that’s when things started to improve. But the trick is to not do it ‘in order’ for it to improve, because then you’re still attached to the outcome.”
    Off to go read your post – thanks for sharing here, Jeffrey!

  • This is a great post. I know I have my fair share of “stories” about a friend or family member that keep the resistance alive. I know many times I’ve either given up hope that things will improve and made peace with it never improving, and that’s when things started to improve. But the trick is to not do it “in order” for it to improve, because then you’re still attached to the outcome.
    My recent blog post “Is your dating story serving you?” didn’t mention LOA by name, but I definitely snuck it in there all over the place! 🙂
    – Jeffrey

  • Entertaining and (I think) accurate example, Robert!
    Your huge “but” made me laugh, too. I think, though, it is possible to have that right AND be single. lol
    I think? ha ha

  • Robert Higginson says:

    I believe that the dating process can be viewed in terms of marketing, we are basically marketing ourselves. One of the fundamental principles of marketing is that the more you try to force someone to buy something the less they want to buy it.
    Last week I went to a local “Home and Garden Show” and it was very interesting to see how the people at different booths marketed their products. Some marketers would stand out in the middle of the aisle confronting everyone who passed by making them take a flyer, they weren’t doing much business. Others would try to entice passers-by with a bowl of candy placed next to the aisle. It seemed to me that people were too smart to “fall for” that and kept walking. The booths that had the most business were the ones that had something amazing to display (sell) that drew people in and they WANTED to see it. (The 2 busiest booths were one displaying the Wii Fit system, and one selling fresh baked bread.)
    That is my philosophy in dating, I am not going to try to force you to go out with me, nor am I going to try to entice you with chocolates or flowers (etc.). I am going to be the most interesting, sincere person I can possibly be and you will want to be around me, or not. Either way, I’m happy.
    BUT (and this is a HUGE but) I am single, so what do I know?

  • Good point, Gorgeousophie! Let’s look at it in a way that might make some sense.
    If I had a belief that men aren’t happy unless they’re getting plenty of sexual attention, then I’ll attract the guys who are a great match to having that experience with me.
    My “they’re not happy without sex” story might be filtering out all the great guys who are perfectly happy with just a little “quality time” together.
    So the story matters!
    But in my good friend’s case, it does make me wonder where/when that story started. Because, for example, while I found him EXCEPTIONALLY funny, smart, interesting, generous, incredibly considerate, great looking, financially astute, friendly, social, an animal lover and very enjoyable to be around, I prefer men who don’t drink.
    That’s the truth. I prefer sobriety 24/7. Literally. Not even social drinking.
    But he might be able to spin (I’m not saying he is, but someone look at the situation might be able to) tell that story in a way that looks like women prefer to be with men who are “broken” in some way.
    When someone else might see it totally differently.
    It’s very interesting stuff, here!
    PS to MissyB – are you in the UK? Cause I’ll have to look up our international code to give you his #. hee hee

  • Gorgeousophie says:

    But…but…but…Jeannette’s other friend does treat them like gold and they left him!!! Am lost in the stream of answers without a paddle here guys! Are we saying that nice guy was not true to himself?!

  • Well, we have a new choir in this post, Chip, so that was important to say.
    I couldn’t agree more, and I appreciate that it came from you!
    Thanks for reading and especially for writing in. 🙂

  • ChipEFT says:

    You get what you expect. You can’t go around thinking that women are jerks without manifesting exactly that.
    Time to tell a new story, a story about what you want from a relationship.
    Appreciate those qualities you like in women and Law of Attraction will bring you women with those qualities.
    I know I’m speaking to the choir here.

  • Dana, way to have your cake and eat it, too!
    Not everyone would be able to list the “neat” qualities about the alcholic sports addict – I suspect your ability to do that has much to do with why you’re so happy today.
    (Is it just me, or do I hear a GVU call forming on this topic?)
    And thanks for listening to the call with Beth & Cindy today! Wish it would have been open lines to hear from you on!

  • MissyB says:

    Rose ! I think you are so spot on with your view and it has made me look at it in a totally different way. Yes – when they have been aloof they did attract the crazy energy within me.
    Yes…I’m a game player…and that’s what I attract.
    Thanks so much…I’ve learnt a bit more today. :o)

  • Ooh – well said, Rose! That that certain type of energy draws that certain type of woman.
    And that doesn’t mean that ALL women will respond that way – just the ones who are a match to that vibe.
    I love your parting advice, Rose: “Be who you are, be real, and you will attract someone who speaks your language.”
    Thanks for pitching in!

  • Rose says:

    Whoa, ok. This one is just too juicy to leave alone.
    Looking at this from the perspective of energy, it completely makes sense. When a guy has a lack of energy or an away-from energy that he brings to the relationship, it often elicits the needy, graspy-type of energy from the woman. Both are not conducive to a healthy relationship.
    Therefore, GUYS reading this take note! If you act all aloof or even treat a woman less than great, what you’re going to attract is a whole lot of crazy, psycho energy from a woman who might otherwise be completely normal.
    Don’t play games people! Be who you are, be real, and you will attract someone who speaks your language.
    Phew, now I feel better.

  • Oh man, those are some interesting dynamics, MissyB! Your research on both sides of the coin is really interesting!

  • MissyB says:

    May I have the nice guy’s number please – right age, self sufficient and by the sounds of it, has his own teeth too !
    I’ll not go in to detail as I wrote this about “waiting in vain” on GVU. All the men I chased were total and utter sods to me…then I gave up chasing them because I had had enough. And I had had enough…none of this I’ll pretend giving up. They were out. Then they chased me…and all was love and all was well. They treated me very well. Too well. I tested and tested their love for me…and tested too much until the relationship broke.
    So I think I agree – men giving it their all may not work.

  • I’m supposed to be doing yoga before my interview with Beth & Cindy in a half hour, but I can’t stop thinking about a post from a very handsome and eligible guy I dated years ago:
    In response to my tweet that showed up on my facebook saying: “My ex-fiance (& good friend) thinks women respond more positively when you DON’T treat them like gold. Oh boy.”
    This other good friend said: “I tend to agree with this actually! It is something I have tried to figure out for YEARS!”
    Then he added:
    “Let me clarify – I’m the who who treats women like GOLD!! I’m 39 years old, employed, own a house, car, retirement plan, go the gym, eat semi-healthy, dress nice etc.. in other words, I’ve got my act together. I was also raised in the south and treat women with enormous respect. I get it. Over the past two years, I have dated two different women who have ended up leaving me for 1. the unemployed alcoholic who lives at the bar and worships football and 2. the seldom-employed obnoxious redneck drunk who treats women like dirt. i have other examples too but it always seems women leave me for someone worse. I don’t get it!”
    This is an excellent discussion point, if you ask me! Thoughts, anyone?
    (And remember I love both these guys dearly, so be nice please.) 🙂

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    Did you get your yoga in? Call was great! Squeezed it in between other fun today!

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    It is all about what you’re telling yourself and what you’re buying into, and the big shift for me back when I was dating had a lot to do with one realization: I only have to find one man out of 3.5 billion who meets my list of qualities. Just one!
    I dated the alcoholic narcissist who thought backhanded compliments were romantic and couldn’t turn his head away from whatever sport he could find on TV 24/7, even if we were out for a “romantic” dinner. I know about the bad boy thing. He cured me.
    Not only that, I took all the neat qualities that he had and listed them in a way that left all the bad qualities behind and made room or opened space for the “cool” part to still be in the man of my dreams, and it is! The man of my dreams rides motorcycles and races cars and is manly and can throw a fast ball and can hit a target at the firing range, etc.
    However, the man of my dreams opens doors and brings flowers and thinks I’m the cutest little thing there ever was, because I opened the space for that too! You can have it both ways and without the treating like crap or being aloof.
    I have much more to say on it for anyone interested, because this is one of my pet niches…I am a master at manifesting the perfect mate. I won the man lottery, seriously.
    I know I’m not alone here.
    To answer for the male perspective, I’d just say flip what I’m saying. There are 3.5 billion women. How many do you need to notice you and love you for who you are? How many gentleman lovers do you need to be happy?

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