Feel It First, Then It Happens
Over the weekend I joined my sweetie for a golf tournament in beautiful Moab, Utah. (I’ve written about this gig before.) This is the first year Sadie came with us, so it was an extra special treat!
While Sadie and I had a great time hiking the Hidden Valley trail on Saturday, Russ shot a dismal 82 the first day of the tournament.
(He usually shoots in the 70s. For those of you like me who don’t know much about golf, high scores are not good.)
At dinner that night while recounting disappointing stories of triple bogies and shanks and O.B. shots, Russ summed up his problem by saying his confidence was shot.
He’s nervous at the tee and his hands even shake a little.
Not hard to imagine how that mindset affects his game.
I asked what he was going to do about it. He said he had to get his confidence back.
I agreed wholeheartedly, and asked how he would do it.
He said he’d have to start playing better in order to feel more confidence.
That’s where I couldn’t disagree more.
That’s the typical trap many of us fall in, right? “I’ll feel better when …. ”
We think the external circumstances will change our internal feelingscape.
And that’s just not how it works best.
It works way better when he finds his confidence first, which puts him in a much better vibration for an improved game.
But he doesn’t think that way. I didn’t point out the rut he creates for himself by saying that playing poorly shoots his confidence, and that without confidence he can’t play better.
Sounds like a no-win situation to me!
Like many folks out there, he doesn’t know how to feel differently now before there’s any real “reason” to feel differently. He really thinks his game has to get better first, and then he’ll feel more confidence.
Those of us tapped into the law of attraction do it differently, don’t we?
But he’s not a client and he doesn’t read this blog and he doesn’t even invite my input, so he doesn’t get the benefit of my immense wisdom. <hehe>
What I did suggest, though, was that since he played so crappy the first day, the second day would go much better.
We’ve all experienced that, right? When the pressure’s off, things (often) get better.
Now that he’d lost all hopes of being a contender, he could play for fun. He wouldn’t have to worry about making good shots, because he didn’t have to any more. After all, he was already trailing the field. Nothing to do now but enjoy the day.
He smiled patronizingly when I said that.
At the end of the second day (after Sadie and I hiked the stunningly beautiful Bill’s Canyon – here’s a picture of it!), we drove to the course to pick up what turned out to be a particularly uplifted boyfriend.
Turns out he played much better the second day. Apparently he plays quite differently when “all is lost” than when he’s trying to win. He took aggressive risks he wouldn’t normally take (because after all, there was nothing to lose), which paid off. And he didn’t think about his shots too much because nothing was at stake.
He shot a lovely 76. Which put him in the money.
Now he’s excited about his game again, and has a couple ideas for how he might improve even more for the rest of the season.
I can’t help but imagine what his game would be like if he put his creative powers to work!
Sidenote: I didn’t understand how an 82 on Saturday and a 76 on Sunday could put him in contention, when 73 was leading the show the first day out. But he said everyone always shoots higher on Sunday.
Huh. “Why is that,” I asked?
“Because the pressure’s on,” he said. “Everyone’s more nervous after they’ve done well the first day, and they don’t want to lose their lead.”
How interesting is that?
So what can we glean from my sweetie’s experience?
Here’s what I learned:
- There isn’t just one way to our happy ending.
My sweetie could have chosen new thoughts that would have amped up his confidence to improve his game the second day. But instead he “gave up” hopes of winning which actually furthered his (lost) cause tremendously.
- Golfers, just like the rest of us, would benefit from learning how to manage energy!
If they really to tend to shoot higher scores on the second day of tournaments because of the pressure, learning to manage pressure would serve them well. That goes for all of us: if we care about our performance – whether it’s in sports or business or love – if the results matter, we would do well to mind the vibration.
- Finally, I was reminded that I’m a master manifester even in the presence of supreme skepticism.
Russ believed there was no way I would find a vacancy in a nice hotel that allowed dogs the day before we drove down. Wrong! Gorgeous clean room easily found. (Who does he think I am, anyway?!)
He believed traveling with Sadie would be a huge hassle. Wrong again – she was a dream come true travel companion!
Even when I was my own skeptic (and I thought our hike was ruined because of downpouring rain), I remembered my creative power. I set an intention for an amazing hike and the second we stepped out of the car, the rain stopped. We didn’t get hit with one drop. The trail was empty since everyone else was away due to weather, so we had the whole place to ourselves!
When I caught myself with thoughts of “the room’s probably not ready yet” (since check-in wasn’t till 3), I remembered my master manifesting self and turned that around, too. We got a lovely upgrade that was available immediately. Then on the second day’s hike I intended Sadie be much better with meeting new dogs than she usually is, since this trail would be packed with them. It was and she was.
Sheesh, it’s enough to (almost) make me want to take up golf!
But the whole reason I posted this was to pick your brains for thoughts (or actions) you use to build your confidence when you’re not feeling it.
What do you do to feel it first, in order to make it happen? Would love to hear from you!