Feel It Out or Feel Good?

Today’s guest post on the dilemma deliberate creators sometimes run into comes from Janette Dalgliesh of Sweet Relief Coaching.  Enjoy this wisdom from Janette:
feel the feelings or feel better

As deliberate creators, we get a LOT of advice about what to do with our emotions.

We’re told to allow, allow, allow. To feel our feelings. To let them flow so we’re not caught up in resistance. We’re told that denying and bottling up our feelings is a Bad

Thing, and that we need to honour all emotions as sacred.

But we’re also told to seek out the better-feeling thought, to make our way “up” the so-called emotional scale. We’re advised to find the feel-good as much as possible, to put our focus on what brings joy.

We’re sometimes led to believe our goal is to think positive all the time, since feeling bad might block our access to the good stuff of life.

What’s a deliberate creator to do?!

It seems like contradictory advice – feel our feelings … or reach for the feel-good no matter what.


I think the answer is YES and YES. First one, then the other.

Feel the feelings in the moment – whether that means throwing a mini-hissy fit in the privacy of the bathroom, or hiding under the blankets for a good cry, or simply letting the tears flow wherever you are. As long as we find a safe and appropriate way to express the emotion we’re feeling, then by letting it have its way with us we can usually let it flow through in a very short space of time, even just a few seconds. Safe and appropriate usually means on our own or with a compassionate witness who won’t engage in our drama; and it means not lashing out at anyone. No injuring innocent bystanders!

And then, only after the emotion has been allowed to express, it’s time to gently reach for the next better-feeling thought. Note I didn’t say “good feeling thought”. It just needs to feel a little better. It might even have swear words in it, if we’re moving from despair to anger. The keyword here is RELIEF.

Rinse and repeat.

But how do you know when the emotion has had its way with you?

Think of it like your normally-placid cat having one of those crazy tear-around-the-room-for-no-reason moments.

You sit there watching this mad feline frenzy, wondering if you’ve temporarily relocated to a different Universe where your cat is completely bananas, and hoping none of your precious vases goes flying …. and just as suddenly, it’s all over.

Your cat shakes herself and lies back down in the sunny spot. All is well.

First the feline frenzy, then the peace.

First the emotional release, then the reaching for a better-feeling thought.
Janette Dalgliesh

And if you find yourself struggling to deal with a recurring emotion (like the cat who does the crazy dance all day long), you might want to check out Vibration Rehab.

Janette Dalgliesh walks the dual path between Saturn and Neptune: the practical left-brain science and the ineffable Divine. For her there is no discrepancy. She believes they are both part of the miraculous and loving Universe in which we all have this physical human experience.

  • July 16, 2013
  • GorgeouSophie says:

    Love it!

  • jennifer says:

    wow!! talk about c-incidence/synchronicity… because, I’ve recently had some not so good emotions that I wanted to be able to deal with; and, recalled a time when I would work out to work them out.
    a few minutes on my mini stepper would turn whatever bad thing I was feeling (especially with music to accompany me) to empowered, renewed, invigorated feelings, and the release of positive hormones would amp up the switch even more!!
    reading this blog was just like validation being mirrored back to me!! too cool!! 🙂

  • Janette says:

    Meredith, you make such a great point – yes. You are YOU, not your emotions. I think sometimes our hesitation to let our emotions flow comes from a fear that we might not be able to separate ourselves after the tide has washed over us.
    It’s good to be reminded that our True Self is always there, centered and whole. Meditation and other mindfulness practices are such powerful ways to help us experience and trust that. Thank you!

  • Thanks for identifying and resolving the seeming difference between feeling our feelings and wallowing in them. When I first started learning about meditation and mindfulness, the advice to stay with my feelings resonated with me, but I found that it was easy to get caught in them and get stuck in cycles of negative thinking and bad feelings. It helped me a lot to learn about how to experience my feelings without drowning in them. I appreciate your take on it here, and I love the idea of letting an emotion have its way with you. As long as you remember that you’re you, and not just the emotion.

  • Matt O'Grady says:

    Janette, “flowing self love and radical gentleness”…not sure there is a better match made in Heaven! 🙂 I love to imagine all of us living more from that space….Phil and I hosted an LOA circle last night and we were discussing just that, all of us but 1 person were really big self lovers, gentle sweet souls and one newbie who we just showered with love. When he got up to leave he looked like a different person, I am welling up with joy just thinking about it. Boy, we sure do have it good! Hugs. Matt

  • Janette says:

    Matt – I agree! Radical gentleness is always the best path forward. Thank you for spotlighting it so beautifully. 🙂

  • Janette says:

    Leah, that’s exactly how I feel too – how can I truly flow self-love unless I can love ALL of me? Thank you so much for your lovely comment! 🙂

  • Matt O'Grady says:

    Great post, J & J! 🙂
    Janette, I love this piece: “it’s time to gently reach for the next better-feeling thought”
    You put extra emphasis on the ‘next’ which is great, I want to highlight the ‘gentle’. So well put. Aren’t we worth treating ourselves really well? Aren’t we worth being gentle with? kind? loving? I sure think so and from your post so do you Janette!
    It just feels so much better…gentility + relief = a beautiful life.
    Great job!

  • Leah Bach says:

    Janette, I love this.
    You’ve expressed with great clarity that we can’t ignore or under value what some would call our “negative” emotions. Feel it, feel it fully and then it’s over! Moving upward and onward to the better feelings can then happen really quickly.
    I don’t think anything feels less like honouring ourselves when we dictate that we MUST feel good ALL the TIME. Feels disingenuous to the concept of loving all of me, just as I am. That would create MORE resistance because you aren’t loving yourself where you are in the moment. Blah. You said it better 🙂
    Love, love, love! and thanks Leah Bach

  • Janette says:

    Woohoo!!! Thank you so much for letting me come play at Good Vibe Blog, Jeannette. ALWAYS a fun and delicious place to be!

  • >