Gettin’ Picky With It

The other day a friend texted how frustrated she was with her boss who’d sent an email about doing her job better.

I didn’t respond, even though she might think I was being insensitive or unsupportive.

Because really, I was just practicing what conscious creators know about only discussing what we want more of.

If we don’t want more of it, it doesn’t deserve to be a topic of discussion.

It’s one thing to know that – another to practice it.

I had to remind myself that when I started telling another friend how much loss I’d racked up over the last month.

Is that really what I want more of? Definitely not.

So I changed the perspective on the subject to share how life has changed for us at my house, in a more positive light. It might seem a subtle shift, but it makes all the difference.

While there may be some value in processing our feelings by talking about what’s happened, that value is quickly achieved, and no further benefit is derived by continuing to tell the story of what we don’t want.

I’m told some cultures have a practice of allowing someone to tell their sad story a maximum of three times before it’s considered done. I can see the wisdom in a tradition like that.

It’s like a scab that can’t get better if I keep picking at it. The more I bother it, the more bothersome it becomes.

Which is why it’s worth getting picky what we talk about. With ourselves and others.

If you don’t want more of it, change the subject.

Because conscious creators, of all people, know to talk about what we want more of.

  • May 3, 2017
  • Julie B says:

    That is so great! And what a good friend you are by supporting her talk about more of what she wants – great reminder – thank you!

  • Thapelo says:

    Hi Jeannette. Another lovely post. I love how sometimes your emails that introduce the posts are as good as the posts themselves. This was the case today. And how you manage to make them similarly themed and yet different in wording is very impressive.

  • Erin says:

    I live this daily! My husband and my mother-in-law both love to talk about complaints, negative aspects of things, worries, etc… a LOT. And I live with them BOTH right now. It makes things quite challenging for this Conscious Creator, but I see it as a prime learning environment! 🙂

    • Sharon says:

      I see a theme here with several conscious creators that have close people in their lives (spouses, parents, in-laws etc) who are chronic complainers. I can relate! One of my favorite responses that I learned from spiritual teacher, Maureen Saint Germain, when someone says something negative is the line, “I think that’s great how that works for you in your life (or I respect your right to have that belief), but I see it differently for myself and I’m doing what’s best to bring me happiness.”
      You’re not making the other person wrong and you’re showing them that they get to be right for themselves and so do you because we can all have our own reality.
      It’s a helpful diffuser and I find most people expect to end up in conflict but this really throws people off because you’re not putting any resistance into the situation.
      Another thing I find that happens is when you’re in vibrational alignment which is high, the negative people usually are hardly around you, or they raise their vibration to match yours, or totally fall out of your sphere since you choose to stay in alignment and they want to stay negative. One of my friends said to me recently,”Water seeks its own level.” I was like “Whoa!” That’s deep 🙂
      I have people in my life that can be drama queens and complainers but I find it’s getting easier when I’m consistent with my practices

  • Treasa says:

    So true. I live with a person who dwells only on the negative and I find it difficult to steer the subject to a positive because he comes straight back with another negative.
    I have to physicslly remove myself to get away from it..what more can I do?
    Thank you. You’re so inspiring.

    • Maitri says:

      I’d love to hear more about that too (what to do when around others negative
      Talk). I’ve started removing myself by going to the restroom, saying I’d rather not talk about that, decreasing my time with them where possible and reorienting that time with things or people that bring me joy, etc. I am really wanting to create a list of things I would like to talk about, as the in-moment negative talk can so easily overwhelm me when I’m with some people. I’d love to hear about this!

  • Sharron says:

    Thank you for the reminder. Please write on how to deal with close family members (mother, husband, ext..) who are negative, and I want to be positive to attract my good. What can I do to wash their statements, comments, and frustrations out of my mind.

  • Kimberly says:

    I love this.
    Last week a friend unloaded on me and it was challenging working through that shift. Whenever I’m tempted to complain about what happened or relive it in thought, I change the focus of the conversation to remember how I was pre-therapy and then I’m able to pray that my former friend finds peace because I know first hand how it feels to be so unhappy that I lash out at people around me. By the end of the thought, I’m feeling lighter.

  • Layan says:

    Yup, that is exactly what happened to me today. I was about to write a long detailed description of what I am not liking about my world today to a bunch of friends. But something in me told me, do I really want to keep talking about what I don’t want?
    Do I want to keep telling myself what I am not liking here and there?
    Great perspective Jeannette! Thanks

  • Jeri says:

    Love this! And needed to read this today…
    I am picking my words and conversations wisely today! (and every other day)

  • Ming says:

    Love it. I just emailed you. Next time we chat I have a whole list of good things to tell you 🙂

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