Giving Up Lands Her Perfect Husband

Lisa Hayes has quite a love story. If you haven’t heard it, you’re in for a treat about how she went from rock bottom to over-the-moon happy with her new guy …

Ten years ago I spent my last Valentine’s Day single and it was a whopper.

I’d gone through a horrible breakup a few weeks before. We are talking about a record-breaking bad breakup.

I wasn’t heartbroken. I was emotionally bankrupt.

I had hit what I would categorize as an emotional rock bottom. I got there by making a too many bad decisions for too long. I was a mess.

On that particular Valentine’s Day I was in no mood for romance and I was jonesing for it like an addict all at the same time.

Fortunately for me, my best friend from high school was also post-breakup and didn’t have anyone on her dance card for V-day that year either.

So when she visited we got ourselves a bottle of wine and a notebook and went to work on “the list” to create our next relationships.

You know the list. It’s the list of qualities you’re looking for in a match.

Almost every woman I know has made that list.

I’d made it at least a dozen times before. Obviously, it hadn’t worked – at all.

I’ll fast forward six weeks from that Valentine’s afternoon when we made our lists. I met the love of my life.

He was such an exact match to that list that I recognized him immediately. We fell in love at first sight. We’ve been together every day, ever since.

So why did it work when I was at my most pathetic after my worst breakup when it hadn’t worked before?

I’ll tell you why and you probably won’t believe it because it goes against everything you’ve ever learned about how to attract anything.

It worked because I’d given up.

I didn’t think it would work. I’d done it before with train wreck results. I had no reason to believe doing it again would be any different.

I did it for fun to pass the time. Nothing more, nothing less.

I had a bottle of wine with a friend. We laughed and had a blast. I was just tipsy enough to be totally honest with that list about what I really wanted. I had zero attachment to it because I didn’t really believe it was within reach.

I got crystal clear about what I wanted that day and felt exactly zero angst about getting it because I had surrendered to the idea that I’d be single forever.

Sometimes it takes completely letting go to let the magic happen.

A smarter person than I was would let go before hitting rock bottom. However, even if you feel like you’re cruising for rock bottom you can still take heart. There is a lot of freedom in giving up and miracles happen when you least expect them.

Lisa Hayes, Love Whisperer

This Valentine’s Day I am wishing you lots of love, miracles you don’t expect, and some wishes you’ve long since given up on. It’s easy for me to see all of that happening for you. If I can get to happily-ever-after from rock bottom anything is possible.

Lisa Hayes is the Love Whisperer who helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Find her online at

  • February 13, 2017
  • Mme. Vaquer - Monaco says:

    Sometimes gut feelings can change. One may get another gut feeling to stay and move on together to a new life as husband and wife and leave the old life behind.(This means moving to Monaco) That is what I see and feel for myself. As Neville Goddard states the feeling gets the blessing.
    Also, my old relative called him my hubby, so I know my love has been sending her messages while she is sleeping.
    I also feel pregnant. I know I am not but he secretly wants a baby but I will give him that when in Monaco, even if I am not to keen due to fear. he will have to tell me and be honest before hand, though. 😉
    Thanks Lisa

  • Mrs. says:

    Sorry about my multiple postings but I will say one last thing on this which is VERY important.
    ((( Always trust your gut instinct ))) Lets say you have 90-95% of the person you want on your list and even if there is that 1% of something that you are not too sure about you should always trust your gut feelings regardless of what that doubt may be or how much you really love William or Caf.

  • Mrs. says:

    Opps! I spoke too soon. I did get back with my ex but he has done nothing about his rages and lack of respect. I thought I found my perfect husband but my relationship has nothing but abusive and full of deception about his second secret job as a Gov agent, which is another story.
    My now exbf thinks it is OK to keep sex contact’s and an have his old ex’s belongings still in his home when they broke up many years ago… and tell me that it is my problem, all in my imagination. Regardless if he has been making efforts like cooking for me etc. If there is no trust, the relationship is invalid.
    He already cheated on me from the get go, so what else can I think when another ex calls him when I am there and he doesn’t feel like telling her to stop calling…. because he still wants to her from her. He told me that he can’t do anything more. So I will just make a new list and get my self respect back. Some things are deal breakers.
    My main focus is to go out and meet new people (true like minded friends) in another country and my work. I believe that my perfect husband will be there for me no matter what. This gives me time to get out of this depression caused my my ex and his gas lighting manipulation plus other things in my life which is enough for any to take their own life.
    Each time I have been hurt I have always found love again. So I just told my ex he can keep contact with all his sex contacts including Jeanette C another gf ex and work contact who was also stupid enough to incognito knowing I was with him and promised to take me places that I never been to and to watch my back. Moreover she reported me to the police when I insulted her for using my cosmetics in his home. I told her he is yours. Plus the his dad sexually harassed me in front of him. Who wants trash like that in their life?
    I know my ex wants me back but I have had better treatment and know that I can have better so why should I just make do with the crumbs I was accepting. Plus he would never move out of this town full of people with a scarcity mindset nor would he deal with his mental health issues. I would be very happy if he did and win me back but I just seem to be an option in his life rather than a priority.
    I can only take personal responsibility and set my boundaries and never lower them ever again.
    Now that I am less than 24hrs out of the relationship I feel free from the worry of cheating, lies and rage.

  • Mrs. V says:

    p.s It’s good to be back too ;P

  • Mrs. V says:

    Thanks, very much for this Lisa and all the comments. Pure magic isn’t it not?

  • Shai says:

    After reading this post, I went back to read my ideal partner list that I made two years ago. I had completely forgotten about it, As I was reading it, I noticed that my boyfriend of six months has all of the qualities except for two which are on the list and I hadn’t even realized it. When I met him, I was just about to quit dating for a while because I had just had a disastrous experience. Then just when I was ready to give up, he showed up and he was my ideal mate and I didn’t even realize it. Wow, powerful stuff 😊

  • Amina says:

    I love this – and love that you did the list with a friend. I did mine with a friend and she kept calling me out when I was describing my crush du jour, instead of what I truly wanted. I also made a list of who I would be in my ideal relationship, what qualities and behaviors I would exhibit if said, Prince Charming, walked in the door. That gave me a list of things I could work on, vibrate and practice… and prince charming did find me! Once I became the woman I wanted to be, he knew exactly where to come!

  • Elle says:

    Love it! Thank you for this wonderful story!
    I experienced the same thing and got three marriage proposals. And I agree with LindaA, you must do it wholeheartedly and be completely authentic, and it does not bother you at all. And then, magic happens.

  • LindaA says:

    Oops, forgot to include my name. I’m “Anonymous.”

  • Anonymous says:

    When I decided I was done with men and would be perfectly fine living my life without a male partner, one showed up. I was so done that I almost didn’t allow the relationship to develop. We’ve now been married 20 years. As for the lawsuit, once I gave up on caring about the outcome, a settlement quickly followed.
    I don’t think it’s possible for me to use giving up as an LOA strategy because I am not capable of pretending to the extent of making it feel completely real. Maybe some practiced deliberate creators can, but for me, the giving up has to be spontaneous and totally authentic. Then the floodgates open for a solution or resolution.

  • Mia says:

    Maybe it wasn’t so much the letting go but the asking for what you *really* wanted that made the manifestation happen?

    • Lisa says:

      I actually think that was a large part of it. I think for a long time I was trying to make the “right list” of the “right” kinds of things. Getting to that giving up space made it really easy for me to by honest about things I really wanted.
      Previously I’d felt awkward about saying I wanted a man with money or a man that was really attractive. By the time I got to the final list I was over being politically correct with it.

      • Mrs. says:

        I think that it is very important to ask for what you really want. I for sure put down that I wanted a man with financial security as thought that didn’t matter before until I found a man that was always in debt. My last ex did have a lot of money but he did not like to spend his money and didn’t like sharing. But yet he wanted me to share him with his other gf’s and loved it when I paid for almost everything. However when we got back together he did make efforts to take me out but that was only when it was free entry or him using his work lunch food vouchers LOL.
        Why should you settle for something that you really want? I did get all the good looks bit but it got a bit messed up when I shortly found out that he had mental health problems that was making depressed as he refused to seek help because he was not ready.
        So I will just re do my list to a man who is faithful, loyal, very attractive and loves to spend his money and time with me etc. I will be sure to go into more details with how we communicate well and have deep meaningful open conversations, which is very important to me to have this mutually instead of a control freak which I ended up with. I have no regrets as it was a good lesson for me.

        • Mrs. says:

          Oh I forgot to say that once I made a list of what I should want in a boyfriends then changed it to another type of boyfriend and go two men at the same time one was a bf and the other was a fling.
          Now I just want my perfect husband with no previous kids etc. in perfect timing.

  • Amanda says:

    Oh I love this! I had a similar situation when my long-time, live-in guy and I decided to split, and sell the house. But we decided to wait until the following spring (because it was a better time to sell). In the meantime, I stopped thinking about all his qualities that irritated me, and thought a lot about the kind of guy I wanted to be with – and wouldn’t you know it………he turned into that guy! We took the house off the market and got married a year later:-) Gotta love this stuff!

    • Bodil says:

      Thanks for sharing!!! Oh, how much ( = oh, how sometimes too much 🙂 ) depends on our own thoughts !! Sometimes I think our thoughts are too important ( smiling ) because they are so difficult to direct. BUT when you just are, things happens, because you do not think opposite thoughts or worry and etc. ( we all know the list) .
      Sometimes is giving up giving inn! I love you and I love life!! Bj

    • Mrs. says:

      Amanda, I am so happy for you. I know this can really work as I heard a similar story to yours.
      The final time I broke up with my ex he did make some changes and I was glad to be back with him as I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with him butI know that letting go does help a lot as when we go back together neither thought it would happen as it can out of the blue.
      I also made sure that I put at the end of my list that this or someone else even better would manifest in perfect ways and timing for the greatest good for both concerned. So now I broke off our relationship up after a deal breaker I will be sure to meet someone else even better that him.
      I really trust believe that. All I have to do is get myself ready for my perfect husband that matches up to my list.
      Things happen in amazing ways so I I will enjoy writing my new list after I give thanks to the old one and rip it to shreds and burn it.

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