Q&A: Go For Broke or Baby Step Manifesting?

go for broke or baby step manifesting?This is a great question from a lovely new reader who asks something many deliberate creators wonder about:
is it better to shoot for the stars or to baby step our way to what we want?

Here’s her specific question that I wanted your input on:

I’m a very single woman who very much believes that she’s meant to be a wife and a mother someday.

When I’m “feeling it” should I be feeling like a wife, or do I need to work on feeling like a girlfriend first? I’m wondering if that’s why I haven’t been able to attract a [non-creepy] man in three years!

Lots of creators question whether they should be aiming for the big “end result” or the in between steps to get there. As in …

  • should I visualize living on my own tropical island in complete financial freedom, or start with being debt free?
  • should I use a mantra that I’m in perfect health and fitness, or just that I dropped the first five pounds?
  • is it better to intend to get the dream job, or do I start with intending an interview?

You get the idea. Β What’s worked best for you in manifesting what you want?

I know that as you all share your experiences it will help everyone find their own best answer.

Thanks in advance for sharing your wisdom with us!

  • July 31, 2012
  • S and Beth, I’ve been on the lookout for someone who could guest post for us on this topic of feminine v. masculine energy. Thanks for the suggestions to explore it further!

  • Beth says:

    I would like to know more about the feminine vs masculine energy myself. Can we start a new thread on the topic? I have a feeling that I may be putting out too many masculine vibes when what I really want to do is have more faith in my husband so I can focus on the house and the kids.

  • S says:

    i have a question.isnt talking about being too ‘feminine’ or too ‘masculine’ in terms of energy beign sent out a tad misogynistic?
    i mean, im a girl and if being masculine in terms of energy makes me happy, shouldnt i be doing it anyway? although i admit, i get things once i ‘give up’ on them myself.
    just a question πŸ™‚

  • Christina says:

    I agree with the others, reach for what feels best right now. My issue is with money. $100 is doable – $1000, maybe, but $10,000 – not so much. If there is resistance and stress over the thought it seems more difficult even though it’s not because it’s all energy.
    There was a recent movie called The Back-Up Plan starring Jennifer Lopez. She wanted a baby and decided to go ahead and go through insemination and raise the baby herself. Right after the procedure, she meets someone. This is a classic LOA example. You let go of something, then it comes to you in an unexpected way.

  • Bubbles says:

    I love your question, Savannah (and I did not get that impression at all, of a person with no life!).
    Personally I tend to focus, fantasize and visualize all over the place between here and there, as long as it feels really good – but I do sometimes get the impression that focusing on what I might consider to be the/a next step is a bit too interfering with the “how” and can get me into micromanaging (several others already said that), a trap I tend to fall into.
    But before I met my now husband (literally just a few days before that; this was pre-LOA for me) I was thoroughly frustrated with really, really, really, wanting a relationship and always only stumbling upon men who were not interested and-or already taken. And I found I’d had enough, I would give up, forget about relationships, and settle for really good sex if I could at leat get THAT. I even went to the window and told the night sky :-), shaking with fury.
    Well, I really meant it, I was through with it – and this was taking the pressure off big time, and a few days later we met, after a while I got what I had been ready to settle for, and more and then some πŸ™‚
    We got married four years later and it’s reallly good!

  • That’s very true, Savannah … if I’d have posted your full question as you sent it, that would have been more clear to readers. My apologies for condensing it if that contributed to any misinterpretation.

  • Savannah says:

    I’m the person with the question. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice! A lot of it made really beautiful sense to me – being open, receiving, believing, rather than going “hell-o! Where’s mine? I want it and I want it now!”
    I do want to speak up on my behalf, though: Please do not assume that I am not living my life and that I am “waiting” for this, doing nothing. I’m proud to say that in my line of work, I am helping people and making changes in their lives; I don’t think it is silly at all to ask the universe to have an equally meaningful (an extraordinarily personal definition) personal life.

  • helen says:

    I kind of think if being a wife and mother was the most important thing in your life then you would already be it. How do you plan for things like that? I don’t think you can. You can prepave and put the wish out there and then forget it and just start living your life …….you may meet someone and have kids you may not but if you dont get out there and enjoy what you have now you are just wasting your life NOW!!! I have been a wife but never a mother …it just never was a big priority for me but I do know that if I had really wanted children then I would have had them or adopted them or fostered them with or without a husband. Having had the husband though I can tell you I have closer friendships and feel more loved by some of the men in my life now than I ever did with my EX husband………..lol dont we complicate our lives so much sometimes? …….crying for the moon and missing out on the gold we have right under our noses.

  • Erin says:

    I say Go for what FEELS best!!

  • In working with my clients, I usually recommend focusing on what they will be most successful at manifesting! But, WHAT will you be more successful at? The one that causes you to feel the strongest positive emotional reaction. So, it is usually a balance between excitement and doubt.
    Perhaps thinking about being a girlfriend makes you feel disappointed, but thinking about being a wife really floats your boat. Then focus on the wife!
    Or, perhaps thinking about being a wife just seems TOOO impossible, but you can believe that you could be a girlfriend. Then go for the girlfriend. Because the resistance that you are feeling, that doubt, is going to seep in to your manifesting.
    For instance: I once did research on the effect of prayers. In study after study, prayer had a positive result. EXCEPT ONE. The study in which people were praying for their loved one who was an addict. So, you can imagine, as they were praying, they were sending out their doubt or their anger or their hurt. As a result, the prayers were actually harmful.
    Hm! Think about that!

  • I agree with Mitch. I once asked the Communion of Light this question about visualizing my farther vs. nearer goal, and they said (you guessed it), “Follow what feels better.” So sometimes I’m basking in glorious imaginings of my greatest dreams, and sometimes I’m basking in just how great I’ll feel at the end of the day.

  • Mitch says:

    I love this question, and I so understand! My advice would be that if the wife and mother vs. girlfriend thing feels like a sticking point, leave it out. Go to a more general place of feeling what it feels like to be in a loving relationship with the perfect partner. Because ideally, that should feel the same way whether you’re married to the guy or just getting to know him. πŸ™‚
    I’d also say that if there are specific details you can pick out of any scenario that feel good, use them! Like going out for your first ice cream together. Or picking out baby clothes. Or buying your first house. Or making up after your first argument. πŸ˜‰ I’m kidding about that last one, but you get the idea. You don’t have to decide what phase of the relationship you’re going to exclusively focus on. Just focus on any part that feels good, and you’re there.

  • Laura says:

    I met my husband shortly after I said to myself, “you know if I never fall in love again, that’s perfectly okay with me because I am happy as I could be right now” and I really felt it right through to my bones. This was before I knew anything about the law of attraction and I guess I just “let go and let god” without realizing what I had done. Then “boom” within a couple of weeks I met the man I eventually married. And, when I met him I knew he was the one.

  • Rawr says:

    Focus on how you want to feel, not the details. We’re not in control of the details anyway πŸ˜‰

  • Pat says:

    Wow, I love all of these posts! Great answers, I’m taking notes!

  • Leigha says:

    Melanie…great response…makes me wonder if you know RR
    I found a relationship coach who focused on the feminine…and once I became aware of the difference…feminine vs masculine..my whole world changed…
    sounds/looks/feels like LOA!! πŸ˜‰
    and in walked the love of my life!!
    Also…I think it’s all relative…
    Know what you want as the end result, (I focused on how I wanted to feel with a man)…but baby-steps could like signing up for online dating, or going to a new class, or just being open to dating ALL kinds of men, whether they seem like her type or not…allowing universe to bring her the best!!

  • Paige says:

    I personally just thought about being in a companionship with someone. Feeling that love and “acting as if” sometimes. (That was a little hard for me) I was so open to dating someone. For me manifesting marriage was a lot easier once he was in my life. It didn’t seem like such a reach. The universe has always known that I wanted to be married. I didn’t feel like I had to ask much for that. It just felt so much easier once he came walking into my life as a loving companion.

  • Tiffany says:

    Personally I’d focus on what you want to “feel” with being married…married isn’t the point in my opinion – connection, sharing, growth, fun, intimacy, etc. is. You don’t necessarily get those things just because you’re legally married. Focus on what it is you think you want from a marriage…

  • Sophie says:

    Shoot for the stars!!!!! If it’s not fun enough, will you really do it?
    Now, does being a wife is shooting for the stars, that may be a whole other blog post :). My sincere badass suggestion is love the men (all of them) in your life, love how much you have amazing men in your life, and the universe will continue deliver more of THAT!
    How does it get any better than this?

  • Wow, I never thought of it quite that way, Melanie. Feels like a powerful distinction to embrace!!
    Makes me wonder where else I can apply that same wisdom. hmm …
    THANK YOU for posting!

  • Melanie Williams says:

    If she moves deeply into her feminine energy she will attract the masculine.
    Feminine Energy:
    If she does this she will attract the masculine in many forms. Men that want to date, men who want a girlfriend, men who want to marry, men who just want to open the door for her.
    My guess is that she is actually putting out a “masculine vibe” with men. Her energy is “I want a relationship” instead of a feminine vibe which is “I am open to a relationship.” They may sound like the same thing, but the subtle difference makes a world of difference in her energy.

  • Actually, I think it does, Ambaa. What I hear in your experience is that you dialed in on the ESSENCE of your desire – and skipped the details of what it looked like.
    So, whatever better helps us get to that essence, would be our best answer, right?
    Hmm, I think this is a very helpful response, Ambaa. Thank you for it!

  • Ambaa says:

    What a good question!
    I’m new at this, but I know when I manifested the love of my life, I focused on the feelings I would have from being around a man who was perfect for me.
    I didn’t define what that relationship would be. I made a list of qualities I wanted in a man and I thought about the ways that a good man would make me feel comfortable, confident, and loved. I used an affirmation of “I have a geeky guy who adores me.”
    Four months later I had a geeky guy who adored me more than anyone ever has before. The relationship is wonderful and that is what made me a believer in manifesting.
    That is only one specific example, so it doesn’t really answer the question of whether baby steps are better or not.

  • Good point, Jesann. Kind of like we’re micro-managing Universe?
    I mean, something like romance might seem pretty straightforward: we meet, we date, we commit, we marry. (Which is in itself worth questioning.)
    But for other things – how do we know the best path? Like I might get a job offer without even applying or interviewing! (That happens all the time.)
    Good point.
    Thanks for posting, my friend!

  • Jesann says:

    Well, I’m still trying to figure out the best way to manifest for me, so I can’t offer advice. But I would think “baby steps” could end up being too close to “trying to control the process” in some cases, wouldn’t it? I totally see the value in intending small things, but if you go step-by step, there would be a lot of temptation to start trying to manipulate the whole process of meeting-girlfriend-fiancee-wife-mother.

  • You can never go wrong with that approach, can you, Stephen? Get happy!
    Good advice.
    Love your thought: “I don’t need to keep telling the universe what I want. The universe knew before I even gave it words.”

  • Stephen says:

    β€œExistence can be rearranged. A man can be many things. I am special and free. And the world is round round round.”
    ― Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume
    I would suggest that she just “feels like herself.” Wife, mother, girl friend – these are just roles we decide to play at any given time. My “mantra” lately has been “Everything always works out for me and this is what that looks like.” I am on the road to everything I want so long as I follow my feel good. I don’t need to keep telling the universe what I want. The universe knew before I even gave it words.
    Be happy with life and life will return the favor.

  • Love that, Sophie! Go for LOVE!
    I personally find myself more inspired when I’m going for the gold – but there are some desires that feel so far away, that on those I’m on better vibrational ground when I ease into them.
    But I really like how you suggest to lead with love and let Universe sort it all out.

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