Hands Off the Hows

Hands off the HowsConscious creators are reminded time and again not to worry how our dream will unfold, but rather just to focus on the end result we desire and let Universe do the work.

But I’ve seen another way we sometimes handicap our success – which is by focusing on the end result we think will make us happy.

Sometimes that focus becomes yet another “how” that muddies the water of our highest satisfaction and joy.

For example …

I know someone who didn’t like their daughter’s new boyfriend, wishing he would make a swift exit from the family. Sure enough he did, and took his girlfriend with him. (That was not what they wanted.)

I know someone else who intended massive traffic to her site, which she got. But it wasn’t relevant traffic, so she had virtually no sales or signups and her bounce rate went though the roof.

I know another person focused on manifesting money, was very successful in doing so, but shortly after experienced a heartbreaking betrayal by his life partner. The money was little solace as his world seemed to fall apart.

What each of these manifestors has in common is using their creative powers to conjure the details of a reality they thought would make them happy – rather than focusing on happiness itself.

I’ve done it many times myself … when I thought I’d be happy if I could just make this coaching thing work, if I could just lose 5 more pounds, if my cat would just get better, etc. etc.

We can be such micro-managers of our happiness, can’t we? Thinking that if we could just get that one thing that’s missing, then life will be good.

But it doesn’t work that way.

Abraham, Mike Dooley, Bashar and plenty of other LOA teachers tell us to keep our hands off the hows – and instead focus on how we want to feel.

In doing that we target our true desire, which allows Universe to do a stellar job of sorting out the details that best match those high vibrations. (Guaranteed it knows an even better way to delight you than you’ve got in mind.)

That’s how we avoid creating results that may or may not ultimately enhance our satisfaction and joy in life.

And having said that, I know that sometimes the best way for us to feel what we want to feel is by focusing on a specific potential “result.”

As in, it’s easier to feel excited about a new romance when you imagine seeing the handsome stranger for the first time, or it’s easier to feel financial freedom when you pretend you’ve quit work and are planning a dream trip to Italy.

If that’s the case for you, just remember to use those specific details as a way to enhance your feeling state; not to require that particular thing to unfold. It truly makes all the difference in the world.

  • February 25, 2015
  • Jeannette says:

    Is it wrong that I’m laughing at that story, PAP?! I guess it’s okay to laugh now that you’re back inside safe and sound. lol
    Wowza! That is a powerful creation you brought forth! Here’s to “in divine and perfect ways” as icing on the cake of the next one.
    Thanks for chiming in, Pollyanna and Nathalie, to remind us how helpful it is to add “or something better” to what we’re manifesting.

  • Practically Always Pollyanna says:

    I’m a little late to reading this blog, but this is all so true, Jeannette. The happiness part is definitely key. Like recently there had been some burglaries in our area and so I kept proclaiming and feeling that our house was safe… and perhaps focusing on that more than the happy feeling of being in our home. What do you know? Friday evening our house became so safe that we couldn’t unlock the door! 2 hours in the dark and cold with the locksmith later (it took him that long to open up) and we finally got back inside!
    The whole episode really reminded me of Florence Scovell Shin’s ‘Game of Life’ where she cites a number of examples of people needing to be careful what they wish for. I think this works in 2 ways. Sometimes we need to be more specific with the details (as in your example above with the girl’s parents wanting the boyfriend to make an exit). Flo liked to state her desires, adding on ‘in a divine and perfect way.’ And mostly, yes, we’re just better off getting happy. That way only happy circumstances can come to us after all!

  • Nathalie says:

    I second what everyone is saying about “The Big Leap” — the Upper Limit problem he talks about in the book is completely relevant to this idea that we have a personal “set-point” for happiness in our lives. When we reach or exceed that set-point, it freaks us out on that subconscious level so we sabotage ourselves in order to bring us back down to a level we’re more comfortable with.
    In terms of the details that we use when we’re focused on our visualizations, it always helps me to remember that the details are a tool, not a result. The details are there to help us bring that visualization to life and get us excited — they’re there to help us get into that higher-vibe mode — but that’s all they’re there for. I think Mike Dooley’s way of focusing on “this or something better” is the best way to deal with it. 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    Great thread. Thanks everyone for posting.

  • Jeannette says:

    Thanks for reading and for commenting, Andre! Glad you found value here.

  • Andre says:

    Hi, I enjoyed your article above. Very insightful and something to really ponder on. Great job. Well done.
    May your days be filled with love.
    Greetings from Africa.

  • Jeannette says:

    Peter, that reminds me of what Abe has said about how the higher our vibration goes, the more sensitive we are to the stuff that might not have bothered us that much before.
    As in, what we’re doing here is a continual upgrade – we’ll just notice what might seem like new contrast but it’s really just the newly revealed contrast.
    I’m not saying it well, but you did and I thank you for that! 🙂

  • Aloha says:

    Peter I love your take on this, totally shifted my vibe!

  • Peter says:

    Great work, Jeanette, as always.
    Personally I don’t think gaining happiness in one ‘room of your house’ only to be presented with a drama in another room is an upper limit to happiness. This drama has always been there, contributing to your happiness thermostat but now you’re ready to ‘see’ it and work on it. so it can be seen as a beautifully timed next assignment rather than a disappointment. If the new drama were from the same room then it’s more likely a ULP.
    Regardless, again, shoot for what makes you happy over and over.

  • Anonymous says:

    Good one.. I loved it.. Thank Q:)

  • Jeannette says:

    Kim, that is such a good point! Of course, I think amping up our receiving skills is always a good idea no matter what.
    I guess that takes us right back to finding ways to raise our default happiness setting, doesn’t it?

  • kim Falconer says:

    This is a wonderful post, Jeannette, and a great question to roundtable. I like all the approaches so far and they are making me think that, for whatever reason, be is wanting (the ‘don’t have’ vibe), spotting resistance or hitting upper limits, it seems to boil down to receiving.
    For what ever reason, we often suck at that. I know I do.
    I mean, how easy is it for most of us to allow others to help when they offer? Guests are told not to clear the table or do the dishes. “I’ve got this,” or, “I can figure it out myself!” or “I’m the only one who can do it right,” is common, at least in my world.
    I think happiness set points might be linked to receiving set points.
    Is that possible?
    In our culture we are pushed toward individuality (I’ll do it myself) as opposed to community (we can do it together). One society requires better developed receiving muscles than the other.
    Such a good topic!
    Thank you!

  • Jeannette says:

    Chris, I think you nailed it when you said this is sourced in a lack of trust of Universe or powers-that-be to handle it for us.
    I’ve met people who do live in that space and it is really something else to see!! (Let alone experience, I imagine.)
    Love your term “vibrational albatross” – ha! Your inclination to start embracing baby steps to get there is one that works well. I think if we try an overnight instant change it could be confrontational to the old belief systems, which kinks up the vibe as well.
    Here’s to powerful steps in the right direction, however small they may be. 🙂

  • Hey Jeanette,
    This articles came at the perfect time. You put it so perfectly: We can be micromanagers of our happiness! Perhaps it’s based on a belief of, “I don’t trust the universe to get it right,” or if we’re vibrating struggle it’s, “If I let go of the how, I’ll only create more struggle?”
    This hit me like a lightning bolt today, and I realize I have some inner work to do, because i realized that I’m almost never not thinking about the how. It’s easy to switch out “being good at the law of attraction” for, “working hard/smart to get ahead.” but the vibration is exactly the same. The vibration is doubt, confusion, and ultimately struggle. I understand now why so many things that seemed effortless at first (when the inspiration hit), became vibrational albatrosses around my neck.
    Now, what do I do? This is literally the DNA of how I approach reality, and truly letting go of the how (which is really letting go of the “where is it” feeling) is kind of terrifying. I think, like anything, it will require baby steps. Good thing that, like Abraham says, you can’t get it wrong and you’ll never get it done.

  • Jeannette says:

    Jessica, you know you’re on to something good when you’re tapped into a pure vibration like that. WOO HOO!!!
    And James, that is the essence of Abe’s work, isn’t it? I love that it’s that simple!
    Thanks for chiming in, everyone! 🙂

  • JamesWestbrookGamer says:

    Best article ever. In order to be happy, most people day you need to get what you want, while what you actually need is to figure out how do make yourself happy now.

  • Jessica says:

    Hey Jeanette this is highly relevant to what I’m experiencing right now. I’ve been trying to manifest an ideal body, and recently I just started focusing on the feeling of being totally free of any weight issue. Never having to think about my weight for the rest of my life. This is the purest vibration I’ve found so far regarding this subject. So I do hope it works!

  • Jeannette says:

    Oooh, Jacqui, you’re right – that question is a great way to get out of the “how” business!
    Karen, I completely agree about our tendency to try too hard, and I love what great evidence you’re getting about the value of releasing that effort!

  • Karen says:

    I think I will be looking at that book. I have definitely been drawn lately to just sit back and not worry about anything, not try anything, not do anything outside of identifying what it is I want to change about myself and my interaction with the world. No worrying about money or trying to attract it. Then I get a totally unexpected refund check in the mail for $350. Not even a tax refund, which I am expecting. I didn’t have to do a thing. I think we try too darn hard, and it could well be these very barriers that feed that impulse.

  • Gay Hendricks talks about Upper Limiting Beliefs in his book ‘The Big Leap’, and yea, I definitely think it’s a thing.
    I really love the Access Bars question, “How does it get any better than this?”
    But my own take on it, “Can’t wait to see how it gets even better!” reallyreally gets me past the hows and into excited anticipation.
    Great post, Jeannette.

  • Jeannette says:

    What you’re saying makes a lot of sense to me, Sabeen. I especially like this part: ” … reality as a reflection, constantly giving you opportunity to clean up resistance …”
    Thanks for contributing to this conversation, my friend.
    And Namaste, thanks for mentioning that book. It’s a great resource for anyone who wants to explore their own possible setpoints and how to shift them.

  • Aloha says:

    Namaste exactly what I was going to refer to…great minds!

  • Namaste says:

    Your question reminds me of a book by Gay Hendricks that I haven’t gotten to yet. It’s called THE BIG LEAP. Here’s a brief review of the book I pulled off of Amazon…
    The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks addresses the central hidden realization we can come to is that when we begin to enjoy great success in some area of our lives, we tend to create problems in that or another area of our lives. We do this because we hit our “upper limit” of happiness, financial success, joy in a relationship, or any of a number of other things, and this upper limit causes us to unconsciously sabotage ourselves or even make ourselves ill. Dr. Hendricks explains that we may have one or more of four hidden barriers that activate our upper limit self-sabotage. The four hidden barriers are caused by: 1 – feeling fundamentally flawed, 2 – disloyalty and abandonment issues, 3 – believing that more success brings a bigger burden, and 4 – the perceived crime of outshining. When we learn to break through our barrier, we can move into the zone of genius (assuming that we’ve already been in the zone of excellence).

  • Sabeen says:

    Hi Jeannette, that’s such an interesting question and got my wheels turning too. I do wonder if there’s something more going on as well. My initial thought was that somehow the Universe is showing you more clearly and giving you an opportunity to clean up more resistance. Like, if you set about to purposefully manifest in one area, then part of your desire that you’re broadcasting is that you want to be deliberate, gain clarity etc., so then the Universe responds by shining more light on another big pocket of resistance you hold waiting to be cleaned up. I’m just speculating but there’s a thought bouncing around in my brain that I’m trying to convey. Something about our reality as a reflection, constantly giving you opportunity to clean up resistance, and if we get super clear about one area and clean up resistance there, other areas hit us over the head too.

  • Jeannette says:

    I agree with your conclusion, Quilly! And that is such a powerful place to live! (Not to mention satisfying.)

  • Quilly says:

    I’ve noticed that when the particular thing I’ve been wanting to happen still has not, I can become grouchy, grumpy … disgruntled! But when I don’t really want anything – like right now – I bounce back to my natural state: happy! I am like one of those squishy balls that you can stretch this way and that but always returns to its original shape.
    Maybe it’s because the word “want” itself means “lack” and implies I need something to feel complete, that there is something missing.
    On want-free occasions like today, I am whole. So maybe wholeness = happiness.

  • Jeannette says:

    Good Vibers, I’ve got a question for you …
    I wonder if something else might be in effect here …
    What if we each have a “happiness setpoint” – you know, a certain amount of happiness (or lack of it) that we’re used to. (Sort of like how they say we have “money blueprints” or personal financial ceilings? That’s sort of what law of attraction is, really – it’s a force that keeps things the way they are, until we engage it for change.)
    Ok, if that were the case, and we managed to manifest something fab in one area – but this happiness setpoint is in place, so then our setpoint is maintained by experiencing a problem in some other area. You know, like our money gets better, but than our health deteriorates. Or our marriage improves, and then our career takes a nose dive.
    Maybe the real point of power here is to learn how to let life get even better than we’re used to. ?

    • JamesWestbrookGamer says:

      I can’t say I have enough experience in this to say what I think about you’re question , but I assume that a deterioration in one area is either a sign you still have improvement to make in your vibration, or it’s one of those times when the universe opens up a door for you that you simply haven’t noticed yet.
      Jeanette, you always have such interesting questions…

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