To Hookup or Not To Hookup …

When you’re manifesting a new love relationship, how do you handle hookups … yay or nay?

Does a casual connection mess with the alignment to a committed relationship, or does it have no effect at all?

Or might it even help in manifesting the love we want?

That’s the question from a fellow creator.

I’ve got thoughts, but this one felt worthy of running it by you all.

Here’s the question word for word:

What your thoughts were on hookups if you’re also looking for a relationship? Not necessarily with the person you’re hooking up with … but can you attract a great guy and have a little fun with someone else along the way?

Good question, right?!

What say you, wise ones? I’d especially love to hear from those with personal experience.

Thanks in advance for sharing your expertise!

  • November 25, 2016
  • Kristen says:

    My best response would be: only if you can keep yourself in right alignment while having your hookups.
    Most often someone is going to want more (become emotionally involved) which can cause confusion and stress which may take a person out of alignment.
    For me, hookups were impossible. There’s no way I could “just” hookup nor could I date multiple people. I manifest best when I’m 100% single and free! Nothing cluttering my vortex!

  • Rosina says:

    Oh, just read Shan’s comment. I also assume “hookup” means a brief affair involving physical intimacy.

  • Rosina says:

    I’ll starve thanks 😉 I met husband #1 while starving. We separated eight years later. I then met husband #2, having starved for eight months and had one snack that was most distasteful. We were together in perfect harmony for 33 years and then he got cancer and passed away. That was just over a year ago. I remain devastated by my loss but I am thinking once again that I am ready to love. The idea of hooking up (which most of my girlfriends do quite happily) is just not my thing. I am busy visualizing and praying for the six-course meal.

  • Meg says:

    I’m torn on this, but I think it just depends on you and the way you manifest. When I decided i wanted a relationship I quit any interaction with men if I didn’t feel it was going in the direction I wanted. Anything less felt like a waste of time. I didn’t like the idea of being with a man who had had a lot of one night stands so I couldn’t be a hypocrite either. I started acting like “a wife” and bettering myself while i waited for my ideal partner. It worked! Now been with my husband happily for 5 years.

  • Jackie Gaston Taylor says:

    I have to say that when Stephen and I got together, we both thought it was a very short term thing, like maybe until the end of the festival thing. I guess you could call our first night together a hook up. That was 17 + years ago. Neither of us were really looking for a relationship at the time so I don’t know if this answers the question or not. I was hooking up from time to time when we met and he probably was, too.

  • Ruby says:

    In my experience hook ups are good role play. Like visualization with life size toys (so to speak) each interaction can potentially show you bits and pieces you like, what you prefer, what you don’t… so long as you treat it as such (a hook up), walk away when your core values are violated ( staying longer than necessary or trying to make it something or trying to ‘change’ to make it better)… hooks ups can get better with time, you attract better prospects… my last hook up turned out to be the love of my life… so mid-hook up change the outlook if you hear your inner guidance tell you different…
    I don’t believe that denying or suppressing something will get you the results, that’s true for anything in life.

  • Shan says:

    First of all – what is a ‘hook-up’? ( American terminology). Does it mean having a brief or one-night sexual/physical connection with someone with whom you would not at that stage see yourself long-term??! If that’s what it is, here are my thoughts: 1. If you are with someone else and you have agreements to be exclusive, obviously not a good idea. 2. If you are looking for a ‘relationship’, yes, if you think it’s going to be fun. With some provisos here – as someone previously said, it’s so important to look after ourselves in relation to whom we open up to on that level. When we are asleep, we are very open and do not want to pick up another’s confused or negative energy or psychically get on their trip in some way. So protect yourself. Yes, that has happened to me, and it was not conducive to alignment, I can tell you. Along these lines, also, so great to know that there are many ways of being sexual and use them appropriately especially with someone you don’t know well. This is becoming a long ‘2’! But I’ll carry on — a connection, after all, is a connection, beit physical, sexual/ mental/emotional/spiritual. I’m not sure this labelling of things eg ‘special relationship’ works that well. (Well, it hasn’t for me). Labelling can lead to restricting. I remember many years ago, on more than one occasion, I had ongoing connections (including relating sexually) with 2 or 3 men at the same time. With the 3 it was too much! With reference to the two, I came across entries in a diary written in the ’70s regarding this recently; and it was very interesting – I was very clear how important it was to be true to myself and to the relationship and to be quite honest with both guys. I was impressed when I read it, actually! It’s been fun to share this here!

  • J says:

    Omg, just the question I’ve been pondering, with a slight difference! Only once after a break up did I feel like I desperately wanted to hook up – it was a need to be with someone fun and light vs the serious and heavy that had just left.
    It was not my norm, but it was so clear that’s what felt right. So, of course someone showed up in due time and it was fun, very fun. There were a couple of more experiences like that over time while I was away on a trip or the guy was just in town briefly, so there weren’t major expectations which made it easier for me. I never looked for them, they just showed up. I felt good, confident, happy with each in the end and look back fondly.
    Recently I had a break up from a short relationship but one that I was sad to see go. Not sure what next. If I were in the mood for a hook up, I think it would be ok. I’m not in that space, but that may change.
    Meanwhile, funnily enough a much younger friend happens to tell me he’d commit to me (were he ready). This stunned me since I didn’t think he saw me that way and I know he’s out dating and hooking up for fun. So often though, he says, “I just love that about you.” I hadn’t noticed till now. It was truly heartwarming to hear him say that. We get along so well and I think there would be a good connection.
    In this case, I have a feeling if we hooked up, it would turn into a relationship. The question therefore is, is it good to go and experience that even if the relationship may not last due to timing (him being much younger and not ready for long-term) or should I wait it out? I’m not in a hurry to answer this, but it’s been on my mind since he told me how he sees me. I’ll trust that we’ll know if we want to take it there. I’ve looked for Mr. Right for so long, that honestly, I don’t know if I can look anymore!
    Thanks for the question Jeanette!

  • Steffy says:

    If I want a workout that makes me feel good I go to the ice rink. If I want physical connection I cuddle with a cat or get a massage. No way I can get pregnant or catch an STD from that, LOL. I’m practical. And my body is the gateway to my heart so I am very picky about who I’m intimate with. Guess I’m a typical chick.

  • Nikky says:

    My take on this is … If it takes you inside the vortex where your ideal relationship exists then hook ups are great . If it makes you feel desirable , attractive and ready and you are light and easy about it like Kim said then you are becoming a match to what you want.
    I guess it would depend on situation to situation basis but fundamentally anything that makes you feel good , go for it.

  • Mari says:

    Actually, I’ve done BOTH! 🙂 In my current situation, I broke up with my BF in January and while I was tempted to hook-up these past several months, I instead focused on doing some inner work and fine tuning my LOA skills. Prior to this, when I separated from my ex-husband back in 2011, I had a quick succession of about 5 hook-ups within 3 months AND I still met my boyfriend (who I was with for the past 4 years). During that cycle, I was hungry for sexual intimacy and the 5 men I connected with each offered something which ultimately lead me to my “then-boyfriend”. I think the key is how you feel in the moment. I have surprised myself by remaining celibate for the past 10 months, which is definitely not my standard modus operandi…but it *feels* right. Great topic! 🙂

  • Anita says:

    Well, as someone who went to nun taught Catholic school, casual hookups aren’t an option. So it’s pretty much been ‘must fall madly in love and stick with it.’ And trying to minimize the uuh, ‘score number,’ has had me sticking with an emotionally and physically ‘feeling more than a little peckish’ situation for several years.
    Yeah, this may be not exactly on question topic, but I suppose it’s related. How do you move forward when you don’t want to unwittingly step into a casual hook up?

  • Lisa says:

    I’m living proof the answer is no. It wasn’t hook ups that delayed me finding true love. It was settling for relationships that should have been hook ups.
    A hook up that’s satisfying may very well be a refueling stop along the way. A hook up that leaves you feeling anxious or wanting is probably reverse progress.
    So, it depends on the hook up.

    • Jeannette says:

      Wow, that puts a powerful spin on it, Lisa! (“Settling for relationships that should have been hookups.”)
      Thanks for sharing that insight.
      I also love the idea of a “refueling stop.” And choosing our fuel wisely. Thank you!! 🙂

  • sonia says:

    Kim I love you!!! this is the greatest answer ever!
    “The option of starving until the 6 course meal arrives seems crazy to me.”
    Same here 🙂

  • Kim says:

    My first thought is YES, as long as you are having FUN. If it’s light and breezy and food for your spirit, what’s not to love, right?
    How YOU see the connection is what counts. If you go into it thinking, “this isn’t right, but…” or “if only they were x,y,z, then it could work …” or “I take what I can get …” oh boy, ANY of those thoughts will not be putting good juju in your manifesting vortex.
    It’s almost like getting a take-out burrito when you’re hungry but instead of appreciating it for what it is, you think, “Where’s my 6 course meal?” If that’s the mindset, there isn’t going to be a lot of joy from the yummy burrito, and the only thing gained is the affirmation that you don’t have what you really want.
    The option of starving until the 6 course meal arrives seems crazy to me. That’s not showing much self love!
    So, how you see it is everything.
    Besides, show of hands, who’s gone out for a hookup and come home with an enduring relationship?
    I know I have, more than once!
    It makes sense. You can only hookup with someone of a matching vibe, so it can be a great mirror, if nothing else.

    • Jeannette says:

      Kim, I LOVE your analogy of the fast food vs the six course meal.
      And yes, that has happened to me. (Thought it was temporary, turned out to be for real.)
      Thanks for chiming in, girlfriend! I love what you’ve shared here. 🙂

    • 1stClassTam says:

      “The option of starving until the 6 course meal arrives seems crazy to me. That’s not showing much self love!”
      I starved myself for SO LONG waiting for the full-course meal! Sigh…. And yet I don’t want to “overeat” (!) and casual hook-ups weren’t/aren’t something I would just jump into…. Where’s the sweet spot in this? And I get that “if it feels good, do it” but still….

      • Bonny says:

        Everyone’s different.
        For me personally, I don’t starve myself. I fill myself with love constantly. I give myself whatever I feel I’m “lacking” that I believe only a relationship and/or sex can provide.
        From that mindset, a hookup doesn’t feel right, for me. Zero judgement. I’ve definitely had my fair share. Still, I don’t equate “starving” with “no hookups”. I equate “starving” with “zero love”.
        So when I’m filling my own tank and not waiting for someone else to, then there’s no starving. I’m literally filled with love, excitement, joy and ecstasy regularly. Much more so than I ever was in past romantic relationships.
        Now, hookups rarely cross my mind. I can’t think of anything that a hookup would provide me (personally), that would add to my already abundant and love-filled life.
        Again though, not for everyone. A former version of myself needed hookups, and I’ve had many a client that did as well. Those of us in really yucky places can use hookups (and sex) to clear and lift our energy much, much faster.
        So really, I consider hookups to be junk food. 😉
        And nope, never had a hookup turn into a relationship, but I have many a gal pal, friend and client that have.

    • Tricia says:

      I would say have at it… as long as BOTH parties are open, honest and content with the fact it’s just for fun and light and breezy. It may feel like it’s good for one’s spirit, but if the other party hasn’t been made aware and/or isn’t on board with the fact that it will only ever be a hookup, then it may not be as good for their spirit.

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