How To Break a Bad Pattern

Anyone who’s ever been frustrated to repeatedly experience what they don’t want knows the unfun side of law of attraction.

Wherever the momentum is, it wants to continue. That’s what law of attraction does.

So how to stop that momentum?

That’s the question from today’s reader about how to break a bad pattern.

It sounded like a situation many could relate to, so I wanted to tap your expertise about what works best.

Here’s the question:

I have a question about how to break patterns.

I keep making the same mistakes (in all aspects of life, including bad relationships with men who won’t commit) and wondering if you have any clues for breaking these?

I’ve got a couple ideas to share about changing the story of who we are (because we keep manifesting whatever we think about ourselves) and also about plugging into the new routine we’d like to create, but I’m posting this here because I knew you would have good input, too.

Let’s hear your best tips for putting an end to a pattern you no longer want …

  • January 28, 2017
  • Sonya says:

    Thank you Stephen for your offering. I truly appreciate it as it is in alignment with the teachings of Neville Goddard, Abraham and as mentioned Rev. Ike. I find the Ho’oponopono meditation (or other forgiveness/self love) supports my pattern busting success. Peace, harmony and joy to all.

  • Ariadne says:

    Ming, Mari, Auretha, and anyone else who has been there and wants to work together on this, I’ve sent my email to Jeannette, and she is happy to give it to you if you contact her.
    I like your reply, Spencer. Thanks!

  • Spencer says:

    In order to break a bad pattern you have to change the way you think. Einstein once said the following about the word Insanity: “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time.” The only issue is: you’re going to get the same results and you’re going to have the same feelings.
    Breaking a bad pattern for some people isn’t as easy as counting “1,2,3”; it can be difficult, and understandably so. Breaking a bad pattern may appear to be the hardest thing to do in the world, but it doesn’t have to be.
    Turn the “I can’t” to “I can”. Switch the “I think I can change” to “I know I can change”. Instead of saying “I give up” you should say “I’m taking action”. Ditch the negativity for positivity. For every bad thought that pops into your head, think of two positive thoughts. You can do it. It really is that simple.

  • Jeannette says:

    Worth reading on this subject from Brian Freedman:
    ‘Man’ifesting Unavailable Men

  • Mari says:

    Ming and Auretha – your posts certainly resonated with me! 🙂 My *old* story was that I attracted emotionally unavailable men. They DID commit to me but at times it seemed transitory. However, after working on shifting this story for about a year, I have been meeting men who seem to be really present for me. Even my former boyfriend has cycled back into my life and is trying to be more nurturing. Although I understand how LOA works, this new paradigm shift with my “ex” was unexpected. It doesn’t seem real somehow (lol). I think with any new dynamic, (at least for me)…there is an integration phase before I can fully trust it. I hope I am making sense!

  • Ariadne says:

    Auretha, what a great answer. It makes a lot of sense and has given me a lot to think about and work on as well. I know the perfect guy is around the corner for both of us.
    Ming, thanks for chiming in as well. Love that you said enough and cut the cords. I am hunting for my scissors now.
    What a nice start to the day!

  • Auretha says:

    Ahhhh….so familiar! In fact, I attracted this post as I’m working on this TODAY. First of all, I did indentify the pattern after 4 guys. one way or another.
    How was that familiar? (Pick a parent!)
    I’ve been working on healing, forgiving, accepting and allowing my parents to be who they are. Letting go of any unhappy feelings around that.
    Noticing I no longer felt triggered when my parent said the thing they always do. Felt loved. Was unmoved by the statement.
    Knowing a committed fabulous man is on his way to me NOW. Seeing him, feeling him, daydreaming and imagining him. Lots of cuddles.
    Acting AS IF.

  • Stephen says:

    My $.02 is that we only encounter ourselves in different skin. When I meet someone I try to remember that they are reflecting me back at me. If their response to me is not what I desire, I have to take responsibility for drawing that behavior out of that person.
    It’s not them, it’s you. In fact, in a way there is no them. It’s just your vibration and what you create with that.
    Many years ago I worked for an old guy named Leo. He owned the establishment and had a reputation of being tough on his employees. It was no idle rumor, either. I witnessed him berate employees for their mistakes and fire people and send them down the road with a flurry of harsh words. Leo could be quite mean.
    But Leo loved me (for reasons that were never really apparent). When I made a mistake (and I made lots) he was kind and understanding, spoke softly to me and took time to teach me how he wanted a particular task done. We parted on good terms and I think of him fondly to this day. It’s safe to say there are others who remember him quite differently.
    The point is that you create your relationships. When you encounter someone, you’re not seeing “them”, you are seeing their response to your vibration. Your relationship with any individual can be (and probably is) completely different from their relationship with anyone else.

    • Elle says:

      What an interesting, endearing story. I really liked it. Do you think he was mean to those people because those people did not really want to be there, did not appreciate the job, or had a bad attitude and that was what was actually being reflected back to them? I see this in the city in which I live. Lots of people with bad attitudes experiencing bad things. I see right past it and see that they are connected.

      • Stephen says:

        Elle, to answer your questions I would need to somehow divine the minds and hearts of Leo and those he tormented. As that isn’t possible, I can only conclude that something in the interaction of Leo’s and my vibrations made our relationship different than theirs. I have no idea what specifically might have factored into that.
        I tell the story to illustrate how we create relationships. Relationships are the blending of the vibrations of those involved. Leo was kind to me because there was something in the interaction of our respective vibrations that made it easier for him to be kind than not.
        What that was exactly I haven’t a clue.

    • Ariadne says:

      Stephen – With respect, I take issue with your response. While I think it is nice of you to take the time to write and share your story, and am glad you had a positive experience, Leo sounds like a bully to me. We all come across people with kinky vibes, people who struggle with self esteem and are magnets for bullies, but blaming the vibe for someone else’s ugly behaviour smacks of blaming the victim to me. I don’t think it in any way serves the person who asked the question, who is obviously going through issues, to have someone essentially say, ‘it’s not them, it’s you, and it never happens to me!’ It was brave of her to ask Jeannette for help, and kind of Jeannette to open this up to a forum, but I find your response to be lacking in kindness. That’s my two cents.

      • Stephen says:

        Well, I suppose a lot of people would share your opinion. And I certainly saw behavior that would justify it as well, but I cannot deny the kindness and gentle behavior he showed me. I believe human relationships are more complex than labeling and dismissing an individual.
        I never said I condoned his ugly behavior. I only told about Leo as an example of how relationships reflect the vibes of all involved.
        I believe I create my reality and that includes the behavior toward me of the people I encounter. I take responsibility for my part in the co-creation. I don’t indulge in blame and I do not reduce people by calling them victims.
        I have been the recipient of mean and bully-like behavior. But rather than blame the other person, thus dismissing my contribution to the relationship, I would rather check in with how I am vibing in the situation and make whatever adjustments I think appropriate in myself. I learned a long time ago that I can’t change another person, so assessing my own vibe is the only way I know to improve how my life is.
        It works pretty well for me. Your mileage may vary.
        I meant no offense.

        • Sauterelle says:

          For what it’s worth I think it is good to take responsibility for your own vibe and manage it the best you can, but I do believe there is a limit to what you can control about others… who may well like or dislike you for factors significantly beyond your control. I recently came across someone who is across-the-board, unfailingly much, much nicer to people of one specific race and gender. Managing my vibration has sometimes gotten me better treatment than average. But treatment like he gives people of that race and gender, unrelated to their performance or mine? Nope. Recognizing that his favor is often weighted for reasons I Will Not Ever be able to alter, has allowed me to let go of trying to please him — so I feel better in myself, and he matters less. But that didn’t do any magic in terms of making him treat me better.
          I’m reminded of Jeannette’s That Voodoo I Don’t Do post: other people are their own kingdoms, and while what we flow can do a lot, there’s no overcoming all aspects of another person’s makeup just because we’d like to.

      • Sig says:

        Well,as mean and offensive it might seem, in lots of LOA materials it is mentioned that if you encounter something negative, then it happened because you had that active in your vibration. Abraham has spoken about that quite a lot, explaining that if you meet ornery people then you are on the ornery disc. As well as Reverend Ike mentioned that there are no victims only volunteers to abuse.
        I have noticed and experienced quite a few events similar to what Stephen described. Like long time ago in school, I was the fat kid in my class, but no one ever picked on me, while there was this other person, apparently with whom I was so similar, that people used to mix us up, who got picked on. We were the same, but I never encountered someone’s ill-mannered behaviour.
        From a more recent time, there are some questionable people in my neighbourhood, and one of the neighbours constantly complains and badmouths them, who has had negative encounters with them? That person. As for me as I have always had the “I have good neighbours vibe” and I am playing around with building momentum on “Everyone treats me well”, I only come in contact with the positive side of these people. It is all about the vibration.

        • Elle says:

          Good one, Sig.

        • Sauterelle says:

          Hmmm. I just responded above to Stephen about a similar situation with a different outcome. For what it’s worth there seems to be a spectrum of how influencible people are, and many — maybe most — situations can be swayed by the stories we’re telling ourselves. But you can’t always short out other people’s stories, and they don’t always work in your favor.
          We have a lot of influence, a LOT of the time. But if the party line is that every conflict, with every person, every time is the result of some failure of vibration management? That sounds to me like a destructive kind of naivete.

        • Jeannette says:

          I agree, Sig – it doesn’t always make me feel better to remember that I can only encounter what I’m the vibration of, but in the moments when I get that, it’s good inspiration to practice feeling better!

  • yash says:

    Reverse the pattern and recreate with positive one for me afformation work…..its not affirmation its afformation……invented by noah st john

  • Jeannette says:

    Here’s my two cents:
    It starts with putting your attention and focus on what you DO want in order to get law of attraction working in your favor in this preferred way.
    I like to do that by changing the story of myself (or my life) so that I’m speaking what I want into existence. And yes, that could be in the form of a simple daily affirmation.
    When I had a habit of three month relationships (and a belief that I was no good at long term ones), and I wanted to change that so I could enjoy a happy long term relationship, I started telling myself that “I’m better at long term relationships than I’ve been giving myself credit for.”
    As I repeated that story, I started to see evidence of it (which we always will, since we get whatever we look for), and thus law of attraction started to bring me more of THAT. And in short order I was engaged in what would become the longest relationship of my romantic life.
    What I’m saying is, it’s helpful to drop the story that we have a bad pattern that we don’t know how to stop. If you can also put attention on what you prefer (by imagining it, or noticing others who are experiencing it) that can help, too.
    Looking forward to reading others’ tips, too. 🙂

    • Barb says:

      Hey Jeanette, could you give more examples of affirmations? Still confused about how to say them. For example, if someone had a crappy job with low salary, they could say they have a great job with a high salary? Even though its not true at that time. i notice your affirmations are true – like you said you were better at relationships than you thought you were. That is actually true, so you don’t fight yourself on it. Could you do a post about how to phrase affirmations?

  • Ming says:

    I have my own experience of this. I kept attracting guys that had addictions.
    I finally said enough is enough. I really wanted a new pattern. Aside from declaring it, I got the cords cut AND I wrote out a new intention. Who knew that this intention would actually work?! But it did. The first guy that showed up,
    did NOT drink. I mean, not at all. He didn’t mind that I had a glass of wine. But it was like OMG it worked.
    The next guy I dated did NOT drink either. I was like, I am onto something. HAHAHA. That’s 2 in a row.
    and guess what ? It got even better from there.

    • shay says:

      Good for you Ming, I have had similar now that I think of it, but problems in other areas… at least it’s changing I guess. Here’s to more improvements : )

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