Q&A: How to Handle Difficult Daughter

using Law of Attraction to improve a relationshipA question came in that I wanted to run by you fellow deliberate creators.  Here’s the note from a discouraged mom:

I tried LOA once over the past year – it was hard work and felt like moving a mountain to get to a positive thought about my very difficult and abusive 18 year old daughter. It kind of helped, though.  She came home for about a month, but there was another explosion and she was off again.

She came back but has barely been in the house and there are many difficult communications.  (Her ignoring texts, calls, being dismissive; me saying don’t come back till you apologize.)  Very distressing and feels like I’m reaching an empty tank of love and care.

I’m finding it very hard to work out how to do LOA in this situation. It’s very upsetting when she doesn’t respond well or contact me.

If you have any tips or suggestions that might help me generate some LOA that will bring the happy resepctful relationship I want – I will be forever grateful!

What say you wise parents?  I imagine some of you may have successfully navigated similar situations that might be helpful to share with our mom here, or maybe you’ve got a couple inspiring thoughts to help get her through this tunnel.

Thanks in advance for whatever you’re able to offer!

  • February 4, 2012
  • ana says:

    Lovely story Sara… very inspiring 🙂

  • Sara E. says:

    I just have to pitch in here. 🙂
    I know you know this, because that connection and love you feel for your daughter runs in your DNA + your Soul.
    Trust that. Let that lead.
    It is NEVER too late to enjoy the relationship you want with your daughter. I’m saying this to you, mother to mother, from personal experience with a 13yo step-son who SWORE that he would NEVER live with us. And when we finally manifested him living under our roof, he did EVERYTHING he could think of to try to get us to send him away. Four months ago we were finding illegal drugs in his bedroom and we were constantly met with deceitful behavior. In only a few months, it’s like we’re raising a completely different person. And it’s not just about the behavior. He walks around with a confidence and a glow that says, “I feel safe. This feels better.” He not only tells the truth about what’s going on in his life…he talks about his feelings, on his own without being asked. (Crazy, right?) These days, he WANTS to go places and do things with us. These days, he listens to bed time stories with his younger brothers – because he never got to enjoy those kinds of things when he was little.
    When he first moved in with us, I wondered if it was too late to give him the childhood I WOULD have given him if he had been my biological son. (His life has been chalk full of contrast. ie: lost his mother when he was 5, had a lot of unhealthy interactions with an alcoholic grandmother, was pretty much raised as though he was a live in adult, rather than someone who needed safety and security.) But experience continues to show me that it’s NEVER too late, and that there is nothing to make up for. I get to shower him with ALL the laughter, love, and healthy life values and patterns that I want. And these days he says things that astonish me, such as, and I quote, “I just love our family…we’re always having so much fun.”
    So how did all this change? I’ll try to keep this part brief. Some of the best advice I got during this process was from http://communionoflight.com – I talk with these guys a lot. They said I needed to find some “bright shiny balls” to enjoy. Meaning that I needed to alleviate myself from the topic at hand for a while, and that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t stop being a mother, I didn’t stop doing what felt right as a parent, but I did stop mentally beating myself up. I stopped seething over the topic during my time to myself. I stopped having endless conversations about how difficult this was and how nobody tells you how hard it is to be somebody’s “step-mother.” I started giving myself a break from my own painful neuro-pathways, and when I noticed them, I parented my own mind in the exact same way I do with my five year olds. I started speaking to my mind, gently letting myself know that I didn’t have to worry about that, that I was safe, and I reminded myself that even when I’m not with my boys, God is ALWAYS with them, and somehow even in my needy emotional state, that was an easy thought for me to latch onto. It’s funny how so much of parenting is giving ourselves the safety and security that we want to give to our kids. 🙂 But that is honestly where things started to shift for all of us. And then the easier it got, the easier it got, and even when something would happen that threw me off, it got easier for me to bounce back into my desired feeling state.
    This is a process, like everything else. Sometimes it’s completely smooth sailing and I bask in that feeling of sweet, juicy life. Other times it feels like 3 steps forward, 1 step back, and then onward we go.
    Ok, I’m going to go for a bike ride now. 🙂
    Love and Warm Fuzzies to all of you!

  • Anonymous Mom says:

    Thank you so much – have just read the comments and really blown away by the enlightened and caring comments.
    I really appreciate it, it’s been very helpful.
    What a wonderful crowd here!
    PS – although I love all the posts for the unique and helpful insights they offer, the words of mother’s with daughters particularly resonate with me – thank you : )

  • Tony says:

    This is a good point that you make. However, sneaking cigarettes and buying alcohol is not the true meaning (for me that is)of a good friend. Yes, you would be a mom first when they’re very young.
    My daughter got drunk once (that I know of.) She called me at 1am to come pick her up. Her friends got mad at her for calling me, and ignored her for the rest of the school year. her friend since got a DUI and now calls my daughter for advice. She is now a good example.
    I did not reprimand my daughter for drinking. I did not criticize her or tell her how wrong it was to get drunk. She already knew that. Kids are smarter than we think. What I did was to ask her how she felt about getting drunk. All I did was listen.
    Granted, some kids will need a different approach. If you aren’t getting along with your daughter, then your approach isn’t working. Try something different.

  • Kelly says:

    My journey has been transformed by the work of Byron Katie and her three categories of business: my business, your business and God’s business. As moms it is excruciating to get out of our kids’ business. Her process called The Work has been a great tool for me and has aided me in questioning core beliefs. And “corps” beliefs. Uncovering painful core beliefs and conditioning and letting them go has healed and enabled me to be channel the loving, light stuff. Even in tough times, I start every day with thanks for good health, energetic kids, a warm house, a car that works… Byron Katie cautions us not to abuse ourselves by tolerating abusive behavior in our loved ones and not to addict ourselves to managing their addictions and unhealthy behavior. Bless you on your journey!!

  • ana says:

    I am remembering a time when my daughter wanted me to be like her friends “Cool mom” she was disappointed that i couldnt be that mom (throwing partys, sneeking ciggerettes to teenagers,sharing secrets regarding sex,other innappropriate behaviors). I could not be that Mom, no matter how she wished. I was the Mom who had concern for healthy behaviors,good manners,developing good study habits, eating vegies (all the boring stuff). There were times when she expressed appreciation, that her Mom really cared about what she did. But there was always this fascination for her with the Cool mom. Later on… at aprox 26 years old, she yelled at me “I dont need you to be my friend, I need you to be my Mom” … It seemed that she could not make up her mind. I am a Mom first, a friend second (meaning that it requires conscious effort to bite ones maternal tongue) which can be rewarding. I cannot tell another person how to be a Mom. I can only strive to be a better Mom than i was before. And share my experience along the way. For me in this moment, that means being an example of self care, whether she is there to see it or not. My daughter has a tendency to follow the crowd, it is unfortunate that she hasnt learned yet, to be true to herself. I cannot make her do that, i can only be an example of that. My daughters behavior may seem typical or unusual depending on relativity. What isnt typical or unusual is the Love, it has always been… will always be.

  • Tony says:

    Dear Mom
    As in anything else in life, starting from the middle is much harder than starting from the beginning. The relationship you have with your daughter started long ago. It has developed into what you’re experiencing right now. I sympathize with you and urge you to know there is a solution to what seems like madness.
    There isn’t a simple solution to this, however, you can start small with LOA and work your way up. I think the feeling of frustration you have is due to thinking there’s no, or very little solution.
    I wish I could give you a magic pill to ease your pain. Of course I would be robbing you of the experience and satisfaction of finally gaining ground with your daughter.
    I know from my experience as a single father of two 18 year old daughters, that I am very well connected with them. There’s isn’t a generation gap here. I go dancing, to concerts, playing sports with them, and I listen to their life experiences. Sometimes I’m up until 2 am listening to their trials and tribulations of dealing with the opposite sex. You have to put in the time. However, you can make the process enjoyable.
    My daughters ballroom dance, so I started taking lessons. Now I love it! My daughters and I became Black Belts in Mixed Martial Arts. There’s much more, but the point is, start involving yourself in her life.
    Don’t be a mom, she is an adult now. Be a friend first. Start slow, ask her to go have a cup of coffee with you to start. Be interested in her music without criticism for example. Don’t give her advice, or answer questions she’s not asking.
    Again, be her friend, not her mom.
    Believe me, this will work.

  • ana says:

    Awe… unexpected gift! Thank you. I see this as another wonderous blessing in my journey. There is no way that i could have expected these words, from what would seem to be “the other side”. We are all one… we are all valuable to eachother. This is also a beautiful example of how this stuff works. To Butterfly… I cannot find the words to express my gratitude for your presence here.

  • Ana, your post touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing that. I wish you healing and peace, and the same to your daughter. I wish my own mother had ever gotten as far as you seem to in acknowledging that there are deeper issues at play. Blessings to you.

  • ana says:

    I no longer have a relationship with my 28 yr old daughter. I am agreeing with Butterfly…even tho…my ego would prefer me… to not share (silly ego). I share this in effort to help another Mother/Daughter.
    It was not my choice to end the relationship. My daughter not only chose this, but seemed determined to create great pain for the entire family, on her way out.
    It would seem that it is a broken,unrepairable relationship at this point. In fact it would seem to others who know of her deeds, that i would be a fool to allow her into my life. (but of course,she is in my heart)
    Because on the surface…from the observers viewpoint…she has gone to far. One family member, actually had her removed from their will.
    But…for me…i know there is much more… below the surface.
    Understand that i have no desire to be a martyr. And yet… for me… the story has not ended.
    There is much work for me… to do on myself… hindsight asked me if i could have gone deeper in my journey, while i was raising her? For that i can not answer (at least not in this moment).
    It seemed that this journey would have taken something away from her (time,availability,focus on her) But then… would it have given her more , than it had appeared to be taking in the moment? The angst/fear that i carried was enormous, i did not realize until now, the extent of it.
    And how was she interpreting/reacting to my angst/fear? Did she see it as anger? There are many questions that create more questions, more is revealed as i continue my journey.
    Did the pain of losing her cause me to go deeper? Most certainly yes! Will my journey bring about a healing in our relationship? I dont know.
    Would i be willing? Yes.
    Would i be able? I dont know…i would seek out qualified help. Am i grateful for all that has happened? Yes.
    I want to say that i am keeping positives thoughts… for the mother who feels challenged… for the daughter who saw no other choice. Most Sincerely, Ana

  • I was thinking about this and wanted to add something else, and I’m going to try to be concise (I could write volumes on this topic, in fact).
    My mother always saw me as “difficult” and as “a problem”. She was never, ever willing to see me in any other way, in fact. I was unable to see myself in any other way for many, many years. Eventually, when I started to go through the healing process in my thirties, I found that she was unable or unwilling to make any effort toward accepting that she actually had played a part in the difficulty of our relationship, and she was unable or unwilling to treat me differently or try to see that I was more than the labels she put on me.
    I ended the relationship. I did it for my own sanity and well-being. I have taken many years to process this and to be at peace with it, because there is such a taboo against ending one’s relationship with one’s parents. Ending that relationship and stopping all communication (and, in my case, moving to a different continent!) has contributed immeasurably to my health and, yes, my happiness, because I’m a lot happier now than I was when I was still in communication with my mother (sorry, but it’s true).
    Now, I would never assume that the mother in this story is the same as my own mother, I want to make that very clear. However, my mother’s refusal or inability to wake up to herself and to her own contribution to our dysfunctional relationship is what caused me to take the final step and end the relationship. Relationships don’t happen in a vacuum. It’s never “all” them or “all” you. Both parties, all parties, contribute to the situation and – most importantly – perpetuate it.
    I would urge ALL parents who have troubled relationships to take a serious look at their own attitudes, views, and, most importantly, expectations of their children. Do you expect your child to be a big pain in the neck? Guess what your experience of them will be…

  • Jackie says:

    Wow! These answers are amazing. I’m going to try a couple of them around a situation with a family member.

  • While there’s not enough information given to go on, I want to share my own experience as a former “difficult daughter”. Frankly, I grew up with an extremely difficult mother!
    Generally speaking, the tango of contention takes two (or even more, in some family dynamics).

  • Darliss says:

    Thank you, Jeannette.
    Yes, as a certified relationship coach I do work with parents. I also work with parents and children together.
    I love helping families to reveal the love that is being hidden by the conflict so that they can create deep abiding joy in their relationships and their lives.
    You can find me at http://www.darlissodonnell.com.

  • Pernille Madsen says:

    Oh boy, Mitch, I was SO deeply moved by your story
    And it reminds me of several occasions, where I’ve felt “less satisfied” with the current relationship with my 11 year old daughter and I then decided to intentionally focus on her postive aspects – every time I did that, her behaviour immediately changed in a positive direction and our relationship improved.

  • Mitch says:

    I don’t have children, but I do have an older brother who has been a “difficult” family member since I can remember.
    But I had some LOA success with him this Christmas. I think it was because I’ve known him as he is for so many years that I finally just accepted that he’s a difficult person and gave up. lol I really gave up. I said to myself, it doesn’t matter. This is what he has been like for over ten years, and I don’t know how to change him.
    But I also said to myself that every action he takes is only out of a need to make himself feel better, just like all of us, so even when he is being totally destructive, it’s only because he is trying to find his way back to the power of his true self.
    And it was in the middle of one of those thoughts that he approached me. I was visiting home for Christmas, and he started a conversation. He was half drunk at the time (he’s an alcoholic, which normally makes me furious, but I was in the middle of baking which makes me very happy, so I was partially distracted, lol) and instead of getting pissed off at his habits, I just let go of our past and allowed him to be. And we had such a brilliant conversation!
    It made me realize that so much of his problem is MY problem! I realized I’ve been stuck in my reaction to him, rather than really seeing what he is actually presenting to me. And that day, when we were just in the moment, me baking, him drunk, neither of us thinking at all about what has passed, we were just two people having a really good conversation. And after that day of remembering all the really amazing aspects of my brother, he presented more and more of those good aspects for the rest of my time at home.
    But for me it was all about letting go of anything I perceived as wrong or bad behavior. And knowing that he is just as capable of change and improvement and enlightenment as I am, but only in his own time.
    It’s worth noting, too, that I spent many nights over Christmas imagining him the way I used to know him. When we were little and he was spontaneous and funny and unpredictable and adventurous and so much fun to be around. And I’m not kidding, I heard him talking to my mom a couple of mornings saying, “I don’t know what’s happening. I just feel so happy this morning.” 😀 This stuff works!
    I hope that helps.

  • Kimberly, Keep the Tail Wagging says:

    This is such a tough dilemma, because we can’t change others, we can only change how we feel about others/how we react to others. It’s especially difficult when it’s a child. I don’t have children, but someone once told me that having a child is like having a piece of your soul living outside yourself.
    I have a stepson and he’s 14 and a true pleasure to be around most times, but a complete jerk some of the time. This is what I did to get through the some of the time
    1) I focused on 3 memories of him that I love; when he’s cracked me up – he has such a great sense of humor and we can banter back and forth forever.
    2) Whenever it was time for his weekend, I thought “wouldn’t it be cool if we laughed all weekend?” – we do
    3) When he’s having a bad time, I forgive him and remind myself that not everyone handles stress the same and sometimes kids hurt their parents (in our case, his dad), because they’re confident that they’ll be loved no matter what.
    I wish you the best.

  • Kim Falconer says:

    All these comments are so helpful for any kind of relationship. I very much appreciate them.
    My suggestion first is is let go. Just let go. She’s 18. It’s her life. Let her go.
    For a new and healthy relationship to form, the old pattern must dissolve. Let go of any judgment (this is ‘good’, this is ‘bad’) a visualize the bird, fully fledged, flying free.
    If you can get to a feeling place of freedom, allowing and release, she will too.
    How to let go? First set an intention to release this conflict.
    EFT is a wonderful support. IN this case, I recommend the technique in TATLife.com
    Sending waves of release . . .

  • Pernille Madsen says:

    sorry for all the typos, grammatical errors……. (I better go to bed now!)

  • Pernille Madsen says:

    The Communion of Light once helped me tremendeously, when I was having some sort of issue with my daughter. They said to me:
    Hold this vision for her: I want you to have what you want!
    This has helped me on many occasions. It reminds me that I want what’s best for her in any given situation AND that I have no clue whatsoever to what is best for her – she is the only one who knows that.
    So what I do is very often simply imagining how I myself want to feel and then imagining her feeling very satisfied and smiling at me.

  • ChipEFT says:

    The premise of the question I think is a tad faulty, that is that the daughter is difficult. What is being described is the daughter reacting to thoughts (expectations) that do not feel good to her. At some level at least, she is listening to her Source. The more the mother tells her how she should act, the further she has to go to break free.
    I’m not really taking the daughter’s side. It is just that both participants are acting within the constraints of social-cultural guidelines, and not acting within the realm of “creating the world you want to live in through your thoughts.”
    To the mother I would say that not only can you not influence what your daughter thinks, it is none of your business. Your business is shaping your experience through your thoughts. You have created massive contrast, and contrast is there to point out what it is that you want–more specifically what is it you want to feel. What ever it is, it is not something your daughter or anyone else can give you. Only you can do that.
    In fact, if you are waiting for someone else to do something so you can feel better, you will never get it.
    So think about how you want to feel, intend that you will feel that way, and think the thought or do the thing that feels a little better than what you are feeling right now. It may not feel good, but it should feel better than where you are. Then find the next better feeling thought. Keep doing this until you feel the way you want to feel.
    This can be very quick or as long and drawn out as you want. It does take some practice, not so much in the doing as in the remembering to do it.
    I know this sounds formulaic, but is the thing that works.

  • Thank you for sharing your personal experience, Alexandria. I think hearing stories that like that from real people with real challenges is more uplifting and hope-giving than anything else.
    Since I have been that daughter myself, I can attest that things really do get better, even when it seems extremely unlikely.
    Love rules, huh? 🙂

  • I was moved to reply to this post because I lived with a similar situation for years, which nearly tore my family apart. Things got so ugly I was relieved when she finally moved out, but I knew in my heart I had to resolve the relationship, at least in my own heart, in order to undo the damage she had so willfully caused. I used every Abraham technique I could — one I found especially helpful was writing lists of appreciation about her. And yes, I really had to dig, but in doing so I began to see her through the eyes of Source, which really helped!(looking at their baby pics could help here!) I practiced forgiveness, for myself and the role I played as well as for her. One exercise was especially helpful – I don’t remember where I 1st learned it, I believe it was Shakti Gwain, but the process is to put the person challenging you alone on a stage, receiving cheers and flowers and otherwise being recognized as a worthy person. Then you place yourself alone on the stage, (you deserve to be recognized for the marvelous being you are too!). All this energy work paid off big-time for us, as I finally reached the point of forgiving what I’d thought was unforgivable, it spilled out to my entire family. The child in question reached out to me on a Mother’s Day, sending a card taking full responsibility for her actions, asking my forgiveness. Which, of course, she already had. Mending things on a physical level took awhile longer, but in the end it all worked out, we now socialize regularly and she now has a son, playing with my grandson is the ultimate reward! So don’t worry, it can get better, just try some of these wonderful ideas from contributors and you’ll get there! Love conquers all!

  • Ana, so true – and that can be applied for so many challenges.
    Thanks for chiming in here. Much appreciated!

  • ana says:

    There is a way thru this. There is pain… it is humbling… it is powerful! When i take care of My happiness and Well Being (learning to do this is like having another full-time job) I get stronger, I see the way to go. Having another job can be exhausting,time consuming,etc… For me it is absolutely necessary. When i take the time,move other things aside,use that time for my own enlightened journey, the pay off is immeasurable. It can be challenging to change the unserving habits (Tv,talking excessively with folks who are not in the solution,many other time wasters). Once i changed my mindset, made myself a full-time job, other things in my life changed.

  • tamsine, that’s exactly what Abe would suggest, too, isn’t it? No doubt in my mind that practice would be a game-changer.
    There are such great responses gathering here! Thank you all for taking the time to offer such generous and compassionate input.
    I sure love you guys!
    (Thanks for posting, tamsine!)

  • tamsine says:

    I really like these comments. It sounds like the mom in this particular case is acutely aware of what’s going wrong in this relationship, i.e. what needs to be fixed. I can completely empathize with this; however, in order to change the dynamic of the situation she would need to disregard/ignore the negative, and shift focus to something (ANYTHING!) that’s good about the relationship. If she can think of even one thing that endears her daughter to her, and keep talking up that positive quality-even obsess about it-soon it will magnetize other positive and endearing qualities until the scales tip in the direction of a really pleasant, loving child that’s fun to be around!

  • kmarie, that is an excellent suggestion! I’ve had clients report back literal MIRACLES when they’ve done this themselves.
    HIGHLY recommended! 🙂

  • kmarie says:

    I really like all of the above suggestions! I can’t remember if I heard this bit of info from Abraham or from Sanaya Roman who channels Orin & DaBen (she has lots of great books available). They say to let your higher self have a conversation with your daughter’s higher self. I’ve done this a number of times with a difficult person I love and the results have been awesome–but I have to do it every so often to keep it going. It feels really good! Try it and if it feels awkward, don’t worry, just do it again later or the next day and it will feel more natural. Also, you don’t have to speak out loud.
    Keep up!

  • Thank you for sharing that, Bama Girl. I especially loved the spotlight on self-love! That’s an easy thing to forget when we get in situations like this.
    Many thanks, my friend. 🙂

  • I agree with others that you can only control you. I know it’s difficult because you love your daughter. I’ve gone through tough times with my son, husband and a brother who continues to break our hearts. But ultimately they are responsible for their lives. You are not responsible for another person’s happiness.
    Here are some things I have done when faced with a difficult situation involving another person.
    Is there a reason for her explosions and running off? If you believe there is something going on or you believe she isn’t telling you the whole truth, if you are ready for it, you can ask for the truth to be revealed. It may be painful, but if you truly want to know what is behind her behavior you can simply ask GUS (God, Universe, Spirit) for the truth to be revealed.
    I prepave situations by visualizing how I want them to go. However, I accept that I can only control my actions, not those of another person.
    I pray for everyone involved. I ask for healing in the relationships.
    I use the Pray Rain Journal technique. I write specifically about the relationships or the situation as if they are how I want them to be.
    I take care of myself. Self-care and self-love is so important when dealing with stress. It can be something as small as a bubble bath or taking a half-hour to meditate or even go window shopping with a friend. Self-care will help you refill your empty tank.
    I speak positively about the person or situation. I notice my words. If I start to think or speak negatively about the person or situation I consciously change it. I don’t want to tell the same story.
    I hope these suggestions help, even in a small way. ((Hugs)) It will all be okay.

  • Wow, Darliss. I got goosebumps reading that.
    THANK YOU!!!
    PS – do your coaching services include working with parents?

  • Darliss says:

    What I learned about parenting challenging children I gained from my greatest teacher, my daughter Kristin. With deep love I share this. Take what you feel will help you and leave the rest.
    1. Ask yourself, “Who do I want to be in this relationship?” You cannot control her behavior, but you can choose who you want to be and how you want to act.
    2. Set loving boundaries with the simple words, “I love you and…” “I love you and I will walk away if I am spoken to harshly.” “I love you and drugs/violence/verbal abuse are not allowed in this house.” I love you and… I love you and… I love you and…
    3. Practice loving detachment. “I love you and I don’t care what you do.” Not, “I love you and I don’t care what you do to me.” This is not a practice in martyrdom. Actively using boundaries is vital to learning to lovingly detach. It is “I love you and I don’t care what you do.” I love you and I will still love you if you do drugs. I love you and I will still love you if you defy me. I love you and I will still love you No. Matter. What. You. Do.
    That is true, unconditional love.
    May you find peace in the midst of it all, dear one. My heart walks with yours.

  • Louise, I LOVE that vacuuming tip! I am SO putting that one into practice!
    Thanks for posting. 🙂

  • I so agree with the Masters In Training Comment – you only control YOU. I am having some challenging times with my 14 year old but I am beaming love her way no matter what (most of the time, I’m human). I am also following a meditation technique where I imagine she and I bound by a golden rope of love and visualize that love flowing from me to her. One other thing I’m doing is asking Archangel Michael (out loud several times a day) to vacuum all negative energy from my family and my home. My daughter is a little happier and brighter since doing this.

  • I wanted to offer an excerpt from Lanaiya King’s latest newsletter. (She’s a powerful energy transformationist and can be found online at http://higherawakening.com)
    Masters in Training
    Simple Yet Profound…an easy exercise
    Do not give your power away by matching other people’s imbalance. If someone argues, criticizes, judges, etc…bless them. They are going through an ititiation, or a learning process, and it is not for anyone to judge their means-to-end result. Bless everything. Love everyone, and get out of the way of other people’s processes. This is unconditional love. It does NOT mean you need to participate or align with their behavior. Simply allow all, bless all.
    Remember, if you are negatively triggered, this is all about YOU. Transmute hotspot triggers by blessing all people and the entire situation, breathe the energy down to a zero, and then disarm every single emotion that comes up for you that is not based in love.

  • >