How To Love Your Self

One of the most common questions from creators wanting physical change in their body is how to love your body when you don’t feel beautiful.

The question came in again after I released an ebook on the subject last month:

My question is what does that actually look like to love your body even when it’s not what you prefer?

I mean, what did you actually “say” to yourself during those times? When I look in the mirror, and get so bummed, get dressed and the physical evidence of clothes being tight … I want to cry!

When I try to fake it till I make it, and say something like “I appreciate my body for being strong and healthy, my mind goes back to what’s in front of me. And if I even try to say something like “I rock! I’m sexy no matter what” my mind adamantly replies “you are full of shit”!

I feel like I’m not doing this stuff right.

I responded that we weren’t trying to see something that wasn’t there, or pretend it was other than it was. But rather we practice seeing it in a more loving and appreciative way.

Which is hard when we’ve practiced criticism and judgment for so long.

What I did was look in the mirror and practice looking for curves instead of fat rolls. Curves are womanly. They can be sensual, if you practice seeing them that way. We’ve just been hypnotized into hate for so long that we don’t see beauty without consciously changing our perspective.

I would also think of some of the beautiful women online who have shared pictures of their bigger selves, and how sexy they were. And if they could be sexy – and undoubtedly they were – if they could be sexy in their bigness, why not me?

I just practiced seeing it. It wasn’t easy, or immediate, but we get whatever we look for long enough.

I also remembered how good it feels to hug someone with some heft to them. Isn’t that the best hug? And now I was someone with some heft to herself. I’m a woman of substance! I can get down with that.

Somedays I’d see my mom’s family in the mirror when I looked at myself – they’re not dainty women. They’re strong, beautiful European women. And I LOVE them! They are lovers of life! They give the best hugs! They laugh with gusto! They eat with gusto! They enjoy life! They don’t sweat it what size they’re wearing. They’re lovely, loving women. And I could be one of those women, too, maybe. A lovely, loving woman. I could start to see it as a good thing instead of a cursed thing.

Sometimes I would try to see what my boyfriend say when he said he loved my butt. What could be loving about this butt?? But the more I looked, the more I could see it. It did have a nice shape and a nice feel. (Not gonna lie – it does!) I could see how he was a fan.

And that’s all it was – practicing seeing it with new eyes where it isn’t easy at first.

Little by little, not giving up, being persistent at finding the treasure that this body is. Because guaranteed our bodies are true treasures, and if we keep looking for that, we’ll eventually see it because we always get whatever we’re willing to see.

I asked for permission to post her question, because I thought you all would have good input, too. She said yes, and added this:

My thing is I can’t seem to get past the feeling of the fat rolls on my back, or whatever, which only thrusts me back into reality, which is what I’m supposed to be not focusing on! How in the world can I get to the point you were at in the shower, not even realizing you got thin again until you ran your hand across your belly? I am looking for it at every turn. How did you just forget the bigger body you were in??

And I told her that I didn’t forget it. I found the love in it. I didn’t pretend it was something different, I just changed the way I saw it. And that changes everything, when we learn to look with love.

Just like that exchange between Sarah Silverman and her troll. She responded with love and it transformed the situation.
We’re looking to do the same thing with our selves.

That’s what I told her.

But I thought maybe someone here might have a different way of saying it or a different approach altogether? Let’s share tips that work.
Thanks in advance, everyone!

  • January 6, 2018
  • Melissa says:

    I have struggled with body dysmorphia for most of my adult life, having absorbed a very critical self-outlook from my family of origin.
    What has worked for me, is to really slow down and think “What am I here for?” Is it to look good? Probably not. Is it to *feel* good? Definitely, yes!
    Then, to replace the hurtful, damaging thoughts, that separate me from source with ideas about how to get closer — Can I take a walk in nature? Can I drink some water? Take a hot epsom salts bath? Prepare a healthy snack or meal? Give myself the gift of a quick yoga class, or perhaps even a full workout?
    It has never worked for me to switch out bad thoughts for weakly-held good ones. What works for me is to take action that is consistent with my deeper beliefs and expectations (I am enough! I am here for a reason, and it’s not to feel badly about myself!). And, then, to grasp onto the belief that while I am not perfect, I am making good choices to be in the flow.
    Much love and respect to all who struggle with the relationship they have with their bodies! <3

  • WENDY says:

    I love love, love all your posts Jeannette!!!
    What works for me is to remember how it felt when I felt great about my body. Feel that vibration and bring it into the present moment. I also play the glad game every day. On my drive to work and then on my walk from car to building, I chant appreciation for all the wonders and blessings of physical life.

  • Juli says:

    Perfect timing for this post Jeannette! I realised everyone is talking about body shape and weight. Luckily I don’t have issues with those items (although there’s always room for improvement when looking myself in the mirror), but I do feel insecure with my face features (like my nose, and my chin). I do try to feel better but I can’t. Somehow, feeling beautiful is not easy for me. Any advice?

  • Sharon says:

    Like Marlene, I practiced the “I’m fat vibe” my entire life. I was the youngest of six and from my parents down everyone was critical of their weight so I learned it very early. I was 123 pounds after having my first child and still didn’t think I was small enough. I look back at that person today and feel very sorry I treated her so bad. I think the first thing to realize is that we are not one size fits all. There are so many different shapes and sizes and society tries to put everyone in the same box. So first of all don’t try to twist yourself into something that your body isn’t meant to be. I learned after some soul searching that I wasn’t trying to be what I thought was good for me but what doctors and health experts and society in general try to convince us that we should be. Also don’t beat up on yourself for not being where you want to be this red hot minute. It didn’t take you over night to get where you are and it won’t happen over night to get where you want to be either. Cut yourself some slack. You’re trying to retrain your brain from a lifetime of ingrained beliefs. Be easy on yourself. That’s the first step toward self love in my opinion.

  • Namaste says:

    In March of 2014, I quit my day job, moved to California and dedicated myself full-time to my manifesting alignment research. What I thought would take a few months, took almost two years. My only entertainment during that time was eating. I packed on the pounds. I went from 155 to about 220 pounds. It got to the point where I hated looking in the mirror. Finally, I decided enough was enough. I dropped all sweets and chocolate completely and dealt with my sugar cravings by eating a lot of healthy fruit. It took a little over a year for me to drop back down to 163 pounds and be back in the great shape I am today.
    Here’s what I did that worked for me during that year of getting back into shape…
    I appreciated having my health. If you’ve ever lost your health, you know what it’s like to not have it. I lost it once and that taught me what a blessing health really is so I appreciated the heck out of it. I wasn’t lying to myself, or trying to see what wasn’t there, I simply appreciated my health.
    I had a simple plan for getting back into shape that I believed in and felt that I could do. Most people don’t realize the power of walking. If you can walk for five minutes a day, you can walk your way back to the body you want. I know, I did it. You start with five minutes a day. The great thing about the five minutes a day commitment is it feels doable and it is. Plus, you often feel like for walking for more than five minutes and you do. Soon you’re walking for 15 and then 20 minutes. You’re feeling better, you’re adding in power walking which really melts off the pounds and the momentum gets going.
    During the first eight or nine months, I didn’t go near a scale. The last thing I wanted to do was take score during this time. I also avoided looking in full-length mirrors as much as possible. I felt great about my workouts, and my healthy eating and that is what I focused on.
    While it is absolutely possible to eat sweets and snack food and still lose weight and get in great shape, most people don’t actually believe this. You can’t achieve outside of your beliefs so unless you really, truly believe you can continue as you are, and align with the body you want, replace the snacks with fruit, do the walking, don’t take score and your body will change.
    Finally, while I didn’t use accountability, that’s always a useful tool to add in. It can be easy to break our word to ourselves but when another person is checking up on you, we tend to keep our words because we don’t want to look bad.
    No matter how far away you are from your ideal body, if you make a few simple daily changes that anyone can do, you will get the body you want =)

  • Marlene says:

    I practiced the ‘oh I’m so fat’ vibe for a long time so I am patient in knowing that I will return to my slender self. I was 135lbs in my 20s and thought I was fat! I remember what my 135lb body felt like. I don’t look in the mirror if I am having an unfriendly self day. I picture myself getting on my scale and it says 135.6. (I added the .6 because I have noticed my scale often says xxx.6). I do this every time I use the washroom (or almost every time).
    I employ a lot of techniques, mostly from Janette’s podcasts, some from Abe’s teachings and some from Mike Dooley (although he doesn’t speak of weight loss).
    -look away…if you can’t think anything nice, think about something else
    -do a positive aspects list of the good things about your body even if you can only start with…my body moves me around and does a good job of it! Or my body did what I told it to do and stored all this fat!
    -write or think about your current beliefs and challenge them. I often say to others ‘people thought the world was flat, now we are taught that it is round’. It is neutral and a long held belief and I feel it is a powerful statement.
    – I picture the slender woman in the Nivea commercial. It shows her slender naked midriff and I say ‘that’s what mine looks like!’
    -I remind myself of things Janette has said and I see her slender gorgeous body and she is eating cookies and chocolate! (Although we only see her head shot)(I hope that doesn’t sound creepy!)
    -I’m not big on running so I picture myself running and enjoying the feeling of my muscles and my breathing and those movie scenes where the woman is finished her run and feels accomplished and invigorated and maybe a bit tired and happy!
    -I remember Abe saying that we could eat battery acid and thrive and that it’s not what we eat but the beliefs we hold about what we eat that make us fat or thin or sick or healthy.
    -when I remember to, I connect with source before eating and savour my food
    -I started a meditation practice
    To Sum it Up!!! I think that finding ways to shift your current beliefs And finding and doing things that bring you joy, change your focus…is where you start. If you’re seeing fat, if you’re feeling negative, look away. What brings you joy in life? Do that. Then when you’re in a more joyful place, practice the baby steps to love your body 🙂
    Love Marlene

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