How To Love Your Self
One of the most common questions from creators wanting physical change in their body is how to love your body when you don’t feel beautiful.
The question came in again after I released an ebook on the subject last month:
My question is what does that actually look like to love your body even when it’s not what you prefer?
I mean, what did you actually “say” to yourself during those times? When I look in the mirror, and get so bummed, get dressed and the physical evidence of clothes being tight … I want to cry!
When I try to fake it till I make it, and say something like “I appreciate my body for being strong and healthy, my mind goes back to what’s in front of me. And if I even try to say something like “I rock! I’m sexy no matter what” my mind adamantly replies “you are full of shit”!
I feel like I’m not doing this stuff right.
I responded that we weren’t trying to see something that wasn’t there, or pretend it was other than it was. But rather we practice seeing it in a more loving and appreciative way.
Which is hard when we’ve practiced criticism and judgment for so long.
What I did was look in the mirror and practice looking for curves instead of fat rolls. Curves are womanly. They can be sensual, if you practice seeing them that way. We’ve just been hypnotized into hate for so long that we don’t see beauty without consciously changing our perspective.
I would also think of some of the beautiful women online who have shared pictures of their bigger selves, and how sexy they were. And if they could be sexy – and undoubtedly they were – if they could be sexy in their bigness, why not me?
I just practiced seeing it. It wasn’t easy, or immediate, but we get whatever we look for long enough.
I also remembered how good it feels to hug someone with some heft to them. Isn’t that the best hug? And now I was someone with some heft to herself. I’m a woman of substance! I can get down with that.
Somedays I’d see my mom’s family in the mirror when I looked at myself – they’re not dainty women. They’re strong, beautiful European women. And I LOVE them! They are lovers of life! They give the best hugs! They laugh with gusto! They eat with gusto! They enjoy life! They don’t sweat it what size they’re wearing. They’re lovely, loving women. And I could be one of those women, too, maybe. A lovely, loving woman. I could start to see it as a good thing instead of a cursed thing.
Sometimes I would try to see what my boyfriend say when he said he loved my butt. What could be loving about this butt?? But the more I looked, the more I could see it. It did have a nice shape and a nice feel. (Not gonna lie – it does!) I could see how he was a fan.
And that’s all it was – practicing seeing it with new eyes where it isn’t easy at first.
Little by little, not giving up, being persistent at finding the treasure that this body is. Because guaranteed our bodies are true treasures, and if we keep looking for that, we’ll eventually see it because we always get whatever we’re willing to see.
I asked for permission to post her question, because I thought you all would have good input, too. She said yes, and added this:
My thing is I can’t seem to get past the feeling of the fat rolls on my back, or whatever, which only thrusts me back into reality, which is what I’m supposed to be not focusing on! How in the world can I get to the point you were at in the shower, not even realizing you got thin again until you ran your hand across your belly? I am looking for it at every turn. How did you just forget the bigger body you were in??
And I told her that I didn’t forget it. I found the love in it. I didn’t pretend it was something different, I just changed the way I saw it. And that changes everything, when we learn to look with love.
Just like that exchange between Sarah Silverman and her troll. She responded with love and it transformed the situation.
We’re looking to do the same thing with our selves.
That’s what I told her.
But I thought maybe someone here might have a different way of saying it or a different approach altogether? Let’s share tips that work.
Thanks in advance, everyone!