Q&A: Is It a Wrong Desire?

is it a wrong desire?This law of attraction question seems perfect to run by you guys …

What do you think about judging what we want? Is there any such thing as a right or wrong desire?

I’ve been a strong proponent of identifying one’s true desire in order to better manifest it. There are also some desires I’ve seen creators work with that were bounded by limiting beliefs.

(As in, “I want to manifest more money so I enjoy life more.” Listen, that’s a crazy ass myth that money and enjoyment go hand in hand. If you want “this” in order to get “that,” just focus on “that” for heaven’s sake.) omg, I’m doing it, aren’t I?! Judging one’s desire! hmm.

We also hear many LOA teachers suggesting that our manifesting success is dependent on holding “noble” desires. That it can’t from ego, has to be based in service to others, whatever. That’s so easy for me to put in the “bunchacrap” category. (But I could be wrong!)

Back to the question that started this post, I like the way this reader worded it:

Is it possible to want something for the wrong reasons, or is it true that all desires are valid?

I’m asking because my best friend thinks I’m misguided in wanting to manifest my ex-boyfriend back. And I think she’s wrong in trying to lose weight before she starts dating again.

When I heard myself lecturing that she shouldn’t want to lose weight for anyone else – it should be from her own heart’s desire – she said it was from her heart’s desire. I realized we’re each judging each other’s desires and maybe that’s not how it works? Doesn’t Abraham say that we get to want whatever we want?

I’d love your thoughts on this.

What say you, wise ones … are all desires created equal or is it worth refining what we think we want?

  • May 4, 2014
  • Sophie says:

    I cannot believe how much value you are sharing for free, Jeannette!
    By the way. I have just sent you an email titled “you have inspired me to create a blog”, just in case you think it’s spam…
    Thank you very very much for all the work you are doing!!!!
    Sophie Da Costa

  • jennifer says:

    heard something on a slightly different string of info. the other day which made me think of this article, again. I was watching a series of videos of actors, musicians, and the like; and the one thing I noticed when they spoke of what drew them to their trade, was that each felt ‘compelled’ to do what it took simply to finish the ‘book/audition/music piece/etc…’ that they were working on. and, even though they didn’t have their minds focused on the end result ie: getting paid or getting famous… that feeling had them so immersed in the project they were undertaking; that I thought “maybe that’s the missing ingredient in knowing whether or not a manifestation is either going to work out, or is right for me”.

  • SandyG says:

    Jeannette,you had put out the question, “Is it worth refining our desires? What a great question! We’ve probably all had desires that we knew on a deep feeling level were straight from our heart and so that question wasn’t even applicable.
    Many years ago, I manifested a boyfriend who had all the mostly superficial qualities I thought I wanted, but I amazingly forgot to consult my heart…it was like I had looked at the qualities – again more superficial – in other guys that I didn’t like and asked for the opposite…refining would have been such a good idea. In that case I could simply have consulted my heart asking how I wanted to feel when in his presence, when thinking about etc.
    Turns out he was selfish and unkind…but gorgeous and extremely interesting.
    Being new to this blog, I’d like to put out the question – asking for examples – how do you refine – are there some good techniques you all have found?

  • Brian says:

    “Is it possible to want something for the wrong reasons, or is it true that all desires are valid?”

How would you define a “wrong” reason? Who defines wrong?
Right and wrong are merely mental constructs created from the ego and conditional love.
    Source energy and unconditional love only sees desire, and what you put your focus on, regardless of the apparent rightness or “worthiness” of said desire.

    Source energy rejoices when you have a desire, and when you align with that desire and allow it to flow to you.

    The moment you feel a desire is wrong, you feel negative emotion because you are thinking a thought that is not in harmony with how your higher self and Source thinks.

So if you feel something is wrong, then you are offering up resistance, which can slow down/prevent that desire from flowing into your life. This can then make you or others think, “See, it didn’t show up because it was wrong.” When in reality, it simply hasn’t manifested yet because you are offering up resistance and blocking it from your life.

  • Sabeen says:

    I’ve been thinking further about this and, if we are indeed Master Creators, we get to decide all of it, don’t we? Every little nuance of what we prefer. A painter gets to decide exactly what she wants on her canvass, right? She doesn’t just say, well, what I really want is a beautiful painting so I guess it doesn’t matter what that ends up looking like, as long as it’s pretty. No, she gets to pick every colour and every shape and texture she prefers, and gets to correct it along the way if what she’s painting isn’t quite matching up with her desire. I don’t think it’s any different for us. The only thing is, since we’re creating through vibrations which are unwieldy at times due to our limiting beliefs, our hands can get wobbly from time to time with our brush strokes, but we can always keep at it until it looks exactly the way we want it to.

  • I don’t think it’s “wrong”.
    It is the long route to get to what you want.
    “I want to lose weight before I can date” probably leads to more conditional desiring. As in, I want to date because I want someone to find me desirable. Then, I want someone to find me desirable because I want to feel loved.
    You can just start off by feeling loved anyway and all those other things will come a lot faster.
    Everyone will get where they want to go through their own twists and turns – their special brew of desires.
    I would call BS on the “noble” desires too, but again, I wouldn’t say “wrong”.
    If you feel better in knowing that your desire is “noble” then YAY you. Again, your life, your path.
    My personal preference is to get to the core desire as fast as possible and do what’s fun however ignoble, immoral, or hedonistic it may seem:-)

  • Ali says:

    Hello there.
    Really enjoying your blog
    I think its just physics. It works and the only reason it works better if its coming from a place of true desire is because the vibrations are that much stronger. Digging deep to find that true desire produces the most juicy results but it is fully worth it.
    I think to be judgement free is almost totally impossible. We are designed to weigh things up for our own survival. But its best to try hard to suspend judgement where possible. When working with people who totally conflic with our own sense of self however it can be tricky because there you can have two sets of vibrations which are working against eachother.

  • That’s a great example of being open, Kersey. I’m so glad for your happy results!
    Nice advice, Sonia: “follow your bliss, let Universe sort it all out.” I can get on board with that!

  • sonia says:

    I think we intellectualize (does this world even exist? 🙂 )too much, we just need to follow our bliss, go in the direction of what we want et let the universe sort it all out. Judgment is always a bad idea. Yeah I know, this is a judgment too. Crap! 🙂

  • Kersey says:

    I had an interesting LOA experience recently. I was shopping for a new car and I knew I wanted a hybrid. The most obvious choice for me was a Toyota Prius, although I considered other non-hybrid, fuel efficient vehicles. But…then…I always wanted a VW Beetle! I began to see cool colored Beetles and really thought I’d end up with one. I went downstream with it, and test drove 2 hybrids. One day I casually mentioned to a friend I was shopping for a fuel efficient car and she sent me to see a friend of hers that sells luxury cars (ie: Porsche/BMW/MBZ) on consignment. I was a bit skeptical but the idea of going to his car lot ‘felt’ good…and…I found my car! It’s a Honda hybrid and he had just gotten it on the lot. EVERYTHING fell into place and I feel vortexy driving it!

  • Brenda, you’re making me laugh. That’s pretty much how I know it’s malarkey, too (that desires must not come from ego in order to successfully manifest them) – from personal experience! lol
    I love your thought about how it IS noble to show Universe a good time through our “self-serving” manifestations.

  • Brenda says:

    The only reason to judge anyone else’s desire is to determine its level of desirability and/or contrast as it relates to your own life.
    This business about only being able to manifest from the highest, noble part of yourself, which will always include ‘being of service’, well…pffff. LovelyMe’s first two paragraphs sum up quite nicely my sentiments around that notion.
    Besides, I’ve totally manifested things, events, and experiences for self-serving reasons. Many times it works out that our self-serving manifestations also end up serving others in an obvious way. Other times, our self-serving manifestations enable us to show Universe a good time from our unique perspective…really, how does it get any nobler than that?

  • I cannot get over how SMART everyone is here!!! It just keeps getting better and better!
    Stephen, that sounds like you. I love that you’re a guy who walks his talk. And such wise talk.
    And Jackie, I received a similar inspiration as to the one you’re sharing here … mine came from a Kryon channeling where he said something to the effect of, “Stop making lists of what you want! We know what you want! Shut up and LISTEN and we’ll tell you what you need to know.”

  • Jackie says:

    A few weeks ago, Frank posted something about our helpers. He said that the way to ask them for help was to ask them to send us thoughts. (I think I’m getting this right, at least the spirit of it.) I have been asking my helpers to send me thoughts that lead me to feeling good. As long as I feel good, it really doesn’t matter how I got there. This leaves the Universe room to bring me things I want and to bring me things I hadn’t thought of yet that absolutely delight me. The desire is that I feel good.

  • Stephen Taylor says:

    When I’m trying to zero in on what I’m “really” wanting, I like to ask myself “who do you want to be?”
    Not “What do you want to happen?” or “What do you want to have or do?”
    Instead I ask who I want to be. Who will I be when I experience this. How does being that feel?
    If I focus on losing weight, I’m looking outside myself. If I focus on how weighing less will feel I’m looking inside and manipulating my vibe. Instead of imagining what your desire will look like when it gets here, imagine who you will be and what that will feel like when your desire manifests (in whatever form it takes).
    The feeling is what we’re after anyway.

  • Frank, I’m so glad to hear from you on this one!
    (Well, I’m always happy to hear your thoughts no matter the subject.)
    I absolutely love this: “You can have anything you want as long as you don’t need it.” I think that really nails the truth of it. (And it makes me sigh.) lol
    Love you!!

  • You can have anything you want as long as you don’t need it.
    That pretty much sums it up for me.
    The above is really about resistance and allowing.
    This has been my own personal dilemma: to be thin so as not to be fat.
    The way I worked that out is to be OK with carrying a lot of weight. That may change, but I’ve really enjoyed the many years of just letting my body be where it is.
    Also: what other people want is none of my business (that’s why I’m a channel and not a coach!).
    And then there’s this:

    We also hear many LOA teachers suggesting that our manifesting success is dependent on holding “noble” desires. That it can’t from ego, has to be based in service to others, whatever. That’s so easy for me to put in the “bunchacrap” category. (But I could be wrong!)

    Jeannette, darlin’, you know I love you more than my luggage (and I really do have some awesome luggage!) AND I totally agree with you.
    In my opinion, that is a New Thought teaching that is wrapped up in the notion of karma. And after my karma ran over my dogma, it had to go in for a spiritual tune-up and I haven’t seen it since!
    Love you! Love this post! Love all the effing-tastic comments above!

  • Good point, Steve. Which is also why no one else could really weigh in on our desire, right? Because they don’t know where it’s stemming from.
    Kate, I LOVE this: “those desires were coming from a place of wholeness not looking to fill a need.” I think that speaks to the energy that makes ALL the difference. Such a powerful thing to tune into!
    Thanks, Steve and Kate, for sharing your thoughts with us!

  • Kate says:

    Love this post! I totally agree with Janette that the next step is that alignment with self love.
    Personally, I got to the LoA through a desire that did turn out to be one that was based in a “not good enough” feeling within myself. Through fighting for that result so badly I was willing to do anything, so I immersed myself in learning the law of attraction and had a similar experience to LovelyMe above – a wonderful trip of self discovery. Then, as I got to self acceptance and self love things started manifesting, but those desires were coming from a place of wholeness not looking to fill a need.
    I don’t think there’s anything to judge about the desire. I believe the deep desires that aren’t easily manifesting in your life are the keys to your healing. They show you where your thinking or your feeling needs a little tune up, and when we do that our true, highest good desires surface (and then manifest!). To that end, I think all desires are valid – even if it’s just in that moment and even if it’s just the only way the universe can get you to come back to remembering you’re awesome.

  • Janette says:

    Doh – typo!
    I meant, of course … “I don’t think we can know the answer for someone else”.
    Monday morning editing… 😉

  • Steve says:

    Perhaps if you think you want it for the wrong reason then there may be some issues; I say may because I’m really not sure.
    I could say that I want to manifest more money because it is an indication that I am good at what I do and that give me a good feeling.
    Just some thoughts

  • That’s exactly what I wondered, Christina. Which made me wonder how many of my current desires were also based on limiting beliefs.
    And my heart soars when I read your statement that any desire is allowed. Feels like truth to me!

  • Christina says:

    I think it does go back to the heart of the desire and is it a limiting belief? Is there a limiting belief for the weight loss that “guys will like me more if I lost weight.” For the ex, is it the person or is it the loss of the companionship, of being part of a couple? And then it goes back to Jeanette’s question about true desire.
    I think any desire is allowed, there is no wrong desire. Your desires change as you do. We grow up dreaming about being ballerinas and actors and firemen and astronauts, but that changes, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
    So my answer is there is no wrong desire. What you want is what you want at that moment in time.

  • Janette, that strikes me as a powerful question to get the heart of things! You can never go wrong with self-love.
    Thanks for sharing it.

  • Janette says:

    I think the question I might ask myself is, “does this desire line up with truly loving myself?”
    That might lead us to explore what lies beneath a desire and come up with something deeper and more fulfilling. But I don’t think we can’t know the answer for someone else.
    Do I find it hard to believe that wanting an ex back is truly self-loving? Yeah, I do. Because FOR ME that wouldn’t be self-loving – it would indicate that I’m making someone else responsible for my emotional well-being.
    But whether I find it hard to get on board with that desire is immaterial. It’s never my job to tell someone else that their desire is ‘wrong’. As a coach, I’d probably be referring them to someone else to work with – but as a fellow LOA-er I’d be saying “you get to want whatever you want”.

  • That simplifies things nicely, doesn’t it, SandyG? Just follow your excitement and you can’t go wrong! I like that.
    And LovelyMe, you’re so right about how we can’t go wrong with it! What a great reminder!
    Yay for continued expansion. 🙂
    Thanks to you both for chiming in here!

  • LovelyMe says:

    Honestly, I don’t think it matters what your reasons for your desires are, because as you focus on the goal, and go about your manifesting journey, you know what is bound to happen? Self discovery. Self truth will be revealed. EXPANSION happens, and it changes things.
    Your reasons/desires will shift because when you intellectually and spiritually expand, your perceptions and thoughts about something will expand as well. If you are lying to yourself about why you want something, or ignoring what you truly want…that will come to light, too, as a result of expansion. So really…it doesn’t matter what your reasons are for starting the journey, it will only matter that you continue it and follow all the different paths it may light up for you. When you open yourself up to any possibility, it makes the journey even more exciting.
    I actually started my LOA journey through wanting to manifest my ex back, and let me tell you…I did NOT expect to stumble upon such wild exploration of myself, the Universe, and my beliefs. My entire life and everything I thought I knew about the world changed as a result of discovering this Law of Attraction stuff. I just wanted the love of my life back. It took a few years, but I did get him back into my life, twice. The first time I realized I had spiritually outgrown him. I was a new person. He broke it off with me, but I STILL wanted him back, because that was my desire, damnit, and I was sticking to it and going to prove the power of deliberate creation to everyone while I was at it. A couple years later, I did have him come back into my life, and went to spend a week with him, and it was the worst week of my life. I was treated so terribly, and my heart felt shattered. BUT – it was good. I got answers to my questions, I got to say all that I wanted to say, and I got what I realized I really wanted…which was to be free of the intense one sided love I had for him. After that week, years of desire and carrying a torch for this guy through my spiritual journey…just began to dissolve into thin air.
    Not saying her (your, if you’re reading this) journey will end up like mine, but the point is that in the end, my reasons didn’t matter. My desire didn’t necessarily matter, either. I expanded and followed the expansion, and my reasons and desires changed and morphed as a result of my expansion. Life causes you to expand, and you can’t help but to follow it.

  • SandyG says:

    Wow this is one juicy topic and one that is on my mind a lot. One thought is that if you follow your excitement in each and every moment, hopefully you’ll be led to what truly is your desire. I’m just in that process now so I don’t have a conclusion.
    I was thinking about a cool and quick manifestation a few months ago: I was thinking hmmm, wouldn’t it be a good idea for this winter to have a windshield cover for snow…something that tucks into the windows and has magnets. I figured such a thing must exist but wasn’t sure where to find it and wasn’t in the mood to drive all over looking for it. Within a few minutes a friend called and started chatting, stopped mid-sentence, and said “Did I tell you about the windshield cover I bought on Amazon for $20?” Cool I bought the thing. Guess what…it sucks…much more annoying to use it than to just scrape off snow. So I’m thinking well law of attraction responded to what I thought I wanted, but it actually wasn’t what I wanted turns out.
    I hope somebody has a much more enlightening story this lol/1

  • I like that idea a lot, Sabeen – that Universe can “decode” for us and is delivering the essence of what we want through the easiest path. It sure makes this work a lot easier … and I guess that would be a good reason to stay open to what gets delivered!
    Jennifer, what you’re saying reminds me of the difference I feel when another person weighs on in a desire that I’m not super solid on, their opinion can sway me. But when they say something critical that doesn’t shift or divert my desire in any way, that’s when I know I’ve landed on a true desire. The entire world could disagree with me and I still love it. That’s a fun one to dial in on.
    Thanks for starting the conversation, you two! 🙂

  • jennifer says:

    I’ve experienced that desires have two tiers to them… the ones we simply desire, and so, don’t have to share with anyone for validation/permission/justification… and the second type/tier… what these two ladies have…
    if you feel it… really feel it in your core, and don’t feel the urge to have to justify, etc… then, you are on the right track.

  • Sabeen says:

    I believe that all desires are valid but, the Source (being able to read and match vibration so intricately) responds to the true “essence” of our desire, which isn’t always what our more limited minds think that our desire is…. I also believe that the Source is always delivering through the path of least resistance, i.e. Whatever you’re closest to and your beliefs are most aligned with shows up as a “best match”. So, for example, desiring a particular ex-boyfriend to show up may not actually be the essence of what you’re desiring (although it could be). Whatever the essence of the desire is (fun times, loving feelings, sexual attraction, whatever) coupled with your path of least resistance (and the paths of least resistance of the other co-creators involved) will yield to you the manifestation from the Source. I think that’s why we’re told by certain teachers t trust that what is showing up is the perfect thing, because the Source really knows your detailed desire and the avenues it can come through in a way that your mind isn’t capable of figuring out sometimes. I digressed. I think that yes, all desires are valid but it’s the desire behind the desire that is the real vibration being matched up by Source. Sometimes that translates not specifically what we think we have asked for and sometimes it’s something a bit different.

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