Liberate from Limiting Beliefs

liberty.jpgHow many of us are carrying limiting beliefs? In my experience, virtually everyone. (Hey, is that another one? They’re everywhere!)
The more important question is not so much do you have limiting beliefs (since we all do), but do you know what they are? What are the thoughts that keep you from getting what you want? And what are you doing with those thoughts/beliefs?Last week Martha Beck shared with me her belief that the reason most western approaches fail (whether in medicine or therapeutic counseling) is that we try to add in the solution before we subtract out the problem.
Not everyone would agree on that; but when you’re talking to Oprah’s life coach who pretty much only works with royalty and celebrities, you don’t argue. (At $350 an hour, you just pay attention!)
Martha tells me that our work is to identify and dissolve the “crap” beliefs (her technical term). She walked me through her process to show how it works. It was such a simple and cool procedure I wanted to share it so you could do the same:
1. Look at an area of dissatisfaction in your personal life. Underneath every dissatisfaction is a false belief. If something’s making us unhappy, it’s because we’re believing a lie.
Here was my dissatisfaction: my boyfriend doesn’t like it when Joe sits on the couch. (Joe being my 74 pound pit bull sweetheart.)
2. Ask why that’s a problem. And then repeat that question four more times or so. Eventually you’ll get to a core belief that’s the source of your struggle. (Coaches come in handy here, because if you get slippery on yourself a coach won’t let you squirm or get away with an “I don’t know.”)
My answers to the “whys” went something like: if we have animal conflict, this relationship is in trouble. Why is that a problem? Because I don’t want my relationship to be in trouble. Why is that a problem? Because if I can’t make it work with him, I can’t make it work with anyone.
That’s when Martha called my thinking “retarded” (I love her!) and asked if I could see my false belief. “If I can’t make it work with him, I can’t make it work with anyone.”
Yeah, I could see the problems that thought could create. Well, were creating. The choices that belief gave me were to either make it work or resign myself to being single. And what good can come from having that kind of pressure? Not a lot.
Your limiting beliefs are likely just as entertaining and ridiculous, and you know I’d love to hear them! Please post them as comments here if you care to share!
Now you know your limiting belief, how do you liberate yourself from it? If you’ve got a tough one I recommend Byron Katie’s Work.
Katie’s inquiry process can be a bit long, so here’s a shortcut that can also be very effective: simply name 3 reasons why you know it’s not true.
As you name those reasons you know it’s not true, you’re creating new neural pathways and rewiring your brain. Literally breaking the bonds that old thought had on your grey matter!
Three reasons I know it’s not true that if I can’t make it work with Russ I can’t make work with anyone? Martha actually made me name nine because I hesitated – so I won’t repeat them here. But naming the reasons (I actually would love you to say them out loud) is crucial to liberating yourself from that old stinker of a belief.
Here’s to your new found freedom from whatever’s standing in the way of what you want!
PS – when you’re ready to “add in the solution” – try Psych-K for rewriting new beliefs. I love this technique for its immediacy!

  • November 6, 2007
  • How sweet are YOU, Marti?! What a treat to read this comment – THANK YOU!

  • Marti says:

    I just want you to know how grateful I am that you are in my world and sending me such great food for my spirit to ponder. You nourish me. I love you and your doings!
    Here’s a Haiku about you!
    Jeanett Maw is great.
    teaching me empowerment.
    what a gift to give!
    When I think about things that I am dissatisfied with now, I cannot even finish the sentences in my head! Everything is already instantly perfect. You are like a ray of sunshine piercing the long dark night of the soul.

  • Michael, this is making me think about the way we define “perfect.” I just posted that it was perfect my foster cats are with me right now, although I am gearing up to manifest the perfect home for them. So it might seem like the fact that they’re here is NOT perfect, since I want them in their perfect homes – but yet, I know without a doubt that everything unfolds perfectly.
    So even an “imperfect” world is really perfect, right? At least I’m thinking so. Which means of course Universe is always perfect. Even when it seems it isn’t.
    Anyway … that seems like the kind of logic that works for most of me, but part desn’t buy into it 100%. What DOES work for me is remembering that I’m a rock chip magnet, and that handles the “it can’t all be perfect” expectation I may hold on to at times. lol
    Like when my doctor’s assistant was asking me lifestyle questions a decade or so ago, and I got everything “right” except the seat belt question, and she said “Well, we can’t all be perfect, but that one’s not optional. So you better start buckling up and pick up a habit of swearing instead.” hee hee

  • Michael says:

    So I’m coming in late in the game here, but I noticed that I have a specific relationship that is just a total drag and it has had an impact on all the other good things I’m trying to create.
    So the bottom line core belief was ‘life isn’t perfect, you don’t quite get what you want’. And the thing is, even imagining having EVERYTHING I want, including a shift in this relationship where I’m actually treated well 7 days a week instead of 3 or 4, is UNCOMFORTABLE…like it challenges that ‘the universe isn’t perfect’ vibe and makes me uncomfortable! Ack!
    So what I arrived at, was using the basic components of the Sedona Method to dissolve the underlying feeling, which was ‘hopelessness’. Is that something that would give the the result I want? It sure feels right!
    At any rate, this was–again–the perfect thing for me today!! Thank you Jeannette!!

  • Good Vibe Coach says:

    Okay, that’s the BEST nickname ever, Rick! “Sensei.” (I love the others, too!)

    At the ICF coach conference last weekend, one of the speakers said dogs are the new coaches. The coach sitting next to me said “Hmmph. Dogs are the ORIGINAL coaches!”

    So true!!

  • Rick says:

    He does indeed. Boni and our friends and family call him Pico (pronounced Peeko) and while I do also, I am constantly making up P names when I refer to him: ie. Pinocchio, Poccahontas, Picolangello, etc, and when he does something to, I mean, that frustrates me, I call him “His Royal Heinie”.

    Sometimes, though, I have to call him Sensei, as he sometimes teaches me as a Zen Master might.

  • Good Vibe Coach says:

    I’m liking that wife of yours, Rick! And a guy who’s flexible and open enough to know what’s truly important.

    I’m not suggesting dogs in bed are what’s most important (although that’s certainly key in my life), but what IS important is knowing what that is for ourselves. Knowing our own priorities and values. Like maybe a happy wife, and getting over some dog hair.

    It’s all good, huh? lol Does Picasso have a nickname?

  • Rick says:

    I got a real kick out of the dissatisfaction you picked, Jeanette.

    Our British Staffie, Picasso, sleeps in bed with us, under the covers near the foot of the bed.

    You know how things like this start: he was the runt, the breeder was willing to give him to us because we had had a staffie before and know how much they need realtime, in your face, love, it was winter, he got used to it ….. and (4 years later) I know one day soon so will I. LOL …. no, I find it wonderful now.

    But I can resonate with someone who has to work to make it ok. However I got that I had to change, cuz Picasso won’t change, and my wife sure as hell isn’t going to.

  • Good Vibe Coach says:

    Is that where she gets it, Mike? I know she studied Japanese culture years ago, but I didn’t make the connection!

  • Mike says:

    What a fun use of the old Japanese quality technique of “ask why five times”!

    That’s what I love about Martha: simple, straightforward, and effective.

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